F—-k cancer

[DanteGabriel]

I am very sorry for your and your kids' loss, @hauberk.

[Madame deVenoge]

I am sorry for your loss, @hauberk. 

Also keeping @timmett in mind, and Lilith in my memories.

[JGP]

Dad’s been sick for four months or so, though he just told my brother and I maybe four or five weeks ago?

Docs finally biopsied the large mass at the bottom of his esophagus and we got the results today. It’s cancerous.

He’s been admitted, for now, more tests [is it local, is it a subsequent metastasis] and some likely radiation or chemo treatment prior to removal. He’s been getting fed by IV the last two days with the plan being the insertion of a feeding tube until they can remove the tumor.

I know I should be more optimistic -he’s smoked almost two packs a day since forever and he’s currently weighing in at 119 lbs- but he’s so frail. Not sure how prepared I am to be parentless in this world.

And he’s just so godamn serene about it all.

Fuck cancer.

 

 

Edited August 14 by JGP

[Raja]

14 hours ago, JGP said:

And he’s just so godamn serene about it all.

I'm sorry man, that sounds really rough for you & your family.

I feel like so many things happen very quickly when cancer is newly diagnosed that it can feel really overwhelming for most people.

[hauberk]

Today would have been our 30th wedding anniversary. I suppose it still is - just no one to celebrate with. 
 

fuck cancer. 

[Tears of Lys]

I can't even come up with the words to express how sorry I am that you lost your darling, Hauberk.  

My husband is currently in remission from a rare form of leukemia.  We know it will come back at some point, but at least we've experienced more joy with each other than either of us ever imagined.  Think of the good times and celebrate her.

[timmett]

6 hours ago, hauberk said:

Today would have been our 30th wedding anniversary. I suppose it still is - just no one to celebrate with. 
 

fuck cancer. 

Our anniversary was two days ago. Bought her some sunflowers and made chocolate brownies. Be kind to yourself, H.

[HexMachina]

Mothership has been the rock of my life since as long as I can remember and I've always thought nothing could shake her. She was there for me through some of my most troubled moments and never once made me feel like she would lose control or that she was struggling.

Yesterday she called me up to tell me that, after a series of tests, she has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Early stages, so we are hoping she will be fine with treatment. But fuck, I've never heard her sound so broken.

As above, fu k cancer.

And, hauberk, truly sorry for your loss  

[RhaenysBee]

@HelenaExMachina my heart goes out to you and your mom. She can do it, she will do it. I wish her all the strength and resilience to go through the treatment. It is trying psychologically even more so than physically, but she will get through all the downs and all the lows and look back from the other side. One piece of advice I got after my diagnosis that stuck with me is that the illness is a part of life, not its entirety, a slice of the cake, not the whole. That said, it is a heavy weight to bear and it’s okay to feel that, anger, sadness, despair, fear, all of it. Just look straight ahead and keep going forward and smell the flowers along the way. She can do this.   

 

[Arakasi]

9 month post surgery colonoscopy today that only had one small benign polyp. Good news and we are doing a CAT scan in September as well.

[JGP]

On 8/13/2023 at 6:57 PM, JGP said:

Dad’s been sick for four months or so, though he just told my brother and I maybe four or five weeks ago?

Docs finally biopsied the large mass at the bottom of his esophagus and we got the results today. It’s cancerous.

He’s been admitted, for now, more tests [is it local, is it a subsequent metastasis] and some likely radiation or chemo treatment prior to removal. He’s been getting fed by IV the last two days with the plan being the insertion of a feeding tube until they can remove the tumor.

I know I should be more optimistic -he’s smoked almost two packs a day since forever and he’s currently weighing in at 119 lbs- but he’s so frail. Not sure how prepared I am to be parentless in this world.

And he’s just so godamn serene about it all.

Fuck cancer.

 

 

Just got off the horn with my brother who spent about 30 minutes with the surgeon, and I'm going to spill a bit as I'm emotional right now and I need to get it off my chest because dad wants me to call, but I need to vent a bit so I can be chill for him.

MRI is complete -results aren't in yet- if it comes back with any apparent lesions in his brain that'll likely remove some options, and there's few to spare. Turns out he's also on the cusp of an aortic aneurysm which is a serious complication, as is the fact that his feeding tube didn't take.

