General parenting advice thread

[Dresheld]

I don't think you should think about the fact that your daughter might see your naked body at some point. You should think about how you teach her to relate to the sight of a naked body. If you pay too much attention to it, your child may develop complexes, which is very uncomfortable. Walking around naked in front of your kids is not a good idea either, though. Recently my husband and I decided to become foster parents and went to the adoption agency Foster Plus, there we were advised to see a psychologist. At the same time all the necessary documents were being prepared. Our psychologist also noted the importance of sex education for the child and understanding that there is nothing horrible about a naked body. But for the sake of decency, it is worth wearing clothes. That's about it.

Edited August 1, 2022 by Dresheld

[litechick]

I wish there was some big photographic coffee table book, "Naked People".  It would incorporate young/old, cut/uncut, little bitties/melons/post-cancer, a variety of scars--just lay it all out on the table and let them look.  The object of which would be that many people have many bodies and everybody is fine.

In other words, don't worry about your children seeing your body--just make sure they know that bodies are all fine.  Everything is fine.  No need to judge or worry about it at all.

[BigFatCoward]

This thread is over a year old and I'm still walking round the house naked. She doesn't seem fucked up. My 1 yr old likes trying to grab it though. 

[BigFatCoward]

My 18 month old at best normally wakes at 0500. Instead of enjoying it i spent all morning checking his breathing when he randomly slept until 0815. 

[DireWolfSpirit]

 

[Raja]

Thank you for all those parents who don't bring your less than 5 year old in for a fever of 1 day

[Luzifer's right hand]

38 minutes ago, Raja said:

Thank you for all those parents who don't bring your less than 5 year old in for a fever of 1 day

Usually when your kid as one of those one day fevers you need to get your affairs in order before whatever caused it hits your weak old person immune system. At least that seems to happen to my friends with kids all the time.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

Obligatory:

 

[DireWolfSpirit]

On 11/5/2022 at 7:03 AM, Raja said:

Thank you for all those parents who don't bring your less than 5 year old in for a fever of 1 day

The hypochondriac grooming lessons begin as soon as they they can mutter noises. Must train the future generations to overstock those medicine cabinets with something for every imagined malady.

[BigFatCoward]

I think i now need to be more careful, my son was sick on me yesterday, as i was stripping off my clothes she said 'put your grubby willyballs away'.  She has identified its time rather than me. 

[Pebble thats Stubby]

Time to have a bath?

[JGP]

Less of a seeking advice thing and more of a rant [apologies in advance]

So... for those unaware, my ex and I moved both our households from Alberta to Vancouver Island almost 4 years ago for a few reasons:

i. to gtfo of assbackward Alberta: yeah, taxes across the board are better there, but it's not an ideal Province in which to raise children or has a general populace one can respect

ii. to gtf away from her parents who are rich redneck assholes

Well, her parents came for a three week visit to the Island [they're still here, as well as Uncles, cousins, etc] and it's been really great /s

Being on the outside since the divorce I'm spared their belittling, controlling bullshit but my daughters and ex are not. Anyway, prior to their showing up I gave the girls the speech: look out for your Mom. If your Uncles or Grandparents start cutting on her, stand up. They were down. 

So, yesterday was parental transition. We stopped to get lunch stuff for school and, afterwards before I got out of the truck to fuel it up, I asked the girls if any of the relatives had said anything mean. My youngest asked for some time to think about it, so I filled up. Got back in the truck and Tyrion was like, yeah, I thought of something, and then relates some indirect comments [was expecting to hear some negs about the ex]

A couple in particular:

i. Llyra was relating about a book she was reading, and Grandma went off about how kids shouldn't be worrying about pedos or being kidnapped, should just be worrying about not being fat

ii. few days later, they're driving to dinner, and Grandma sees an overweight woman walking on the side of the road and says [to the effect] Yeah, that woman should walking a lot more and not eating so many tacos

Here's the thing: Tyrion is a little overweight at 13yo. She's athletic as fuck, quite strong and a topnotch volleyball player on her team, but she's got some pudge like my younger brother did before he grew out of it [and if she doesn't, who the fuck cares, certainly not her Mother or I] but she's gotten griefed at school before by some kids [one boy in particular who I sorted the fuck out not too long ago]

I was pretty frustrated when Tyrion related those comments to me but I centered our discussion on if Tyrion thought her Grandma was negging on her Mom [the ex is also a little overweight now] and if she and Llyra stood up for her like I'd asked them to, but this morning, the ex calls me after I dropped the girls off at their respective schools and shares the same stories, except that the taco one might've been directed at Tyrion because T had been excited about having tacos that night at dinner, and ex is upset and ashamed because she's letting her parents do this to our girls [Grandpa can be just as bad in his own way but only when drunk, unlike Grandma] and boy, let me tell you, we're talking to the girls after school today to see how they feel about me involving myself in this situation...

