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Mental Wellbeing 2


Xray the Enforcer
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Still dealing with my own health issues driven by my stress reaction to my wife’s cancer. Trying to be healthier and get my anxiety under control (without use of alcohol) but it’s slow. I don’t like these symptoms (chills, hands/feet feeling odd, etc) but it’s a slow process to heal them. Wish body was better at listening to my mind.

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What fresh hell is this fucking year again? 
My sister is doing a solo pub crawl on an empty stomach and dragging her dog along and drinking god knows how many shots because she found out that her ex has a new girlfriend about which he had been lying for months while he texted her daily and met up with her on multiple occasions. While I realize that is upsetting and painful, this is a super dangerous and frankly entirely fruitless way of coping. And while I understand that it comes from serious mental health problems, it may lead to a serious physical health consequence and there’s literally nobody around her to help. Say she manages to get home in one pieces. If she passes out at home in a pool of her own vomit and some dog piss, who is going to even know that she needs an ambulance? If she passes out on the street or in a pub, one can only hope that some Good Samaritan will call an ambulance and get her dog somewhere safe. Am I supposed to judge via phone whether she needs an ambulance or she can get herself home and sleep it off safely? Do I can an ambulance to the pub where she’s supposed to be as a preventative measure? What even happens to her or the dog in this scenario? I don’t think the paramedics are allowed to remove her from the pub if she’s conscious and refuses to go. Do I call the police? Do I not? What do/can/would they do with this situation? 

And what do I do? Do I stay in the city tomorrow after getting my stitches removed as I planned and refuse to go pick her up tomorrow night? And do I refuse to open my door to her if she shows up? Because if she knows I’m home there’s a 90% chance that she will show up and expect to be taken care of. How can I humanly refuse that? And what will it do to my two weeks post cancer surgery body if I don’t refuse it dive right into trying to save her from her self destructive spree? Which is worse? If I get stuck with having to take care of her when I myself am still in need of some taking care of or at least quiet recovery time? Or if I refuse to help her and leave her to her own responsibility and lucky? Do I outsource this problem and let my late fifties parents take care of it? Can I realistically  outsource it when I’m the one she keeps calling and I’m the only one she will tell what’s going on with her and show this complete state of mess that she is? 

I have spooned her up from rock bottom last year more than once and it knocked me out for days after. I had been near catatonic with physical and emotional exhaustion after every occasion of that and I had been physically fit then. I am not now. I still tire very easily, I don’t have the speed, the steadiness and the arm strength and I’m worried I would end up causing myself physical harm if I were to strain myself past my much narrower limits to step in and take care of her.

And if I stay in the city and refuse to help her, how will I live with myself and how will she feel with the last person she thinks she has abandoning her in her hour of need. In her mind her pain equals my current condition and she can’t and won’t not take/ask for/expect help to relieve me of that obligation. Or so I see. 

I took an anxiety pill and I’m lying in bed unable to make up my mind. three hours ago my plan had been to watch a couple episodes of something to wind down and entertain myself after a first and rather busy day back at work. But I suppose the two week sick leave is over and this is the welcome back party by hell. 

Dont ask me why I feel this is entirely my  and only my problem. Well, I suppose it’s because the family unit as we know it doesn’t exist. I have been (in an entirely pathological way) playing parent to her ever since she left high school. I’m not sure if our parents stepped back because she’s an adult or because she’s difficult for them at their age. Nobody talks to each other especially not in a healthy, cooperative and effective manner, but everybody talks to me as the last link between the rest of them. It makes me feel like sweeping the ruins of this long time non existent family unit is my responsibility and only I am capable of it. Neither of those are necessarily true, but (unhealthy) perception is a bitch. 

I’ve known this for some time but the only hope for me to stay afloat is probably leaving the sinking ship and leaving them to save themselves/each other because staying feels like we are only dragging each other down to drown and I’m already drowning anyway. It’s just like something chains me to the bloody ship and I don’t know how to break that chain to swim away. 

… like I said, I took an anxiety pill so let’s attribute this post to that. Sorry. 

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24 minutes ago, RhaenysBee said:

What fresh hell is this fucking year again? 

 

All of this is so difficult there is no good solution or resolution unless there was a way to have caretaker for her who isn't her family?

How possible is this an outside person can't guess.