Due to age, amount of weight loss, his COPD, the feeding tube issue, and full obstruction of the tumor, apparently they were 50/50 on whether they'd give him an option beyond palliative, but they decided to give him the choice. So, his choices are he can get a temp gastric stent, undergo six weeks of chemo [radiation treatment is now out because of the stent vs feeding tube thing] then have the surgery, but the surgery is no joke for anyone his age much less someone in his condition; or, he can have a palliative stent put in place and ride it out until... he can't.

If all options had been on the table, 30% chance he makes it 5 years. But they're not, he's in bad shape, so who knows what his chances are now, and he has to make up his mind on which path [palliative or no] by tomorrow morning. 

I asked B [my brother] if he got the sense Dad wanted us to convince him one way or the other and he noped -Pops will be making up his own mind- so as requested I'm going to have to call Dad shortly, keep myself out of it, and just be there. 

So... thank you for letting me vent.

Edited August 18 by JGP

[Raja]

That's what the thread is for

All of that sounds like a lot to deal with

[hauberk]

3 hours ago, JGP said:

Just got off the horn with my brother who spent about 30 minutes with the surgeon, and I'm going to spill a bit as I'm emotional right now and I need to get it off my chest because dad wants me to call, but I need to vent a bit so I can be chill for him.

MRI is complete -results aren't in yet- if it comes back with any apparent lesions in his brain that'll likely remove some options, and there's few to spare. Turns out he's also on the cusp of an aortic aneurysm which is a serious complication, as is the fact that his feeding tube didn't take.

Due to age, amount of weight loss, his COPD, the feeding tube issue, and full obstruction of the tumor, apparently they were 50/50 on whether they'd give him an option beyond palliative, but they decided to give him the choice. So, his choices are he can get a temp gastric stent, undergo six weeks of chemo [radiation treatment is now out because of the stent vs feeding tube thing] then have the surgery, but the surgery is no joke for anyone his age much less someone in his condition; or, he can have a palliative stent put in place and ride it out until... he can't.

If all options had been on the table, 30% chance he makes it 5 years. But they're not, he's in bad shape, so who knows what his chances are now, and he has to make up his mind on which path [palliative or no] by tomorrow morning. 

I asked B [my brother] if he got the sense Dad wanted us to convince him one way or the other and he noped -Pops will be making up his own mind- so as requested I'm going to have to call Dad shortly, keep myself out of it, and just be there. 

So... thank you for letting me vent.

I went through stuff with my dad a couple of years ago (I’m apparently Marshal for a shit parade). Dad had always had high blood pressure. Went to the ER a couple of times with really high blood pressure, then developed a twitch which was diagnosed as an old (weeks to months) mini stroke - made a lot of sense with the blood pressure and they could see a small amount of what they thought was scar tissue.

Discharged with meds and a referral for neuro follow-up. Alas, glioblastoma can do things to judgement center so some appointments were cancelled and not rescheduled. 

Long story short, seizure while alone for about 24 hours, kidney failure, basically in a coma with more seizures for about a week before we were able to get the treating hospital connected with the VA (he had some images done right before the seizure). Ultimately, he had the surgery, and the radiation and chemo and lasted just about a year to the day from when he went down. 
 

He was never really willing to confront what was happening and I question over and over if the hell he went through was worth the time he had after - months in a nursing home isolated from us due to COVID and his treatments.  I’m glad for the time I had with him but not sure if we talked him into the surgery and treatment.
 

J - it’s going to be hard but knowing that he’s making the decisions will, hopefully, ease some pain later. 

Edited August 18 by hauberk

[timmett]

15 hours ago, JGP said:

he has to make up his mind on which path [palliative or no] by tomorrow morning

Fuck, people -- this isn't someone choosing a dressing for their side salad. There's a lot to process for everyone involved, and looking at your watch is bad doctoring.

After my wife's ovarian cancer had moved to her spine, and then to pelvis and liver, and heavy pre-treatment was curbing the kinds and intensity of chemo she could tolerate, it became pretty clear (medically) that hospice was the next logical move. But Leila wasn't ready to take that step yet. I'm kind of a fiend about agency & would never urge her either to prolong nor to end Tx. She decides what she wants. My job is to make sure those choices happen.

Her local oncologist didn't share those ideas about patient choice, apparently. He crowded into her chemo room with a social worker and a nurse -- five bodies in a tiny infusion space -- and tried to strong-arm Leila into agreeing to end all treatments. Like, right then and there. You could practically hear the Jeopardy! music playing in the background. She looked panicked. Finally I stepped in & said "There are too many people in this room. You've said your bit. Please leave." It was soooo fucking coercive, more like a police interrogation than a bedside chat.

