Goodkind XXVI- Preferably Something Work-Safe in the Title

[WLU]

In a desperate attempt to contribute something other than horribly failed attempts to outwit WLU, I have completed my debut Tairy parody (pairody?).

It's true, I am much out-wittier than Muttering Bill. I wit circles around him.

Your parody kinda made me less likely to read Name of the Wind. That's the unfortunate side effect of reading a parody before the source material - the pairing of Yeardii with anything else inevitably makes the 'anything else' less palatable.

[whelp]

I am the Omega Yeard. I am the last stop in all things yeardly. Worship my masterful erectness. *Puts on War Wizard hat (imagine a mitre that Elton John would wear to Liberace's wedding)*

I am confused a bit by the Elton John reference, because apart from that, this would have been a perfect example of our Omega Yeard's unquestionable manliness

Having to look up your immoderately abtruse word has stoked the fires of my rage. I am fuliginous with wrath.

Then my work for today is done

2) There is a scene where Klan enters the Queen's bedroom and there's shit, literally everywhere (because the Keltans are EEEEEVIL!).

It's EEEE-vil, if I remember correctly (originated somewhere at jabootu.com, if I remember correctly)

5) The deus ex machina. Oh Lord above the deus ex machina. Oh! Zedd and Adie have a horrible magic disease! Oh, good thing Adie knows someone who can cure it! Oh, but they are far away! Oh, but Klan almost kills them along the way! Oh, but then she changes her mind. For no reason whatsoever. Fuck. I particularly love how the Keeper manages to convince Klan to irrationally attack the opposing army, using an apparently perfect battle plan. Douche.

Yep, to quote a very good movie review site: There are plot conveniences, and then there are Plot Conveniences; this is a PLOT CONVENIENCE! (imho, a quite elaborate review of SoT...)

Muttering Bill:

That was great!

ETA:

This is what happens after reading SoT...

[PhelanArcetus]

On the contrary:

Now you are putting the lie to HER existence. For shame!

Incorrect.

They are dating. They were official and officially exclusive briefly, but there were some issues attributed to having moved too fast. Now they are dating but not official or officially exclusive. It still means she's not interested in any lemmings.

[Muttering Bill]

At least my morning spent writing, and not doing my work, or reading the last 20 pages of TNotW has been appreciated.

*takes a bow*

@WLU - The Name of the Wind really is one of the best books I've read. Ever. Don't let that it easily lends itself to a Tairy parody put you off.

[WLU]

I am confused a bit by the Elton John reference, because apart from that, this would have been a perfect example of our Omega Yeard's unquestionable manliness

I somehow feel I am being mocked... And are you saying Elton John isn't manly? Only a manly man could pull of sequins like he does.

It's EEEE-vil, if I remember correctly (originated somewhere at jabootu.com, if I remember correctly)

I spell as I like because I choose life. I am the OMEGA YEARD!!!! Fear me.

Yep, to quote a very good movie review site: There are plot conveniences, and then there are Plot Conveniences; this is a PLOT CONVENIENCE! (imho, a quite elaborate review of SoT...)

I remember that quote, but not from where - link? Oh, and your photobucket link was rad. That's right, I said rad. I like the 90's thank you very much.

@WLU - The Name of the Wind really is one of the best books I've read. Ever. Don't let that it easily lends itself to a Tairy parody put you off.

I am unconvinced. Please provide a detailed summary of all books you have read and their relative and absolute rankings in likert and logarithmic scales.

I spent the afternoon discussing an audit report. It fucked my brain and now I can only think in categorical syllogismic proofs.

Once provided your evidence, I shall consider adding said book to my reading list. But you'll owe me.

[Mme Erzulie]

Ok, so from GD's thread in GC:

The Sloganizer?:

Is It Live, Or Is It Terry Goodkind?

Can't Do It In Real Life? Do It On Terry Goodkind.

Bridge That Gap With Ayn Rand.

The Real Smell Of Ayn Rand.

I Can't Believe I Ate The Whole Chicken That Is Not A Chicken, But Evil Manifest.

It's just for me and my Richard Rahl.

A Richard Rahl Works Wonders.

Don't You Just Love Being In Kahlan Amnell?

Give That Man A Kahlan Amnell.

I Think, Therefore Objectivism.

I Wish I Were An Objectivism Weiner.

[word]

Once provided your evidence, I shall consider adding said book to my reading list. But you'll owe me.

I haven't read the book (yet) but from the other thread, people were saying its one of the better debut authors of the year. I believe the thread was called "who are this years Lynch and Abercrombie" and Rothfuss popped up more than anybody else. I almost bought the book when I was at the store the other day to check it out.

Here's the link, the name isn't exactly what I said but I'm too lazy to change it.

[Jaxom 1974]

Have you seen the size of her tits Jax? She's too celerious for anyone who posts on this board.

I think we're gonna have to see these to be the judge of that, m'man.

[The Wolf Maid]

Haha! One can not be celerious without being both malicious and asperious!

