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Dating thread - “OOPS! I Did It Again” edition


Chataya de Fleury
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1 hour ago, Theda Baratheon said:

Chatting to someone for months, them seeming really enthusiastic and keen. And then suddenly really lukewarm. Just milquetoast vibes. Travelled basically right where I live multiple times, didn’t make effort to meet up. And now seeing other person on their socials. :lol: I’m actually not hugely bothered which probably tells me all I need to know but it does feel a bit of a waste and just highlights to me…my game is garbage. Bloody hell I need to learn how to flirt and be obvious with people cos at the moment this sort of slight interest going nowhere is the story of my life. Also I’m an ugly cow but I can’t help that :lol:  I at least think I’m pretty funny, smart and fun …quite away with the fairies tho…

anyway if you hear of a Flirt Academy anywhere let me know LOL 

The first thing you have to realize is that it isn't you with the problem. Don't think the worst of yourself. On your podcast you do come across as smart and charming.  Stay strong.

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1 hour ago, maarsen said:

The first thing you have to realize is that it isn't you with the problem. Don't think the worst of yourself. On your podcast you do come across as smart and charming.  Stay strong.

I think it is me a little bit :P and I don’t say that to be self deprecating and or really hard on myself but I do have a tendency to shy away from any intimacy  as soon as it vaguely pops up so I don’t do myself any favours.

But I also think the internet just doesn’t work for me dating wise, it’s just a problem there’s hardly any age appreciate single guys in my area and all my hobbies and interests are shared by old men LOL. Really lovely chaps but I’m not looking to marry someone 40-50 years my senior :lol: 

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IDK Theda, chatting should be a gateway, not a status, if that makes sense.  So imo if it goes to months plural, probably too long in regular circumstances.  So maybe accelerate from there to meeting, without otherwise compromising standards etc.

As for myself, heading to Iceland for 6 nights with the special lady friend.  Two nights in Reykjavik, a three day road tour, and one more day in the capitol.  Anyone have specifically Reykjavik recommendations?  We've got Blue Lagoon booked for our last day in town, but are mostly unscheduled for the city time.

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9 hours ago, mcbigski said:

IDK Theda, chatting should be a gateway, not a status, if that makes sense.  So imo if it goes to months plural, probably too long in regular circumstances.  So maybe accelerate from there to meeting, without otherwise compromising standards etc.

As for myself, heading to Iceland for 6 nights with the special lady friend.  Two nights in Reykjavik, a three day road tour, and one more day in the capitol.  Anyone have specifically Reykjavik recommendations?  We've got Blue Lagoon booked for our last day in town, but are mostly unscheduled for the city time.

The Old Iceland has the best soup I've ever had. It's a small, family run restaurant that has perfected Seafood soup (everything else is super delicious too). Highly highly recommended. Otherwise, I'd just walk around, have a hot dog at Bæjarins Beztu Pylsur (they're so good!) and visit the Penis museum. 

Edited by Mexal
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On 6/25/2022 at 3:20 AM, HelenaExMachina said:

I've booked my first holiday with my partner for the end of September. Also my first trip abroad in a few years. Its an exciting step for me, I've never felt close enough yo someone romantically to want to book a trip away with them. We're going to Croatia for a week, though I think we'll be day tripping into Bosnia and Montenegro too. If all goes well we may go to Vienna in December...

Ooooh, which part of Croatia? Good luck!

 

The gentleman (I don't remember what nickname I used for him on these threads previously) and I also just booked a few days' holiday/trip ... but for this month. Why so late? Because I was asking him to tell me what he wants to do if we are going to take a holiday together, which for me seemed like a normal thing to do, but then he just doesn't seem as interested in travelling anywhere that interests me. Also, by now, most of the accomodations are full and those that are left are way too expensive, and we came up with a plan that none of us seems particularly excited about at this moment. I guess the positive way to look at the whole thing is that we learned to compromise. But I have some doubts now. I don't want to have to convince somebody for several weeks that it means a lot to me to spend a holiday together every time I want to plan something. :( 

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3 hours ago, Buckwheat said:

Ooooh, which part of Croatia? Good luck!

 

The gentleman (I don't remember what nickname I used for him on these threads previously) and I also just booked a few days' holiday/trip ... but for this month. Why so late? Because I was asking him to tell me what he wants to do if we are going to take a holiday together, which for me seemed like a normal thing to do, but then he just doesn't seem as interested in travelling anywhere that interests me. Also, by now, most of the accomodations are full and those that are left are way too expensive, and we came up with a plan that none of us seems particularly excited about at this moment. I guess the positive way to look at the whole thing is that we learned to compromise. But I have some doubts now. I don't want to have to convince somebody for several weeks that it means a lot to me to spend a holiday together every time I want to plan something. :( 

Donatello.

IMO, he seems incredibly indecisive. I would advise you to find a better ninja turtle :) Your last two sentences of your second paragraph are pretty telling - I think you see that, too.

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On 7/4/2022 at 2:40 AM, Chataya de Fleury said:

Donatello.

