Which animals could you take in an unarmed fight?

[MercenaryChef]

chimps: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Travis_(chimpanzee)

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

Why have we ignored the croc? I mean, let's gamble on @Karlbear fighting this thing on The Money Plane.

[polishgenius]

I feel like a lot of the responses here, especially about the birds, are conflating 'win a fight' with 'win a fight without getting hurt'. Yes, a goose can damage you and you ain't beating an eagle without taking some serious lacerations, but they're not jet planes, they can't attack you from a distance. And they're light (relative to you and what you can heft around) and fragile.

 

 

[ants]

51 minutes ago, Tywin et al. said:

Why have we ignored the croc? I mean, let's gamble on @Karlbear fighting this thing on The Money Plane.

The croc is beating everything except the elephant. 

[polishgenius]

2 minutes ago, ants said:

The croc is beating everything except the elephant. 

 

What's a crocodile's stamina like? They've not got much of a turning circle, if the aim of the game is not a knockout/deathmatch but just to get it to stop attacking and retreat, I feel like a reasonably mobile and in-shape human can keep out of its way until it can't be bothered and goes to sulk in the river.

[mormont]

5 hours ago, S John said:

I feel like the chimp / Large dog / king cobra tier is already beyond most humans and obviously anything higher than that is a joke.

See, this is the thing, it's such a non-specific question. Like, I feel that the animals in this tier in particular are ones where the human could win, as in they'd have a chance: they'd likely lose half the time or more, but it's not like the elephant where you could run the fight a hundred times and the elephant would win every one.

It's also true that even if you 'won' the fight at this level, you'd be badly hurt. Hospital treatment would be necessary.

I also think that implicit in the question is the assumption that both the human and the animal have to actually fight, not run off, which implies a boundaried space of some kind or something else that forces the issue. Because most of these animals, and this particular human, have more sense than to fight otherwise.

[DireWolfSpirit]

If we're being honest here, I have to say I'm rooting for the non humans in all these hypothetical contests.

[polishgenius]

20 minutes ago, mormont said:

See, this is the thing, it's such a non-specific question. Like, I feel that the animals in this tier in particular are ones where the human could win, as in they'd have a chance: they'd likely lose half the time or more, but it's not like the elephant where you could run the fight a hundred times and the elephant would win every one.

 

 

 

I think it's also fair to say that people are somewhat underestimating how much the ability to think about how to fight, learn how to fight, and the reach and dexterity of our arms and legs help. A big dog's a big heavy motherfucker with weapons you don't have, but if you get on its back and an arm round its neck and you know how to hold a choke a bit, it's not got a lot going for it, and it's not particularly gonna enjoy getting kicked in the ribs either. I certainly wouldn't pick myself in a fight with a chimpanzee (which also obviously has arms and hands, much stronger than mine) but someone who knows how to fuck up joints quickly? I'm not saying they'd win every time or ever be not at risk of having their face ripped off but they've got a shot there. 

I may now have thought about this too much.

[ants]

3 hours ago, polishgenius said:

What's a crocodile's stamina like? They've not got much of a turning circle, if the aim of the game is not a knockout/deathmatch but just to get it to stop attacking and retreat, I feel like a reasonably mobile and in-shape human can keep out of its way until it can't be bothered and goes to sulk in the river.

They’re actually pretty damn quick on land. 

[karaddin]

I really thought this was meant to be a cage match style, if you're allowed to take intimidation into account then the geese probably reign supreme, I wouldn't be surprised if even the Elephants weren't gonna fuck with that.

[Clueless Northman]

8 hours ago, S John said:

I mean, give me a baseball bat, sure that would turn the tide, but bare handed? No way.

There's a reason why human brain invented tools, why we survived as a species, and why we actually went to the top of the food chain. This isn't due to our physical abilities - endurance excepted maybe.

 

4 hours ago, polishgenius said:

What's a crocodile's stamina like? They've not got much of a turning circle, if the aim of the game is not a knockout/deathmatch but just to get it to stop attacking and retreat, I feel like a reasonably mobile and in-shape human can keep out of its way until it can't be bothered and goes to sulk in the river.

Crocs are faster on land than humans. Unless you start away from it and can run for your life, you're in trouble.

[Fragile Bird]

Omg, Pebble just posted a story on Facebook about a animal rescue place that got an urgent call from a hospital needing help because a lizard was in a  man’s leg and they didn’t know what to do.

