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Goodkind XXIV: Entertaining the Illiterate with Sweeping Epic Themes


ser jon stark

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I bow down to thee, Wolf Maid. If you ever carve a statue of yourself, I will cry and realize that torturing is only good when its done for the right side.

Thank you. I have no plans to carve a statue, though. Torture, possibly. My avatar seems to be dressed for the occasion.

I would have been in the top ten, but this board has built-in failsafes against multiple postings.

(Just to be clear, blaming others for my own ineptitude is a display of moral clarity, yes?)

Yes. :thumbsup:

Are they, Wolf Maid? Are they really?

:lmao:

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OK, there is not much left of the interview after Hurricane WLU swept over it, but I simply can't resist adding my two cents :)

The world the books are set in is sort-of a medieval world. And there’s magic in this world, that the magic that’s in my world is incidental to the story.

Sort of medieval. Yeah, I bet. Perhaps if a writer wants to create a sort of medieval world, (s)he should at least check on a few books...but that would require reading, and also promoting weirdo cultural diversity - and we can't have that, can we? And magic is incidental to the story? So why is the series named after a fracking magical sword, eh? Why can't you throw a rock in Tairyland without hitting a magic-user? Sorry, but suspension of disbelief works only so much.

These are stories about love, romance, adventure, political intrigue, grand scale wars and sprawling epic adventure.

Damn, those must have been left out from the European copies! Somebody should mention this to the publisher, asap! Ok, honestly, whereas I can see the adventure part (cliched as it is), the rest is simply not there. The politics presented in SoT would be laughed off in kindergarten, love&romance are so cliched that Romana epigons would cringe when reading them... Grand scale wars are not in the books (ok, there could have been instances of this, but those were summarily butchered). Epic adventures? Achilles, Ulixes, Iason, Heracles...they went through epic adventures. Richard's "adventures" would be like morning exercises for them.

There’s a lot of things in the world.

Like namble rape, dominatrixes, spine-ripping, child-kicking, statue-carving, mind-boggling with speeches...

Absolutely. When you’re reading a book, you’re looking at the soul (sole?) of an author. He’s telling you what he thinks should be normal about mankind. (...) So by showing idealized forms of heroes, you’re giving people a template about how to think about life. You’re giving them your view about life.

Mr. Goodkind, I have only two questions after this. 1) When was the last time you had sex? 2) What's this fascination you seem to have with totalitarian regimes?

When you read a story about a person that you intuitively understand that’s doing the right thing, that’s doing the noble thing, who’s being honest, who has integrity, who, when you write something for example, that says the hero, you know, looks into people’s eyes when they’re talking to him, things like that, that tell you what a good person is, you understand what a noble individual is and what a hero is.

Mr. Goodkind, you should fire your editor, as apparently this fine character has been cut from all of your books.

My main character Richard, he in a sense is my alter ego, he acts in the way I would act, because I know myself better than anybody else, you have to put some of yourself into it, and when you’re doing a character who’s evil, you have to put yourself in an evil person’s place and you have to think like that evil person. In order to do those things, you have to understand what motivates people, you have to understand what motivates yourself. For the most part they’re characters I invent, I invent them very deliberately to create this stylized version of this world.

Our key words of today are empathy and understanding. Without these qualities, you get the SoT characters, who would make one-dimensional Mary Stu characters look excessively detailed.

And if you want a stylized version of this world, then please at least try to rise above the aforementioned level, because as of yet, even a Tom&Jerry cartoon requires less suspension of disbelief.

Throughout the entire series, there are certain dark thoughts in the back of reader’s minds that they are afraid of.

'Oh my god, this stuff is worse than Vogon poetry! And I can't gnaw my leg off to escape!'

What I hope to achieve by writing novels, is to project an image of life worth living. To give people an idea that they can be the best that they can be. That they can rise up and accomplish things that they never thought they could. To give them the idea that just because they face challenges, doesn’t mean they should give up.

Sadly, there very noble ideas fall flat in SoT, as the series drags them down to the lowest levels of human stupidity...

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At least he admits that Ol' Dick is his alter ego. He could have gone further and admitted that he always wanted to be the big tough magic weilding guy who beats up the bullies and fucks the cheerleader, but its a start. If he ever gets a shrink that will be where the real progress starts.