^{Wolf Maid called me sweet AND death choosing. My thing rises. And not the jaw-kicky thing, the nudge-nudge, wink-wink thing. Excellent...}

I have no idea what asperious means.

And she clearly has great moral celery, since she's easily a DD cup and a slut.

I'm actually afraid of women with really big breast size. I keep on imagining them hitting someone and knocking them unconscious.

And Muttering Bill, that was GREAT! I loved the slashy parts.

[Myshkin]

Of course Myshkin is a god; just look at his avatar.

A mighty god, with a mighty cod-piece!

Technically David Bowie isn't a god, he's an avatar of coolness. In the Hindu sense, not teh intarnet sense.

You are right; David Bowie is the first avatar of the god Myshkin.

In a desperate attempt to contribute something other than horribly failed attempts to outwit WLU, I have completed my debut Tairy parody (pairody?).

The humor is a little suble. If you can't appreciate it, then you're obviously not mature enough to be reading it in the first place.

With my most sincere appologies to Mr. Rothfuss.

For your critical approval....

A beautiful tale. I cry tears of pure truth for the truthiness of your wandering words. After the scene with Zedd and the villagers I actually grabed my penis to make sure it was still there.

[WLU]

I have no idea what asperious means.

Unduly sharp in tone and comment. Harsh or irritable. Actually that's what asperity means. Asperious probably doesn't exist.

Big breasted women deserve love and affection. Nothing to be afraid of.

Cod-piece is one of my favourite words ever. I picture Richard with an enormous, almost offensively large cod-piece. And Tairy' favourite bondage cod-piece is probably also huge. And barbed.

Myshkin is the coolest god ever. Cooler than Ganesha.

[Myshkin]

Myshkin is the coolest god ever. Cooler than Ganesha.

That's right; I'm even cooler than Vishnu. And cod-pieces are awesome!

[The Wolf Maid]

Thanks WLU.

That's right; I'm even cooler than Vishnu. And cod-pieces are awesome!

...for some strange reason I thought of Shiva or Kali.

[Myshkin]

Thanks WLU.

...for some strange reason I thought of Shiva or Kali.

Kali is an avatar of Vishnu, so that works. As for Sheeva; I'm way cooler than the Destroyer.

[The Wolf Maid]

Ahahahahaha.

Whatever you say, Myshkin.

(The Indian pantheon of gods is probably very celerious. They can f*ck themselves, can't they?)

[Myshkin]

Ahahahahaha.

Whatever you say, Myshkin.

(The Indian pantheon of gods is probably very celerious. They can f*ck themselves, can't they?)

They can indeed! At least I think they can. The Hindu pantheon is very confusing.

[Larry.]

OK, I don't know if any of you have seen the latest mystarism, but apparently he seems to think that J.K. Rowling was influenced by SoT

[whelp]

I remember that quote, but not from where - link? Oh, and your photobucket link was rad. That's right, I said rad. I like the 90's thank you very much.

Here - you just have to scroll down a bit/search for 'plot convenience'.

Myshkin:

And cod-pieces are awesome!

Definitely

I believe Munchkin, one of the greatest card games ever, has a card called Spiked Codpiece - with a hilarious illustration by John Kovalic

Dylanfanatic:

OK, I don't know if any of you have seen the latest mystarism, but apparently he seems to think that J.K. Rowling was influenced by SoT

I feel tempted to post there and inquire about the similarities between Richard and the Old Testament God - was Tairy influenced by the Bible? (skip the similarities with Jordan, they are too obvious)

Ehh, what a douchebag.

[Myshkin]

OK, I don't know if any of you have seen the latest mystarism, but apparently he seems to think that J.K. Rowling was influenced by SoT

I read that whole thread, and it was absolutely ridiculous. I think this is a case of fanboyz of a lame author trying to liken their yearded god to the author of the most commercially successful series of novels of all time. It seems that Tairy's worshippers have decided that the word "Seeker" belongs solely to the Yeard. Never mind the fact that the term "seeker" is used to denote wildly different roles in each series, Tairy fans seem to think the presence of the word alone is proof that J. K. Rowling has shamelessly ripped off Papa Yeard. Morons.

I feel tempted to post there and inquire about the similarities between Richard and the Old Testament God - was Tairy influenced by the Bible? (skip the similarities with Jordan, they are too obvious)

Ehh, what a douchebag.

I, too, feel tempted to post there and set those fuckers straight. That's probably why they banned me.

[The Wolf Maid]

*reads link by DF*

*sporfles*

Someone should write a Harry Potter/SoT parody after this, where:

• Harry's uber special wand (probably the Elder wand) or the Gryffindor sword, allows him to know every thing the previous owner knows
  
• Harry kicks Draco's jaw
  
• Harry rips out Jag--I mean, Voldemort's spine
  
• Dumbledore gets on with Adi--I mean, McGonagall
  
• Cho, Ginny, Hermione get bigger boobs and wearing tighter clothing
  
• Harry makes a 100 page speech on all the angst he's been feeling
  
• Hedgwig = Hoodwoog loooov Hoorooooo!
  

ETA: I forgot, someone should get almost raped.