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Goodkind XXIV: Entertaining the Illiterate with Sweeping Epic Themes


ser jon stark

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Brahm_K's title, and particularly the posts leading up to it, were not just disturbing, I believe it was actually blasphemous in three different religions and illegal in twenty-six states.

The Church of the Lemmings is filled with deep human truths- for example, the amount of hair on Tairy's lefticle, and the amount of milk he can produce per hour. People are stupid. If you're too stupid to appreciate the words of Tairy, well then, you're just stupid, you stupid non-celerious stupid-head.

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And there’s magic in this world, that the magic that’s in my world is incidental to the story.

Incidental, as in: totally fucking required for my deus ex machina solutions to problems I'm not talented enough to rescue my characters from.

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The Church of the Lemmings is filled with deep human truths- for example, the amount of hair on Tairy's lefticle, and the amount of milk he can produce per hour. People are stupid. If you're too stupid to appreciate the words of Tairy, well then, you're just stupid, you stupid non-celerious stupid-head.

A ziploc bag full of bourbon should help us all choke down that sig. :cheers:

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A ziploc bag full of bourbon should help us all choke down that sig. :cheers:

I was thinking a bottle of tequila, actually- using the power of the Mexican jibber jabber, I will get drunk and forget that Tairy ever existed. Until I he forcibly enters my dream again (dream meaning vagina, or something. I need booze).

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I will get drunk and forget that Tairy ever existed.

If only that were possible for me. If I get too drunk, I get visions of a disembodied, yearded, Tairy head floating in the darkness in front of me. And he's wearing a black turtleneck. *shudders*

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I’m so sure that he recorded a six hour interview beforehand, and we’re only seeing the parts that have so little crazy in them they won’t scare off the bed-wetting virgin fanbase. Meanwhile the unabridged version is circulated on TG.net, where the elite few get together, rub themselves with oil and have giant circle-jerks while their false prophet drones on a widescreen TV.

After a careful, three second review of the film in question, I'm convinced that it was magically put together where neither individual was in the same room as the other. It was like one of those Daily Show interviews you see now and again. Yeah. That's it.

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After a careful, three second review of the film in question, I'm convinced that it was magically put together where neither individual was in the same room as the other. It was like one of those Daily Show interviews you see now and again. Yeah. That's it.

Most likely because the interviewer couldn't stand to be in the same room with Tairy.

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The Church of the Lemmings is filled with deep human truths- for example, the amount of hair on Tairy's lefticle, and the amount of milk he can produce per hour.

These facts are already well documented in the sacred texts, but I'd like to remind my fellow Lemmings that:

1. Tairy does not have a "lefticle": at one point in time, Tairy did have two left testes, but upon writing the first word of the SoT series, they merged into one gigantic pulsating and veiny uber-ball, filled not with sperm, but with Truth. TG's virility is so great that women (and men) have been known to be impregnated with objectivism simply by being in the same room as he. His "Sac of Truth" has exactly the same number of hairs on it as are in his yeard, minus one.

2. Tairy does not "produce milk": milk is for nourishing children who have not chosen to rise up and find their own food and instead are sucking off the teat of the weak mothers who are passively allowing these saprophytes to leech away their strength, much as peace protestors suck away nobility from a nation. TG produces a milk-like substance at the rate of 30 gallons/hour, and any death-choosing idiot who drinks of it can expect their jaw to snap violently, and their soul will be ensnared in the ponderous web of his Yeard, where Tairy will diddle their pneuma for all eternity.

*edited for spelling

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WLU, as usual, that was epic. I don't really think that was a serious interview at all. More like an infomercial or promo interview, as Moose had mentioned. God, why can't ANYONE interview him about killing peace protestors, approving of rape as punishment etc.?

On second thought, I think I know why.

In this case, Wolf Maid, is it? Is it?

Is it what? Richard is a Gary Stu. Kahlan would be the Mary Sue.

Wouldn't that be a yearded lady, then?

I agree.

Aww, I just saw this now. I am so proud of myself. I shall partake in the lactation of Tairy with the pride of a thousand noble goats and the cleverness of several chickens that happen to not be chickens upon closer inspection. The next time Tairy's tit is in my mouth, I shall be thinking of you all, and your man boobs.

:cheers:

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Here's an explanation on what a saprophyte is, Mad Moose.

Alrighty then, thank you.

Has anyone ever checked out how often people post in these (there's a thing you can click on, I didn't actually go check)? The top ten posters for the last thread were:

The Wolf Maid: 51

word: 40

Red Templar: 36

Jaxom: 30

Myshkin: 30

Mad Monkey: 23

The Mad Moose: 22

Un-Yearded Pita: 17

WLU: 12

Tormund Midgetsbane: 11

The Wolf Maid humbles us all with her celery, the rest of us should try harder this time around. As for those of you who didn't make the top ten.....I'm very disappointed in you. Death Choosers!

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Your powers of individuality are now a threat to me, so I may have to vanquish you soon.

Vanquish me?!?! I'll have you know that I'm so full of rage and celery that the teeth of children shatter by virtue of me walking by a playground. When there's enough of the little bastards the sound can be heard for miles. As well, the spines of my half-brothers tear themselves free when I give them an angry look. And what did I have for breakfast this morning? An enemy nut-in-honey. Thats right.

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Wow, my celery level is dangerously low, and these numbers prove it. How I long for the days of QotD, when I posted at least 2 or 3 times a day.

Sadly, I missed the date, but Goodkind VI was initiated one year and 2 days ago: the one year anniversary of VII is this Friday. Glory days, they pass you by...

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Has anyone ever checked out how often people post in these (there's a thing you can click on, I didn't actually go check)? The top ten posters for the last thread were:

The Wolf Maid: 51

The Wolf Maid humbles us all with her celery, the rest of us should try harder this time around. As for those of you who didn't make the top ten.....I'm very disappointed in you. Death Choosers!

You're welcome, Moose. :thumbsup:

Ahahaha. If you look up the rest of the GK threads, you'll find I'm more or less always among the the top 10. I have too much idle time, I think.

Sadly, I missed the date, but Goodkind VI was initiated one year and 2 days ago: the one year anniversary of VII is this Friday. Glory days, they pass you by...

Don't worry, Vigo. When Confessor comes out, the QotD will be back with a vengeance.

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Most likely because the interviewer couldn't stand to be in the same room with Tairy.

I'm sure she probably removed herself from the interview room once he asked one too many times if she didn't want to bare her breasts and paint herself white to attack the interview properly.

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The Wolf Maid humbles us all with her celery, the rest of us should try harder this time around. As for those of you who didn't make the top ten.....I'm very disappointed in you. Death Choosers!

I would have been in the top ten, but this board has built-in failsafes against multiple postings.

(Just to be clear, blaming others for my own ineptitude is a display of moral clarity, yes?)

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