Mental Wellbeing 3 - Can we fix it?

[Phylum of Alexandria]

On 5/27/2023 at 2:52 PM, Bironic said:

Hi 

I struggle with depression and anxiety and wanted to ask if anyone here had any experience treating these with psychedelic drugs (LSD, Psylocybin, etc.) 

(to the forum moderators: in the country where I live in it’s legal for certified psychiatrists to treat people with these drugs) 

No experience from the legal psychiatric side of things, sorry.

Anecdotally, I did use them quite a bit recreationally as a teenager, and even though I was expecting this fun experience, it almost always turned into more of a spiritual journey/self-therapy session. I've never had what I would call a bad trip, but I did think quite a lot about my problems, fears, and insecurities. And I imagine that those thoughts, if dark and pervasive enough, could be the source of what people consider to be bad trips. If you're doing it legally and with a professional, you should be fine. Anyone considering the "traditional" route should definitely approach with caution. Better to think of it as something weighty and possibly risky, like a shamanic journey, as opposed to a fun little diversion. 

Anyway, in my experience, tripping granted a sense of perspective that did help with depression and anxiety. My experience with psilocybin was less serene, and more like an emotional rollercoaster, but again that would probably be different with a different dosage and in the care of a professional.

[dog-days]

An alcoholic at the shared house I live in who's 95% nice, 4% dodgy, 1% completely crazy decided to set the fire alarm off and go on a screaming rant after a disagreement with one of the tenants that he'd apparently brooded and got drunker over. Things escalated, the neighbours came round and he made to attack one of them, they phoned the police. 

Things are quieter now. The police say he's calmed down, the other tenants are sounding calmer too, and maybe the rest of the night will be quiet. Unless he has more to drink and goes for an encore. 

Sigh. Things have been fairly decent here since Nightmare Tenant from Hell moved out at the end of last July. 

But it's not too bad. A few more months, and I'm off. Just feel sorry for anyone stuck in places like this with no other choice.

ETA: And he went off again, this time with a hammer. Only a window was hurt thankfully. I'm staying the night in a hotel since he disappeared before the police arrived a second time. Glad I finished my book before all this nonsense. 

Edited June 5 by dog-days

[Tywin et al.]

I talked about this yesterday in the cancer thread, but this probably should be posted here. My step-father fell again, third straight day, and he wouldn't try to get up. He was 6'4 (idk how tall he is now, maybe 6'2) and weighs somewhere between 250-300 lbs. A younger version of myself could have picked him up easily, but after all the health shit I've gone through over the last year I'm not nearly as strong as I use to be. I had to drag his ass to his bed and then lift him in. He didn't help at all and was muttering nonsensical and insulting shit the whole time. My body is screaming with pain since he was just dead weight. I watched my father quit on life and he's doing the same thing, both of them making it as miserable as possible on everyone around them. I can't take this much longer, but I also can't leave my mom alone to deal with this. So I remain stuck. FML. 

[Tywin et al.]

Sign, he fell again this evening and I couldn't be bothered to leave the FF draft I was in to help. Worse yet, earlier I took the keys to his nice ride and basically said it's mine now that my G35X is probably toast. I can be rotten at times. 

[dog-days]

<snip> Probably not useful. 

Edited September 5 by dog-days

[Tywin et al.]

41 minutes ago, dog-days said:

<snip> Probably not useful. 

Idk, I thought it was an interesting thing to talk about, just didn't bother to respond immediately. Frame what you were trying to say again.

[dog-days]

9 hours ago, Tywin et al. said:

Idk, I thought it was an interesting thing to talk about, just didn't bother to respond immediately. Frame what you were trying to say again.

Just remembering in the context of "he didn't help at all and was muttering nonsensical and insulting shit the whole time" how my dad, who was normally very quiet and softly-spoken, had a few sudden personality shifts for the worse during his last years with advanced Parkinson's. A couple of times it was from a medication he was given to raise his blood pressure; other times it was because he had a UTI. Once the medication was stopped/the UTI treated he went back to an approximation of his old self.

Anyway, all the best. It's rough. 