IMO, he seems incredibly indecisive. I would advise you to find a better ninja turtle :) Your last two sentences of your second paragraph are pretty telling - I think you see that, too.

You do realise that it is not a decision between "this one" and "another one", it is between "this one" and "being sadly single", right? Nah, I am just venting, but I think we learned to compromise, which is good.

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21 hours ago, TheLastWolf said:

Dinner with fam, 3 anorexic pale faeries look my way, methinks hopefully until I catch them staring wistfully at Dad. Not again.

I don't think your description of these ladies is as flattering as you think it is.

8 hours ago, Buckwheat said:

You do realise that it is not a decision between "this one" and "another one", it is between "this one" and "being sadly single", right? Nah, I am just venting, but I think we learned to compromise, which is good.

Also from what you wrote it seemed he did make suggestions, just ones you weren't really interested in. Mmh... To be honest, if flying is as much chaos in your country as it is right now here in Germany, maybe a full-fledged holiday isn't really that wise to begin with. How about switching to a series of day trips to destinations somewhat in the vicinity?

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On 7/3/2022 at 10:23 PM, Buckwheat said:

Ooooh, which part of Croatia? Good luck!

 

The gentleman (I don't remember what nickname I used for him on these threads previously) and I also just booked a few days' holiday/trip ... but for this month. Why so late? Because I was asking him to tell me what he wants to do if we are going to take a holiday together, which for me seemed like a normal thing to do, but then he just doesn't seem as interested in travelling anywhere that interests me. Also, by now, most of the accomodations are full and those that are left are way too expensive, and we came up with a plan that none of us seems particularly excited about at this moment. I guess the positive way to look at the whole thing is that we learned to compromise. But I have some doubts now. I don't want to have to convince somebody for several weeks that it means a lot to me to spend a holiday together every time I want to plan something. :( 

It couldn't be money worries making him iffy, could it? I know that my ex was always eager to go on a camping holiday, but I could never afford the outlay on equipment. 

I'm someone that would rather be alone than in a relationship that seemed unbalanced; but then, I'm also a misanthropic loner. *hands*

ETA: bloody hell, have just seen the UK news. Must run to the other thread. 

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3 hours ago, Toth said:

Also from what you wrote it seemed he did make suggestions, just ones you weren't really interested in. Mmh... To be honest, if flying is as much chaos in your country as it is right now here in Germany, maybe a full-fledged holiday isn't really that wise to begin with. How about switching to a series of day trips to destinations somewhat in the vicinity?

Oh, flying anywhere wasn't even an idea! All of my ideas were based on travelling mostly by train.

We've done mostly about half day trips up to now, and ... honestly, I hate the idea that this would be my main focus during summer vacation. I've mostly visited anything of interest in the vicinity before, and I just don't feel like I am actually on vacation if I am not physically away. Where people speak another language. I was particularly interested in going somewhere new.

58 minutes ago, dog-days said:

It couldn't be money worries making him iffy, could it? I know that my ex was always eager to go on a camping holiday, but I could never afford the outlay on equipment.

I was the one who specifically pointed out several times that the longer we wait to book anything, the more expensive it will become. And he was the one who was in favour of the more expensive option, while I was trying to bring up the cheaper one. (His expensive idea was eventually scrapped ... after he actually looked up the price and figured out it would be really expensive.) So I don't think it was money alone that he had a problem with, at least he did not bring it up.

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1 hour ago, Buckwheat said:

Oh, flying anywhere wasn't even an idea! All of my ideas were based on travelling mostly by train.

We've done mostly about half day trips up to now, and ... honestly, I hate the idea that this would be my main focus during summer vacation. I've mostly visited anything of interest in the vicinity before, and I just don't feel like I am actually on vacation if I am not physically away. Where people speak another language. I was particularly interested in going somewhere new.

I was the one who specifically pointed out several times that the longer we wait to book anything, the more expensive it will become. And he was the one who was in favour of the more expensive option, while I was trying to bring up the cheaper one. (His expensive idea was eventually scrapped ... after he actually looked up the price and figured out it would be really expensive.) So I don't think it was money alone that he had a problem with, at least he did not bring it up.

Oh, god. PEOPLE. Relationships would be so easy if there weren’t literally other people involved, and I do not say this sarcastically.

People are freaking weird.

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On 7/3/2022 at 10:23 PM, Buckwheat said:

Ooooh, which part of Croatia? Good luck!

 

The gentleman (I don't remember what nickname I used for him on these threads previously) and I also just booked a few days' holiday/trip ... but for this month. Why so late? Because I was asking him to tell me what he wants to do if we are going to take a holiday together, which for me seemed like a normal thing to do, but then he just doesn't seem as interested in travelling anywhere that interests me. Also, by now, most of the accomodations are full and those that are left are way too expensive, and we came up with a plan that none of us seems particularly excited about at this moment. I guess the positive way to look at the whole thing is that we learned to compromise. But I have some doubts now. I don't want to have to convince somebody for several weeks that it means a lot to me to spend a holiday together every time I want to plan something. :( 

Dubrovnik! Very excited.

