Mental Wellbeing 2

[lessthanluke]

On 2/12/2021 at 9:03 PM, Chataya de Fleury said:

Did the authorities issue another lockdown?

I am sorry you are feeling this way, but glad you are posting about it. Hang in there!!!

My doctor has told me that I *must* go to the gym, because the lockdown laziness has not been good for my muscles. She said that I must wear a mask and find a time when the gym is deserted, but she wants me there three times a week. The inactivity is also not good for my arthritis. 

I also went to my Gyn doc today and he gave me a referral to an endocrinologist whom he says I will love. I’m ready to love any office without fat-shaming nurses, nurses who actually read a chart and see “hysterectomy” rather than ask if I’m pregnant. 

Also, my Gyn switched up my hormone therapy, so I’m moving to an estrogen-only patch. It should be even better for my complexion and bone mass than the combination of stuff we are currently using. Also gets rid of a pill and a patch and has the effect of just having a patch. 

Yeah we've been in a national lockdown since Christmas basically and will still be in it for another few months. 

We've basically completely run out of money now also which is totally not helping with stress levels. 

[RhaenysBee]

snip because I always change my mind about sharing these things 

 

Edited February 27, 2021 by RhaenysBee

[A True Kaniggit]

7 hours ago, RhaenysBee said:

snip because I always change my mind about sharing these things 

 

I read it before you snipped it. 
 

I’m sorry that exchange occurred. And I hope you are doing alright. 
 

It’s OK to vent/get things off your chest when you need to.

Edited February 28, 2021 by A True Kaniggit

[BigFatCoward]

I dont know about anyone else but here in the UK the sun shone yesterday and it was really warm. Its amazing how much difference this makes to my moods. The change from winter to spring always makes me feel 100% better. 

[Liffguard]

3 hours ago, BigFatCoward said:

I dont know about anyone else but here in the UK the sun shone yesterday and it was really warm. Its amazing how much difference this makes to my moods. The change from winter to spring always makes me feel 100% better. 

Totally agreed. I spent half a day in the sun yesterday, and felt almost physically lighter at the end.

[RhaenysBee]

Apologies but I don’t know how else to handle myself. I tried mopping the floor, making dinner, putting on music, watching a series, I’m even doing some stupid Facebook challenge where one must post books for 10 days. But my thoughts return to my potential covid related death all the time. 

I talked to an emergency GP to ask how I should home treat myself and he was quite nice and told me relax and not worry because my symptoms are mild at best and my all I need to do is take vitamins, drink lots of water and sit out the mandatory quarantine. I didn’t pester him with questions about how this thing can kill me, for which the right side of my brain knows the chance is around 0.4%. 

It’s quite ironic because I felt physically worse in the past 4 days, but today my mental health is so low it’s reaching Australia. My issue is that I don’t have any of the classic covid symptoms (yet) such as cough, severe fatigue, loss of taste/smell, fever, and I’m scared that’s a bad sign because maybe the virus is attacking any of my other vital organs, or my body just can’t come up with an immune response. And I can’t decide if the knotted stomach and the occasional shivers are anxiety or symptoms. 

I’m not a very patient person, but I am a very hypochondriac and paranoid person at least, so the prospect of waiting weeks to be sure that I don’t die is... not sitting well with me. Not that I have a choice. 

Anyway, all can think about is reasons I don’t want to die. And I’m generally just really really scared of not having an idea about what’s going to come tomorrow and the day after and so on. 

At the same time I’m thankful that this happened in a way that neither sister nor I have been around our parents for nearly two weeks so at least I didn’t infect them. That’s a huge comfort. And also people’s being nice and supportive, feeling that caring and love is really nice. It also prompts me to put on a brave face.

I am also scared for sister and getting her into this predicament even though it was entirely accidental and I know I’m not responsible. Still, she’s scared too and I would never have wished these thoughts and feelings on her that I have too. 

I don’t know what else to say. I’ll work a little tomorrow because it might help me distract myself to converse with other people. But I’m also scared of getting worse and not being able to. I will try to do some meditative breathing exercisers before I go to bed and hope they calm me a little. I do sleep well though when I sleep. Better than I had in a long time. And I also don’t know if that’s a good or a bad sign. It’s all very confusing and scary. And if 2020 and 2021 taught me something, it’s that I’m far more cowardly than I thought. 

[A True Kaniggit]

Day 2 since I’ve cut ties with my mother, older brother, younger brother, and sister. 
 

More and more it seems like the right decision. 
 

Edit:  I guess I can’t cut ties completely. I do love my nieces. And I can’t see them without having at least a little contact with their parents. 

Edited March 3, 2021 by A True Kaniggit

[JGP]

4 hours ago, A True Kaniggit said:

Day 2 since I’ve cut ties with my mother, older brother, younger brother, and sister. 
 

