General parenting advice thread

[BigFatCoward]

I can't believe there isn't a thread about this already. 

When do I have to start putting clothes on so my daughter doesn't see me naked? She has just turned 3. 

Also she just said 'hurry up bitch' as I was walking up the stairs behind her, i'm not angry but I'd like to know where she heard that. 

Edited April 14, 2021 by BigFatCoward

[litechick]

Well, I think most people start in on long term memories at about 4 years old.  I guess it depends on how important it is to you that she have no memories of seeing your penis.

I do remember seeing my dad naked and rooting through the clothes dryer but I was probably 7 at the time.  It was a couple of years later that my brother found my parents' Polaroid album and showed it to me.  I remember seeing pictures of him with an erection and wondering, "how does he get it to stand up like that?"

I thought there was some musculature involved, like maybe he could wiggle it around and make it do tricks.

I am not a parent but I think you should judge by your own experience: when did you see your father's penis for the first time?  If your daughter had the same experience, would that bother you?

My dad would probably be embarrassed if I related my experience of seeing his penis but I am not troubled by it.

Edited April 14, 2021 by litechick

[Spockydog]

31 minutes ago, litechick said:

It was a couple of years later that my brother found my parents' Polaroid album and showed it to me.  I remember seeing pictures of him with an erection and wondering, "how does he get it to stand up like that?"

Erm, what...? In the family photo album? 

[Derfel Cadarn]

33 minutes ago, litechick said:

Well, I think most people start in on long term memories at about 4 years old.  I guess it depends on how important it is to you that she have no memories of seeing your penis.

I can remember being two, maybe even a memory of being one. Unfortunately there’s a couple of parental nudity memories I wouldn’t mind forgetting.

My daughter’s 2.5 so already trying to limit her seeing my junk. More so she doesnt ask what it is and then spend the next week solemnly pointing at my groin in the supermarket while shouting ‘penis!’

 

[mormont]

3 hours ago, BigFatCoward said:

Also she just said 'hurry up bitch' as I was walking up the stairs behind her, i'm not angry but I'd like to know where she heard that. 

This is a good illustration of an important thing to remember about parenting - kids at every age are exposed to and influenced by stuff you don't know about and can't control. Your job as a parent is to equip them to respond to those things. For that situation, I'd be explaining calmly that that is not an OK word to use: it didn't upset you but it could be hurtful to someone else, so please don't use it. Don't quiz her about where she heard it, as she might not actually remember and in many ways it doesn't matter anyway. What matters is that she knows not to say it.

[baxus]

I have tried to avoid my daughter seeing me naked from the day she was born (she will turn 3 at the end of July). It's not like an obsession of mine or anything like that. She has on occasion walked in on me while I was on a toilet seat or in the shower but default setting is to not be completely naked around her and has been from the get go.

[ljkeane]

46 minutes ago, Spockydog said:

Erm, what...? In the family photo album? 

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess it wasn't the family photo album.

[BigFatCoward]

37 minutes ago, mormont said:

This is a good illustration of an important thing to remember about parenting - kids at every age are exposed to and influenced by stuff you don't know about and can't control. Your job as a parent is to equip them to respond to those things. For that situation, I'd be explaining calmly that that is not an OK word to use: it didn't upset you but it could be hurtful to someone else, so please don't use it. Don't quiz her about where she heard it, as she might not actually remember and in many ways it doesn't matter anyway. What matters is that she knows not to say it.

I'm far more worried about her picking up tory viewpoints or a Coventry accent from her grandparents. 

 

[Isalie]

Wtf? Why would you worry about her seeing you naked?   

[maarsen]

3 hours ago, Isalie said:

Wtf? Why would you worry about her seeing you naked?   

Because you overhear her telling her little friends that daddy is getting fat because his penis is getting so much bigger.

[Spockydog]

4 hours ago, Isalie said:

Wtf? Why would you worry about her seeing you naked?   

Because we have been programmed to be ashamed of nudity. 

[A Horse Named Stranger]

Reminds of a pretty silly joke. Put it in spoiler if you want to read it.
 

Spoiler

 

Little girl goes with her parents to a nudist beach.

"Mom, why does this woman have bigger breasts than the other one?"

"Because she has more money"

"And why is this man's thingy bigger than that of the other one?"

"Because he is more smarter."

A short time later.

"Have you seen your dad?"

"Yes, he went with a rich lady into the dunes and was getting ever smarter."

 

Anyway, she's an older brother, doesn't she? Good starting point on where she got that language. Or your wifey telling you are already late for work. Or she overheard your bedroom talk, which is my favorite theory. *shrug*

[Pebble thats Stubby]

I have a couple of memories of when I was 2 or three.

I don't ever remember seeing my Dad naked he has always at least had pants(UK)  on or a dressing gown.

I do remember my Bother naked when we used to share a bath

I have also seem my mother naked several times growing up.  mainly in changing rooms.  - don't remember her being naked while in the house.

 

I know my parents slept naked but I never saw anything. 

