Goodkind XXII: Better than Newcomb and Stanek

[kve]

Ooh, titles

As I lack sufficient celery for a major title yet I'll take:

junior abolisher of plot and consistency

[WLU]

Read the red portion of my sig. This is but the opening paragraph of the greatest namble rape scene in all of literature.

Thankfully, I think the word 'only' can be appended to that sentence.

Just you shut your mouth.

My apologies, I assume that is me smoking my last cigarette before I'm killed through the non-magical use of magic.

You're gonna have to get me links for those; there's about 3 threads worth of material to go through and I'm choosing to rise up and live my life. Tairy never bothers to reread and I try to emulate him in every way.

If I've got time, I'll throw together an e-mail with links and you can decide which ones you want.

Surely not every way, as you seem to be somewhat sane.

Wow thanks for the link WLU. I have absolutely no idea how I missed that when I read the book, but wow. Just wow.

I told you before, brain scab. Part of the process of becoming a lemming of discord is painfully peeling off the puss-covering scab. Bienvenue. You may not have read far back enough to have slogged through all the QOTDs, in which all the horrors of man are contained. I recommend it. Actually I don't, but everyone has to do so at some point. Alternatively, they are also contained in the Pandora's Box that is MinDonner's excellent blog.

Ooh, titles

As I lack sufficient celery for a major title yet I'll take:

junior abolisher of plot and consistency

That's a bit too grammatical there boyo - try putting in a few unneeded capital letters. Plus, that's a very senior title, it puts you just below the Yeard himself.

As I read this, we've got EIGHTEEN NINETEEN (eta) guest readers. What the hell? Is the nameless board of logic-rape planning some sort of Bay of Pigs-style invasion?

[kve]

It might be a senior title but it requires absolutely no work. The yeard has got all of this covered already. I just watch and learn from the messiah himself. And after all f*ck it being a senior title, I DESERVE IT.

EDIT: sig fixed

[WLU]

It might be a senior title but it requires absolutely no work. The yeard has got all of this covered already. I just watch and learn from the messiah himself. And after all f*ck it being a senior title, I DESERVE IT.

EDIT: sig fixed

With that kind of over-inflated sense of entitlement, how can we not welcome you into the cockles of our hearts and bottomless depths of our bosoms. Personally I have enormous bosoms. I have a joke about Myshkin's too, but I figure I've gone too far already.

[word]

Just reading back again through your monster of a post WLU and saw what you said about the honey barbeque boneless buffallo wings. I guess the only real difference between them and say a chicken nugget is that they are covered in honey barbeque sauce, so I guess you could liken it more to chinese food such as General Tso's Chicken or something. Either way, Applebees probably wouldn't want one of their appetizers to just be called "Chicken Nuggets". Only kids ages 2-6 would order it then. And while this is probably the age group of the majority of Tairy's readers, why should we let them get all chicken-nuggets-that-aren't-chicken-nuggets and celery?

[Jaxom 1974]

That was far too long.

It was Richard-a-riffic! Or Dick-tastic, if you will...

[WLU]

It was Richard-a-riffic! Or Dick-tastic, if you will...

That is clearly an insult. May your yeard grow in long and full, then fall out, depriving you of your superhuman strength. It's because I insulted Myshkin, isn't it? I mean the more masculine David Bowie, circa Outside. Not the Ziggy Stardust days. Or Labyrinth.

There needs to be an emoticon for 'foot in mouth'.

Man, I could really go for some chicken nuggets right now, but all I've got is an enormous pile of fruit. Though I do have some organic celery. If you get a good stalk, it'll actually make your tongue go numb.

ETA - I just took the time to read MinDonner's latest parody. It is awesome. Beyond awesome. Like, Wind of Death, Red Wedding, watching Revenge of the Sith with the sound off awesome. Much praising. Were I the Queen of England, I'd grant you a real title and a tract of land. Did she live in Tairyland, her boobs would be so large she would need several eunuchs to carry them around for her. And there would be a ready supply, what with all the testicle eating.