Edited September 5 by dog-days

[thgrlwthcurushar]

I've been going through periods of time where I am exceptionally happy....and it doesn't bother me. I feel like my mental illnesses are going to fade away for a little. I am more chatty sometimes which is tremendous and it makes me feel like I am being a real person!      I am going to have to relax for now because sometimes I am all up in a tizzy and I get fussy. I believe I'm a wee little bit upset all the time, so I need to relax. But anyway, I am happy because I am laughing for several minutes and I cannot let the moment go because I was happy it ever happened - the moment, the laughter, the situation. I guess I can see the hope for me to just do better because I just needed to change my perspective on a few things. And since I went and changed that I am going to be able to go through with having a happy life        

[A True Kaniggit]

Ha. Just took 4 days into my annual visit with my father, and we ended up yelling “fuck you” at each other.  
 

Things have calmed down for now. We’ll see what happens in the morning. 
 

He’s such a fucking child. 

Edited September 10 by A True Kaniggit

[Toth]

Sigh... I am really bad at this holiday thing, am I? I keep falling back into bad old habits whenever I have lots of free time. And therefore time to think...

Right now I'm worried I'm back to reflexively saying no to what may be good opportunities to socialize as it happened at the very least two times in a row.

Remember my Dead by Daylight game group? I'm not sure I wrote it in this thread, but eventually I grew agitated about them ignoring my pleas for more teamwork (which, admittedly, probably just got perceived as more self-flagellating like before) and I made the decision to call quits, uninstall the game and leave their Discord server after a while since seeing them still only talking about the game and having fun weighed on me too much. A couple of weeks ago the one who invited me in the first place invited me all of a sudden to a new Discord. She said they are still playing only the same game, but they've gathered more people with other interests and I could probably connect with those. I felt like it was probably a bad idea to join that server, seeing them still play and yet not play with them, so I said no... and now of course am still a bit glum about having done so and maybe missed out on an opportunity.

Call forward to this week. One of the somewhat more social hobbies I picked up was cosplay and going to conventions in one, which I guess gives me more freedom to just be utterly nerdy in front of strangers. And yes, while I do it mostly to celebrate my favorite franchises (and hopefully be able to spread the love), I also do see it as an opportunity to break the ice and get into conversations about those franchises. Of course I am still extremely amateurish at it and it shows... so I was ecstatic getting invited to a What's App group about one of my (extremely niche) fandoms, but... got quite some anxiety when there was all of a sudden a call to a group meet-up at a convention I was already planning on attending. Particularly with two ultra professional girls in that group showing up. Aaaand... well, I guess luckily they both didn't show up, one of them cancelling far in advance, the other one just disappearing, so it was just me and three guys chatting, making a few photos... and them then disappearing with me not getting any of those photos despite asking for them in the chat. -.-

The next day I showed up in a different costume from a more mainstream franchise... only to discover that for some reason almost nobody was cosplaying characters from it and the two guys who did and I approached didn't recognize my character, since apparently that spin-off was still too niche. Dang it! XD A day later I suddenly saw in one of my Discords one girl uploading a photo in cosplay of that franchise at that same convention. I was flabbergasted and expressed it as such. Amusingly we already missed each other a couple of months ago at a different convention and I remember encouraging her to stick to this character as she was considering getting rid of that cosplay afterwards, but since then hadn't heard from her. She seemed quite bemused and all of a sudden suggested to meet up for a photo shoot instead of hoping for chance encounters like this... and admittedly, after I had spent two days complaining about how horrible my experience in this costume was and how I botched pretty much all my photos because I can't style a long-haired wig to save my life, I then looked at her super professional handiwork, panicked and reflexively turned her down, expressing I'd just ruin her pictures.

And now I'm sitting here, with two situations in a row where I apparently went back to saying no to what seemed like great opportunities and mulling about my apparent sliding back into habits I wanted to get rid of. The question is... how can I change? I tried saying yes to everything, but it seems an easy way to get anxious or resentful when things don't work out. Turning opportunities down on the other hand feels safe, but ultimately blocks my growth.

[Reny of Storms End]

I’m in a bad place, and it all just feels pretty hopeless right now

[Kalbear]

1 hour ago, Reny of Storms End said:

I’m in a bad place, and it all just feels pretty hopeless right now

What's going on?

[Reny of Storms End]

2 hours ago, Kalbear said:

What's going on?

It seems like the people I care about don’t care about me. The two people I care about the most, who I’ve lived with since 2019, have asked me to move out by the end of January. I’ve been feeling lonely for awhile and they were kinda the one good thing in my life and hanging out with them on a daily basis was what I looked forward to day in and out. So just thinking about living alone and having no regular communication with anyone, like face to face, is really daunting. It feels like what’s the point of continuing, at least right now.