My friend who lived next door did kinda see my Dad Naked when she fell out of the bunk bed when on a sleep over we where 7 or 8.  Dad heard the thunk and reacted without fully waking up.  Mum grabbed his dressing gown and found (rescued) him with my friend in his arms and the corner of my blanket (I was in the bottom bunk) pulled to just about cover what should not be exposed to your next door neighbours daughter.  .  Her parents had a really good laugh when my parents explained what had happened.     I guess I take after my Dad.

[Mlle. Zabzie]

4 minutes ago, Pebble thats Stubby said:

I have a couple of memories of when I was 2 or three.

I don't ever remember seeing my Dad naked he has always at least had pants(UK)  on or a dressing gown.

I do remember my Bother naked when we used to share a bath

I have also seem my mother naked several times growing up.  mainly in changing rooms.  - don't remember her being naked while in the house.

 

I know my parents slept naked but I never saw anything. 

My friend who lived next door did kinda see my Dad Naked when she fell out of the bunk bed when on a sleep over we where 7 or 8.  Dad heard the thunk and reacted without fully waking up.  Mum grabbed his dressing gown and found (rescued) him with my friend in his arms and the corner of my blanket (I was in the bottom bunk) pulled to just about cover what should not be exposed to your next door neighbours daughter.  .  Her parents had a really good laugh when my parents explained what had happened.     I guess I take after my Dad.

Runs in the family then, does it?

[Pebble thats Stubby]

I have worn PJ's for several years now upon the advise of this very board.   

[S John]

My son has just recently gotten out of the ‘just keep him alive!’ phase. Well, we do still have to keep him alive, but that finally isn’t the only thing I can do with him. Now he smiles, laughs, grabs things (like mom’s hair and dad’s beard), usually seems to be paying attention when we read to him, and is able to carry on a completely nonsensical conversation - if he feels like it. 

I can’t really offer advice for people with kids older then mine so I’ll keep an eye out and picking up some useful bits. I know every baby is different so we have been fortunate that he’s a pretty happy go lucky baby. If he’s upset I can usually figure out why and address it and he’s not a bad sleeper either. Which are the two things I was most concerned about before he was born.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

13 hours ago, Isalie said:

Wtf? Why would you worry about her seeing you naked?   

I'm curious how much gender plays a role in this.

5 hours ago, A Horse Named Stranger said:

Anyway, she's an older brother, doesn't she? Good starting point on where she got that language. Or your wifey telling you are already late for work. Or she overheard your bedroom talk, which is my favorite theory. *shrug*

Can't speak for Europe, but here in the States most young children learn all the swear words quickly just by sitting in the car with their parents during rush hour traffic. 

 

 

Edited April 15, 2021 by Tywin et al.

[S John]

37 minutes ago, Tywin et al. said:

 

Can't speak for Europe, but here in the States most young children learn all the swear words quickly just by sitting in the car with their parents during rush hour traffic. 

 

 

Yea I really need to start cleaning it up before my son understands me. As it is I have not changed my behavior in this regard at all and, in fact, I am childishly amused by things like asking him if he’s shit his pants in the voice you use to talk to babies.

[A Horse Named Stranger]

2 hours ago, Tywin et al. said:

Can't speak for Europe, but here in the States most young children learn all the swear words quickly just by sitting in the car with their parents during rush hour traffic. 

With cars, my childhood memories contain a deep dislike for that "New Car Smell". For some reason I've always disliked this chemical smell - and I still do. That in combination with my dad being a heavy smoker, almost made throw up there once. I swear to god, the combination of those chemicals, paired with cigarettes and the heating in the midst of winter can't be healthy. Most swear words I probably picked up from my dad playing Skat with his buddies or him being on the phone with them. A new car every few years on a workers wage to be financed somehow. Get your mind out of the gutter, Skat is simply card game.

 

[VigoTheCarpathian]

My wife and I are only nude in our bedroom and attached bathroom typically, and two girls wander in from time to time.  I’d say the important thing is what your personal level of comfort is, because kids sense the living shit out of shame/embarrassment and that’s what really sets the tone for how they’ll feel about your (and their) nudity, and future interactions...because living together almost always will have some kind of accidental nudity, regardless of your relationship.

Scenario:  your 4 year old girl, crotch-height, walks in on you taking a shower and washing yourself, points at your eye-level junk like a zoo oddity and says “what’s wrong with your privates, daddy?”

Option A: freak out and rip down a shower curtain trying to cover yourself, shrieking “Look away!”

Option B: calmly explain the concept of male genitalia  and answer any follow-ups they might have.

The second one makes nudity a non-event, in my experience, and I haven’t had to worry about scenarios where nudity is OK, like getting changed at the pool, or if they need help in the bathroom.  After 6 or so, they’ll eventually develop their own sense of privacy as they get older, hopefully not shrieking “Look away!”, feeling the shame and panic you modeled, any time you accidentally see them naked.

Edited April 15, 2021 by VigoTheCarpathian
Clarity