What did you think of Drogo and Daenerys x Drogo?

[slytherinsister]

So I passed the part where Daenerys' khalasar invaded the Lamb Men's village, took slaves and so on. Daenerys is close to giving birth. I'm curious as to what you think of the Daenerys and Drogo relationship. Personally I am squicked out by it. Young brides are normal in the series but yea no, I just can't get behind it even though they are close now. She's 14 and he's around 25-30? Correct me if I'm wrong. He was basically raping her and her POV said how she'd rather die than carry on living in the khalasar. Their whole relationship kind of gives me Stockholm Syndrome vibes. I can't decide how I feel about Drogo himself. He flips from "badass" (really liked Viserys' coronation) to "monster" to me.

[R2D]

Drogo is awful, but he is actually an example of the more decent Dothraki. He doesn't share Dany amongst his khalasar, he seeks her consent on the first night, and when Dany starts to take charge he actually listens to her and treats her with some respect. What I don't understand is that strange interlude where he rapes her daily to the point where she is in great pain - why show the scene where he asks consent then? Or did Drogo not know since she hid her tears from him?

Although their relationship is indeed quick, I wouldn't call it 'slavery', and in fact Dany's situation is not much different from brides in Westeros who have no protections from abuse from their husbands. They're entirely dependent on their husband's sense of empathy and maybe the power of their family. I don't agree with romanticizing their relationship but it gave Dany a source of strength, part of why Dany sees him in such a rose tinted manner is because she had only known Viserys, who was abusive both physically and sexually.

[broken one]

I guess in human history a lot of marital sex looked (or still looks) like that, including age difference, woman not having much to say, lack of comfort and safety, religious opression, etc. etc. This may be rape or you may call it as you will, it is just no-win human race. The fact that a woman loves the man who hurts and abuses her also does not suprise me.

My feelings are Drogo, no matter how badass, primarily is dim barbarian. I was very happy when he died, he could have suffered a bit more if you ask me.

[Alyn Oakenfist]

43 minutes ago, R2D said:

Drogo is awful, but he is actually an example of the more decent Dothraki. He doesn't share Dany amongst his khalasar, he seeks her consent on the first night, and when Dany starts to take charge he actually listens to her and treats her with some respect. What I don't understand is that strange interlude where he rapes her daily to the point where she is in great pain - why show the scene where he asks consent then? Or did Drogo not know since she hid her tears from him?

Yeah that part is weird. Were it up to me, I'd make it a lot less rapey. Like instead of Dany getting basically raped, have it be consensual but very stiff and wooden, with her eventually finding power and pleasure like she did in the timeline. Just have it start from a less rapey point.

[TheLastWolf]

1 hour ago, slytherinsister said:

So I passed the part where Daenerys' khalasar invaded the Lamb Men's village, took slaves and so on. Daenerys is close to giving birth. I'm curious as to what you think of the Daenerys and Drogo relationship. Personally I am squicked out by it. Young brides are normal in the series but yea no, I just can't get behind it even though they are close now. She's 14 and he's around 25-30? Correct me if I'm wrong. He was basically raping her and her POV said how she'd rather die than carry on living in the khalasar. Their whole relationship kind of gives me Stockholm Syndrome vibes. I can't decide how I feel about Drogo himself. He flips from "badass" (really liked Viserys' coronation) to "monster" to me.

Dany falls in love with all the wrong guys. She still thinks of a rapist pillager murderer (Drogo) as her 'sun and stars '

And Daario... What to say. Cruel fickle sadistic bastard. Bad choices for a wannabe queen. 

[Alyn Oakenfist]

1 hour ago, TheLastWolf said:

Dany falls in love with all the wrong guys. She still thinks of a rapist pillager murderer (Drogo) as her 'sun and stars '

And Daario... What to say. Cruel fickle sadistic bastard. Bad choices for a wannabe queen. 

Yeah, it's concerning to think that Victarion and Euron might have a chance.

[Yucef Menaerys]

The more perplexing thing is Daenerys ends up falling in love with him and romanticises him, this is very apparent in her later chapters. Perhaps she's one of those that have a preference for "bad boys" but I can't understand how a sheltered, shy girl like AGOT Dany finds a supposed scruffy barbarian attractive.

