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Dating thread - happily ever after edition


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Going back to people stuffing up their asses. Gonna share a story.

Back when I was young, Germany still had mandatory military service, or a slightly longer civil service alternative.

As a civil person, I wouldn't want anything to do with the military and guns and shit. My post at a residence for people with disabilities (mainly trisomy 21), but also one autist dude, one lady with a hospitalism disorder and some other folks with other issues. Fun post. Pretty chilled job. One of my coworkers told me, that years before I got there, they had one resident, who really didn't fit in. Big guy, with some other psychological issues on top of developmental issues. His mum wasn't very particular about his medication, when visited her. It didn't well for her, let's just say, if you have enough power and motivation, you can actually kill someone with a butter knife and he ended up in the forensic section of psychiatric clinic. I disgressed. Anyway, the cleaning lady always happened to find pens behind/under his bed. So one day she enquired how and why all those pens were there. Somebody from the nursing staff told her. Well, he uses it to pleasure himself. She looked at the pens in her hand, the gears began to grind, and as soon as the penny dropped, so did the pens from her hand - and she learnt to never touch anything in those rooms without gloves. Yes, that dude also did put stuff up his ass for sexual gratification. A paper weight in globe form, or cigar box (granted not as spectacular as pipe wrench, but I guess those edges are not exactly pleasurable either). The folks running the residence, eventually bought him a dildo, as those things decissively have less edges. He apparently didn't enjoy it was much, and tossed that thing out of the window, and it ended up on the roof of the smaller office building.

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Actually, the  point was, that he also used the pens to penetrate his rear end. That was presumably also what the cleaning lady was startled by. Her train of thought must have been something like that presumably:  To pleasure himself? How so? That thing is a bit too small to penetrate. No! Fuck, no! He puts those up his arse, and I am holding them in my hand. Eeeewwww.

But interesting, that you found a way to use the front door. 

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44 minutes ago, AverageGuy said:

The “initial” encounter is probably preferable to the “subsequent” encounter.

7 hours ago, BigFatCoward said:

What would be the point of sticking a pen up your arse? Would hardly touch the edges.

I now have a better origin story for anything by the name of “Aspen”.

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On 11/24/2021 at 11:55 AM, Red Tiger said:

....I humbly request that Chataya de Fleury explains the connection between sex and accounting.

Not Chats, but I can tell you that there is a whole thing about saying you're an "accountant" instead of a sex worker... :leer:

(It's from a song that was actually written by someone about not wanting to explain being a struggling actor, but it became used on TikTok with a different connotation!)

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4 hours ago, 1066 Larry said:

Cancelled on date this afternoon by saying I'm sick in order to read the last Expanse installment instead.  Winning!  

I’m saving it, my precious, until I can really savor it because when it’s done it’s done.*

 

*Who am I kidding, I’m going to open it up at like 11 pm tonight and read all night.  

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5 hours ago, 1066 Larry said:

Cancelled on date this afternoon by saying I'm sick in order to read the last Expanse installment instead.  Winning!  

Had to re-order it a few minutes ago, after realizing I should have received it already (I pre-ordered it months ago). And the reason I'm saying this here, of all places, is because I'm scared shitless of venturing in the literature section right now.

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In the best interest of the community, I have been removed from Match.com.

There are three theories going.  One is that it is some strange mistake.  Two is that my email has a fake name.  Three is that the girl from OKCupid I went out with a few times reported me for something.  That last one comes from a couple of co-workers who actually believe I have been banned for rampant sending of dick pics.  I am thinking it is the fake name of the email.  I am a little worried, though, as I would assume a significant amount of people are not using their real names.  I actually forgot that email had a fake name on it.  I don't know. 

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4 hours ago, Inkdaub said:

In the best interest of the community, I have been removed from Match.com.

There are three theories going.  One is that it is some strange mistake.  Two is that my email has a fake name.  Three is that the girl from OKCupid I went out with a few times reported me for something.  That last one comes from a couple of co-workers who actually believe I have been banned for rampant sending of dick pics.  I am thinking it is the fake name of the email.  I am a little worried, though, as I would assume a significant amount of people are not using their real names.  I actually forgot that email had a fake name on it.  I don't know. 

Did you rampantly send I requested dick pics?

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