Dating Thread: Total Eclipse of the Heart edition

[Madame deVenoge]

So, @Argonath Diver is having some angst…

To respond to @Tywin et al. in the matter: I personally really wouldn’t let her go, either. On the other hand, it sounds like Argonath has made up his mind.

Does her ex sound like something that I would personally be letting tip me into a “no”?  No. However, along with everything else, it sounds like it’s just icing on the cake. And it’s his decision, all we can do is be supportive.

[Argonath Diver]

Well there's a realistic chance that even if I put her on ice, we'll still run into each other socially enough that a late night decision will be made. A three month thing became nine and it's become a rocky road to navigate an out without causing a napalm drop. 

I've sent her another kind message saying we just aren't looking for the same thing - it's begun to damage her emotionally and be confusing enough for me to ramble about it on an anonymous forum. That said, Sundays are when my lot tend to hit our locals once the weekend warriors return to y'alls 9-5s, and i may show some attention to a new face if I see one out.

 

[DMC]

Important question:  Is it the Dan Band version of Total Eclipse of the Heart?

[Starkess]

I'll go against the grain and say it sounds like you've made a good decision. If you're interested in FWB and she says that's fine but keeps giving signals she's getting more attached...that's not going to end well for anyone. If she's already acting like you're walking out on a marriage, it's only going to get worse. Pour one out for the great sex, RIP.

[DMC]

Oh, yeah, I agree with Starkess.  If someone texts you five straight times within an hour going from "fuck you!" to "let's fuck," for me that's a clear indication they are no longer interested in keeping things casual - regardless of what they may say. 

ETA:  Well, as long as they're relatively sober, that is.

Edited August 29, 2022 by DMC

[Wade1865]

People -- please! Let’s be reasonable here. Those of you who say old man Argonath Diver should maintain FWB, and those who say he should get rid of her, are both wrong. I have an alternate solution: marriage.

[Wade1865]

Trust me.

[VigoTheCarpathian]

11 minutes ago, Wade1865 said:

People -- please! Let’s be reasonable here. Those of you who say old man Argonath Diver should maintain FWB, and those who say he should get rid of her, are both wrong. I have an alternate solution: marriage.

Alternate to your alternate - vow of celibacy, or maybe a coke-fueled sexcapade in Florida. Both equally as ridiculous responses to the situation, and both far less damaging long term than getting a government contract involved.

@Argonath Diver, plenty of good advice here already.  But if she’s leaning way past the friends part of FWB, and you know it’s going to be bad if it is more than that, then it needs to end with your foot down (and you have to stick to it, no drunken booty calls, probably should delete her contact information for a while if the willpower is week). It also sounds like she’s having a hard time hearing “no” from you?  Anything that would be a line you can draw that she would respect, like the “I don’t want to have to block you, no more sexytimes”? or something you can tell to keep things civil in shared company (“I’ve got a girlfriend in Minnesota I met at summer camp and this is making us both very uncomfortable?”)

[Madame deVenoge]

@VigoTheCarpathian - I personally vote for “coke-fueled sexcapades in Florida,” but that’s just me

I mean, WHAT COULD GO WRONG????

Edited August 29, 2022 by Chataya de Fleury

[Tywin et al.]

1 hour ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

@VigoTheCarpathian - I personally vote for “coke-fueled sexcapades in Florida,” but that’s just me

I mean, WHAT COULD GO WRONG????

Sounds better than marriage, that's for sure.

[TheLastWolf]

Going to uni in a few weeks, hope boys like me who haven't studied with a girl for the past 7 years are able to hold their own when it comes to 'ships.

[Madame deVenoge]

9 hours ago, Tywin et al. said:

Sounds better than marriage, that's for sure.

I am personally no longer averse to marriage. There must be something wrong with me.

[A Horse Named Stranger]

Argonath is probably past the point of mutual friendly uncoupling.

But this story has all the ingredients for one of those forensic detective shows. The unstable veteran bed sotry with the unstable veteran ex. I am not saying, this is the right place to leave any message behind...

Nah, but in all seriousness, Starkess is right.

[Wade1865]

Argonath Diver — found some good advice I thought might help resolve your dilemma.

[Madame deVenoge]

Oooooh, since I finally found my Match password so that I could delete my account, before I deleted it, I took a screenshot of The Doctor’s profile. All y’all, please let me know your thoughts…I will add commentary or redactions in parentheses.

