Buckwheat Posted December 12, 2020 Share Posted December 12, 2020 3 hours ago, Toth said: Yeah, I don't think that works with my social anxiety. If I can't sell myself to a possible landlord, how am I supposed to sell myself to a possible roommate? Not to mention that I would still have to search for an apartment for my mother anyway since she refuses to stay at the place we live at now. I mean ... would you though? Isn't she an adult capable of making her own decisions? I understand helping family, just like Rhae describes in her post, but not at the price of you being unable to organise your life as you see fit because you are trying to please somebody who will never be kind to you in return. I think you should concentrate more on what you need for yourself. She is not your child that you are responsible for. 3 hours ago, Toth said: Ah, well yes... I guess so, but I still would really prefer just talking and planning together to get inspired, that's just how I roll. In fact this constant state of exhaustion and stress draining my creativity hurts the most. Everything I do is half-assed because of that. Sure, I understand. I am just trying to give ideas on how to make your work more efficient. 3 hours ago, Toth said: Ugh... no? I was walked around the school by the then vice principal who is now retired back when I was hired, but on my first day I was essentially just thrown in. I only got classes in their first years at the school, so I had to start from scratch and while I was double stacked in three of my lessons to work together with another teacher, all of them soon disappeared into sick leave or retirement (or sick leave to bridge the time till retirement...) and I had to do the lessons on my own anyway. <cut for length> I see. I mean, I got about the same showing around the building and all, but most of the coworkers were also happy to talk to me and start if everything is going okay at the beginning. Uh, I am sorry, but your coworkers and whoever runs the whole organisation seem to suck. I can only say I hope they hire new and more cooperative people as soon as those retire. It is really a pity that they are not willing to help new staff, as it is students who profit the most from that. Just keep trying to do what you feel is needed. And it is so weird that you can get somebody to train as you are yourself a beginner - here you have to have some years of experience yourself to be able to teach others. And even weirder that her traineeship would be even considered done without you checking her plans and listen and give feedback? When I did the short internship/traineeship at a few schools, I had to have written feedback from the teachers already working there about my performance, and had to write my own report about what I learned there. Oh, I got that experience that people contact you only when they need something and then when you actually want to spend time with them, they never have it. I suppose I am lucky enough that I had some of that experience already in high school (which I still remember fondly, mind you, it was a good time overall), and then some of it at uni, but by now I have mostly got over it and can recognise it and move on. I suppose I grew out of troubling myself over the rejection and gained more experience which made me more confident overall. I do hope the same happens to you - but in order for that to happen, you just have to dare be open to new experience! So you need to change something in your life and when you see it works because you are capable of it, you will feel much better about everything, really. And I am sure that your coworkers take you for younger, but just ask your students - I assume they are teenagers and they all just think you are super old. It is a funny "middle ground" to be in. Toth 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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