NFL Offseason 2022 - The Slog of Slogs!

[briantw]

18 minutes ago, Nictarion said:

This deal makes absolutely no sense for the Falcons. 

 

Looks like they burned bridges with Ryan and were left with no choice but to deal him.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

1 hour ago, Maithanet said:

WTF?  If that is right the Falcons are horrendous negotiators.  Ryan is quite comparable to the Stafford trade, and that was for 2 1sts.  Did Matt Ryan kill someone and the news just hasn't come out yet? 

Worth noting that one of the firsts was to take on Goff. But yeah, this deal makes no sense at all for the Falcons and makes them passing on a QB last year that much worse.

[dbunting]

Falcons going full tank mode obviously. They know there are two potential stud QB's coming out next year. This year is given up on already, Ryan traded, Ridley suspended for the whole season.  I mean I may be wrong but I believe they were worried that with Ryan on the team they would win more games and lose out on the right to draft in the top 2.

 

[DMC]

1 hour ago, Rhom said:

The rumors that the Niners wanted two seconds for Jimmy while Ryan goes for a single third does not bode well.

Saw this courtesy of NN:

Who knows how much the shoulder surgery changed things, but it's hard not to conclude at this point ShanaLynch royally botched this -- and, perhaps, Garoppolo fucked them over with the timing of the surgery/its announcement.  With the Falcons signing Mariota and the Saints signing Winston, very few teams left who need a quarterback.  Panthers and Seahawks and.....???

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

6 hours ago, Mexal said:

 

I surprised this one just sailed by, because it's honestly one of the funniest stories I've read in a while. Meyer claimed to do a six month deep dive into the NFL before becoming a coach and yet he didn't know who the best defensive player of the era was. It also showed that he has no idea how to talk to people or manage them and you have to assume it was even worse in college. Having thought about it a bit today I really can't come up with a comparison for what has happened to Meyer and his reputation that doesn't involve some serious criminal activity. How does one go from being arguably the second best college coach of the 21st century to possibly being the single worst pro head coach of the 21st century? It's baffling, and it makes me wonder if most college coaches are absolute shit as well. If this idiot jackass moron is the second best thing you can produce, what does that say about the rest of you? 

[dbunting]

2 hours ago, Tywin et al. said:

I surprised this one just sailed by, because it's honestly one of the funniest stories I've read in a while. Meyer claimed to do a six month deep dive into the NFL before becoming a coach and yet he didn't know who the best defensive player of the era was. It also showed that he has no idea how to talk to people or manage them and you have to assume it was even worse in college. Having thought about it a bit today I really can't come up with a comparison for what has happened to Meyer and his reputation that doesn't involve some serious criminal activity. How does one go from being arguably the second best college coach of the 21st century to possibly being the single worst pro head coach of the 21st century? It's baffling, and it makes me wonder if most college coaches are absolute shit as well. If this idiot jackass moron is the second best thing you can produce, what does that say about the rest of you? 

As a Michigan fan I get a chuckle and some satisfaction out of this, everyone knew he was a POS but he was a winner. I need these articles so I don't cry myself to sleep at night having nightmares about the whoopings he put on Michigan.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

22 minutes ago, dbunting said:

As a Michigan fan I get a chuckle and some satisfaction out of this, everyone knew he was a POS but he was a winner. I need these articles so I don't cry myself to sleep at night having nightmares about the whoopings he put on Michigan.

It was interesting how quickly insiders publicly turned on him while seemingly no one had his back. To me that suggests everyone around him hated him and were just waiting for the chance to bury him.

[Jace, Extat]

Chris Ballard is a frog faced fuckboi who makes QB decisions with the astuteness and alacrity of a recently run over child who has only ever witnessed football through a haze of vape smoke while breast feeding from Whitney Houston. 

 

Item 1, 2017. First year as GM. Scott Tolzien starts week one, because Luck was never gonna play. Colts had to trade for Jacoby, who starts remaining 15 games because YOU HAD SCOTT TOLZIEN ON YOUR ROSTER YOU FROG FACED FUCKBOI

Item 1.5, 2018. He drafted a guard at 6. This isn't even a QB criticism. But what a fuckwit. Seriously, was this man born with a pile of shit where his brain should have been? I would have retired too. 