[Jaxom 1974]

That is clearly an insult. May your yeard grow in long and full, then fall out, depriving you of your superhuman strength. It's because I insulted Myshkin, isn't it? I mean the more masculine David Bowie, circa Outside. Not the Ziggy Stardust days. Or Labyrinth.

Naw, man. It was a compliment of the highest order! That was a pitch perferct Richard-style post! I merley thought such a post deserved to have a proper aphromism. Or something like that.

[word]

That is clearly an insult. May your yeard grow in long and full, then fall out, depriving you of your superhuman strength.

How is it an insult for him to refer to your post using the man who embodies everything right and true in the world. If you aren't with him, you are against him. I have to stand by Jaxom on this one and say that your celerity is clearly lacking and that if you were younger I would kick you in the chin. (I was going to put an exact number on that but your profile says you are 7 years old which is obviously not true)

I've noticed of late that I like to write a lot of things in parentheses. Does this add or detract from my celerity?

Edit: My bad.

[WLU]

I've noticed of late that I like to write a lot of things in parentheses. Does this add or detract from my celerity?

I don't know about your celerity, but your clarity isn't being helped any

[PhelanArcetus]

Parenthesized text indicates that you are adding something which you feel is not important. It indicates that you do not believe the parenthesized points deserve victory. This in turn means that you do not believe you deserve victory, and thus you do not. Clearly your celery is lacking, or else you would know that everything, everything you say deserves victory and is too important to parenthesize.

[word]

My apologies, I will make sure to butcher a cow and eat it on the way home today to prove that I do indeed deserve victory. Unlike those damn vegetarian peace loving jackoffs I massacred the other day.

I think somebody said last thread he wouldn't mind seeing a QotD come back, and I agree with that. It would be so much better if some ridiculous excerpts were posted from his books for us to mock and tear to pieces. I haven't read all the old threads, but I am willing to download some books and scan them for quotes if nobody else does. Its a real conundrum- would I rather work or read absolute garbage? I think I'll make a third option and choose life. So possible next monday, since thats the next day I work, I'll start trying to come up with quotes that hopefully aren't repeats.

[WLU]

My apologies, I will make sure to butcher a cow and eat it on the way home today to prove that I do indeed deserve victory. Unlike those damn vegetarian peace loving jackoffs I massacred the other day.

Surely you mean bull, what with the testicles and whatnot.

I think somebody said last thread he wouldn't mind seeing a QotD come back, and I agree with that. It would be so much better if some ridiculous excerpts were posted from his books for us to mock and tear to pieces. I haven't read all the old threads, but I am willing to download some books and scan them for quotes if nobody else does. Its a real conundrum- would I rather work or read absolute garbage? I think I'll make a third option and choose life. Oh well yeah maybe starting next monday, since thats the next day I work, I'll start trying to come up with new quotes that aren't repeats.

Easiest way to access the quotes is via MinDonner's blog, which she has a link to in her signature as well as some lovely summaries of the quotes themselves. Plus, all the parodies.

[Mad Monkey]

Are we still allowed to do that? Because, you know, I got Wizard's First Rule out of the library yesterday but I thought that there were some problems with that in the past because it was discontinued.

I dunno, I'm (relatively) new to these threads.

[rado907]

You are allowed to do anything except feed the Yeard.

[word]

So yeah I'm extremely bored right now and since nobody else is adding anything at the moment I took another crack at Matrix style SoT.

A blademaster steps out in front of Richo. He remembers Morphidduss' chilling words 'If you see a blademaster, run. Every person who has tried to face a blademaster has died.' but this time he decides to stand his ground.

Klanity (watching from the bushes): What's he doing?

Morphiddus (also watching from bushes): He's beginning to believe.

A fight ensues, and Richo gets his spine ripped out by Blademaster Smith.

K: It can't be. You can't be dead...I love you!