More and more it seems like the right decision. 

Damn, yo. 

A few years ago I cut loose a good friend I'd had for 28 years, but when family gets you there, that's rough.

Whatever that shit was, if it got you to that point you're definitely better without.

Edited March 1, 2021 by JEORDHl

[Inkdaub]

On 1/20/2021 at 8:52 PM, The Great Unwashed said:

I can’t tell if that sounds like as much bullshit to other people as it sounds like to me, but she swears it’s a real phenomenon. 

I believe you.  I have memories that could be described as body memories.  I agree they sound odd.  I don't think...or I never have anyway...that they are cellular memories stored within a specific area of the body that is not the brain.  I always think of them as being stored in the brain but being partitioned and associated specifically with a certain area of the body.  I'm probably conflating different types of memory at this point.  Whatever the case, it isn't an unreasonable situation.  

 

I have been on Adderall and Wellbutrin for over a month and I am shocked to report it seems to be working somewhat.  I was skeptical about the ADHD but my psychiatrist thought it was likely.  The past month has shown a marked improvement in almost every respect.  I feel better in almost every way.  I'm not 'cured' as of yet...there are still problems.  It still takes me hours to perform fairly simple tasks.  I haven't been able to watch a movie for over a year.  I have a difficult time going to bed...as in I won't do it for hours...and therefore am always tired.  My Adderall dose is going up a bit and my therapist will help me with other aspects. 

I am hopeful but worry it won't last.  We have not discussed aspects of my childhood beyond the initial assessment and I feel that will have to change at some point.  I feel better this month and hate the idea of wallowing in that morass again.  I feel like if I could maintain the way I am very recently then I'll take it and ignore the rest.  I don't think that's going to work.  The reality is things are not where they need to be but even this small improvement feels like a huge change.  Hopefully it's a trend and not an anomaly.   

 

[RhaenysBee]

Okay, as expected, the fact that sister and I physically don’t live together, did absolutely nothing for our relationship. Fights and conflicts are constant thanks to the telecommunication wonders of the 21st century. 
Today, after over an hour of texting frenzy, we ended things on the note that she wants no contact with me and she never did nor will she ever consider me her sister. Obviously we know each other well enough that she is perfectly aware of where to stab, so I find these conversations quite hurtful. What’s more pathological is that I always have a sense of guilt after them. Or maybe it’s totally understandable as I am in this shit neck deep as well and I 100% play along because I can’t step out of the toxicity of it all either. And I am obviously also the weaker of the two of us and I’m always the one to break first. She knows this as well.

And now 2 hours of my evening were spent on spiraling into this conflict. Likely, it’ll blow over in a couple days at most, but the destruction we cause is always astounding. It’s so much time and energy and stress for everybody and I just don’t know the way out. I mean I do know, the way out is boundaries and effectively stepping away at the very beginning and applying indifference. I’m just incapable of performing it 9 out of 10 times. But I suppose nothing will ever change and we will literally drive each other to the psychiatric ward if I don’t find a way to force myself to put up boundaries and keep them and teach myself to shut these things down before they even begin. 
God my early twenties were so easy. There was no texting, no toxic codependency we just fought when I visited my family at weekends and my relationship with sister wasn’t the alpha and omega of my life. But now it’s a 24/7 thing. Especially with the bloody pandemic which forced us into an even smaller space and time bubble. 

Edited March 6, 2021 by RhaenysBee

[BigFatCoward]

I'm not being rude but you have been taking about this idiot behaving this way for months. Why havent you just cut them off? Block their number and move on. If you arent living together now, you dont need to interact.

Edited March 7, 2021 by BigFatCoward

[RhaenysBee]

4 hours ago, BigFatCoward said:

I'm not being rude but you have been taking about this idiot behaving this way for months. Why havent you just cut them off? Block their number and move on. If you arent living together now, you dont need to interact.

We are family  you don’t just cut off family. You figure out things. Which is difficult and trying and takes a horrible amount of time and patience. I would never cut off anybody in my family. 

[Toth]

That just made me check when the last time was I replied to my father's What's App messages which usually consist of passive-aggressive links to memes about ungrateful children. It was February 2019.

[Derfel Cadarn]

1 hour ago, Toth said:

That just made me check when the last time was I replied to my father's What's App messages which usually consist of passive-aggressive links to memes about ungrateful children. It was February 2019.

You should reply with links to the shittest old folks homes in the area you can find.

[VigoTheCarpathian]

2 hours ago, RhaenysBee said:

We are family  you don’t just cut off family. You figure out things. Which is difficult and trying and takes a horrible amount of time and patience. I would never cut off anybody in my family. 

I hear you.  I don’t know if this is the case, but it sounds like proximity and immediacy might be making it hard to figure things out, especially if it sounds like you might be the only one with some patience and others might need to do some work on themselves.

