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Dating Thread - “As the World Turns” edition


Chataya de Fleury

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On 10/20/2021 at 3:50 PM, 1066 Larry said:

It depends, but I've found that few people's "texting" personality matches their "real life" personality.  I've been trying to meet up with people from the dating apps after exchanging a few messages the last couple of years and its definitely saved a lot of endless communication before meeting up.

On the other hand, one gf I met on okcupid 7 or 8 years ago and we exchanged 200-300 word emails a day for a couple months before we met up.  We lived almost three hours away though so I guess that was part of the delay in meeting up in person.  

Never again though on texting for weeks before meeting up.  

I personally wouldn’t go out with someone I’d only exchanged a few messages with. That’s a good way to get kidnapped

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On 10/20/2021 at 10:31 PM, Starkess said:

My family has great boundaries, we just basically rarely speak and it works out great! (Okay, that's not strictly true, I think some of them speak pretty frequently, but I only speak with my brothers when I see them at family holidays once a year or so, and I email my parents once every few months, and no one really bats an eye at this.)

On a more dating-related note, my boyfriend and I have been living together for 5 months now (together for over 3 years). We have talked about marriage before, and neither of us are in a huge rush but see us getting there. I had tentatively said I wanted to live together for 6 months at least before deciding. Now lately my suggested ads are all rings and I'm getting THE BUG. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic but I kinda do want to be surprised with a big gesture (but knowing that we're on the same page!), so I don't want to push it too much, but wondering if I should casually bring it up again...although now just typing that out made me feel all nervous. I love my boyfriend so much and it's been ten freaking years since my stupid divorce (don't get married at age 22, kids) but the idea of going through that again...gah. Just wish I had a crystal ball to see our perfect future together!

Nobody responded to this yet but you should just talk about it. I think it’s an important enough thing the element of surprise doesn’t compare to being able to talk about your future together. That’s a key component about whether or not you should get married, so it should be discussion time! Especially with his visa status and all that, there’s a lot of logistics

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On 10/23/2021 at 2:38 PM, Toth said:

Okay, I went 'fuck this bullshit' earlier today and changed my profile into one of Dr. Evil seeking someone with a killbot army to jointly conquer the world. Can't get worse than nothing, I guess.

I once made a profile on OK Cupid as a dark sorceress searching for her arch nemesis, a horrible evil warlock. 
 

Jesus Christ that account was flooded with messages, I was 18 at the time, thought I was really ugly and people would see it was a silly joke. Nope. I guess people are into that whole thing :lol: or maybe there’s just a lot of creeps that like 18 year olds…

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Well my okcupid friend called me upset saying she didn't think I liked her.  I said of course I did but why does she think that?  She told me I didn't put the moves on her in the theater.  I didn't pull her close and caress her is what she said.  I said I didn't think she wanted me to do that sort of thing.  I said obviously we are having trouble communicating so lets get together and talk and we can figure it out.  She said she would call me again the next night and we could talk on the phone.  I said ok.  I was excited for this talk as I thought we would clear the air and move on from a place of better understanding.  Hahahaha...no.  The talk began well enough until I tried to explain that I felt we may be seeing things a bit differently concerning the kissing and touching and such.  I tried to explain that I was confused about what she was comfortable with and that was why I didn't touch her in the theater.  I said I was happy to wait until she was comfortable as far as kissing goes, but that I am someone who feels kissing and some touching are part of a relationship and that I worry she feels differently.  She had been growing angry as we talked and soon told me that I had really disappointed her by wanting to kiss her and that she thought I was a good guy and even though I had let her down she was willing to get past it.  I have to admit I didn't take this very well and managed to express that what she was saying was somewhat offensive.  I tried again to say that I felt we were just seeing things in different ways and we needed to...she then told me I reminded her of a sex addict and that I was really helping her understand the 'ending of the movie much better'.  The movie had to be the one we saw on our last date which was The Last Duel.  I stopped talking and she went on about some other guy she hugged who then never asked her out again and that she was a cool chick and I was letting her go over this.  She said she hoped I found someone who was willing to provide the physical attention I needed and then she said goodbye.  She asked if I was going to say goodbye and when I started to speak...barely started making a sound...she hung up. 