As Smith turns his back Richo slowly gets to his feet. Shocked, Smith turns around and shoots an arrow at Richo.

Richo: No.

Time stops. All the time in the world belongs to Richo. He feels his fist close on the arrow. Smith turns to run, but it is too late. Once Richo is committed, it is as if the deed has already been done. Richo doesn't need the sword of truth, the seeker is the weapon. He jumps through Smith, producing a shower of blood and a melon sized hole.

M: He is the one!

R: Klanity come take a bath in this guy's blood with me, hot water is hard to find around here.

---------------------------

So I'm thinking of adding a scene involving the part where cypher shoots that guy in the chest with the lazer gun, I could probably switch it over to a sister of the dark putting a melon sized whole in his chest. Do you think it would be okay to make a combination out of Link and Chase called Chink or will that cause anger.

[WLU]

So yeah I'm extremely bored right now and since nobody else is adding anything at the moment I took another crack at Matrix style SoT.

[snip]

So I'm thinking of adding a scene involving the part where cypher shoots that guy in the chest with the lazer gun, I could probably switch it over to a sister of the dark putting a melon sized whole in his chest. Do you think it would be okay to make a combination out of Link and Chase called Chink or will that cause anger.

Excellent, excellent parody. Send it to Raimi, maybe that'll be the miniseries.

I think a greater source of anger would be if you combined Seraphim, Link and Chase but kept your original name

The coward's solution (i.e. the one that avoids conflict) would be re-naming your character Lase or Chank. Or Chaskank. Clink? Possibilities = limits of Richard's anger = sources of amusement in the SoT series = endless.

[word]

Possibilities = limits of Richard's anger = sources of amusement in the SoT series = endless.

Yeah that definitely made me burst out laughing.

So I was wondering what the general opinion is on Spiderman 3 here because I saw the movie and frankly I was disgusted. I saw it a day or two after I came out and can say that I thought it was easily one of the worst movies I've seen. So I'm actually rather scared because pitting up crap (Sam Raimi) with crappier (Tairy Douchekind) can never end well. I mean if reading the books makes me want to vomit and watching spiderman 3 makes me want to tear my eyes out, I can't imagine what would happen if I watch the sword of truth miniseries. I should probably sign up to be an organ donor now. Do they take spine donations? I only ask because from what I have heard it is no longer necessary to have a spine to be able to move.

[WLU]

So I was wondering what the general opinion is on Spiderman 3 here because I saw the movie and frankly I was disgusted. I saw it a day or two after I came out and can say that I thought it was easily one of the worst movies I've seen. So I'm actually rather scared because pitting up crap (Sam Raimi) with crappier (Tairy Douchekind) can never end well. I mean if reading the books makes me want to vomit and watching spiderman 3 makes me want to tear my eyes out, I can't imagine what would happen if I watch the sword of truth miniseries.

Maybe the two will cancel each other out and the result will be merely mediocre. Personally, I've yet to see any comic book be adapted to film in a way that didn't make my indifference rise up.

Perhaps the miniseries will be the death-nell to the Yeard's popularity, much like the series was to fantasy. No, hold on, I actually want him to cease being popular, not just spew a bunch of bullshit. Um... how about this - maybe the series will be really expensive and the Yeard will sink a bunch of his own money into it. Then it'll suck so hard, Sam Raimi will actually explosively decompress. The Yeard will go bankrupt and be forced to return to his former occupation of tiling roofs. Tor will drop him as an author and Mystar will be anally probed by aliens.

I should probably sign up to be an organ donor now. Do they take spine donations? I only ask because from what I have heard it is no longer necessary to have a spine to be able to move.

Correct. Became totally irrelevant circa 1997, when Yeardii revolutionized (along with the fantasy genre, which he does not write in) the fields of medicine, neurology and the measurement of melons.

[potsherds]

:rofl::rofl:

WLU, Word, the two of you together is just too much. I can't handle it, I swear I'm going to die from laughing so hard.