My brother did a thing that landed him in prison for 2 years, and he persisted in lying about it to my parents and myself, and kept landing himself back in prison for 30-90 day stints for parole violations, while the whole time we were there, trying to work things through, help, and be a family.  Until we had boundaries around what we were willing to do for him and talk about (i.e., no talk of how he was the real victim, how it was our fault he kept screwing up), it just kept repeating, with increasing heartache.  After boundaries were there, it took a long time, but without us there as easy scapegoats or to to be an outlet for conflict that helped him avoid reality, he had to face up to his part of what was happening in his life.

You don’t have to cut someone completely out of your life, but putting some space in between you for a time, and having hard boundaries, can really solve a lot.

[RhaenysBee]

3 hours ago, VigoTheCarpathian said:

You don’t have to cut someone completely out of your life, but putting some space in between you for a time, and having hard boundaries, can really solve a lot.

This is what I’m trying to achieve, boundaries and space. Thanks for sharing your family’s story, I’m glad you managed to make it work and hats off for the time and effort it took. 

I really don’t believe in cutting immediate family off and keeping my family together (which often takes space and boundaries as I’m learning the hard way) is a priority I’m not going to compromise on. Yes, it’s difficult and trying but what’s worth it if not my family, what’s more important? Nothing to me. To me. To others, that may be different and that’s okay. If someone finds the solution to these challenges in cutting off their family and that’s what they choose, I salute them for their determination and success. It’s not what I choose and so I must find the determination to succeed in a different way. 

[Buckwheat]

46 minutes ago, RhaenysBee said:

This is what I’m trying to achieve, boundaries and space. Thanks for sharing your family’s story, I’m glad you managed to make it work and hats off for the time and effort it took. 

I really don’t believe in cutting immediate family off and keeping my family together (which often takes space and boundaries as I’m learning the hard way) is a priority I’m not going to compromise on. Yes, it’s difficult and trying but what’s worth it if not my family, what’s more important? Nothing to me. To me. To others, that may be different and that’s okay. If someone finds the solution to these challenges in cutting off their family and that’s what they choose, I salute them for their determination and success. It’s not what I choose and so I must find the determination to succeed in a different way. 

Good luck with it.  I would say now that you are physically separated from sister, as in, not living in the same flat, it must make setting boundaries easier. I am sure it is also going to be easier to ignore messages as opposed to direct in-person communication. Remember, you can still have some sort of relationship with her and other family members, even if you only answer when they approach you respectfully. Try to not respond to any messages that have an aggressive or accusatory or offensive tone, and don't escalate situations. I am sure you can do it!

Edited March 7, 2021 by Buckwheat

[VigoTheCarpathian]

28 minutes ago, RhaenysBee said:

This is what I’m trying to achieve, boundaries and space. Thanks for sharing your family’s story, I’m glad you managed to make it work and hats off for the time and effort it took. 

I really don’t believe in cutting immediate family off and keeping my family together (which often takes space and boundaries as I’m learning the hard way) is a priority I’m not going to compromise on.

Thanks - we’re in a really solid place now.  Part of success was boundaries around the patterns of bullshit that don’t help the situation.  I don’t know if this is possible or workable, but something like “I refuse to have any argument over text - messages like X will be deleted and not responded to, and you can readdress them to me next time we see each other”or “I will walk out of the room and you will be blocked from my phone for a week when you do X” might be a good place to start.

It sounds like all interactions have the potential to be chaos for you both, and protecting yourself/practicing boundaries in one area will probably be a good place to start.

[Buckwheat]

22 hours ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

You could call how I deal with some of my family as “boundaries that I chose not to specifically delineate” since my family has a very odd communication style. We write each other physical letters if something is serious. We never mention things like “boundaries” ever, we just set them.

It’s probably unhealthy or not optimal, but that’s the way we do it. 

I mean ... setting boundaries without explicitly stating them sounds reasonable enough to me. It shouldn't be your job to educate other people about what is an appropriate way of communication. Assuming these people are not children, they should be capable of figuring out "personal attacks, accusations and insults are not a way of communication that brings positive results" themselves. Explicitly stating a boundary would only be necessary if it is a very specific one.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

2 hours ago, Buckwheat said:

I mean ... setting boundaries without explicitly stating them sounds reasonable enough to me. It shouldn't be your job to educate other people about what is an appropriate way of communication. Assuming these people are not children, they should be capable of figuring out "personal attacks, accusations and insults are not a way of communication that brings positive results" themselves. Explicitly stating a boundary would only be necessary if it is a very specific one.

Sadly human history doesn't tend to agree with this, so it falls on those who understand these issues to continuously educate those who don't and it serves as a healthy reminder that even the best of us still have blind spots.