The minute the door was shut, Leila broke down sobbing and said, "They're .. kicking .. me .. out."

Never gonna forgive that alleged doctor. I happened to share his prognosis, but whether to continue or no wasn't his call to make. Leila had to reach that decision on her own. Which she did about ten days later, during another 8 hour transfusion. "This is too hard." "Getting blood?" "All of it."

 

 

[JGP]

God that's horrible, timmet.

[Zorral]

1 hour ago, timmett said:

Never gonna forgive that alleged doctor.

That's awful.

In addition to the emotional and psychological impacts on her, you and the family from this attitude -- that's how the dear friend who has been battling cancer since February of 2022 got covid immediately with her first chemo treatment.  The room she was put in -- filled with other patients and techs -- not a single one of them wearing a mask, except her.

This is all just so horrible for everyone, and I'm so sorry for all the others here who are suffering from the medical wars and battles just to receive the treatment their dear ones should have.

 

[JGP]

20 minutes ago, Zorral said:

 

This is all just so horrible for everyone, and I'm so sorry for all the others here who are suffering from the medical wars and battles just to receive the treatment their dear ones should have.

 

 

To be clear, in our case the doctors, nurses, and staff that Dad's encountered have all been kind and I understand the presentation of palliative in my father's case even if I don't like it. 

If I have any gripes, it's Interior Health [BC's system] for the ridiculous amount of hoops they made Dad's GP jump through to get this all rolling. All the maybes and what ifs rattle or infuriate me if I dwell on them, even if as Dad says, that's the way she goes sometimes.

Edited August 18 by JGP

[Raja]

It's unfortunate as Cancer pathways should be well mapped out & quick. The system we have here is pretty imperfect but the way it *should* work is GPs should be able to refer/ get scans within 2 weeks of suspecting cancer in someone. All my close med school friends practice in Canada so might ask them what it's like in the different provinces.

The one thing I would say, based on Timmet's post - that Oncologist certainly didn't go about the way a consultation like that is supposed to be. It's supposed to be a partnership.

Though what I will say is that sometimes Doctors hide behind presenting choices to patients and asking them to pick where patients are expected to make decisions even though they have absolutely no idea about the choices they are making. Sometimes there are very obvious choices which should be made, and imo healthcare professionals have the responsibility to ensure patients are choosing treatment that is standard of care for their diagnosis.

[JGP]

I mislabelled Interior Health as BC’s system, it’s one of five for the province.

[Fragile Bird]

@JGP my dad had an aortic aneurysm, found when it was slightly smaller than the worry point that triggers a surgery recommendation. He lived for another ten years, eventually dying of stomach cancer. They performed surgery and discovered the cancer had spread, so they took out what they could and it gave him another six months. I asked if they could correct the AA at the same time and discovered what a difficult surgery it was. This was back in the mid-90s.

Thirty years later, in 2018, we discovered my brother also had an AA, but not the smaller one my dad had, his was a flashing red light with surgery being teed up as soon as possible. And instructions not to pick up anything heavy while he waited. He had the surgery at age 68 with no other health problems. It’s massive surgery, that left a scar from his breast bone to just above his navel. Your body protects your aorta by running it in front of your spinal cord, so all your organs have to be spread apart to get to the aneurysm, and there’s potentially an added complication depending on where the aneurysm is located. It took months for him to recover, probably a year before he fully recovered. With your dad’s other problems, if the AA is smaller than the size where they suggest surgery (4 cm?) I wouldn’t worry about it.

Honestly, it sounds like you need to support and love your dad as much as you can at this point in time. I had the advantage that I lived with my parents and you have so much distance between you. Face time or zoom or whatever you use as much as you can.  We hope for the best when our parents reach this point but time is so precious now.

My darling, beloved brother was diagnosed with stomach cancer at the end of January and died on Easter Saturday. We had been nagging him about how little he was eating and he pushed back by saying we were all getting older and eating less, and “stop bugging me”.  Some people here knew about this but it’s been really tough and I  haven’t been ready to discuss it. His oncologist sat down with me and told me I should schedule regular scopes to keep watch, and my first scope (second in my life, actually) is set for November. My mindset had been “my mom had breast cancer, I had breast cancer, my dad had stomach cancer, my brother had stomach cancer”, but, bloody genetics, I could end up with stomach cancer as well. Mind you, I’ve never smoked, and my dad and brother were lifelong smokers, but still…