Death: A Discussion Thread

[A True Kaniggit]

It is a serious topic. I don't want to make a joke about it.

Death. Right now it’s coming for every human being currently in existence. Not because it’s destined, but because evolution hasn’t found a way to stop it for our species.

Apparently as cells replicate they degrade. I guess this process is called aging? Unless we find a scientific way to stop cells from degrading as they replicate, or find a way to rejuvenate them after degradation, we will all die no matter what someday.

What you are right now, that little bit of sentience reading this through one or two orbs using light (or through your fingers if you are blind) will cease to exist.

 

So how do you face/accept death? For yourself? For your family?

My dad and I discussed it long ago. Whichever one of us survives the other will burn the other’s corpse and get rid of the remains. What’s the point of an empty shell that would just take up real-estate?

Funerals are for the living, not for the dead. He and I find it amusing/sad when a person dies and people come out of the woodwork to say how sorry they are over the remains. Maybe if you actually cared you would’ve come around while that body still had a consciousness.

 

I had a, "What's the worst death you've ever witnessed" part. But that just seemed to morbid.

Edit: You thought I was joking in the U.S. Politics Thread? Just who in the hell do you think I am? 

[Martell Spy]

Quote

 

So how do you face/accept death? For yourself? For your family?

My dad and I discussed it long ago. Whichever one of us survives the other will burn the other’s corpse and get rid of the remains. What’s the point of an empty shell that would just take up real-estate?

Funerals are for the living, not for the dead. 

 

I've asked to be cremated and thrown in the ocean. I think I fear somehow being suck in a box in the ground. It might be the only supernatural belief I have since I'm an atheist. I'm also claustrophobic and have heard of the kidnappings where they keep the person buried in the ground in a box. No, some people do want to be buried in the earth. My parents insisted on it. Fortunately they were veterans and the government gave them a piece of earth.

It's a bizarre situation to me so many wanting to take up real estate during a housing inequality epidemic. 

[A True Kaniggit]

6 minutes ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

 

I hope you live forever.

100 at a minimum though. 

 

Honestly, we all want to be immortal.

 

[A True Kaniggit]

16 minutes ago, Martell Spy said:

I've asked to be cremated and thrown in the ocean. I think I fear somehow being suck in a box in the ground. It might be the only supernatural belief I have since I'm an atheist.

Hey. It’s our biology. We can’t help it really.

[A True Kaniggit]

36 minutes ago, Martell Spy said:

No, some people do want to be buried in the earth.

I understand this. It’s because of tradition.

I don’t agree with it, but I get why people want this. 

[lady narcissa]

As a lawyer I sometimes do estate planning for clients and its always interesting how people want to spend a lot of time planning and talking about what will happen to their possessions - money, houses, jewelry - but refuse to even make any decisions about their physical bodies.  You start talking to them about life sustaining treatments and burial/cremation and funeral services and most all but cover their ears and start humming to avoid having to think about it.

I'm a planner.  I've made these decisions for myself and included them in my Power of Attorney for Health Care so no one else will have to decide what to do for me.  I'm not married and I do not have children so I've had these discussions with my parents and my cousin (who would be my agent in such a situation once my parents are gone).  I've talked with my parents about what they want done and its somewhat comforting to know that when those horrible days come, I won't have to be thinking this over and trying to guess what they would have wanted.  We even have the plot where our ashes will be buried...my dad is from a small town in Michigan and the cemetery there has four generations of my family buried there (back to my great great great great grandparents) and with my parents and I that will add two more generations.   Even though I've never lived in this town I like the idea of being surrounded by family.

That being said, I do dread death.  But mostly I think because I am not big on change in general.  I am sure one of the reasons my mother was in labor so long with me is I had no interest in coming out.  I was probably pretty content hanging out in there and was like, nope, things are good, I'm staying here.  I do sometimes take some comfort in thinking about the transition into life from the womb - in the womb, you have no idea what is on the other side and you could not even imagine it if you tried, but then you are born and its okay.  I hope death will be the same.

[A True Kaniggit]

10 minutes ago, lady narcissa said:

That being said, I do dread death.  But mostly I think because I am not big on change in general.  

Understandable. I get irritated when my housemates decide to move around the furniture. 

[A True Kaniggit]

39 minutes ago, lady narcissa said:

As a lawyer I sometimes do estate planning for clients and its always interesting how people want to spend a lot of time planning and talking about what will happen to their possessions - money, houses, jewelry - but refuse to even make any decisions about their physical bodies.  You start talking to them about life sustaining treatments and burial/cremation and funeral services and most all but cover their ears and start humming to avoid having to think about it.

Yeah it’s weird that people don’t like to discuss this thing. (Maybe not so weird)

[Starkess]

I'm not scared of death. I'm an atheist and am thoroughly unconvinced that there is any life after death. Nor would I find such a thing desirable, at least, not in the way it's typically portrayed (ie eternity). I am no more scared of not existing after life than I was not existing before life.