Item 2, 2019. With Jacoby Brissett on the roster. Making next to nothing. The Colts gave him a ten million dollar raise and guaranteed a further 20 MILLION DOLLARS the following year to Jacoby Brissett in the week following Luck's retirement. I've seen more creative ways to set thirty million dollars on fire but it usually involves an aging billionaire, a tiny cock, and a big ass rocket; Chris Ballard gave me Jacoby Brissette, which is somehow even more pathetic and destructive towards the earth.

Item 3, 2020. You could have had Tom Brady. What you did have is a Philip Rivers who literally lost you a playoff game (go watch that last drive. It's fucking pathetic. TY Hilton is laying out on TEN YARD CURLS trying to come back for these ducks because Phil couldn't get the ball outside the numbers. The Colts got the ball back before the two minute warning and BARELY CROSSED MIDFIELD. You could have had Tom Brady, who was paid like 27 million for the year. Jacoby Brissette is paid 20 million dollars to be a fucking cheerleader, and truth be told he makes for a fine mascot. He's a good dude. Good job, Mr. Fuckboi. You have found and retained the most visible and likeable cheerleader in the league. You wouldn't fucking believe how many times a game they would cut to this broad grinned, cheek dimpled, handsome ass motherfucker standing on the sidelines with an earpiece in and lookin' happier than a hound dog with a horse's johnson. And why wouldn't he be? That's a rich, rich, man. Meanwhile, I loved the Phillip Rivers experiment. Because I'm a psycho and I like it when it hurts. The pure novelty of this man. This terror on my dreams, coming to Indy when he was so clearly washed... I loved it. But Chris Ballard, this walking jinx who never saw a gopher hole he wouldn't trip into, actually seemed to think that like he'd done a good thing. And, like, actually tried to bring this tired-armed, loose-around-the-joints, can't-keep-it-up-long-enough-to-throw, Quarterback back when the dude ain't fit to close out a game of slow pitch. The Fuck is wrong with you, man? Is this one of those two fetus' situation where one eats the other? Because I think Chris Ballard's unborn twin managed to eat his brain shortly before being devoured itself in an act of brainless revenge. It's not a medical theory, but I think it helps explain some of these decisions...

Item 4, 2021. You balked at Matt Stafford. Something people have kind of forgotten is that the Rams had to essentially pay an extra 1st round pick to get rid of Jared Goff. It's more complicated than that, the picks the Rams were sending were both in years to come, which dilutes their value, but the point is that Stafford probably could have been gotten for a 1 and some significant change. Instead you paid a 1 and significant change for Carson Wentz. I can't think of a meaner thing to say.

Item 5, 2022. After all this, this era of salt and ash that can be looked back on only as the results of a madman's ministrations against the goodly order and harmoniousness of a happy universe, you traded for Matt Ryan? Why? 

He won't run the offense from under center, he will want it out of shotgun like Rivers did. Going under center now will be a run giveaway. His arm wasn't washed last year, but it could literally go tomorrow, he's at that age and it has been declining for several years. You're gonna be stuck in spread shotgun again. YOU HAVE NO RECEIVERS. You built your team to condense and run downhill. Now you have to run everything out of shotgun, with a mud footed QB, and you also have no LT. 

So now the way your QB plays is directly in opposition to how your offense is geared to play. Good job. And today they just adjusted his contract to give him guaranteed money next year... For no reason. His salaries the next two years weren't guaranteed, which at least protects you if he gets hurt or his arm falls off. So taking away that protection for yourself seems like something Ballard probably couldn't resist. No doubt he saw his financial freedom as a form of sin, a contraceptive against which his fury knew no bounds and with which he could not bear. The mind of a madman is mad.