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@Inkdaub, I’m sorry that you went through all of that.  Sounds like she had some very specific things that she thought were “appropriate” paired with not being communicative in the least about it.  And rude, to boot. 

I’m sure it doesn’t seem like it, but it’s a blessing when people show you who they are early on - then you don’t have to waste any more time on them.

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2 hours ago, Inkdaub said:

She had been growing angry as we talked and soon told me that I had really disappointed her by wanting to kiss her and that she thought I was a good guy and even though I had let her down she was willing to get past it. 

WTF?  It sounds like she would be more comfortable with a life size pillow than an actual person. 

Stay away and good riddance. 

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9 hours ago, Theda Baratheon said:

I once made a profile on OK Cupid as a dark sorceress searching for her arch nemesis, a horrible evil warlock.

That sounds like a weird Lina Inverse/Rezo shipping fic if I ever saw one. :P

9 hours ago, Theda Baratheon said:

Jesus Christ that account was flooded with messages, I was 18 at the time, thought I was really ugly and people would see it was a silly joke. Nope. I guess people are into that whole thing :lol: or maybe there’s just a lot of creeps that like 18 year olds…

Well, aside from your clearly overblown self-deprecation, it's also definitely the girl bonus. One of the reasons why I barely see anyone bothering with filling out their profile is that they get absolutely flooded with likes no matter what they do. And... well, let's say I already saw two profiles who claimed Hogwarts to be their place of education, sooo... (though it does tell me they have a nerdy sense of humor...)

4 hours ago, Inkdaub said:

She said she hoped I found someone who was willing to provide the physical attention I needed and then she said goodbye.

I'm confused (and likely everyone else reading as well). So she's complaining about you not showing enough affection and at your elaboration doubled down on not wanting the kissing specifically? I wonder... it does sound like she's somewhere on the ace spectrum, but is herself not sure what she expects/is comfortable with in a relationship and at the same time projects stuff into your behavior from what seems like past experiences/expectations where she has been burned.

It is frustrating to see someone being this needlessly volatile, but it does seem to be trouble down the line if communication already at this point has become such a tightrope act.

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11 minutes ago, Toth said:

I'm confused (and likely everyone else reading as well). So she's complaining about you not showing enough affection and at your elaboration doubled down on not wanting the kissing specifically? 

It is frustrating to see someone being this needlessly volatile, but it does seem to be trouble down the line if communication already at this point has become such a tightrope act.

Agreed 100%, here. @Inkdaub - you are much better off knowing about all this baggage sooner rather than later, and just block her number and move on. 

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Soooooo….some first world problems.

Do I invite Mr Firm to Palm Beach for my vacation, where we risk running into the (phone number blocked) Peebs? Firm might be terribly busy at work and would only be able to do Friday night (last flight) and Saturday, which would be helpful in limiting possible exposure to Crazy.

I also have a getaway in NYC planned for mid-December which would be an ideal romantic city vacation but also I’d have to scotch any plans but a platonic Friday late lunch with Mr Audit Partner.

Firm wants to take me to Santorini on vacation at the end of December (over Christmas) for two weeks, and I don’t want to risk a kerfuffle in Palm Beach. And we’ve been discussing a longer getaway to the Maldives. And he’s insisting on paying for EVERYTHING which is absolutely f—-ing REFRESHING after literally every man for whom I have picked up a tab or split 50/50. Which is the last 20 years of my life.

Peak Chataya is on a yacht *in the Maldives*.

 

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43 minutes ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

Soooooo….some first world problems.

Do I invite Mr Firm to Palm Beach for my vacation, where we risk running into the (phone number blocked) Peebs? Firm might be terribly busy at work and would only be able to do Friday night (last flight) and Saturday, which would be helpful in limiting possible exposure to Crazy.

