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Dating thread - “OOPS! I Did It Again” edition


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2 hours ago, Liffguard said:

She also said she "wanted to take some time for herself."

From my perspective, either I take her at 100% face value - she's potentially interested but unsure, and wants to just focus on herself for now - in which case there's nothing to gain by me pushing things.

Or, she's giving me a soft no while allowing me to back off and save face, in which case there's nothing to gain by me pushing things.

Either way, the ball is kind of in her court now. I'm happy to just be a friend, and if things change in the future I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Ok, that’s the truth - ball is in her court for sure.

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7 hours ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

@mcbigski - let us know how Nashville went!!

Nashville was great.  

Plenty of bars, music, good food, all very walkable, friendly people, and felt entirely safe too.  Got a few tips from my cousin who lives in Knoxville, so had a few places to go, but mostly just did it spontaneous.

My girlfriend has an 11 year old, so her day drinking game is a little rusty, but I was in fine fettle still at 10pm Saturday so I laughed it off and got us home.

She's now a big fan of the spicy version of Ranch Water.  Which is some sort of tequila based seltzer from Texas that was served in at least a half dozen places we went to.  Apparently it's available even in Connecticut, as one of my golfing buddies says his wife loves the same thing.

Will go again.  Probably six years from now when the Dolphins play the Titans there.  There's a pedestrian bridge over the river that links the down town bar area with the stadium, only about a 10 minute walk.  Great road game site.

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On 5/8/2022 at 12:45 PM, Chataya de Fleury said:

Doctor and I are going to Go Somewhere at the end of May. No idea where. Some location not currently in armed conflict.

Heard good things about Iceland this time of year.  I think I'd avoid the fermented shark myself, but the scenery is amazing by all accounts.

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On 5/13/2022 at 1:13 AM, mcbigski said:

Heard good things about Iceland this time of year.  I think I'd avoid the fermented shark myself, but the scenery is amazing by all accounts.

We decided upon Italy and we leave on 5/26, returning 6/4…Amalfi coast.

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Remember when I said I was gonna see the girl I was once in love with, in Paris, for the first time in more than 20 years? And the only problem was she was going to Paris with her ex-boyfriend who was clearly willing to become a present one? Well, that much is settled, the ex-boyfriend officially become a boyfriend in the meantime. So we are still going to meet there, but with zero expectations on my part. I'm just gonna enjoy Roland Garros, and incidentally meet up with a woman I once knew as a girl.

I won't deny it's a bit of a bummer, but it's probably for the best, I really don't think there was potential for anything serious anyway.

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Posted (edited)
15 hours ago, mcbigski said:

I'm probably officially middle aged because I want to hear about the food first.

I’ll be sure to tell you about the food, lol.

The sex is fairly standard, though he did a great job after I asked him to put some more thought into it, especially pointing out the differential of me going down every time as opposed to his maybe twice (Alcohol was a factor when I stated this on Saturday night, but once he was in the shower on Saturday night, I was asleep, so his amazing and very thorough thoughtfulness occurred on Sunday morning).

Is it just me, or I do think I can tell when a man goes from just having sex to truly making love (although I think this is a freaking hokey phrase)? Or at least to where he is emotionally involved. It has to do with when his hands are wrapped around me, cradle my head, or if he truly wants to make the effort to make me TRULY “get there” rather than out for his pleasure only.

Sadly, as far as everything is concerned, I’m all about refining my technique on exactly what I can perceive makes him happy. Oooh, he likes THAT, which is in my standard repertoire? Dial it up a bit, see if that goes further. And keep going. And ask if he wants anything I haven’t tried yet. I don’t have a line that most guys seem to have on the “like” vs “love”. I just manipulate. I manipulate sex and emotion, in tandem. And that’s kind of sad.

Edited by Chataya de Fleury
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1 hour ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

 

Is it just me, or I do think I can tell when a man goes from just having sex to truly making love (although I think this is a freaking hokey phrase)? Or at least to where he is emotionally involved. It has to do with when his hands are wrapped around me, cradle my head, or if he truly wants to make the effort to make me TRULY “get there” rather than out for his pleasure only.

Sadly, as far as everything is concerned, I’m all about refining my technique on exactly what I can perceive makes him happy. Oooh, he likes THAT, which is in my standard repertoire? Dial it up a bit, see if that goes further. And keep going. And ask if he wants anything I haven’t tried yet. I don’t have a line that most guys seem to have on the “like” vs “love”. I just manipulate. I manipulate sex and emotion, in tandem. And that’s kind of sad.

