Dating Thread: Hope Springs Eternal

[Toth]

4 hours ago, 3CityApache said:

I guess what I'm trying to say is there is probably no point trying to over analyze such encounters.

Yeah, I guess that's wise. Doesn't help being bummed out about it though.

2 hours ago, Maithanet said:

Anytime you encounter anyone in public and they seem worried about a very mundane interaction (as outlined by both toth and apache), there's a real possibility that abuse is a factor.  Not a guarantee by any means, but something to think about. 

Eh, that's a bit harsh. I don't want to assume anything that extreme. In fact the situation reminded me of a scene quite a few years ago where I met a fellow student from university in the train with her boyfriend and we started chatting, with him looking rather left out, just uncomfortably sitting there glancing at us without saying anything beyond the initial introduction. It is quite possible she just wanted to avoid such a situation with her partner.

1 hour ago, Liffguard said:

Maybe she didn't want to talk to you specifically. Or maybe she just didn't want to talk generally. Maybe she was just grumpy for some other reason. Who knows? It was a low-stakes, casual social encounter that felt a bit awkward and uncomfortable. I'd say try not to read the tea leaves for deeper meaning that probably isn't there. Shrug and move on.

True.

 

Still causes me a bit to retcon how I saw her back then, because in my memory she seemed rather unconcerned about goofing off with guys, me or others. Though admittedly, our interactions were rather sparse if not for anything initiated by her and I ended up avoiding her on top of that for a while because of my confusion.

Edited July 24 by Toth

[Heartofice]

Sometimes people are just awkward and don't deal with surprising social encounters very well, and would much rather get the fuck out of there than want to have a difficult conversation with someone they don't know.

One thing I've learnt as I got older is that peoples reactions are almost always due to something internal going on with them, and to never take slight rudeness personally. Other people really are almost always thinking about how they come across to other people rather than the other way round.

 

[Spockydog]

One thing I've learnt in my fifty-five years on this planet is that nobody owes me a goddam thing. Especially a crush who is obviously out with her boyfriend.

 

Edited July 25 by Spockydog

[Toth]

4 hours ago, Spockydog said:

One thing I've learnt in my fifty-five years on this planet is that nobody owes me a goddam thing. Especially a crush who is obviously out with her boyfriend.

Yeah, sorry. I should go back to expecting that people are embarrassed of knowing me and focus on the pleasant surprise when someone isn't.

[Larry of the Lawn]

6 hours ago, Toth said:

Yeah, sorry. I should go back to expecting that people are embarrassed of knowing me and focus on the pleasant surprise when someone isn't.

Focusing on the positives is good.

It's easy to assume people are embarrassed of knowing you when you're not feeling great about yourself, but it's rarely the case.  As mentioned previously, there are plenty of reasons for people to be short, embarrassed, distracted, uncomfortable, and sometimes it's a good idea to step back and remember that it probably actually has nothing to do with you.

You're probably much more normal and socially innocuous than you feel.  You're clearly an intelligent and insightful guy that cares about the world and feels things pretty deeply.  Other people are going to feel just as awkward and uncomfortable in some social situations as you do.

  Easy as it is to do, I know it's not great for my mental health to ascribe intent to people's social behavior in a casual social seetting unless it's an established pattern or a clear reaction to something I've done.  There are so many reasons for someone not to behave exactly as we expect and it's not usually helpful to let the imagination dream up worst case scenarios as to why that might be the case.  

It's not going to be productive to dwell or speculate about her stand-off-ish-ness.  

[Erik of Hazelfield]

So today was the big day. Maybe not a huge surprise after having been together for almost five years, having a kid and having bought a house together…

… but she said yes!  

[Tywin et al.]

Congrats you sly dog!

[Madame deVenoge]

I was weak, today, and did not walk out when I should have. Then again, I need to do things like talk about my feelings. But for god’s sake, why, why, why do I possibly keep making bad decisions? 

[thgrlwthcurushar]

I am ceasing dating apps in hopes that I am going to find the man of my dreams somewhere out in the open, out in the fields. Jim and Pam in the Office have the romance that I would love to have. I have found the conviction to say no to these apps! I feel like it's going to get me farther than if I kept using them. I believe that I could find love my way, so I'm going to wait until some guy approaches me after we get to know each other. The dating apps were such a stagnant point in my life getting me nowhere fast and I would look at them every day. The exercise made me a little frazzled and I do not believe I would push my experience on anyone else. 

[A Horse Named Stranger]

6 hours ago, Madame deVenoge said:

I was weak, today, and did not walk out when I should have. Then again, I need to do things like talk about my feelings. But for god’s sake, why, why, why do I possibly keep making bad decisions? 

You make them to keep this thread going. No, I am not gonna pry.

[Madame deVenoge]

On 9/3/2023 at 12:53 AM, A Horse Named Stranger said:

You make them to keep this thread going. No, I am not gonna pry.

Hahahaha!!!

Ok, I wrote the above in a moment of stress and weakness, and didn’t want to be too descriptive because I don’t want to taint anyone’s opinion of the Doctor.

We leave for a nine-day trip to Hawaii on Wednesday to visit his best friend from medical school. We are staying at his house. Apparently, they have four cats and two dogs. 

