Five Worst Books in the Last Five Years

[whelp]

Eragon&Eldest - yes, I've read both just to know if it's worth mocking. But no, it's just plain bad. Also, the fact that the main EEE-vil, Galbatorix, sounded like a character from the Asterix&Obelix cartoons did not really help ('cause those comics are awesome, especially compared with this).

The Da Vinci Code - after Thomas Pynchon and Umberto Eco, this book did not even manage to be entertaining for a second. Internal cohesion&logic missing,...ehhh

Sword of Truth, en bloc - 'nuff said.

[EHK for Darwin]

Hmmm...nothing terribly original to add, but lets see.

Lord Foul's Bane--Donaldson: I read this back to back with Goodkind's first (had to see if all the hype was real...it was) and seriously considered giving up reading forever. Painful, PAINFUL stretch of weeks. LFB WAS a worse, less enjoyable, more painful reading experience than Goodkind. Yeah I said it.

#2 on the list...take a guess? WFR-Goodkind: There are threads devoted to nothing but bashing his stuff. I need add no more.

Homeword Bound: Turtledove: Honestly I could have picked a number of his books, as he's become largely unreadable as of late. But this one fits nicely. Bloated to RIDICULOUS proportions. I skipped 200 pages and missed ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. The only interesting character he's ever invented does nothing. Redundant as shit (applicable to al of his novels), I felt like i was reading near identical passages again and again. I swear he has a team of lit-student ghost writers that write the first and last few pages of every chapter. Only way he could release so many damned books a year.

Memnoch the Devil: Anne Rice: Think I got a free or something. Worst of both worlds. All of her whiny, effeminate bitch characters without an actual story to keep them readable.

Crossroads of Twilight: The book that finally got the most ardent RJ apologists off the bandwagon. Those who still insists that this is a good...or even readable book are like the devoted few who stuck it out in the bunker with Hitler as the Soviets came crashing in. Loyal....but damned stupid.

[Red Templar]

Terry Goodkind's Wizard's First Rule and Debt of Bones.

Duchess, Nights with the sasquatch was the one you posted in the Worst scene thread, right? the one with the scene like this:

But I couldn't shoot. Judy was between us, sitting with her back toward me on a mound of mossy turf. Now she was leaning back on her elbows. The Sasquatch was bending close over her, his hands on her thighs.

I watched with bewilderment - horror. At first I did not realize what was happening. Then it hit me like a blow.

Her hand left those moleskin balls and moved to his head, stroking his ears, digging into that glossy fur, and...Mother of God! He was going down on her!

And Jesus! She wasn't resisting!

That passage still gives me nightmares. I shudder to think what the rest of the book was like.

Wolf Maid,

You did this on purpose, didn't you? I had to get a part of my brain surgically removed in order to forget that excerpt from the first time I read it. First Hentai, now this. I fear it won't be long before your plan to turn my brain into moldy jelly is completely successful.

ETA:

My worst are Eragon, DaVinci Code, and, of course, anything by Goodkind.

[add-on]

Most of my bad reads are books I had to read for college over the past few years. In no particular order:

Victim of Prejudice by Mary Hays. Romantic writer who ran in the same circles as Wollstonecraft, Blake, et. al. Apparently her first book was too complex for the reading public, so she dumbed this one down. The result was a plot so simplistic I predicted the end of the book by page thirty and melodramatic characters that were a perfect match for the icky purple prose. I wish the prof would have realized that we're in college and could've handled the first novel.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. Overwrought teenage drama with zero likable characters.

Daisy Miller by Henry James. Just painful to read. Probably didn't help that we read it sandwiched between "The Real Thing" and The Portrait of a Lady, both of which I liked much better.

Zofloya by Charlotte Dacre. Gothic novelist who is about as unpopular now as she was when she was writing. The only reason we read her in class is because she was one of the first (if not the first) to "feminize" violence in a novel (i.e. the protagonist was a crazy young noblewoman who starts arranging the deaths of her enemies about mid-novel and eventually killing them herself by the end). While that is interesting, it didn't rescue the novel from poor characterization, terrible prose or overt racism. This is probably the worst book I've ever read.