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It's really funny that for all Tairy's statements about the Nobility of the Human Spirit, all we ever see in the books is PSYCHO RAGE-POWERED UBER-WIZARD and TURBOSLUT versus the STUPID COLLECTIVIST STRAWMEN... his view of humanity is pretty appalling, as nearly the entire population behaves like identical mindless barbarians, blindly going about their business of gang-raping each other, following dictators, being too politically-correct etc, and the only people who can show them the Truth are these clinically insane, violent, torturing Objectivists. I mean, really, if anyone else were to imagine a story of "the nobility of the human spirit," you'd expect, I dunno, something like Schindler's List... but no, we get namble cocks, nipple magic and testicle barbecues. He's gotta be taking the piss.

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Alrighty then, thank you.

Has anyone ever checked out how often people post in these (there's a thing you can click on, I didn't actually go check)? The top ten posters for the last thread were:

The Wolf Maid: 51

word: 40

Red Templar: 36

Jaxom: 30

Myshkin: 30

Mad Monkey: 23

The Mad Moose: 22

Un-Yearded Pita: 17

WLU: 12

Tormund Midgetsbane: 11

The Wolf Maid humbles us all with her celery, the rest of us should try harder this time around. As for those of you who didn't make the top ten.....I'm very disappointed in you. Death Choosers!

Expect a lot of spam from me this thread, because that is just intolerable. I noticed that in the top 10 posters, 7 of them had either a W or M at the start of their names, and that list doesn't even include Werthead, Will, or Mindonner. The W & M effect is there.

Grand scale wars are not in the books

I think you are forgetting the grand scale war in Phantom. Richard stretched and got a sword, and then a war instantly broke out. I think you need to do some rereading of the books kthx.

Okay I'm sorry, you don't really have to reread the books. That is akin to telling someone to kill themselves, so I apologize.

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If Tairy wrote Schindler's List, he'd have some super hero come along and slaughter all the nazis and the jews.

That would be the plot of Schindler's List II: Revenge of the Yeard, I guess. :)

@word:

think you are forgetting the grand scale war in Phantom. Richard stretched and got a sword, and then a war instantly broke out. I think you need to do some rereading of the books kthx.

No I considered that part as well. That was more of a massacre/gorefest than a war, never mind Terry's claims. And a rereading is not necessary, as Terry's words are etched into my brain (anyone know of a way to get rid of those thoughts? apart from lobotomy...)

The only example I can think of when a war broke out suddenly was in Dr. Strangelove...and that film would simply bomb SoTland back to the Stone Age...

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The world the books are set in is sort-of a medieval world. And there’s magic in this world, that the magic that’s in my world is incidental to the story.

It's been a long time since reading it, but... Wasn't there mention in SotF that the whole world be basically shrivel to nothingness without magic. I seem to recall some 19 page lecture by Zedd about the magic of fireflies, of some such nonsense, without wich everyone would find themselves with a fatal case of Montezuma's Revenge. (I don't know what it really said, obviously, but that it was of similar absurdity.)

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Oh, that... it's something like a special type of moth that depends on magic, and it pollinates a type of plant that drinks deadly poison, and if those plants died out then the poison would all flow into the inhabited lands and kill all the people...

...so, you'd expect that when magic disappeared, it might take a while for this poison to start flowing down, as it would depend on the existing plants not being able to reproduce and gradually dying out, but no, the poison starts to be a problem INSTANTLY. Richard, of course, banishes the chimes and saves magic, but then (get this) unleashes all the poison anyway because the people didn't vote for him. That's our guy!

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You have to admire a character who has the strength of his convictions. Even if they change from book to book, speech to speech. You know, however the wind is blowing that day the "author" types the stuff up. Wind Sock Dicky.

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Yes, Min. Thanks for refreshing my memory on that one. I am lacking of celery in that I forgot.

But to completely change the subject:

If Richard is the ultimate bad-ass... And the yeard is the most ultimately baddest-assedinessest (umm... :o ) of styles... why is it that Richard himself doesn't sport one?