I also have a getaway in NYC planned for mid-December which would be an ideal romantic city vacation but also I’d have to scotch any plans but a platonic Friday late lunch with Mr Audit Partner.

Firm wants to take me to Santorini on vacation at the end of December (over Christmas) for two weeks, and I don’t want to risk a kerfuffle in Palm Beach. And we’ve been discussing a longer getaway to the Maldives. And he’s insisting on paying for EVERYTHING which is absolutely f—-ing REFRESHING after literally every man for whom I have picked up a tab or split 50/50.

Peak Chataya is on a yacht *in the Maldives*.

 

So, the only input I have is BRING HIM TO THE CITY SO THAT HE CAN BE JUDGED.  

 

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1 hour ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

Do I invite Mr Firm to Palm Beach for my vacation, where we risk running into the (phone number blocked) Peebs? 

You do it specifically because. Fuck that asshole.

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1 hour ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

Soooooo….some first world problems.

Do I invite Mr Firm to Palm Beach for my vacation, where we risk running into the (phone number blocked) Peebs? Firm might be terribly busy at work and would only be able to do Friday night (last flight) and Saturday, which would be helpful in limiting possible exposure to Crazy.

I also have a getaway in NYC planned for mid-December which would be an ideal romantic city vacation but also I’d have to scotch any plans but a platonic Friday late lunch with Mr Audit Partner.

Firm wants to take me to Santorini on vacation at the end of December (over Christmas) for two weeks, and I don’t want to risk a kerfuffle in Palm Beach. And we’ve been discussing a longer getaway to the Maldives. And he’s insisting on paying for EVERYTHING which is absolutely f—-ing REFRESHING after literally every man for whom I have picked up a tab or split 50/50. Which is the last 20 years of my life.

Peak Chataya is on a yacht *in the Maldives*.

 

Any advice I can give you would have to be contingent upon my accompanying you on your getaway to the Maldives so that I may act as your personal assistant/confidant/linen presser while you are being wined and dined.  

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2 hours ago, Tywin et al. said:

 

4 hours ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

Do I invite Mr Firm to Palm Beach for my vacation, where we risk running into the (phone number blocked) Peebs? 

You do it specifically because. Fuck that asshole.

 

Hard agree with Ty.  Don’t let an asshole ruin a place for you.

If you do run into him, have a coordinated reaction take with your date - both of you simultaneously pointing at his bathing suit area, laughing, then looking at one another, and then laughing again.  Maybe with some mimed heart clutching.  Possibly in poor taste, I admit.

Or classier, send a drink to his table, Fireball whisky with a Twizzler draped over the edge of the glass, tell the server “This is called ‘Impotent Rage’”

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20 hours ago, Maithanet said:

WTF?

I was kind of weirded out by that myself.  That was the point in the conversation when my stomach started sinking because I knew it was done.

16 hours ago, sologdin said:

...you summoned a regency romance character for a date but got stuck in promenade season.

Story of my life.

21 hours ago, VigoTheCarpathian said:

Sounds like she had some very specific things that she thought were “appropriate” paired with not being communicative in the least about it.

That is it exactly.

18 hours ago, Toth said:

I'm confused (and likely everyone else reading as well). So she's complaining about you not showing enough affection and at your elaboration doubled down on not wanting the kissing specifically?

Yes.  The movie theater stuff completely threw me. 

 

18 hours ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

you are much better off knowing about all this baggage sooner rather than later, and just block her number and move on. 

I think you are right but it feels like failure all the same.  No worries, she has blocked me! 

 

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11 hours ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

Do I invite Mr Firm to Palm Beach for my vacation, where we risk running into the (phone number blocked) Peebs? Firm might be terribly busy at work and would only be able to do Friday night (last flight) and Saturday, which would be helpful in limiting possible exposure to Crazy.

While I see the appeal and logic behind everybody saying, screw peebs, I'd go for a somewhat different argument.

I'd rather add peebs (he doesn't deserve capital letters) to the list of reasons not to visit that state. We're talking about FLORIDA. Aligators, cyberninja, mar-a-lago, Disney World, and peebs.

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