Have to reserve a spot for Jordan's Knife of Dreams. Sure, it's better than CoT, but KoD loses for me because of the expectations I had going in. WoT had been on the decline for years when CoT came out, so it was no big surprise when that one tanked. But KoD had some good intranets buzz surrounding it--it was supposed to be a return to form--but it didn't follow through. Yeah, things happened, but it all felt so...unnatural, forced. Egwene's thread was damn good, but the rest of it fell way flat for me.

[Trey Greyjoy]

I just finished Elantris last night and didnt think it all bad, but it was rather sophomoric in its execution. Particularly the ending. Had some good ideas to it. Id have loved it when I was 16.

The Darkness that Comes Before was a huge letdown for me after all of the hoopla surrounding it. I wish someone had warned me about Bakker's ummm ...inclinations...

The absolute worst in quite a long time was Philip Jose Farmer's The Dungeon series - authored by Richard Lupoff. Worst garbage I ever put into my brain. Complete waste of time. Just a lot of random elements thrown together in no discernable pattern.

Deadhouse Gates also didnt give me the tingles it seems to give everyone else. Go figure.

[Bellis]

I try to be picky about what books I read (there are just so many good ones out there) that I can't think of too many without any merit. I've completely avoided Goodkind or Jordan or others mentioned on this thread, so sadly, I cannot list them.

In SFF -

5. Enchantment by Orson Scott Card. Pretty entertaining for a light read, you have to love Baba Yaga and her bear, but sort of unintentionally ridiculous by the end.

4. A minority report on these boards - Cyptonomicon , especially after a certain sex scene towards the end.

3. Scar Night by Alan Campbell. I just couldn't buy the worldbuilding. Or the characters. Or the plot. Or the prose. Probably the disappointment of the year.

And the top two from non-genre, which I only read cuz they were laying around and donated soon after.

2. An Equal Music Vikram Seth. Emo deaf musicians with empty souls fall in love, but happily for the reader end up miserable at the end.

1. Memoirs of a Geisha Arthur Golden. A voyeuristic look at East Asian pleasure industry, but unhappily for the reader, the principles end up happy in the end.

[Guest]

I read a book called The Rule of Four. I forget the author's names, but it was two fairly young guys. It was sort of in the vein of The Da Vinci Code, in that it was a mystery related to art. I though it was really bad. started off weak and got progressively worse. I also read Prague by Arthur Phillips which I am lukewarm on. This guy does a great job of taking you to Eastern Europe but the plot is pointless. It's one of those expatriot novels, like a modern Hemmingway sort of.

Anyone want to recommend any fantasy for someone who loves ASOIAF to death but doesn't really know any other fantasy? (that would be me)

[Guest]

Oh, I should have added that I also read "Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell" by Suzanne Clark. This got a lot of hype so I'm sure many of you have heard of it. I was very disapointed. Didn't like the writing much and thought the story was pointless and as a reader, none of the characters were very likable or compelling. She did this thing where she put footnotes which told of past histories and I think a lot of critics found it to be some kind of novelty. Well, I'd be curious to hear what other people say.

[Maltaran]

It was probably more than 5 years ago, but I read the first four books of the Orokon series by Tom Arden. The fourth book starts by plagiarising Lord of the Flies (itself a candidate for this thread), and gets progressively worse

[Bellis]

Oh, I should have added that I also read "Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell" by Suzanne Clark. This got a lot of hype so I'm sure many of you have heard of it. I was very disapointed. Didn't like the writing much and thought the story was pointless and as a reader, none of the characters were very likable or compelling. She did this thing where she put footnotes which told of past histories and I think a lot of critics found it to be some kind of novelty. Well, I'd be curious to hear what other people say.

Well, she did win the Hugo for that novel, so obviously, many of us did like it ! But your opinion is not unusual either. It is a polarizing book.

[The Wolf Maid]

Wolf Maid,

You did this on purpose, didn't you? I had to get a part of my brain surgically removed in order to forget that excerpt from the first time I read it. First Hentai, now this. I fear it won't be long before your plan to turn my brain into moldy jelly is completely successful.

Excellent.

[ser jon stark]

i had a pretty good idea of a lot of the books that would be in this thread but almost never in my wildest dreams did i imagine someone putting the darkness the comes before AND deadhouse gates

Those are two of my favorite books i'ver ever read, very strange that someone woul put those to on the worst five, wow

[Guarneri]

1. Memoirs of a Geisha Arthur Golden. A voyeuristic look at East Asian pleasure industry, but unhappily for the reader, the principles end up happy in the end.