They assumed they misheard the caller, but they went anyway. In the emerg room there were 8 people standing around looking at a blood splattered man with a lizard poking it’s head out of one of his legs.

The twit went camping. Didn’t like lizards. Saw one in his tent and started stabbing at the lizard with a knife. Missed the lizard, did not miss his leg. This kind of lizard really likes to hide in holes as a method of protection.

After five minutes of discussion about what to do, animal rescue guy sticks his finger in the face of the lizard, lizard clamps it’s teeth into said finger. Animal rescue guy pulls lizard out of hole in leg.

I think this story fairly sums up why in the animal v man scenario, man is generally a loser.

 

[Kalbear]

8 hours ago, Tywin et al. said:

Why have we ignored the croc? I mean, let's gamble on @Karlbear fighting this thing on The Money Plane.

The shoe? I'd give myself like 30 70 odds

[BigFatCoward]

OK, with a baseball bat what is the biggest animal you would fancy your chances with? For me everything up to and including wolf, except king cobra. Their heads move so quick I don't think the bat is a huge advantage. 

My wife has answered the question about why 8% of Americans think they can beat an elephant, 8% of Americans don't know what an elephant is. 

[williamjm]

34 minutes ago, BigFatCoward said:

My wife has answered the question about why 8% of Americans think they can beat an elephant, 8% of Americans don't know what an elephant is. 

It's also possible >8% of Americans are unable to comprehend a scenario in which they are unarmed.

[Maithanet]

3 minutes ago, williamjm said:

It's also possible >8% of Americans are unable to comprehend a scenario in which they are unarmed.

While some Americans no doubt have heavy weapons at home, anything you're likely to carry around with you is going to be of limited use against an elephant.

[Zorral]

They Say, though whether These Sayers are bona fide croc-alligator-cayman experts or not, it is the muscles that close the croc's jaws that are unbeatable.  The muscles that open the croc's mouth are relatively weak. So hold the mouth closed.  What one does while the 500 +++++ lb thing throws itself around, particularly in the water -- who knows?  Tarzan is the only guy who manages that, while essentially naked.  Usually he has a knife, but not always .... Don't know about Croc Dundee, as I've never watched any.

Quote

 

On average, the adult male Nile crocodile is between 3.5 and 5 m (11.5 and 16.4 ft) in length and weighs 225 to 750 kg (500 to 1,650 lb). However, specimens exceeding 6.1 m (20 ft) in length and weighing up to 1,089 kg (2,400 lb) have been recorded.

Male: For all species of crocodilian, mature males grow larger than females.

Size: The largest species of crocodilian is the saltwater crocodile, Crocodylus porosus, which can measure more than 6 m (20 ft.). The smallest species is the Cuvier's dwarf caiman; adult males only reach a maximum length of about 1.6 m (5.2 ft.).

Weight: 900-1360 kg (1-1.5 tons) maximum; most species approximate 454 kg (0.5 ton) or less.

Diet:  Crocodilians are predatory and depending on their size and habitat may feed upon a variety of fishes, reptiles (including other crocodilians), amphibians, aquatic invertebrates and even birds, mammals and carrion.

 

One might think a mature croc is kinda like an elephant, w/o modern weapons.  Which is why crocodilians are both long-lived as individuals, and one of the most ancient, right out of the prehistoric, going far back into pre-mammalian eras.  A successful species.

[rotting sea cow]

1 hour ago, BigFatCoward said:

My wife has answered the question about why 8% of Americans think they can beat an elephant, 8% of Americans don't know what an elephant is. 

Americans are brave people

"what is your definition of a coward?
a man who would think twice before fighting a lion with his bare hands.
and what is your definition of a brave man?
a man who doesn’t know what a lion is.
every man knows what a lion is.
every man assumes that he does."

- Charles Bukowski

 

[A Horse Named Stranger]

Well, I'll claim to be able to beat a Cobra or a giant croc, while being unarmed, IF I get to chose the terrain/arena.

Antarctica. The temepratures there provide this poor mammal with a huge advantage over it's reptillian foes.

[mcbigski]

17 hours ago, brook said:

The problem is any aussie animal I could possibly take would kill me with cuteness first

https://youtu.be/CM4BRn7rWb8

 

Having met Ser Stubby, your story checks out.