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Dating thread - “OOPS! I Did It Again” edition


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8 minutes ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

Not all women in your age group will have young kids or will want kids. I’m 47. I have a 24 year-old. Many women my age have toddlers. Or no children and want children, or no children and never want any.

Sort your Match matches accordingly.

I'm too much of a snowflake to do the actuarial science

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On 5/20/2022 at 8:01 PM, MeanMrMustard said:

Anyway, what advice would you give for guys like me who don't have kids but whose women will have kids? 

Depends on the age.  Most recent ex had a 3 year old when we started dating.  He's about my favorite person still.  (the kid to be clear ;))  Don't get to see him much at all anymore and that's shitty.

My girlfriend has an 11 year old.  His dad is fully involved so I basically treat him like he's already 20, unless there's some specifically kid stuff going on.  So far that's working well.

I'm 49, and I remember OG MMM so I assume you're roughly the same.  Or older.  Chevy Chase...

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Had a lovely trip to CA, driving the coast highway...and we finally got engaged!! Very glad that I'm out of the dating scene for good, although I do recall the shenanigans with a certain amount of fondness. Will continue to live vicariously through others!

On 5/15/2022 at 12:29 PM, Chataya de Fleury said:

We decided upon Italy and we leave on 5/26, returning 6/4…Amalfi coast.

Ooh, fun! Went to the Amalfi coast a couple years ago and it is SO gorgeous. And the food...yum!!

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Been on a couple of dates recently with someone I met on Facebook of all places. Been a long time since I've felt genuinely enthusiastic about an online match, but I'm feeling it now. I'm extremely glad to have feelings for someone without major complicating factors for once.

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On 5/20/2022 at 5:43 PM, MeanMrMustard said:

I'm sure this has been addressed but how are people dealing with the realization that if we date people our age they may very well have kids?

 

I just had this conversation with a neighbor. She never wanted kids but she met a guy and, you know, he's got an ex and a kid. This is just normal at a certain age.

I usually pretend the children don't exist.  When she introduces the kids, I pretend they are invisible.  "Who are you introducing me to?  There's no one there!" 

"Why are there plates set for 5 people if it's just you and me?"

The kids usually think it's funny initially, but eventually they all seem to grow tired of the ruse.  Occasionally I'd describe the reaction as concentrated rage. 

But if you commit to the bit, the situation usually sorts itself out.  

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6 minutes ago, DMC said:

By this you mean you successfully get the woman to break up with you, correct?

I mean that I trick my senses into being unable to actually detect the kids, the breakup usually follows in short order.  

Your perception is your reality.  Real eyes realize real lies and shit.  

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On 5/30/2022 at 2:04 PM, Larry of the Lake said:

I usually pretend the children don't exist.  When she introduces the kids, I pretend they are invisible.  "Who are you introducing me to?  There's no one there!" 

"Why are there plates set for 5 people if it's just you and me?"

The kids usually think it's funny initially, but eventually they all seem to grow tired of the ruse.  Occasionally I'd describe the reaction as concentrated rage. 

But if you commit to the bit, the situation usually sorts itself out.  

I can't tell if you're on your own tangent or mocking me there.  

My earlier point being that if Mom and Dad have a mutually supportive plan going on, you can be a friend without trying to be a third parent.

Otherwise, rather than pretending they're invisible, try pretending you're deaf.  Telling my nephew my ears were broken and I couldn't hear loud sounds seemed to help.

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Just now, mcbigski said:

I can't tell if you're on your own tangent or mocking me there.  

My earlier point being that if Mom and Dad have a mutually supportive plan going on, you can be a friend without trying to be a third parent.

Otherwise, rather than pretending they're invisible, try pretending you're deaf.  Telling my nephew my ears were broken and I couldn't hear loud sounds seemed to help.

Not mocking at all.  Your last paragraph is close.  

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On the topic of dating people with young children….I have never been in a position to Meet The Kids, to this point, so I have not had to do this.