 

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55 minutes ago, RhaenysBee said:

What fresh hell is this fucking year again? 
My sister is doing a solo pub crawl on an empty stomach and dragging her dog along and drinking god knows how many shots because she found out that her ex has a new girlfriend about which he had been lying for months while he texted her daily and met up with her on multiple occasions. While I realize that is upsetting and painful, this is a super dangerous and frankly entirely fruitless way of coping. And while I understand that it comes from serious mental health problems, it may lead to a serious physical health consequence and there’s literally nobody around her to help. Say she manages to get home in one pieces. If she passes out at home in a pool of her own vomit and some dog piss, who is going to even know that she needs an ambulance? If she passes out on the street or in a pub, one can only hope that some Good Samaritan will call an ambulance and get her dog somewhere safe. Am I supposed to judge via phone whether she needs an ambulance or she can get herself home and sleep it off safely? Do I can an ambulance to the pub where she’s supposed to be as a preventative measure? What even happens to her or the dog in this scenario? I don’t think the paramedics are allowed to remove her from the pub if she’s conscious and refuses to go. Do I call the police? Do I not? What do/can/would they do with this situation? 

And what do I do? Do I stay in the city tomorrow after getting my stitches removed as I planned and refuse to go pick her up tomorrow night? And do I refuse to open my door to her if she shows up? Because if she knows I’m home there’s a 90% chance that she will show up and expect to be taken care of. How can I humanly refuse that? And what will it do to my two weeks post cancer surgery body if I don’t refuse it dive right into trying to save her from her self destructive spree? Which is worse? If I get stuck with having to take care of her when I myself am still in need of some taking care of or at least quiet recovery time? Or if I refuse to help her and leave her to her own responsibility and lucky? Do I outsource this problem and let my late fifties parents take care of it? Can I realistically  outsource it when I’m the one she keeps calling and I’m the only one she will tell what’s going on with her and show this complete state of mess that she is? 

I have spooned her up from rock bottom last year more than once and it knocked me out for days after. I had been near catatonic with physical and emotional exhaustion after every occasion of that and I had been physically fit then. I am not now. I still tire very easily, I don’t have the speed, the steadiness and the arm strength and I’m worried I would end up causing myself physical harm if I were to strain myself past my much narrower limits to step in and take care of her.

And if I stay in the city and refuse to help her, how will I live with myself and how will she feel with the last person she thinks she has abandoning her in her hour of need. In her mind her pain equals my current condition and she can’t and won’t not take/ask for/expect help to relieve me of that obligation. Or so I see. 

I took an anxiety pill and I’m lying in bed unable to make up my mind. three hours ago my plan had been to watch a couple episodes of something to wind down and entertain myself after a first and rather busy day back at work. But I suppose the two week sick leave is over and this is the welcome back party by hell. 

Dont ask me why I feel this is entirely my  and only my problem. Well, I suppose it’s because the family unit as we know it doesn’t exist. I have been (in an entirely pathological way) playing parent to her ever since she left high school. I’m not sure if our parents stepped back because she’s an adult or because she’s difficult for them at their age. Nobody talks to each other especially not in a healthy, cooperative and effective manner, but everybody talks to me as the last link between the rest of them. It makes me feel like sweeping the ruins of this long time non existent family unit is my responsibility and only I am capable of it. Neither of those are necessarily true, but (unhealthy) perception is a bitch. 

I’ve known this for some time but the only hope for me to stay afloat is probably leaving the sinking ship and leaving them to save themselves/each other because staying feels like we are only dragging each other down to drown and I’m already drowning anyway. It’s just like something chains me to the bloody ship and I don’t know how to break that chain to swim away. 

… like I said, I took an anxiety pill so let’s attribute this post to that. Sorry. 

Your parents are plenty young enough to handle your sister on their own, at this particular point in time  you need to make your own physical health a priority.  You and your parents should try to convey that getting falling down drunk with a DOG is really, really irresponsible as the dog has no choice in the matter and cannot protect itself from her BS.

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Life sorted itself out without my interference as it usually does, once again proving that my pathological need for control is entirely unnecessary because people other than me can handle themselves and situations as good as or even better than me, so beating myself up about not being an omnipresent deus ex machine and trying to be one is harming only me. 

Two male friends coerced sister into letting them take care of her. She is safe with them and they are probably much better suited for taking caring of a drunk twentysometjing than either me or our parents. It is also the healthy social dynamic for an intoxicated adolescent  to be navigated through a night with peers than to be picked up and chastised and emotionally bullied by an unfit parent figure. 

As for the dog, yes, it’s terrible dog ownership to drag a dog along on your getting drunk spree. On the other hand at least I know the dog will bite anybody who might approach her with malicious intent to protect her and make a racket which draws attention from well meaning passersby, so there’s that at least. But I do feel for the dog, he’s had a hell of a 24 hours with her today, poor pooch. 

