General Advice Thread

[Ramsay B.]

I couldn’t find a general advice thread in the first few pages so apologies if there is one already.

Ok, I’ll try to keep this short. So one of my closest friends is going through marital issues. We’re both 42 and I have a condo with an extra room so he moved into here recently to separate from his wife. We have a core group of about 8 guys and most of us have known him since we were 12, just to paint a picture.

So basically, he married a narcissist. They have 2 young kids under 6, and 2 dogs. She actually just made the decision to get a new puppy right after the separation. Classic control move. Anyways, I seek advice on to how to advance with what I say or how I act with my friend workout pushing him away more.

The first few weeks I just listened mostly. His wife cut him off from his family totally, and us mostly, so I knew he had nobody. But I couldn’t bite my tongue after a few weeks and I eventually started telling him about how she is awful and trying to control his every action in their little bubble.

I’m seeking advice into how I don’t turn myself into someone he’s trying to avoid, and to how to make him see he’s basically in a mini-cult. I’ve laid it out for him but his fear of losing his kids is so much that I don’t think he sees the reality of anything.

 

 

[Madame deVenoge]

Basically, you’ve had your say. Just tell him that you are always there to listen to him. You’ve told him how you feel on the matter, and trust that if he wants to hear more from you that he will ask.

[Mlle. Zabzie]

6 minutes ago, Chataya de Fleury said:

Basically, you’ve had your say. Just tell him that you are always there to listen to him. You’ve told him how you feel on the matter, and trust that if he wants to hear more from you that he will ask.

This.  And really listen.  That’s the important thing.  That means hearing what he is trying to say and asking questions about how he feels about things not telling him what to do. If you feel like you must do SOMETHING, I suggest practical advice - I.e., how to lawyer up, where there are resources on custody issues, etc. etc.