[TedBear]

There is a very common expression in my country "if you are in shit, lick yourself" i don't know how that expression is said in english, the idea is, if you are going through a bad time get the best. Dany did this, she didn't cry in a corner, she took action, she managed to love him, and making him love her back, if she rejected him it would be worse for her, she saw his good side, she managed to love him and managed to feel pleasure with him even though he was a bad person. It is strange for us today that she was raped by him and then fell in love with him, but for Dany who is going through that situation it is not a rape, she does not think he is wrong, because he is her husband and has rights over her, it’s as if the concept of rape in marriage didn’t exist for her, there is "sex with affection" or "sex without affection" not the rape. I see this more as a survival mechanism than love. 

Quote

"If your warriors would mount these women, let them take them gently and keep them for wives. Give them places in the khalasar and let them bear you sons."

Here she thinks that if the soldiers marry the girls, she would be preventing the rapes, which is not real. 

"Dany granted him the gold, but not the gelding. "When he lay with her, your wife was his property, to do with as he would."

Here she refers to Meereen's laws. When she marries Drogo she also thinks that she had been sold, so for me she thinks the same way. Even having more authority in marriage under other people, but with Drogo her situation was the same. 

 

[Loose Bolt]

1 hour ago, Yucef Menaerys said:

The more perplexing thing is Daenerys ends up falling in love with him and romanticises him, this is very apparent in her later chapters. Perhaps she's one of those that have a preference for "bad boys" but I can't understand how a sheltered, shy girl like AGOT Dany finds a supposed scruffy barbarian attractive.

I assume that Dany is victim of Stockholm syndrome. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome . 

[TheLastWolf]

3 hours ago, Loose Bolt said:

I assume that Dany is victim of Stockholm syndrome. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome . 

OP

5 hours ago, Alyn Oakenfist said:

Yeah, it's concerning to think that Victarion and Euron might have a chance.

I think I just said that a few hours ago in someother post.

Not Victarion. He's as bright as a bag of nails. Dull in the extreme sense.

But Euron... Devilishly handsome and evil incarnate 

Add Ramsay and Walder Frey. 

Same someother thread as earlier to quote 

[Yaya]

everyone, i'm not defending anything at all; just trying to share how i see this sort of topic in the fictional book series that we all enjoy so, so very much.
to me, all of it is political.

this is why the marriage brokerages & such betrothment pacts are held in such high regards.  one is with messing with the gods if one doesn't honour the engagement & the actual marriage properly. 

it is truly not about love, it is political. 

[butterweedstrover]

Dany loves her sun & stars 

Daario isn't much better. 

Her choices are the creep Jorah, Victarion, Euron, Hizdar, Daario, or Quentyn (dead now). 

Give her a break.   

 

[TedBear]

Daario is a fun for Dany, a purely sexual relationship that she will probably put aside when she comes back, the two are enjoying good times together, a girl can have some fun. Hizdahr already has "dead" written on his forehead, it remains to be seen who comes to kill him first.

9 hours ago, Yucef Menaerys said:

The more perplexing thing is Daenerys ends up falling in love with him and romanticises him, this is very apparent in her later chapters. Perhaps she's one of those that have a preference for "bad boys" but I can't understand how a sheltered, shy girl like AGOT Dany finds a supposed scruffy barbarian attractive.

Dany's arch in AGOT mainly, makes many references to the myth of Orpheus. A pact to bring his lover back, "if I look back I'm lost", a prophecy to be reunited with Drogo in the future, when she dies, Orpheus meets Euridice again when he finally dies. This was really supposed to look like a love story...

[Rondo]

14 hours ago, R2D said:

Drogo is awful, but he is actually an example of the more decent Dothraki. He doesn't share Dany amongst his khalasar, he seeks her consent on the first night, and when Dany starts to take charge he actually listens to her and treats her with some respect. What I don't understand is that strange interlude where he rapes her daily to the point where she is in great pain - why show the scene where he asks consent then? Or did Drogo not know since she hid her tears from him?