Because I already got permission from the ex [finally, her parents can't do or say shit to me] but if the girls give me leave as well, the Grandparents' lives are about to fucking change. 

Edited September 25, 2023 by JGP

[Zorral]

36 minutes ago, JGP said:

Because I already got permission from the ex [finally, her parents can't do or say shit to me] but if the girls give me leave as well, the Grandparents' lives are about to fucking change. 

Woo! at all aspects, and now, particularly the conclusion to your ex's and children's and maternal family experiences.

I have no advice, and should not even attempt hypothetical advice here.  I'll just say, from my perspective to what you wrote, your daughters are very fortunate to have you, and so is your ex, even if ex.

[Kalbear]

it's weird, because my first instinct was to say 'try not to involve the kids in the family thing because it just makes their lives harder' but then I thought about what we ended up going through with my wife's ex - and having to have some very painful conversations later in life when they had grown up and found out about what he did - and now I'm on the fence. 

I guess...I wouldn't exactly encourage them to go fight the battle, but I'd definitely make sure they know they can go fight if they choose to. 

[JGP]

27 minutes ago, Zorral said:

I'll just say, from my perspective to what you wrote, your daughters are very fortunate to have you, and so is your ex, even if ex.

They changed my life, don't even know if I'd still be here if not for them. Was a point I didn't think I'd make it to 30.

I'm  the lucky one.

 

14 minutes ago, Kalnak the Magnificent said:

it's weird, because my first instinct was to say 'try not to involve the kids in the family thing because it just makes their lives harder' but then I thought about what we ended up going through with my wife's ex - and having to have some very painful conversations later in life when they had grown up and found out about what he did - and now I'm on the fence. 

I guess...I wouldn't exactly encourage them to go fight the battle, but I'd definitely make sure they know they can go fight if they choose to. 

I don't disagree with you, Kal.

The condition that kind of nixes that approach, which would otherwise be best practice probably, is the girls were more or less spared the bullshit-- though clearly not anymore. The ex had to learn to deal in order to survive somewhat intact so her system became ignore and/or look the other other way, at least until she just couldn't anymore [hence the move]

But now our girls are on the receiving end [though more Tyrion, her older sister Llyra is physically perfect in her view] and I am done with this. 

I don't give a flying fuck how rich they are, they got no monetarily manipulative strings over the ex anymore and if they're not going to be cool they're relationship with our daughters will end. I'm not having it, and I'm very sorry the ex had to grow up amidst that. 

Edited September 25, 2023 by JGP

[JGP]

Update: welp, the girls love their Grandparents warts and all so going to be the other talk I guess.

[BigFatCoward]

Anyone ever used a 'sleep coach'? My 2 year old is killing me and my wife, most nights he wakes for about 90-120 mins around 0030, then wakes for the day about 0415. 

We are honestly going to kill each other out of exhaustion, we've tried everything the internet suggests, i am willing to throw unlimited money at this problem. 

[Heartofice]

14 minutes ago, BigFatCoward said:

Anyone ever used a 'sleep coach'? My 2 year old is killing me and my wife, most nights he wakes for about 90-120 mins around 0030, then wakes for the day about 0415. 

We are honestly going to kill each other out of exhaustion, we've tried everything the internet suggests, i am willing to throw unlimited money at this problem. 

I think this is pretty normal right? Just part of one of many sleep regressions that keep occurring. At one point mine woke up at 3am every night for 2 hours, mostly babbling and playing with her toes. It was a phase though. 

The only option for us was to just rotate who sleeps where for a while, depending on who is more tired. I'm not sure there is much to really do about it. Others have the luxury of moving the kid into a separate room and hope it doesn't cry too loud. 

It does stop though, one day she just slept all the way through, and kept doing that.

[baxus]

My daughter had a period where she'd wake up during the night and had to be carried around for anywhere between an hour and two. To make things worse, she'd want my wife to carry her so we couldn't share the load.

Not sure how old she was, I think she was not yet two at the time. We kind of just rode it out but it was really hard and stressful.

Edited September 27, 2023 by baxus

[BigFatCoward]

8 minutes ago, baxus said:

My daughter had a period where she'd wake up during the night and had to be carried around for anywhere between an hour and two. To make things worse, she'd want my wife to carry her so we couldn't share the load.

Not sure how old she was, I think she was not yet two at the time. We kind of just rode it out but it was really hard and stressful.

you lucky lucky lucky bastard.  He wants me instead of my wife.