I shall update y’all either in the interim if there is drama, or at the end of it, if good adventures were had and if I don’t leave him

[Tears of Lys]

On 6/30/2023 at 1:16 PM, Madame deVenoge said:

Oh my…I am not in a good place right now.

Last night, I was out with friends, and the Doctor called. I answered, and he said “what are you doing?” And I said “out and about, can I call you back?” And he said something kind of short and dismissive, and hung up the phone,

I went outside 5 minutes later and tried to call him back; no answer. I called at 11:30 this morning, when he was supposed to be done with work. No answer. I texted “is everything ok?” No answer.

We were supposed to go to Charleston, today. I don’t know if that’s happening. I might be really paranoid, but did I get broken up with??

 

On 9/4/2023 at 12:08 PM, Madame deVenoge said:

Hahahaha!!!

Ok, I wrote the above in a moment of stress and weakness, and didn’t want to be too descriptive because I don’t want to taint anyone’s opinion of the Doctor.

We leave for a nine-day trip to Hawaii on Wednesday to visit his best friend from medical school. We are staying at his house. Apparently, they have four cats and two dogs. 

I shall update y’all either in the interim if there is drama, or at the end of it, if good adventures were had and if I don’t leave him

Are you interested in this guy just for shits and giggles, or do you (in the back of your mind) think he's a keeper?  (I haven't read the entire thread, so if you've clarified this already, forgive me.)

To me, it sounds like he's a bit easily butt-hurt, has a more than healthy sized ego, has exhibited some mild abusive tendencies.  He IS a doctor, right?  Those guys don't make good marriage material, if that's what you're looking for.  You want to spend your time with him being called away at a moment's notice, spending more time with nurses than with you?  

I'm probably full of crap and my imagination is running away with me, and projecting too much(!) 

[A Horse Named Stranger]

Wasn't that like the original lyrics to that John Lennon song?

 

Imagine he's on call, leaving the wedding, no toast only rush

Just imagine all the nurses. Lying in his arms. Yoo-hoo, ooh-ooh.

Some may I am projectin', aaaaahhh, But I'm not the only one. I hope a nurse will join us. With camera and strap-on.

 

Edited September 5 by A Horse Named Stranger

[Raja]

3 hours ago, Tears of Lys said:

 

 Those guys don't make good marriage material,

Me just reading this thread on a day off and catching strays from Tears of Lys

[Madame deVenoge]

5 hours ago, Tears of Lys said:

 

Are you interested in this guy just for shits and giggles, or do you (in the back of your mind) think he's a keeper?  (I haven't read the entire thread, so if you've clarified this already, forgive me.)

To me, it sounds like he's a bit easily butt-hurt, has a more than healthy sized ego, has exhibited some mild abusive tendencies.  He IS a doctor, right?  Those guys don't make good marriage material, if that's what you're looking for.  You want to spend your time with him being called away at a moment's notice, spending more time with nurses than with you?  

I'm probably full of crap and my imagination is running away with me, and projecting too much(!) 

Ok - he is, in my mind, a keeper. If I were just in a situationship, I’d go for a 30-something who wanted a Mrs Robinson / cougar type. I have had those flings before, nothing wrong with it - they give me a working d*ck and low drama, generally. 

He really is a doctor, and has an extraordinarily healthy ego. His ego is in excellent health. He’s in private practice with being on call maybe once every few months, so unlike my dad, who basically lived at the hospital and my mom would take dinner to the doctor’s lounge between surgeries, he’s not saying “gotta go to the hospital”. All his on-call stuff seems to be very resolvable by telemed visit if anything.

And I’m not worried about random nurses - he’s not really a cheating risk. It’s not his nature. I’m actually more of a risk, on business trips and late nights at the office with random buff sales guys also there. (Just stating relative risk, here).

It’s that I have to decide what do I want. Do I want someone being somewhat cruel in telling me that he doesn’t like my clothing (for example). He can be very hurtful in that way. 

Time will tell. 

Edited September 5 by Madame deVenoge

[Madame deVenoge]

2 hours ago, Raja said:

Me just reading this thread on a day off and catching strays from Tears of Lys

I’m sure that you are a perfect catch and have yet to meet the right person.

Now, get on that, so that there’s a viable thread, here.

[IheartIheartTesla]

#NotAllDoctors

PS- I am also a doctor.

A doctor of philosophy, though, which per its original Greek meaning is a 'love of wisdom. In other words, a love doctor. How can you say we dont make good marriage material?

[Madame deVenoge]

1 hour ago, IheartIheartTesla said:

#NotAllDoctors

PS- I am also a doctor.

A doctor of philosophy, though, which per its original Greek meaning is a 'love of wisdom. In other words, a love doctor. How can you say we don’t make good marriage material?

Medical doctors, silly  We all knew what ToL was implying 

[Raja]

3 hours ago, Madame deVenoge said:

I’m sure that you are a perfect catch

You're damn right, I am.

As for contributing to the thread; No one wants to hear about how I inadvertently went on a date with someone that does not believe in vaccines

Edited September 6 by Raja

[Tywin et al.]

12 minutes ago, Raja said:

You're damn right, I am.

As for contributing to the thread; No one wants to hear about how I went on a date with someone that does not believe in vaccines

 Nah we really do.