In no particular order:

1)Mahomes

2)Watson

3)Wilson

4)Allen

5)Jackson

6)Burrow

7)Herbert

8)Carr

9) Tannehill

10) Ryan

 

Just an idle catalogue:

1) Missouri Chiefs 

2) Bills

3) Chargers

4) Browns/(Watson, whose suspension will be moderate)

5) Broncos

6) Titans

7) Ravens

8) Bengals

9) Raiders

10) Colts 

You can quibble about where a particular team lines up or where a QB might fall on my little lists, but I don't think anyone's gonna try to tell me the Colts have better than the tenth best QB and tenth best team in the division. That's only three spots out from a playoff berth and another visit to Buffalo!

Mediocrity sells. 

[briantw]

30 minutes ago, Babblebauble said:

Chris Ballard is a frog faced fuckboi who makes QB decisions with the astuteness and alacrity of a recently run over child who has only ever witnessed football through a haze of vape smoke while breast feeding from Whitney Houston. 

 

Item 1, 2017. First year as GM. Scott Tolzien starts week one, because Luck was never gonna play. Colts had to trade for Jacoby, who starts remaining 15 games because YOU HAD SCOTT TOLZIEN ON YOUR ROSTER YOU FROG FACED FUCKBOI

Item 1.5, 2018. He drafted a guard at 6. This isn't even a QB criticism. But what a fuckwit. Seriously, was this man born with a pile of shit where his brain should have been? I would have retired too. 

Item 2, 2019. With Jacoby Brissett on the roster. Making next to nothing. The Colts gave him a ten million dollar raise and guaranteed a further 20 MILLION DOLLARS the following year to Jacoby Brissett in the week following Luck's retirement. I've seen more creative ways to set thirty million dollars on fire but it usually involves an aging billionaire, a tiny cock, and a big ass rocket; Chris Ballard gave me Jacoby Brissette, which is somehow even more pathetic and destructive towards the earth.

Item 3, 2020. You could have had Tom Brady. What you did have is a Philip Rivers who literally lost you a playoff game (go watch that last drive. It's fucking pathetic. TY Hilton is laying out on TEN YARD CURLS trying to come back for these ducks because Phil couldn't get the ball outside the numbers. The Colts got the ball back before the two minute warning and BARELY CROSSED MIDFIELD. You could have had Tom Brady, who was paid like 27 million for the year. Jacoby Brissette is paid 20 million dollars to be a fucking cheerleader, and truth be told he makes for a fine mascot. He's a good dude. Good job, Mr. Fuckboi. You have found and retained the most visible and likeable cheerleader in the league. You wouldn't fucking believe how many times a game they would cut to this broad grinned, cheek dimpled, handsome ass motherfucker standing on the sidelines with an earpiece in and lookin' happier than a hound dog with a horse's johnson. And why wouldn't he be? That's a rich, rich, man. Meanwhile, I loved the Phillip Rivers experiment. Because I'm a psycho and I like it when it hurts. The pure novelty of this man. This terror on my dreams, coming to Indy when he was so clearly washed... I loved it. But Chris Ballard, this walking jinx who never saw a gopher hole he wouldn't trip into, actually seemed to think that like he'd done a good thing. And, like, actually tried to bring this tired-armed, loose-around-the-joints, can't-keep-it-up-long-enough-to-throw, Quarterback back when the dude ain't fit to close out a game of slow pitch. The Fuck is wrong with you, man? Is this one of those two fetus' situation where one eats the other? Because I think Chris Ballard's unborn twin managed to eat his brain shortly before being devoured itself in an act of brainless revenge. It's not a medical theory, but I think it helps explain some of these decisions...

Item 4, 2021. You balked at Matt Stafford. Something people have kind of forgotten is that the Rams had to essentially pay an extra 1st round pick to get rid of Jared Goff. It's more complicated than that, the picks the Rams were sending were both in years to come, which dilutes their value, but the point is that Stafford probably could have been gotten for a 1 and some significant change. Instead you paid a 1 and significant change for Carson Wentz. I can't think of a meaner thing to say.

Item 5, 2022. After all this, this era of salt and ash that can be looked back on only as the results of a madman's ministrations against the goodly order and harmoniousness of a happy universe, you traded for Matt Ryan? Why? 