I think that in Confessor, we will see Richard finally grow his year. This will complete his ascension into the pantheon of the gods. After which he will smite Jagang with a celery blast of righteousness, liquefying his spine. He will be left a bubbling pool of evil, that free-thinking individuals will toss the kicked-free teeth of children into to have their wishes granted by the almighty Lord God Rahl.

It was so obvious, how did you all now see it!

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I thought it will end with Richard tricking Jagang to open the wrong box, thus killing himself. He will then use some magic we have not heard of before (and neither has he) and bring back Klan's memory. After this he will round up the rest of the Black Ajah and feed them to Gratch. (GRACTH LUGG RACH ARGG) The book will then end with him killing anybody who refuses to chant his name/swear undying loyalty to him.

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...so, you'd expect that when magic disappeared, it might take a while for this poison to start flowing down, as it would depend on the existing plants not being able to reproduce and gradually dying out, but no, the poison starts to be a problem INSTANTLY. Richard, of course, banishes the chimes and saves magic, but then (get this) unleashes all the poison anyway because the people didn't vote for him. That's our guy!

Hey, he is not at fault, because he is able to look you in the eyes while he's doing this...

his view of humanity is pretty appalling

Well, humanity does deserve Terry, imho...

nearly the entire population behaves like identical mindless barbarians, blindly going about their business of gang-raping each other, following dictators, being too politically-correct etc, and the only people who can show them the Truthâ„¢ are these clinically insane, violent, torturing Objectivists.

Mr. Goodkind, meet Reality. Reality, meet Mr. Goodkind. I believe you have never met, correct?

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I got 17 out of 400...

I am a death chooser-like-thingy.

My celery can't listen to the interview again, I'm sorry.

I can't help butcher it...

However, I will go on TG.net and look for threads there and break a little girl's jaw while reading it.

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Anyway, I'll quote the Tairy interview they have there.

"Tell stories in my head. I've always been able to have those stories be complete and whole in my head. That helps me when I write because I hold that whole concept in my head."

I'm sorry, I think I may have misread this. Where are the story thingies?

It's a good thing he keeps those there and just lets the Namblerape out. If Tairy's brains will ever be there for picking... I do not wantr to be there when the man goes insane, finds little girls, and butchers them all.

"Being an author entails knowledge and experience, as you go through life you accumilate those. And you are a better able, the older you are, to write. You understand the sense of your own self, and a sense of the world better."

You definitely are a better able. You are a better able than the first able.

He understands the sense of his own self...

I find that eerily terrifying.

"A book has to grab me, or I'm onto something else...It either swept me away, or it went back on the shelf."

A book has to stretch out and grab The Yeard? isn't that... dangerous and stuff? Like, kick to jaw dangerous? 10 hour speech dangerous? big statue dangerous?

"I have always considered it an honor that readers would give me that most precious of commodities: time. I feel duty bound to give them value in return for their investment. I endeavor not to waste their time- to make it worth their while from the first sentence."

....

This is too easy.

I just can't.

I feel dirty inside.

"The books I write are about human problems....the human dimension is the only part that matters....the characters are the defining difference in my books."

And of course, we all use jaws as a way to solve our human problems. Which include rape.

"I believe the only valid use of fanatsy is to illustrate important human themes....I never allow my characters to use magic to solve their problems...but to overcome those problems in a thinking way. The major conflicts in the books are always solved through human intellect."

Again, too easy. I don't want to do this. It's like kicking an 8 year old in the jaw, and then eating his head.

"Fantasy is about heroes. Heroes struggling against evil and triumphing"

...

Jagang WINS?

THANK YOU FOR SPOILING THE GODDAMN SERIES, ASS.

" I like to make people think."

And he writes books when he isn't. I'm sorry. Novels about the human spirit.

"It is this kind of conflict between irrational fear and truth that gives me ideas and inspiration."

...

I don't understand this, but I bet it's HISTERICAL.

"It is for the spirits of the brave people that I write for."

...

As stated above.

"The Sword of Truth is a cry of defiance into the descending storm of tyranny."

And the cry goes "WAAAH! I'M DEFYING! WAAAH!"

"I'm writing about someone I admire, someone who has the qualities of honor, integrity, and honesty- but at the same time makes mistakes just like the rest of us."

Too easy.

Again.