Dying I fear a bit, because I'm a coward.

Death is sad for those left behind, not the ones who die. IMO.

[Fury Resurrected]

16 hours ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

I plan on living more than 100 years. My grandmother was over 100, perfectly healthy. She’d gotten married again at 97, he was 80!

They did not even live in assisted living, she proudly washed her sheets and made her own bed every day, and dusted her trinkets and photos, etc. She had no memory issues. She was a bit hard of hearing, so you’d have to speak up and a bit slower, and make sure you weren’t talking over anyone (“one person at a time, dear”). She also had two different kinds of macular degeneration, so her sight wasn’t the best, and she couldn’t see to read, but she could watch TV. She needed help walking when wearing heels, but since I don’t know many people that age who can walk much at all, that’s pretty damn awesome. They were kitten heels, we aren’t talking three inches, btw. 

She died a few months after turning 100 of oral cancer. She never drank, never smoked. But, at age 95 she declared that she was too old to go to the dentist and didn’t want to go.

One day, she was flossing her teeth, and she felt severe pain, so she had my father make a dentist appointment. He’s a doctor. He was there with her when she opened her mouth and the hygienist said, “let me go get the dentist.”

My dad said it was the worst case of oral cancer he’d seen in 40 years. It was clearly stage IV. They went to the ENT to “confirm it wasn’t cancer” in my grandmother’s words.

She wore a royal blue suit, jewelry, and heels to the ENT. She didn’t talk to anyone after the appointment. She originally was going to fight it, looked into radiation and chemo. Then decided she was done. They called home hospice and was gone four weeks later.

I’m pissed off at my dad for not insisting that she go to the dentist twice a year. I’m pissed off at them for calling hospice; they had her on so much morphine she wasn’t eating or drinking water. She never even took Tylenol or said it hurt. I’m pissed off that her husband took off after she wasn’t even buried and went to Minot to go live with his relatives. I’m pissed off that my mom and dad kept the Scrabble board that was OURS that still had records of “Emilie vs Elsie” saved in the box, when that was all I asked for.

My other grandparents died of various cancers related to having been in World War II and being stationed in Japan and Pacific Islands near radiation (ages and causes of death, 36, pancreatic cancer, 60, leukemia, 70, prostate cancer). The great-grandparents all died within my living memory, with great grandma Lena dying when I was 15. So over 100 is achievable for me.

I’ll help you stage a caper to get that scrabble board

[OnionAhaiReborn]

7 minutes ago, Starkess said:

I'm not scared of death. I'm an atheist and am thoroughly unconvinced that there is any life after death. Nor would I find such a thing desirable, at least, not in the way it's typically portrayed (ie eternity). I am no more scared of not existing after life than I was not existing before life.

 

This is interesting to me because I'm also an atheist convinced there is no life after death but that leads me to opposite conclusions from yours. I guess I'm not "scared" in the sense that it keeps me up at night or anything, but I hate the idea of not existing.

The difference between death and pre-existence is that death is in the future. If I were capable of viewing pre-existence as in the future I suppose I would dread it, too. But I can say for sure that I'd rather not have ever not existed either. 

[Crixus]

Great topic! 

I'm an atheist, and find the idea of not existing after a point quite comforting. Scared of the actual dying though.

Also want to be cremated, and just hope the people I love have the decency to comply with my request! I too come from a long line of women who've lived over a 100 - my nan is 100, and still able to walk, no memory issues, absolutely no health issues. She is, however, a thoroughly evil, miserable human being  . She doesn't smoke or drink, and I do both, so let's see how genes vs. lifestyle work on me. Personally, I'm not really a fan of living till a 100 or whatever, but who knows? I might change my mind! 

Also, I never wanted kids and don't have any (where I come from, I'm regarded as a genuine weirdo because a woman announcing such a fact does NOT go down well with most people there) so who knows if there'll even be anyone around to cremate me when I die? Hopefully my niece/nephew/mates/somerandosomewhere. 

[Heartofice]

Yeah interesting topic. If I want to hurt my head I'll just concentrate on the fact that in 50 years or so I literally won't exist. I will have no consciousness, and I won't know I'm even dead. I'll just be gone. My interaction with anything will be no more. 

It is really difficult to even comprehend, I mean even when you go to sleep, you know you are going to wake up, and you will have dreams and be semi aware of yourself. But death IMO is really just nothing. 

In the same way it is really hard to comprehend that you simply did not exist before you were born, that your consciousness was not there, and when you die it will go back to that state, and it isn't coming back. That is a mind fuck. 

I personally never even had to deal with death until my late 20s, then a few family members passed away and it really changes how you view the world, because before then you don't really think that anything really changes, but you suddenly have to confront the fact that everything is temporary. 