He won't run the offense from under center, he will want it out of shotgun like Rivers did. Going under center now will be a run giveaway. His arm wasn't washed last year, but it could literally go tomorrow, he's at that age and it has been declining for several years. You're gonna be stuck in spread shotgun again. YOU HAVE NO RECEIVERS. You built your team to condense and run downhill. Now you have to run everything out of shotgun, with a mud footed QB, and you also have no LT. 

So now the way your QB plays is directly in opposition to how your offense is geared to play. Good job. And today they just adjusted his contract to give him guaranteed money next year... For no reason. His salaries the next two years weren't guaranteed, which at least protects you if he gets hurt or his arm falls off. So taking away that protection for yourself seems like something Ballard probably couldn't resist. No doubt he saw his financial freedom as a form of sin, a contraceptive against which his fury knew no bounds and with which he could not bear. The mind of a madman is mad.

In no particular order:

1)Mahomes

2)Watson

3)Wilson

4)Allen

5)Jackson

6)Burrow

7)Herbert

8)Carr

9) Tannehill

10) Ryan

 

Just an idle catalogue:

1) Missouri Chiefs 

2) Bills

3) Chargers

4) Browns/(Watson, whose suspension will be moderate)

5) Broncos

6) Titans

7) Ravens

8) Bengals

9) Raiders

10) Colts 

You can quibble about where a particular team lines up or where a QB might fall on my little lists, but I don't think anyone's gonna try to tell me the Colts have better than the tenth best QB and tenth best team in the division. That's only three spots out from a playoff berth and another visit to Buffalo!

Mediocrity sells. 

Hey, at least your team didn’t alienate your star QB and the best player in franchise history by going after Watson, only to not get him and then be forced to take a single 3rd for said star QB and best player in franchise history while eating the largest dead cap hit in NFL history.  
 

Could be worse, is all I’m saying. 

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

This stat is jarring. Over the last 11 years the Ravens have received 32 compensatory third round picks. The Jags over the same period have received none.

[Rhom]

1 hour ago, Babblebauble said:

Chris Ballard is a frog faced fuckboi who makes QB decisions with the astuteness and alacrity of a recently run over child who has only ever witnessed football through a haze of vape smoke while breast feeding from Whitney Houston. 

 

Item 1, 2017. First year as GM. Scott Tolzien starts week one, because Luck was never gonna play. Colts had to trade for Jacoby, who starts remaining 15 games because YOU HAD SCOTT TOLZIEN ON YOUR ROSTER YOU FROG FACED FUCKBOI

Item 1.5, 2018. He drafted a guard at 6. This isn't even a QB criticism. But what a fuckwit. Seriously, was this man born with a pile of shit where his brain should have been? I would have retired too. 

Item 2, 2019. With Jacoby Brissett on the roster. Making next to nothing. The Colts gave him a ten million dollar raise and guaranteed a further 20 MILLION DOLLARS the following year to Jacoby Brissett in the week following Luck's retirement. I've seen more creative ways to set thirty million dollars on fire but it usually involves an aging billionaire, a tiny cock, and a big ass rocket; Chris Ballard gave me Jacoby Brissette, which is somehow even more pathetic and destructive towards the earth.

Item 3, 2020. You could have had Tom Brady. What you did have is a Philip Rivers who literally lost you a playoff game (go watch that last drive. It's fucking pathetic. TY Hilton is laying out on TEN YARD CURLS trying to come back for these ducks because Phil couldn't get the ball outside the numbers. The Colts got the ball back before the two minute warning and BARELY CROSSED MIDFIELD. You could have had Tom Brady, who was paid like 27 million for the year. Jacoby Brissette is paid 20 million dollars to be a fucking cheerleader, and truth be told he makes for a fine mascot. He's a good dude. Good job, Mr. Fuckboi. You have found and retained the most visible and likeable cheerleader in the league. You wouldn't fucking believe how many times a game they would cut to this broad grinned, cheek dimpled, handsome ass motherfucker standing on the sidelines with an earpiece in and lookin' happier than a hound dog with a horse's johnson. And why wouldn't he be? That's a rich, rich, man. Meanwhile, I loved the Phillip Rivers experiment. Because I'm a psycho and I like it when it hurts. The pure novelty of this man. This terror on my dreams, coming to Indy when he was so clearly washed... I loved it. But Chris Ballard, this walking jinx who never saw a gopher hole he wouldn't trip into, actually seemed to think that like he'd done a good thing. And, like, actually tried to bring this tired-armed, loose-around-the-joints, can't-keep-it-up-long-enough-to-throw, Quarterback back when the dude ain't fit to close out a game of slow pitch. The Fuck is wrong with you, man? Is this one of those two fetus' situation where one eats the other? Because I think Chris Ballard's unborn twin managed to eat his brain shortly before being devoured itself in an act of brainless revenge. It's not a medical theory, but I think it helps explain some of these decisions...

