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Chataya de Fleury

Dating Thread - “As the World Turns” edition

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20 hours ago, Elder Sister said:

I would love to have a White Tree of Gondor wallet and cannot imagine anyone not wanting that.

This is the desired response.  First, someone who would recognize it which shouldn't be that difficult.  Next, someone who agrees that I have a wallet with the White Tree of Gondor on it because of course. 

1 hour ago, larrytheimp said:

An ex-gf told me she fell for me while we were arguing about DIY septic tank design.

Yeah, I knew I was all in with the woman I almost married when she said, "the funk of forty thousand years."

1 hour ago, larrytheimp said:

Love is blind

Can only work in my favor.

I have almost thirty 'likes' now and they are all reasonable to ridiculously out of my league.  I have one that said at the end of the profile..."I guess I should admit I'm fifteen years older than my info claims."  I have three saying something about daddy.  It's depressing how many of these profiles say they want to go to the beach. 

Onward...

ETA - I have a profile here that I have matched with so I liked her and she liked me back if I understand it correctly.  She is thirteen years younger than I am and is stunningly beautiful.  The only info on her profile is the line..."The best way to get over someone is…". 

Edited by Inkdaub

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11 minutes ago, Inkdaub said:

I have almost thirty 'likes' now and they are all reasonable to ridiculously out of my league.  I have one that said at the end of the profile..."I guess I should admit I'm fifteen years older than my info claims."  I have three saying something about daddy.  It's depressing how many of these profiles say they want to go to the beach. 

Onward...

The only people who are out of your league are the ones you tell yourself are out of your league. 

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On 9/10/2021 at 10:30 AM, IFR said:

DSolve? :ninja:

I take it this is some soft of software used to solve equations (Mathematica maybe?. Forget (x/2+7), one way to determine if someone is age appropriate is whether they solve equations the old-fashioned way with pen and paper or use these new fangled 'computers'.

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Ughhh, I cannot get over these feelings for my friend. I asked her out, she turned me down, that should be the end of it. But I can't stop my hopes from flaring up against all reason every time I think I've got a handle on things. She'll casually touch my arm or laugh at one of my lame jokes and suddenly I'm a stupefied fifteen-year-old with his first crush again. Fuck, I should be over this shit.

I'm too drunk to deal with this, or I wouldn't have even posted it. Feelings really fucking suck sometimes.

 

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44 minutes ago, Liffguard said:

Ughhh, I cannot get over these feelings for my friend. I asked her out, she turned me down, that should be the end of it. But I can't stop my hopes from flaring up against all reason every time I think I've got a handle on things. She'll casually touch my arm or laugh at one of my lame jokes and suddenly I'm a stupefied fifteen-year-old with his first crush again. Fuck, I should be over this shit.

I'm too drunk to deal with this, or I wouldn't have even posted it. Feelings really fucking suck sometimes.

I am so sorry. And, yes, feelings fucking suck.

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7 hours ago, Liffguard said:

Ughhh, I cannot get over these feelings for my friend. I asked her out, she turned me down, that should be the end of it. But I can't stop my hopes from flaring up against all reason every time I think I've got a handle on things. She'll casually touch my arm or laugh at one of my lame jokes and suddenly I'm a stupefied fifteen-year-old with his first crush again. Fuck, I should be over this shit.

I'm too drunk to deal with this, or I wouldn't have even posted it. Feelings really fucking suck sometimes.

First, don't expect to just 'get over' your feelings right away. It can take time for feelings to fade and that's OK. Meanwhile, it's fine to have them, so long as you don't make them into her problem. If you can stay friends with her meantime then great, if it needs some distance that's OK too.

We've all been there at some point, I think - most of us on both sides of the experience...

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3 hours ago, mormont said:

First, don't expect to just 'get over' your feelings right away. It can take time for feelings to fade and that's OK. Meanwhile, it's fine to have them, so long as you don't make them into her problem. If you can stay friends with her meantime then great, if it needs some distance that's OK too.

We've all been there at some point, I think - most of us on both sides of the experience...

Good advice, and I don't disagree, but unfortunately it's been nine months and things are getting worse rather than better. I'm pretty sure I just have a thing for unavailable women. 