 

I'm sorry to hear about Gentleman. I do sort of understand why he might have showed reluctance, just a few years ago i would have loved the idea of travelling but actually doing it would terrify me and send my anxiety into overdrive. But I'm not sure thats the case here from what you have described (obviously difficult to tell without knowing him and the situation fully).

On 7/4/2022 at 5:29 PM, TheLastWolf said:

Dinner with fam, 3 anorexic pale faeries look my way, methinks hopefully until I catch them staring wistfully at Dad. Not again.

Cool story. Stay single.

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5 hours ago, HelenaExMachina said:

Cool story. Stay single.

Thats the outcome regardless of the input

13 hours ago, Toth said:

I don't think your description of these ladies is as flattering as you think it is.

21 hours ago, Buckwheat said:

Lisbeth Salander ish then

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I am reluctant to post here, but I have nobody to talk to right now, and I just wish to ... IDK, I wish there was a way for one to know which decision is the right one. There are no rights and wrongs here, but there are many things one might regret, regardless of what one does. I am so afraid right now. :( 

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3 minutes ago, Buckwheat said:

I am reluctant to post here, but I have nobody to talk to right now, and I just wish to ... IDK, I wish there was a way for one to know which decision is the right one. There are no rights and wrongs here, but there are many things one might regret, regardless of what one does. I am so afraid right now. :( 

I’m sorry, it sounds like you’re feeling some pressure to make a decision, maybe beyond the vacation plans?  And I completely understand being fearful of doing something you’d regret later.

1.  It’s healthy to step back from a decision if you don’t know your true feelings or don’t have the information you need, to make it from the best place.  And important to ask for that time or that information from relevant parties, if you are getting external pressure.

2.  Usually decisions are not irrevocable, and you can usually find a baby step to make towards what your heart is telling you is the right thing (like scaling down a commitment or negotiating a different arrangement), that will get you closer and let you be more informed with your decision, without damaging any of the parties involved. It also might give them opportunity to know you better, and help you (or not, which happens, and is very important information to have in a relationship).

Hope things go well and you don’t have to sit in such an uncomfortable place for long, and also that you could find someone to talk through this type of thing who knows you well and might have good outside perspective on you and/or the situation.

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3 hours ago, VigoTheCarpathian said:

I’m sorry, it sounds like you’re feeling some pressure to make a decision, maybe beyond the vacation plans?  And I completely understand being fearful of doing something you’d regret later.

1.  It’s healthy to step back from a decision if you don’t know your true feelings or don’t have the information you need, to make it from the best place.  And important to ask for that time or that information from relevant parties, if you are getting external pressure.

2.  Usually decisions are not irrevocable, and you can usually find a baby step to make towards what your heart is telling you is the right thing (like scaling down a commitment or negotiating a different arrangement), that will get you closer and let you be more informed with your decision, without damaging any of the parties involved. It also might give them opportunity to know you better, and help you (or not, which happens, and is very important information to have in a relationship).

Hope things go well and you don’t have to sit in such an uncomfortable place for long, and also that you could find someone to talk through this type of thing who knows you well and might have good outside perspective on you and/or the situation.

Yes, it is beyond vacation plans. Actually we sorted that out well.

Thank you for the good outside perspective.

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On 7/9/2022 at 4:34 PM, Buckwheat said:

Yes, it is beyond vacation plans. Actually we sorted that out well.

Thank you for the good outside perspective.

Vigo always has great advice.

My perspective is somewhat different. I always think of my end goal, first. And then I do things to get my end goal achieved.

Sometimes, it doesn’t work, because people are their own actors. Sometimes, it turns out the person isn’t the right fit for that end goal and it just isn’t right, especially when I sacrifice quite a bit to stick to that goal and put up with a lot of undesirable behavior because it’s theoretically getting me ultimately what I want, which is great on paper but not so much emotionally.

On the other hand, sometimes it works, swimmingly, so it’s another perspective that one might entertain.

I find that the Doctor’s annoying habits are less to the fire, currently, and he is a nicer human when his ego is not front and center. We did spend a fabulous weekend together. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Time for a thread resurrection? Come on here, people, help me out. This isn’t the “Chataya Train Wreck Thread”. 

We had to not go on our planned NYC trip this weekend, due to the death (on Tuesday) and funeral (this Saturday) of my best friend’s brother (see: “f—-ck cancer” thread). 

I know that he is out $700 in hotel that is non-recoverable, completely, because he booked though hotels.com (I *NEVER* do that because of situations like this). His airfare was recoverable in Delta credit and my companion certificate was burned - which he get 3 per year on that are difficult to use, anyways…”confederate money” he calls them.

So, his birthday is coming up in September. I’m thinking of asking him to take a long weekend, and choosing one of three places where I can find a reasonable (under $3k each) business class plane ticket and I’ll also get the hotel. 

I hope that’s a good birthday present.

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