[Kalbear]

@Reny of Storms End, I'm sorry. both for not responding last night and for what you're going through. It sounds rough. Having lived through that period with them I'd imagine you have some pretty strong bonds.

Can you tell me more about why they're wanting to change the living situation?

[Reny of Storms End]

2 hours ago, Kalbear said:

@Reny of Storms End, I'm sorry. both for not responding last night and for what you're going through. It sounds rough. Having lived through that period with them I'd imagine you have some pretty strong bonds.

Can you tell me more about why they're wanting to change the living situation?

Oh no worries on response time. Yes, exactly some very strong bonds were formed. I have grown to love them both, more so than even my immediate family. 

They are engaged to each other, and believe that they can't live their lives the way they want if I'm here anymore. We've had tension over me feeling jealous because neither of them are capable of sharing strong feelings out loud with anyone but each other. That's also played a role. 

And Ive struggled very much in the past with feeling like no will or can love me, and that the people I love don't want me around. So this whole situation feels like validation of all those negative thoughts. Being told by people you see every day, and spent hours laughing and talking to every day, "oh things won't be different, we can get together like once a week for dinner". It's just like I'm being dismissed and I don't matter.

[Kalbear]

On 10/30/2023 at 9:52 AM, Reny of Storms End said:

Oh no worries on response time. Yes, exactly some very strong bonds were formed. I have grown to love them both, more so than even my immediate family. 

They are engaged to each other, and believe that they can't live their lives the way they want if I'm here anymore. We've had tension over me feeling jealous because neither of them are capable of sharing strong feelings out loud with anyone but each other. That's also played a role. 

And Ive struggled very much in the past with feeling like no will or can love me, and that the people I love don't want me around. So this whole situation feels like validation of all those negative thoughts. Being told by people you see every day, and spent hours laughing and talking to every day, "oh things won't be different, we can get together like once a week for dinner". It's just like I'm being dismissed and I don't matter.

I'm sorry. It must be really hard having to go from a situation like that where you felt comfortable and loved to having to face a different way of doing things. It must feel like being rejected. 

Do you think they think that you don't matter? 

[Reny of Storms End]

3 hours ago, Kalbear said:

I'm sorry. It must be really hard having to go from a situation like that where you felt comfortable and loved to having to face a different way of doing things. It must feel like being rejected. 

Do you think they think that you don't matter? 

Thank you. It is hard and very scary. And it does feel a lot like rejection. 

In this moment, yes I believe they think I don't matter. However I also get this is something they feel they need for their relationship and it's what they want. So them being people I love and care for I have to understand and accept it. I just wish it felt like they were also caring about me and what my life will become. A much lonelier and isolated life.

[Toth]

Stupid, stupid, stupid weekend. When did I become like this? All my weekends are so bad and exhausting. I have this stack of exams that I have here for two weekends already and I still haven't managed to correct it. Caught a pretty bad case of procrastination, simmering in my loneliness scrolling through Reddit and picking a fight with people mocking climate activists instead of correcting those damn exams or preparing any lessons for next week. And I start to run out of time...

I suppose part of that is working for 62 hours 7 days a week for four years is finally catching up to me and I am using that time so damn inefficiently, but I guess it's also just... a general despair about my home life and the fact that I am just so unable to connect with people. It just stings to have that certainty that  I will die alone without ever knowing how it feels to love or get loved...

[Toth]

On 10/31/2023 at 9:21 PM, Reny of Storms End said:

Thank you. It is hard and very scary. And it does feel a lot like rejection. 

In this moment, yes I believe they think I don't matter. However I also get this is something they feel they need for their relationship and it's what they want. So them being people I love and care for I have to understand and accept it. I just wish it felt like they were also caring about me and what my life will become. A much lonelier and isolated life.

So how did it go? Have you managed to stick to the mindset you expressed in your last post? It sounded like you had come around to accepting that this is a step they need to do for their own development. It didn't sound like it was directed in any way against you.

 

I had one damn weekend where I was comparably fit. Oddly enough, it was one where I stressed to get all my work finished in the week and worked every day till late into the night, feeling quite tired throughout the day and then was too groggy to do anything anymore and spent almost the entire weekend mostly fiddling to get old videogames to run on my PC instead of anything productive. Weird how that was extremely refreshing... and yet I'm right back to spending almost all my time correcting exams, because I'm stupid and far too late with my stuff because I want sooo much time for practice. Unfortunately this free weekend I bought with being terribly behind at running after my students missing medical certificates for missing days... sigh...