[A True Kaniggit]

On 12/13/2020 at 2:25 PM, Starkess said:

I'm not scared of death. I'm an atheist and am thoroughly unconvinced that there is any life after death. Nor would I find such a thing desirable, at least, not in the way it's typically portrayed (ie eternity). I am no more scared of not existing after life than I was not existing before life.

1) Dying I fear a bit, because I'm a coward.

2)Death is sad for those left behind, not the ones who die. IMO.

1) Naaaah. That doesn't make you a coward. Some deaths are worse than others, and it's okay to be scared. I"m terrified of drowning. Drowning just seems horrible to me. Also of getting stabbed. That scene in Saving Private Ryan was terrifying.

2) Agree 100%

 

On the preexistence discussion, it's not something I've ever really thought about. I'm glad I was born in this time, if for no other reason than there are so many interesting things in history to read about (and the fact that I can read. It's not like it was a common skill for most of human history). 

I guess I'm somewhat saddened I wasn't born in 2100 or 2200 or 2500 or 3000. So many things that can still happen that I will never know about because of my expiration date.

[TheLastWolf]

Death holds a queer morbid fascination for me. Like if the same. I can't wait to find out what's on the other side 

[S John]

I hover somewhere between feeling zen about it and being afraid of it. Normally I’m more on the zen side but I think that it is harder to remain in that camp when you contextualize it.

Case in point, my cousin and his wife recently had a baby and his wife was diagnosed with stage IV cancer during the pregnancy. Luckily the baby came through unscathed, but her treatments so far have been touch and go and the latest scan they did was not entirely positive news. There are still some treatment options open to her and we are all pulling for her big time, so by no means am I or anyone else throwing in the towel on her prospects.

I only bring this up because when I heard her latest news it occurred to me that she is facing her own mortality in a way that most currently living people have never experienced - and at a young age and during a time which should otherwise be joyful due to the new baby. Putting myself in her shoes it’s really hard imagine fear not being a major part of the emotional cocktail. Fear and profound disappointment at the way things have gone.

I suppose the point is that I don’t really fear distant death, or the eventual state of being dead. But that’s a lot easier to say when imagining that it is in the distant future like some household project you’ll eventually get around to. If it were right in front of my face like in the above situation I can’t say with any confidence that I wouldn’t be absolutely dreading it.

[The Marquis de Leech]

Personally, I find the uncertainty of Death to be its great comfort.

[Heartofice]

I'm pretty certain death is a just big void of nothing, of non existence. Of course there is a chance I'll have a pair of wings strapped to me and be walking on clouds or burning in a vat of oil, but I'm reasonably confident it's just nothing.

[Iskaral Pust]

It’s a good thread.  We’ve probably all had to confront the possibility amid COVID.

I accept the inevitably of death, although I’d love it if some of these new treatments (telomeres are en vogue now) would slow and defer senescence.  I’d like to enjoy a healthy and active life for a long time.  As an atheist I want to maximize what I can do and experience before I die.

I am afraid of dying prematurely and leaving my wife and son behind me with grief, loneliness and uncertainty.  I’m afraid of a health decline that would rob me of a leisurely retirement after working hard all my life.  So I exercise and eat healthily and try to boost my odds of having a good quality of life for a long time.  But I know I cannot control this outcome.

When the inevitable decline arrives, I look forward to experimenting with psychedelics and whatever fun conscious-altering substances are available — that’s one great benefit of shrinking consequences.  And then assisted suicide* on my own terms before I lose my mind to dementia and/or pain.  Cremation because we haven’t lived anywhere long enough to be a final resting place.  Perhaps an intriguing monolith somewhere as a memorial, just to make people wonder; I’ll have my entire posting history on the board etched into the sides of the monolith for posterity.

*my wife hates this idea.

[Fury Resurrected]

I have lupus, so in some ways I’ve just had to stare at the possibility of death for years, especially with Covid. I have no particular thoughts about what happens or doesn’t, I don’t think that I care. I don’t really worry about it other than being reasonably responsible for trying to avoid it where I can.

However, I have always been pretty hung up on worrying about the deaths of my loved ones. The two whose idea have most haunted me are my dad and my cat, Guava. For over 16 years I have worried about these two worst case scenarios and how they could go down in ways to make them even worse than the mere fact of death itself would make them. I don’t worry about financial ruin (and with Covid shutdowns possible for my industry with no unemployment, maybe I should), or my own health (which I certainly should). I worry about losing the two things closest to me, just my dad and my cat. 
 

Early Saturday morning, I had to euthanize Guava because of an aggressive bone tumor in his skull. It was several weeks of watching him deteriorate and keeping a careful eye to when it became too much- the exact scenario I had always feared. I did not want to have to watch him suffer and I did not want to have to choose for him. That was the nightmare for a decade and a half and it’s exactly what happened. I played him Dont Worry Baby by The Beach Boys because I used to sing it to him because he was a nervous cat and I’m sure I’m never going to be able to hear a note from Brian Wilson without crying again.

Death sucks, but more for the ones who are left around, I’m guessing.