Rest in peace, Lilith of Tarth

[TrackerNeil]

Hello all. Those of us "old-timers" will remember Lillith of Tarth, a/k/a Leila Monaghan, and I am heartbroken to report that she passed away this morning of the cancer with which she had struggled for so long.

I can't bear to say much more right now, except that she gave me good advice, and that she went out on a limb for me when no one else would. 

Edited February 25, 2022 by TrackerNeil

[Greg]

We were never close, but I always liked her.

I only met her once in KC back in 2005. She was funny, charming, and so interesting. 

I know you guys were friends. I am truly sorry for your loss.

[Madame deVenoge]

2 hours ago, TrackerNeil said:

Hello all. Those of us "old-timers" will remember Lillith of Tarth, a/k/a Leila Monaghan, and I am heartbroken to report that she passed away this morning of the cancer with which she had struggled for so long.

I can't bear to say much more right now, except that she gave me good advice, and that she went out on a limb for me when no one else would. 

This is terrible news. She always had such good advice. I’ve thought of her often, and, as one does when one does not see a post, thought, “I’m sure she is doing great and just not on the Board for whatever various Reasons.”

May she Rest In Peace and Power. A good person.

[Ran]

Very sad to learn of this. Condolences to her family and loved ones. I know she hadn’t been around the board for a long time, but I remember her time here fondly. 

[mormont]

I'm really sorry to hear this. We never met in person, but she was a major presence on the board back in my first few years and someone whose voice I always respected. 

[Filippa Eilhart]

I'm sorry

[Fragile Bird]

All I can say is, fuck cancer.

Well, that and my deepest sympathies to her friends and family. I don’t think we ever interacted, but I have lost board friends, and it hurts, even if I never met them.

[Padraig]

This is really sad news.  We met back in 2001.  She gave me a lift when we all went out for Cheesesteaks.  I remember talking about her name's origin.   A very decent person.  My condolences to her family and friends.

[Xray the Enforcer]

21 hours ago, TrackerNeil said:

Hello all. Those of us "old-timers" will remember Lillith of Tarth, a/k/a Leila Monaghan, and I am heartbroken to report that she passed away this morning of the cancer with which she had struggled for so long.

I can't bear to say much more right now, except that she gave me good advice, and that she went out on a limb for me when no one else would. 

Oh my gosh this is terrible news. I very much enjoyed the conversations I had with Lillith and I was sad when she stopped posting here. I am sending so much love to you @TrackerNeil and to all of Lillith's loved ones. 

[Lord of Oop North]

Really sad to hear 

[Paddy]

RIP

 

[Xray the Enforcer]

Wanted to follow up -- I might be misremembering, but didn't Lillith's partner also occasionally post here @TrackerNeil? I seem to remember them both living on a large piece of land in Wyoming and her partner being a woodworker? If my deeply faulty memory is not lying to me, and if you are in contact with him, please send him my deepest condolences. If it's who I think, I also really enjoyed chatting with him and I am heartbroken for him, and for you. 

[Ran]

2 hours ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

Wanted to follow up -- I might be misremembering, but didn't Lillith's partner also occasionally post here @TrackerNeil? I seem to remember them both living on a large piece of land in Wyoming and her partner being a woodworker? I

Your memory is correct -- he was timmett. In fact, he's reached out in a mail I just saw -- he lost his password along the way some time and wanted to post here about Lilith.

[timmett]

Thank you Neil for starting this appreciation, and for all who remembered Leila with fondness. And thanks Ran for sorting out the password mess.

Lilith of Tarth came to this board, as so many have, after reading the Red Wedding scene.  She needed to talk it out with other dorks who would understand her trauma; she found those dorks here and stuck around. Like many newbs, she began with the book forums. Once the novelties of R+L=J paled, she wandered into Literature, then GenChat and met here the jaded, debauched, and battle-scarred -- we who know all about the books, yes, and who wait for the next book, yes {bitter laughter from company}, and meanwhile we smoke clove cigarettes and post naked avatars with hats. Such is life.

I was at a corner table when she walked in, my forehead in a puddle of cheap beer. I noticed her at once -- who could not? She smelt of innocence and island flowers. Fresh meat! But no, she was no fool this one. She could hold her own in a brawl, and she was tight with the Philly crowd already. Intriguing. Anyone who met Leila knew four things inside five minutes: She was smart, she was generous, she was funny, and she was really good at words. We posted, we chatted, we flirted, we really flirted. At one point a board oldster -- might have been Levendis? -- suggested we should get a room.