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10 hours ago, RhaenysBee said:

Life sorted itself out without my interference as it usually does, once again proving that my pathological need for control is entirely unnecessary because people other than me can handle themselves and situations as good as or even better than me, so beating myself up about not being an omnipresent deus ex machine and trying to be one is harming only me. 

I would not beat yourself up. I would think that it is quite likely that your sister told you what she was planning (and possibly even exaggerated it) deliberately to get a reaction out of you. So not interfering and playing her game was the correct move. Now you just need not to get wound up about her doing that sort of thing.

I am going through something a little similar as it happens. My annoying relative has just been saying that they are happy to go ahead with the solution to our family inheritance issue "in good faith" provided that it is clearly understood that everyone was mean and that I (and others) repeatedly lied to them. I am having to sit on my hands and resist firing off an inflammatory reply. At least no more accusations of being abusive though!

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On 2/28/2023 at 10:45 AM, A wilding said:

 

I am going through something a little similar as it happens. My annoying relative has just been saying that they are happy to go ahead with the solution to our family inheritance issue "in good faith" provided that it is clearly understood that everyone was mean and that I (and others) repeatedly lied to them. I am having to sit on my hands and resist firing off an inflammatory reply. At least no more accusations of being abusive though!

This is really inappropriate of them. And super irritating for you. I’m sorry and I hope you will get to resolve the inheritance issues soon so there won’t be more discussions like this to have to participate in. :/// 

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I hate to be a bother like this, and if you can't help or can't be bothered. 

Don't bother

But I just sprouted an anxiety 

-__- 

Like some kinda moron I clicked on some malware

And, like, I clicked a button that said like I guess I'd give money to this cartel or something. If they, like, gave me whatever the thing was or something? 

But, like it was malware

 

And that's whatever.

It's just. I'm worried, because I'm not like a law person

Do I have to... give them my money still? Even though it was malware? 

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I am only dealing with the same shit day after day. Everyday is exactly the same. It’s tedious and boredom personified. But at least it’s not a real setback. I need to get out of my surroundings sometime and let go. Letting go is a term on another side of the coin. I need to let go of my inner hate and delusions. I can’t wait to see the day it comes.

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The layoff saga continues. Since the last time I posted my company has done at least 3 other rounds of layoffs that I know about. I know several people who have been laid off, with as far as I can tell no real criteria shared between them. High performers all, some long in career, some early. There is no end in sight, no concept of when we're going to get done with it or when announcements will happen. It is crushing me.

My day to day looks like waking up early to check my mail to see if I have any 'special' meetings with managers that happened last moment. Every time I get a new mail notification during the day I get a quick burst of anxiety. I read blind to see what rumors there are and some of the rare insiders who know at least some idea of timelines. I subscribe to notifications from my state's layoff tracker to get an indication of when these are officially announced. 

Today I had a panic attack when I got a reminder for a meeting titled 'performance discussion' until I remembered this was just a talk about doing performance testing and monitoring for a new system.

I've been involved in multiple layoffs across many different companies in my career. They've all sucked in various ways, but this is the first one I've experienced with such obvious avoidable pain that continues to be inflicted.

The good news is that I managed to help one of my friends get a new job after being laid off, and that felt nice. But holy shit this is just hell.

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6 hours ago, Kalnestk Oblast said:

The layoff saga continues. Since the last time I posted my company has done at least 3 other rounds of layoffs that I know about. I know several people who have been laid off, with as far as I can tell no real criteria shared between them. High performers all, some long in career, some early. There is no end in sight, no concept of when we're going to get done with it or when announcements will happen. It is crushing me.

My day to day looks like waking up early to check my mail to see if I have any 'special' meetings with managers that happened last moment. Every time I get a new mail notification during the day I get a quick burst of anxiety. I read blind to see what rumors there are and some of the rare insiders who know at least some idea of timelines. I subscribe to notifications from my state's layoff tracker to get an indication of when these are officially announced. 

Today I had a panic attack when I got a reminder for a meeting titled 'performance discussion' until I remembered this was just a talk about doing performance testing and monitoring for a new system.

I've been involved in multiple layoffs across many different companies in my career. They've all sucked in various ways, but this is the first one I've experienced with such obvious avoidable pain that continues to be inflicted.

The good news is that I managed to help one of my friends get a new job after being laid off, and that felt nice. But holy shit this is just hell.

That is outrageous, if people are going to be laid off it needs to be done like removing a sticking plaster, just rip it off and move on.  

Are you in a position to just start looking for other work elsewhere regardless?  Ultimately even if not laid off, it doesn't sound like the sort of organisation you want to remain with long term. 