Doctor has an 8-year old with a Baby Mama, and he just pays their negotiated (not state mandated) child support and sees the kid occasionally. 

Other exes have had kids who were over the age of 18, or was a casual / situationship sort of thing, so no troubles there. 

I have actively counted out people on Match who “have kids and they are significant in my life” or “want kids / want kids someday”. 

Doctor and I are on our last day in Italy. There have been some yellow flags, but no serious red flags. 

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1 hour ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

On the topic of dating people with young children….I have never been in a position to Meet The Kids, to this point, so I have not had to do this.

Doctor has an 8-year old with a Baby Mama, and he just pays their negotiated (not state mandated) child support and sees the kid occasionally. 

Other exes have had kids who were over the age of 18, or was a casual / situationship sort of thing, so no troubles there. 

I have actively counted out people on Match who “have kids and they are significant in my life” or “want kids / want kids someday”. 

Doctor and I are on our last day in Italy. There have been some yellow flags, but no serious red flags. 

What are the yellow ones?

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I personally couldn’t see myself dating anyone with children  of any sort. If they were in their life I just don’t consider it compatible to the type of lifestyle I live and will be continuing to live as long as physically possible. If they have kids but they are not in their life, I could never respect them as a human being because that’s probably the biggest possible ball dropping opportunity most people will ever be exposed to. This drastically reduces my options, but I’m also a very unmotivated buyer, so to speak.

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Just a lurker on this thread and site, tbh. But, would like to share my story. I went through a horrible divorce 3 years ago. Depressed, felt worthless and not worthy of love. I snapped out. But, man, in a small town, the  dating pool is limited and I wasn't trying to just date for sex, too old for that. It was rough.

Then, January 2021, browsing Facebook and seen a woman I hadn't talked to in 20 years. We had a little fling in high school, went to seperate schools and never really worked out. But, man, i had always had a thing for her. Find out, she always felt the same for me. Friended her on the Book just to see how life was going for her. She messages me, and we started catching up and man we just hit it off right away. She was coming out of a similar situation. Heck, we talked for.6 months, until we decided to have a night out. With kids of course,both single parents. It was the 4th of July. When we arrived at the fireworks and we looked in each other's eyes, I knew she was the one. Right then, right there. She says she felt the same exact way. Last week, I proposed and she said yes! We are having a small wedding on July 4th. I've never been more sure of anything I my life. It's beautiful, and I've never been treated the way she treats me and vice versa. I'm the happiest man on Earth right now.

Guess why I wanted to post this, is because just know your person is out there. And, you will find them. It's when I quit forcing for a relationship, and just started living, that, boooom, it happened. And, ive never been happier. I've never wanted to make a woman my wife as much as I do this beautiful, kind, selfless woman...I could compliment her all day. Basically, just don't give up hope, just focus on you and making you better. It's attractive and the positive energy brings positive things into your life. 

I love your stories and reading this thread. And, I can't wait for all of you to find what I did. Complete and total happiness. Based on trust, honesty and caring about making your partner happy. I wish you all the best. 

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4 hours ago, BigFatCoward said:

If I did date again I think I'd have to date someone with kids, then would understand that at best they would be the 3rd most important person in my life. 

The world would be a better place if all parents operated this way

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13 hours ago, A Horse Named Stranger said:

Cardiac Surgeon? :D

The cardiac surgeon whom I once dated had FAR less of an ego than Doctor. The Doctor’s ego is as large as Canada.

As one incident, I will relay:

I am 47 (as we all know). He is 53. I seem to remember that he did claim 53 on Match when we met, but age isn’t important to me. We were talking about this whole thing that had come up on this thread regarding kids/no kids, etc, and he told me that age could be a real deal breaker for him, because “most women at your age don’t look nearly as good as you do.” 

Apparently, he often dates much younger women with the trade-off that he knows that they will be after him for his money.

He also thinks that he is as good looking as heck, even though he is slightly overweight and his hair is starting to thin.

There is more, much more, but that’s pretty much the tip of that iceberg.

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