I am a Japan enthusiast, and liked the book...

Except for that goddamn ending. It's almost like he originally had everyone die, then his editors were like, "No, no, you HAVE to have a happy ending! People want to be happpppy!" and he went back and grudgingly did it.

Almost as out of place as the HP epilogue

[Mossman]

1. Crossroads of Twilight- Wert said it better than I can.

2. The Redemption of Althalus- First 100 pages were intriguing, then it all went flat. Too many logical flaws, silly military decisions, bland secondary characters. Never finished it and never bothered with the Elder Gods books.

3. The Illearth War- Boring, boring, boring...

4-?? Brook's "Magic Kingdom" books

[Bellis]

I am a Japan enthusiast, and liked the book...

Except for that goddamn ending. It's almost like he originally had everyone die, then his editors were like, "No, no, you HAVE to have a happy ending! People want to be happpppy!" and he went back and grudgingly did it.

Almost as out of place as the HP epilogue

I liked the book fine for the first few hundred pages. In fact, I read it in one sitting. It was the ending that made me throw it against the wall. A bad ending can ruin an otherwise good book. I just wasn't sure what the message of the book was after I read the ending. I wouldn't even say it was a happy ending - more just... creepy. Maybe it was meant to be bittersweet or tragic or something.

5. Enchantment by Orson Scott Card. Pretty entertaining for a light read, you have to love Baba Yaga and her bear, but sort of unintentionally ridiculous by the end.

I'm going to switch out #5 to Blindsight, another book with good ideas ruined by horrible prose and even worse science. I want to revoke Watt's PhD.

[Forderz]

Got nothing but the novella Indomitable by Terry Brooks, from Legends II. Everything else in that collection was either decent or above average, but that one story raped my brain. Did Mr. Brooks ever hear his grade 4 teacher say : "Show don't tell?"

[Ran]

hear me roar,

Sorry you didn't like Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norell. I've just finished it and was utterly charmed by it. There are, however, a couple of bits towards the end that aren't as good as they could be. It doesn't really detract from the pleasure I had in the experience.

It's certainly not for everyone, though, given that it's rather rooted in the mode of 19th century literature.

[Bastard of Godsgrace]

Those threads are always sure to name all my favorite books (with possible exceptions of those which are so obscure nobody else read them). Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell? Blindsight? Both would probably make my list of five best books in last five years. The mileage indeed may vary enormously.

[MinDonner]

Goes without saying

Stone of Tears, Soul of the Fire

Dune: House Harkonnen - why didn't I just stop after the first one?

The Da Vinci Code - interesting ideas, clunky cliffhangers galore, mishandled foreshadowing and a plot that was just the heroes getting caught and escaping again

Expected Better

The Runes of the Earth - new Covenant trilogy, so where is the new plot?

Otherland - travel to new virtual world, get captured, escape, rinse, repeat... for FOUR F**KING VOLUMES

The Steep Approach to Garbadale - shouty adolescent politics and an oh-so-clever plot "twist"

Night of Knives - yeah, you're Erikson's mate, you know all about the Malazan world, we get it already.

I won't be taking recommendations from those people again

The Magicians' Guild (Trudi Canavan) - like being attacked by damp cotton wool

To Your Scattered Bodies Go (Philip Jose Farmer) - what a contrived load of toss!

Viriconium - ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Too painful to even finish

Grunts (Mary Gentle)

Getting Rid of Mister Kitchen (Charlie Higson)

Left Behind (Lahaye & Jenkins)

[Red Templar]

Too painful to even finish

Left Behind (Lahaye & Jenkins)

OMG. Foul, foul stuff. My mother-in-law loaned me this book a few years ago, and it was terrible. Just awful. I expected a little preachy-ness, but was hoping for a good story lurking behind all the evangelism since the books were hyped and sold so well. I guess the hype and sales stats should have clued me in, so it's my fault, really.

Terrible prose, flat characters, completely predictable plot. I forced myself to finish it, but had to have a vomit bucket next to me while I did. I'm lucky enough to have an in-law that I can be honest with, so I told her that I didn't like the book - that I was hoping it would have been more "complex."

I didn't tell her about the vomit bucket, though.