"I am an objectivist. I believe in an objective view of reality, that man's mind is capable of understanding the world around him, and that it's incumbent upon him to figure out the ethics, morality, values necessary to lead a proper life- and to use reason to apply all of those things."

Except for novels about the human spirit.

"Now, the purpose of art in all this is to help make these abstract concepts concrete....My purpose in writing my novels is to make those abstract, like "freedom" and "individuality" come to life through characters and stories....What I hope to do through my books is to inspire people who really care about life and values, to let them know the things they are doing are worthwhile."

"freedom"... such a funny word. It means nothing, of course. Actually, you can try democracy and freedom, but then you'll be gangraped and poisoned.

"Knowledge is the destination, truth is the journey."

This would've been pretty intellegent if the person who said it wasn't the same person who wrote the SOT series, as neither exist there.

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I'm not sure what a "saprophyte" is, but I think it should find it's way into the next thread title. Along with "man-boobs".

Goodkind XXV - Man-boobs for saprophytes put the W in Lemmings of Discord

Subtitle - ...goes to 11!

I'm not even trying anymore. Holy title-creep MooseMan!

WLU: 12

The Wolf Maid humbles us all with her celery, the rest of us should try harder this time around. As for those of you who didn't make the top ten.....I'm very disappointed in you. Death Choosers!

Hey, I missed an entire week, and I like to think I make up for my low posting numbers with both quality and volume. What we really need as a true measure of celerity is a word-count function. That's what Tairy uses.

Ahahaha. If you look up the rest of the GK threads, you'll find I'm more or less always among the the top 10. I have too much idle time, I think.

It's hardly idle, you're using it to enlighten us. *blushes* Wolf Maid is ever so dreamy...

Most likely because the interviewer couldn't stand was justifyably terrified to be in the same room with Tairy.

Corrected for you, RT.

I must run, but let me state for the record that I REALLY, REALLY wish Vigo would stop posting long analyses of Goodkind's testicles and/or breastmilk. I have a weak stomach.

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"A book has to grab me, or I'm onto something else...It either swept me away, or it went back on the shelf."

I remember reading an interview with Tairy years ago (I can't really be bothered to track it down), wherein he elaborated on that statement, saying that a book had to grab him within the first sentence. And because of that he tries to make the first sentence of his own books really interesting as to pull the reader in right off. After that I've always been sure to read the first sentence of his book - even the ones I never got the courage to read through completely. Every time it's the most ridiculously absurd thing I've ever read. I should have taken his advise.

(No, I don't really have all that much to bring to the table.)

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I remember reading an interview with Tairy years ago (I can't really be bothered to track it down), wherein he elaborated on that statement, saying that a book had to grab him within the first sentence. And because of that he tries to make the first sentence of his own books really interesting as to pull the reader in right off. After that I've always been sure to read the first sentence of his book - even the ones I never got the courage to read through completely. Every time it's the most ridiculously absurd thing I've ever read. I should have taken his advise.

(No, I don't really have all that much to bring to the table.)

Gimme a sec, I have most of his books in a PDF file somewhere I'll go see if I can find the first sentence to each one.

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I must run, but let me state for the record that I REALLY, REALLY wish Vigo would stop posting long analyses of Goodkind's testicles and/or breastmilk. I have a weak stomach.

WLU, just to let you know, these were brief synopses of long passages of the Book of Tairy (BBHN), and are no more graphic than any of the SoT books. Are you sure that you have complete mastery of your internal organs, and are choosing life by not being ruled by the petty communist workings of the human digestive tract?

It's a shameful commune of a bodily system, with all of the organs playing a part in digesting food. TG would be the first to point out that when Richard disembowels someone, the intestines look exactly like a centipede, working in concert with other attached internals.

Rise up and live life free from the demands of your mouth-to-rectum nutrient-absorption highway! Much like Tairy and Newcomb, you must learn to expell your wastes from your fingertips and onto the written page, instead of being chained to a toilet made to enable the weak and oppress the squatting masses!

Also, as keeper of the sacred texts of Yeardliness (and you all should know this), I must reiterate that Tairy has supersized Nad of Truth (not "testicles") between his legs, and does not exude "breastmilk". Upon his noble chest, Tairy has dual breasticles, from which ooze the milky fluid to bend the souls of all deathchoosers to TG's will.

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