Item 4, 2021. You balked at Matt Stafford. Something people have kind of forgotten is that the Rams had to essentially pay an extra 1st round pick to get rid of Jared Goff. It's more complicated than that, the picks the Rams were sending were both in years to come, which dilutes their value, but the point is that Stafford probably could have been gotten for a 1 and some significant change. Instead you paid a 1 and significant change for Carson Wentz. I can't think of a meaner thing to say.

Item 5, 2022. After all this, this era of salt and ash that can be looked back on only as the results of a madman's ministrations against the goodly order and harmoniousness of a happy universe, you traded for Matt Ryan? Why? 

He won't run the offense from under center, he will want it out of shotgun like Rivers did. Going under center now will be a run giveaway. His arm wasn't washed last year, but it could literally go tomorrow, he's at that age and it has been declining for several years. You're gonna be stuck in spread shotgun again. YOU HAVE NO RECEIVERS. You built your team to condense and run downhill. Now you have to run everything out of shotgun, with a mud footed QB, and you also have no LT. 

So now the way your QB plays is directly in opposition to how your offense is geared to play. Good job. And today they just adjusted his contract to give him guaranteed money next year... For no reason. His salaries the next two years weren't guaranteed, which at least protects you if he gets hurt or his arm falls off. So taking away that protection for yourself seems like something Ballard probably couldn't resist. No doubt he saw his financial freedom as a form of sin, a contraceptive against which his fury knew no bounds and with which he could not bear. The mind of a madman is mad.

In no particular order:

1)Mahomes

2)Watson

3)Wilson

4)Allen

5)Jackson

6)Burrow

7)Herbert

8)Carr

9) Tannehill

10) Ryan

 

Just an idle catalogue:

1) Missouri Chiefs 

2) Bills

3) Chargers

4) Browns/(Watson, whose suspension will be moderate)

5) Broncos

6) Titans

7) Ravens

8) Bengals

9) Raiders

10) Colts 

You can quibble about where a particular team lines up or where a QB might fall on my little lists, but I don't think anyone's gonna try to tell me the Colts have better than the tenth best QB and tenth best team in the division. That's only three spots out from a playoff berth and another visit to Buffalo!

Mediocrity sells. 

Goddamn.  I think I’m in love.

[briantw]

19 minutes ago, Tywin et al. said:

This stat is jarring. Over the last 11 years the Ravens have received 32 compensatory third round picks. The Jags over the same period have received none.

When you never draft any talented players, they don't leave for big money in free agency.

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

1 hour ago, Rhom said:

Goddamn.  I think I’m in love.

We've been overdue for a proper Jace rant.

1 hour ago, briantw said:

When you never draft any talented players, they don't leave for big money in free agency.

Or the few you do demand trades.

[mcbigski]

Well I'm no longer curious what Jace thinks about the new dreamy alpha in town.  

40% chance though it's a smokescreen to drive down his auction cost.

[dbunting]

3 hours ago, Tywin et al. said:

We've been overdue for a proper Jace rant.

 

When I read that I was like damn that sounds like Jace, didn't know there was a name change! 

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

 

[Rhom]

18 minutes ago, Tywin et al. said:

 

May have to give that one a follow!

[Rhom]

Lotta good stuff in there.  This one is ouch.

 

[Mr. Chatywin et al.]

6 minutes ago, Rhom said:

May have to give that one a follow!

 

[Nictarion]

Now Tyreek Hill might be on the move (possibly Jets or Dolphins). The Bengals went to the Super Bowl, and the entire league lost its mind.