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19 hours ago, IheartIheartTesla said:

I take it this is some soft of software used to solve equations (Mathematica maybe?. Forget (x/2+7), one way to determine if someone is age appropriate is whether they solve equations the old-fashioned way with pen and paper or use these new fangled 'computers'.

:lol: Mathematica. Who has time to do things by hand? Even Stanislaw Ulam invented Monte Carlo with the purpose of it being used by ENIAC and MANIAC. 

Honestly, I think people black box things by hand, anyway. I bet you if you asked people to prove Euler's formula you would get a lot of defeated looks.

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23 minutes ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

I count on my fingers. That’s totally doing math by hand :rofl:

So that's how you keep track of your dates. ;)

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On 9/12/2021 at 7:16 AM, Liffguard said:

Good advice, and I don't disagree, but unfortunately it's been nine months and things are getting worse rather than better. I'm pretty sure I just have a thing for unavailable women. 

Well the good news is that there are literally billions of unavailable women.  So you probably don't need to focus so much.

I will say though there were times when I was younger that I was entirely sure that this (for multiple values of this over time) woman was exactly the one for me and I had to do all I could to make it work.  Which failed miserably, typically.  No one likes the stench of desperation.  But when you're totally focused on The One, sometimes you end up settling for something that actually is going to work out better.  Some of that is maybe assortative mating, and some of that is just the natural grace that comes with not getting yourself into knots like you would with "The One".

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This year I turned 50 and I can comfortably say that I am done with sex and relationships. 

There is an ex-flame in my texting life who routinely sends me dinner pix and doesn't answer my calls.  I really like him, I wish he liked me enough to have a conversation once in a while.

The big disenchantment is that he is 5'8" 140lbs.  He really enjoys super heroes and comics, cooking without repercussions, obscure languages and calligraphy.

My observation is that over the course of a 25 year friendship (and a 3 month more-than-friendship) I am not what he wants.  He can't really like me because he is focused on being bigger, stronger, and smarter than his love interest and I can't give him that.

He might like me if I could transplant myself into a 5'2" 100lb frame with a lower ACT score but as long as he can never feel bigger, stronger, and smarter than me--we can't forge an alliance.

It makes me sad because I would like to be his friend regardless of our incompatibility.  It makes me sad that he holds me at arms length because he can never be bigger, stronger, and smarter than me.

I am old enough to understand that there is no point in diminishing myself to fit his ideal.  It's just a shame.

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11 hours ago, litechick said:

I am old enough to understand that there is no point in diminishing myself to fit his ideal.  It's just a shame.

Not only that, but what does that say about someone, that they expect you to be less than you are to better fit their needs?  That is bullshit. I wouldn't want any friend like that, and even less so a partner. 

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14 hours ago, mcbigski said:

I will say though there were times when I was younger that I was entirely sure that this (for multiple values of this over time) woman was exactly the one for me and I had to do all I could to make it work.  Which failed miserably, typically.  No one likes the stench of desperation.  But when you're totally focused on The One, sometimes you end up settling for something that actually is going to work out better.  Some of that is maybe assortative mating, and some of that is just the natural grace that comes with not getting yourself into knots like you would with "The One".

Rationally, I know that she definitely isn't the only one for me. I mean, when I look at it dispassionately, we're not even that compatible. Different life goals and different values (not so different that we can't be friends, but different enough that a deeper relationship would be challenging). There are absolutely thousands of other women out there who I would almost certainly be happier with. But unfortunately none of that knowledge makes even the slightest dent in my emotions. The heart wants what it wants.

In any case, I have other dates lined up in the near future. None of which I'm particularly enthusiastic about TBH, but I'll go in with an open mind. I'll vent online, and to my therapist, but in my actual life I'm not going to allow myself to wallow.

Edited by Liffguard

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1 hour ago, Maithanet said:

Not only that, but what does that say about someone, that they expect you to be less than you are to better fit their needs?  That is bullshit. I wouldn't want any friend like that, and even less so a partner. 

To be fair, I'm sure he would not agree with my assessment.  He would probably be horrified that I think that.  I'm a Gen Xer and I tend to think we were all brought up on these notions that men should be bigger, stronger, smarter than women.  I can't write him off for having absorbed some of it just like I have sympathy for women who have absorbed it.

Thanks for the supportive comment though. :)

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