I have absolutely no idea what is normal for most humans but the idea of trying to see what your partner enjoys while communicating your needs is to me a very normal and healthy and positive behavior, whether you are having casual sex or something more serious (I agree "making love" is a cringey but appropriate descriptor).  

"Manipulate" has a negative, selfish, and hidden-agenda-oriented connotation that seems very different from your approach, which sounds like a very healthy instinct to create a mutually pleasurable situation for all.

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1 hour ago, Larry of the Lake said:

I have absolutely no idea what is normal for most humans but the idea of trying to see what your partner enjoys while communicating your needs is to me a very normal and healthy and positive behavior, whether you are having casual sex or something more serious (I agree "making love" is a cringey but appropriate descriptor).  

"Manipulate" has a negative, selfish, and hidden-agenda-oriented connotation that seems very different from your approach, which sounds like a very healthy instinct to create a mutually pleasurable situation for all.

You are correct. I probably instinctively think in negative connotations about my approach because it is consciously done. I know what I’m doing, which to me feels less authentic. It’s not less authentic, I’m just aware of what I’m doing. 

Thank you for helping me to understand that awareness does not mean underhandedness. There is a difference :)

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I'm sure this has been addressed but how are people dealing with the realization that if we date people our age they may very well have kids?

 

I just had this conversation with a neighbor. She never wanted kids but she met a guy and, you know, he's got an ex and a kid. This is just normal at a certain age.

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7 minutes ago, MeanMrMustard said:

I'm sure this has been addressed but how are people dealing with the realization that if we date people our age they may very well have kids?

 

I just had this conversation with a neighbor. She never wanted kids but she met a guy and, you know, he's got an ex and a kid. This is just normal at a certain age.

SHOCKER. I have a 24 year old, Trotskyite, in a PhD program. 

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Just now, Chataya de Fleury said:

SHOCKER. I have a 24 year old, Trotskyite, in a PhD program. 

lol. do you remember we first posted together in like 2003? I guess that makes sense.

 

btw, have you asked him if you can drop that term? Almost every Trotskyist considers Trotskyite a slur.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, MeanMrMustard said:

lol. do you remember we first posted together in like 2003? I guess that makes sense.

 

btw, have you asked him if you can drop that term? Almost every Trotskyist considers Trotskyite a slur.

You can’t possibly think that this capitalist shill who makes his comfortable life in a 3,500 square foot townhome with three bathrooms, four bedrooms, and each of our own office space…if he really cares that I use the term “Trotskyite”? As I’m also paying his current balance of $120k in student loans. As well as purchased his car and his car insurance.

All he has to do is clean a litterbox and feed two finicky felines.

Edited by Chataya de Fleury
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16 minutes ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

You can’t possibly think that this capitalist shill who makes his comfortable life in a 3,500 square foot townhome with three bathrooms, four bedrooms, and each of our own office space…if he really cares that I use the term “Trotskyite”? As I’m also paying his current balance of $120k in student loans. As well as purchased his car and his car insurance.

All he has to do is clean a litterbox and feed two finicky felines.

Is he a fan of Christopher Snitchens? I believe he was the only (famous) openly self-described trotskyist in 21c america

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Posted (edited)
2 minutes ago, MeanMrMustard said:

Is he a fan of Christopher Snitchens? I believe he was the only (famous) openly self-described trotskyist in 21c america

Probably not, he’s idealistically into a labor movement - YAWN - and also has a Robinhood account as well as a rare book collection written by Upton Sinclair.

Anyone writing or living in the 21st century US would be far too recent and highly suspect.

Edited by Chataya de Fleury
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Just now, Chataya de Fleury said:

Probably not, he’s idealistically into a labor movement - YAWN - and also has a Robinhood account as well as a rare book collection written by Upton Sinclair.

Have you suggested he engage in this labor rather than read about it?

 

I've swung a sledgehammer for hours a day in the deep south. I promise you it's not an intellectual experience. 

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Upton Sinclair is awful. Jesus. Tell him to learn how to read or something. 


Anyway, what advice would you give for guys like me who don't have kids but whose women will have kids? 

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28 minutes ago, MeanMrMustard said:

Upton Sinclair is awful. Jesus. Tell him to learn how to read or something. 


Anyway, what advice would you give for guys like me who don't have kids but whose women will have kids? 

Not all women in your age group will have young kids or will want kids. I’m 47. I have a 24 year-old. Many women my age have toddlers. Or no children and want children, or no children and never want any.

Sort your Match matches accordingly.

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