After due consideration, I think the below is a tad ridiculous in the stated “expectations”…but at least honest?

“Me:
Physician. Just moved to (Atlanta neighborhood) from (other Atlanta neighborhood). Born in (Zabz’s town) grew up in Florida. Gym regular (not anymore - he used to be, but he still looks good). I look like my pics (he does, though his hair is now a little thinner). Wine and food-obsessed, from (inexpensive authentic ethnic restaurants - redacted specific ATL location) to Michelin stars. World-traveler, all about the MQMs. Live music, now responsibly with earplugs. Diverse musical taste. Philosophical. Life-long learner. Patron of the arts, especially the (redacted specific institution). Making a difference in the world every day. Low tolerance for stupidity (this sounds douchey, it is kind of implied, yes?). Laughing at the world, so as to avoid the alternative. Looking for a relationship.

You:
A brain to match your beauty (cliche much?). Fit and sexy, look like your pics (all my pics were no makeup and taken in the last 6 months, so, yes; but YMMV on my “sexiness”). A love of art and culture (check). I won't have to drag you through a museum. An appreciation of good food and wine, because life is too short. Adventurous eater (I’m vegetarian, but I can literally find something to eat anywhere). Working at a career, not a job (box checked). Valid passport and airport skills (box thoroughly checked). Social sensibility and class. Mentally stable. Open-minded (I think his intent, here, was “don’t judge me for vaping pot before a concert”). Looking for a relationship where we enrich each other's lives.

If you think we are a match, drop me a line...”

(Note: he first reached out on March 7, and I reached back out on March 27, since I was super busy with work until then.)

Edited August 29, 2022 by Chataya de Fleury

[Wade1865]

10 hours ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

...please let me know your thoughts…

 

Chataya de Fleury -- it was interesting to analyze him within a transactional framework. Before you continue reading, let's just be clear: I'm not gay. That said, my thoughts aren't meant as criticism or judgement; and, I'm most likely wrong, but I like to speculate!

ME. I'm impressed how status-conscious he seemed to be. I wouldn't be surprised if he wears Rolex watches and Lacoste polos, with ease; and a Patek, with care, but carefully hidden in a wall-safe except during special occasions such as dinner, with you, at Guy Savoy, à Paris. His interests convey a frame of intellectualism, cosmopolitanism, and elitism. He strikes me as pretentious, but probably means well. I suspect he would hate everything about me.

YOU. As I require; no more, no less; a trophy, compliant, yet independent.

 

***

DO NOT TAKE MY ANALYSIS SERIOUSLY

DO NOT ALLOW ME TO INFLUENCE YOU

(HE'S A DOCTOR!)

[Teng Ai Hui]

11 hours ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

World-traveler, all about the MQMs. 

I had to google MQM.  I spent several minutes wondering why Doctor followed a Pakistani political organization called the Muttahida Qaumi Movement before I realized that it was a reference to frequent flyer miles.  

[Madame deVenoge]

@Wade1865 - the watch is a Vacheron Constantin, and he wears it daily. He’s really not a polo shirt person, but, yes, he’s very status conscious, possibly because he grew up lower middle class. 

Those introduction blurbs are really difficult, because one must put something honest, yet balance it with not being too revealing, and avoiding red flags.

I probably came across as a complete fluff head…mine was something like “I’m am accountant, and I love what I do. Work hard, play harder. * I love shoes, glitter, and international travel. My Friday nights are often spent watching Netflix with my two cats - they are huge couch potatoes. I am looking for a serious relationship.”
 

* yes, I do cliche often

[BigFatCoward]

16 minutes ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

@Wade1865 - the watch is a Vacheron Constantin, and he wears it daily. He’s really not a polo shirt person, but, yes, he’s very status conscious, possibly because he grew up lower middle class. 

Those introduction blurbs are really difficult, because one must put something honest, yet balance it with not being too revealing, and avoiding red flags.

I probably came across as a complete fluff head…mine was something like “I’m am accountant, and I love what I do. Work hard, play harder. * I love shoes, glitter, and international travel. My Friday nights are often spent watching Netflix with my two cats - they are huge couch potatoes. I am looking for a serious relationship.”
 

* yes, I do cliche often

I do not understand people that have an absurd amount of quality watches. Your watch is your watch. What's the point of having 10-15 Rolex, AP, Patek etc and locking them in a case most of the time. 

[Larry of the Lawn]

Working on my dating memoirs and thinking about titling the disasters chapter "a total eclipse of the shart".