 

 

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Can exhaustion lead to MH problems?  I basically have been living on 3-4 hours sleep a night for years because of sleep thief kids (though I got 5 hours last night and feel like i could take on the world).

I find myself a lot more anxious about work than I ever was before, not quite panicky, but worrying about stuff that I used to just brush off without a second thought.   

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Lack of sleep also specifically promotes anxiety, more than almost any other thing. When we are sleep deprived it is often because we do not feel secure and the body compensates by putting resources into guard mode, which means more anxiety. It's also a vicious cycle - you feel anxious, so you sleep less, which makes you more anxious. 

It sucks and is 100% a common thing with parents of younger kids. My therapist once said that new parents have affairs with sleep and I thought that was a great analogy. 

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7 hours ago, BigFatCoward said:

That is outrageous, if people are going to be laid off it needs to be done like removing a sticking plaster, just rip it off and move on.  

Are you in a position to just start looking for other work elsewhere regardless?  Ultimately even if not laid off, it doesn't sound like the sort of organisation you want to remain with long term. 

It's pretty shitty, no lie. It's exacerbated by my being reorged a few months ago to a job I had very little interest in and had no input in where I ended up. 

I've started thinking about what I want to do next. This was largely unthinkable 2 years ago or even last year when I had a good career trajectory, was getting into management and was really loving things. It's hugely heartbreaking to me because my career here is basically my entire parenting life; my kids don't know of any job other than my current one. They've grown up wanting to join my company and asking me how they would get a job here. But it's hard to feel like this is the right place any more, even if I end up surviving these layoffs. 

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I have taken 16 pills of alprazolam since the gp prescrioption. I dropped/lost 4 pieces. Out of the 16 I did take, I think 6-7 had to do with breast cancer. I’m confident that 50%+ of the pills taken had been taken because of family drama. What does that tell you about me or my family, or even breast cancer? (this is a rhetorical question) 

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On 3/12/2023 at 1:20 PM, RhaenysBee said:

I have taken 16 pills of alprazolam since the gp prescrioption. I dropped/lost 4 pieces. Out of the 16 I did take, I think 6-7 had to do with breast cancer. I’m confident that 50%+ of the pills taken had been taken because of family drama. What does that tell you about me or my family, or even breast cancer? (this is a rhetorical question) 

I was on that Klonopin for years

Word of hard-earned wisdom:

If Eminem raps about it, don't take it 

That being said. Getting to the place where you DON'T need sedatives/hypnotics is hard 

Worth it

 

:grouphug:

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1 hour ago, Secretary of Eumenes said:

I was on that Klonopin for years

Word of hard-earned wisdom:

If Eminem raps about it, don't take it 

That being said. Getting to the place where you DON'T need sedatives/hypnotics is hard 

Worth it

 

:grouphug:

The trouble is I have no idea what Eminem raps about :lol: 

I’m trying to be careful with it, because a friend warned me that if you get on, getting off is a hell of a job. I also want to just entirely let go of it because it’s spring soon and I would rather have a glass of iced strawberry wine or a gin and tonic than anxiety pills. And I especially don’t like a constant encouragement from my family to take it. No it’s not something you should be encouraged it take. Oh well. 

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1 hour ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

I’m currently taking some semi-legal Xanax to cope with my anxiety. I have a prescription for FOUR 0.25 mg pills. That’s it. After some debilitating panic attacks, where I got sent to talk therapy (helpful, but not 100%) my friend Jon brought some back from Mexico in 2021.

So far, 30 pills has lasted a very long time, though this particular week in my world of employment has been challenging.

Not a doctor: 

But it should be like that. It's supposed to be an acute-anxiety and as-needed chemical intervention. Doctors do no service to their patients when they prescribe them like anti-depressants. 

That being said, giving you 4 pills and telling you to fuck off isn't good medicine either. Hang in there. 

:grouphug:

1 hour ago, RhaenysBee said:

The trouble is I have no idea what Eminem raps about :lol: 

 

Well I mean that's your first, second, and third problem right there. :P 

 

1 hour ago, RhaenysBee said:

 

I’m trying to be careful with it, because a friend warned me that if you get on, getting off is a hell of a job. I also want to just entirely let go of it because it’s spring soon and I would rather have a glass of iced strawberry wine or a gin and tonic than anxiety pills. And I especially don’t like a constant encouragement from my family to take it. No it’s not something you should be encouraged it take. Oh well. 

Your friend is wise. And I know exactly what it's like to have a friend/family member subtly pushing you to comatose yourself rather than actually taking steps to understand or help. 

:grouphug:

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