Although their relationship is indeed quick, I wouldn't call it 'slavery', and in fact Dany's situation is not much different from brides in Westeros who have no protections from abuse from their husbands. They're entirely dependent on their husband's sense of empathy and maybe the power of their family. I don't agree with romanticizing their relationship but it gave Dany a source of strength, part of why Dany sees him in such a rose tinted manner is because she had only known Viserys, who was abusive both physically and sexually.

I like your insight on this issue.  The Dothraki are a brutal people in many respects.  Yet, despite that, Khal Drogo in some ways treated Dany with unusual tenderness.  Tender for his culture.  And bear in mind, she was thirteen when they married.  She is still in her teens in Dance.  So time may change her opinion of Drogo as she grows into womanhood.  A relationship which could have been pure hell turned into a wonderful learning experience for young Dany.  Credit must also go to Dany.  She was able to turn the tables on Drogo and put him under her spell.  

[chrisdaw]

11 hours ago, Yucef Menaerys said:

The more perplexing thing is Daenerys ends up falling in love with him and romanticises him, this is very apparent in her later chapters. Perhaps she's one of those that have a preference for "bad boys" but I can't understand how a sheltered, shy girl like AGOT Dany finds a supposed scruffy barbarian attractive.

Drogo is the personification of fire and dragon. He rides and roams free as a dragon flies, acts on instinct and the immediate and doesn't sit around to face repercussions. He doesn't answer to anyone for his actions. Like fire his horde leaves nothing in its wake, consuming as it moves. He is powerful, fearless (besides water) and honest. He has no secrets, practices no treachery, keeps nothing to hide from the world.

The Dothraki believe dragon's fire came from the sun, and Drogo is Dany's sun and stars. When Dany has her coming of age dream she is cleansed and made strong by fire, it coincides with her conceiving by Drogo. She was a fearful fireless dragon, who then found her fire in Drogo and became fearless.

Drogo is what Dany wanted to be and is becoming, really what she always was. Blood of the dragon is a literal thing, Dany is supposed to be a dragon and by the series end will literally become one through the process of dying and a second life. That is  why she is attracted to Drogo (and he to her), why he will prove to be her true love and why they'll reunite when her first human life ends.

[TedBear]

2 hours ago, chrisdaw said:

Drogo is the personification of fire and dragon. He rides and roams free as a dragon flies, acts on instinct and the immediate and doesn't sit around to face repercussions. He doesn't answer to anyone for his actions. Like fire his horde leaves nothing in its wake, consuming as it moves. He is powerful, fearless (besides water) and honest. He has no secrets, practices no treachery, keeps nothing to hide from the world.

The Dothraki believe dragon's fire came from the sun, and Drogo is Dany's sun and stars. When Dany has her coming of age dream she is cleansed and made strong by fire, it coincides with her conceiving by Drogo. She was a fearful fireless dragon, who then found her fire in Drogo and became fearless

is that why he looked at the sun? 

 

[chrisdaw]

34 minutes ago, TedBear said:

is that why he looked at the sun? 

Yeah it seems a little nod. His state is that of a skin changer who has slipped their skin, a body without a soul, and his soul is fire. What is left behind of him is longing for what it is missing, that fire.

[Curled Finger]

I think Drogo helped Dany free her own mind.   She had all those dreams and weirdness.   Face it, she was just a little girl beneath a dark shadow her brother constantly kept her in.  The Dothraki are her first real taste of royalty, such as it was.   The scared little girl suddenly had agency.   It is a natural thing for that agency to spill over into her marriage.   Look, Drogo may have been exceedingly handsome or reviling--we don't know.   What we do know is that he was the gate by which the young queen discovered who she was. Didn't he protect her from her wicked brother?  Didn't he give her gifts befitting a queen?  So they were off to a rough start.  I did not see the rape in this initial exchange until I came here.  Awkward? Sure.   Fear? Sure.  She had her marching orders and she was going to be what Drogo wanted her to be.  The first sexual encounter is a terrifying thing for any girl.   Younger doesn't make it less terrifying.  It's one of those great mysteries of life until it isn't.  Dany was what Drogo wanted her to be until she saw what she could be then she was that.  She grew as a direct result of her relationship with Drogo.  He set a standard for her and I think she does a damned fine job living up to it despite all that works against her.