So we did.

In some ways, Leila would say later, it was a very old-fashioned courtship. Two years or so of letter-writing, formal calls, sitting together on a divan whilst Aunt Xray knits by the pianoforte. In other ways, it was very modern -- "We met on the internet" -- but the screening metric was 'people who read 1600 page blood-soaked fantasy novels,' so there's that. And Leila was a woman who knew what she wanted and reached out for it. On the thinnest of pretexts -- visiting an old high-school friend in Boulder, ha! -- she flew to Denver, rented a car, and drove up to Wyoming, where a guy named timmet was living in a ratty basement and building a house in the middle of nowhere. Our first date: we raked level the septic system trenches, went into town for cheeseburgers (real for her, veggie for me), and spent a delightful evening in that wretched apartment. I was pretty much lost from then on.

By this time, Lilith/Leila had moved from Philadelphia to Bloomington, Indiana, where she taught at university and bought a hundred-year-old farmhouse. We continued to visit each other, and we talked on the phone every night. When a one-year position and the University of Wyoming opened up, she took another plunge and moved out here. We set up house together, and it was good. I put up with her dreadful housekeeping; she put up with all my various bullshit, which was the greater miracle. We attended a Board dinner (she always just called this place 'the Board') in Philly, where she introduced me to TrackerNeil, Aggie, Ironsides, Yagathai, Mouse ... oh gods, I'm forgetting a few. We crashed on Babyraven's couch.

After four years, the Wyoming job petered out & she went on the road again. Non-tenured faculty is like fruit-picking without the peaches: you go where the work is. She moved to southern Illinois and taught there, even as she wrapped up a Masters in History thesis at UW. She had been feeling unwell for more than a year, tired, crampy, losing weight. She visited a number of doctors, who told her it was stress, menopause, thyroid, IBS, arthritis of the neck(!). When she came back to Laramie in May of 2015 for her Masters graduation, she was alarmingly grey. A GP back in Carbondale finally did a proper physical exam and noticed a hard spot in her belly; an emergency MRI showed a mass larger than a building brick. She was diagnosed with ovarian clear cell carcinoma, Stage 3c.

What followed need not be dwelt on. She did not dwell on it. Cancer was a nuisance, a distraction from things she really cared about. She had surgery, and started a publishing house. She sat thru brutal chemo, and interviewed Arapaho elders for an oral history project. She cut off her long lovely braid, and edited two important books on disability studies.  Her hair grew back, and she took an anthropology job at NAU in Flagstaff.

Four years of grace and remission she had. Four years more than we really expected, time we cherished now more than before. But the beast came back. It always comes back. The last two and a half years were a grind, and I would not wish them on anyone, and I would not have missed them for anything. Leila lived in her recliner, watched appalling TV shows on her laptop, made friends with the chemo nurses who jabbed her with needles and pumped poison into her veins. She suffered, and smiled, and dwindled away.  We replaced the recliner with a hospital bed, in the house she helped build, with a view of the mountains. 

Leila Monaghan died on February 23rd, age 61.  Bryn Mawr alumna; PhD in Linguistic Anthropology (UCLA); MAs in Education and History. Scholar, editor, publisher, teacher. Swimmer, rower, couch potato. For eighteen years the partner of this lucky fool, and since August my wife. Her friends are legion, everywhere, and she kept them forever. She will always be as her great aunt painted her, aged ten: the girl with the braid and a book in her hand.

Vale Lilith of Tarth, Knight of the Cheesesteak. Now your watch is ended.

 

[Kalnestk Oblast]

Much love, Timmett.  Thank you. That was beautiful.

[The Dragon Demands]

So it goes 

[Fragile Bird]

What a wonderful portrait her great aunt painted! <3

What beautiful words! <3

[Hereward]

Thank you for such a characteristically beautiful elegy, Timmett. Your gift for words is undiminished. 
 

Lilith was a lovely person, a star of the board, and also tremendous fun. I only met her once, in London when the world still made sense, but it was a great evening. Her insight, curiosity and joie de vivre were obvious. One of the best, and very much missed. Love to you, Timmett, as you deal with this terrible blow.

[Buckwheat]

My condolences to timmett and all who knew her. This was beautifully written.

[Padraig]

Thanks for that post Timmet.