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swedeheadchris

Goodkind XXVII: Welcome to the Yeard Reich

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From those pages:

"There is no such thing as pure good or pure evil, least of all in people." -Zedd

"When you are out numbered, and the situation is hopeless, you have no option-you must attack!" -Richard

"Lord Rahl has very big hands. They fit perfectly over my breasts." -Mord-Sith Berdine

"Dance with me death, for I am ready." -Richard

You missed my two favorites:

"Sword be true this day" -Big Dick

"I am the bringer of death, I have named myself so" -Big Dick

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It seems Mystar has been checking up on us. He is not happy about the Jordan qoute DF posted, and for some reason he seems to believe we have proven ourselves to be Nazis:

This not only made me laugh so loud that I startled my secretary only spewing sprite out her nose all over her desk; it titillated my nasty streak as well!

Uhm…huh? And this guy is a writer? What the hell is “palping†sounds kinky to me, I may have to look it up and try it sometime! I would assume he meant “palpatingâ€, but I never assume anything, and when it comes to half baked theories of authors who cannot finish their own series, I never second guess let alone assume!

I must say I was forced to correct Jordan or DF’s spelling as well….

I swear I honestly think it’s a disease in the fantasy genre…at the very least som ekind of defect!...those kinds of people only skim things and do not actually read more than a small part of what’s written. I feel so sad for Jordan and his fanatic. No wonder he can’t finish his series, he most likely goes back to see what he’s written and only skims it thus losing track of who did what, when and how…

I guess Jordan’s illness must somehow affect his sight and comprehension…kind of a Chainfire effect if you will.

He seems to have over looked the fact that Goodkind had “open heart†surgery, rather than someone (presumably a medical staff person rather than rabid fan like DF) just poking around on Jordan’s chest….†All my heart examinations have been via catheterization or electrocardiogram or echocardiogram or the likeâ€. Must be that Jordan is unaware of the modern techniques of fixing blocked arteries via cracking open a persons chest and actually moving the heart to one side and fixing the offending section… I do hope that he learns these things soon! He may well need such a thing as well!

I never cease to be amazed at how people get so many things wrong simply because they do not pay attention to what’s written. My daddy once told me, “son, if all else fails, then follow the damn directionsâ€! And it has served me well all these years!

Again I am amused that after all this time the truth is finally admitted to myshkin et al are pseudo Nazi loving wanna bee’s. The moment I point this truth out, (A point that I had made more than a year ago) rises to the surface! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_Law

I get such a chuckle out of being proven right! Back when these poor witless creatures were screaming Goodkind/Nazi etc, we clearly see Godwin’s Law only applies when myshkin and his cohorts are outted as such…my my my how these people remain so blind is not a mystery, it is a choice they strive at, they work hard to remain jaded and even more to obfuscate the truth.

That fact that he persists in calling us Nazis leads me to believe that he his either woefully ignorant of the nature of the Nazis, or he is entirely insensitive to the atrocities they commited.

Edited by Myshkin

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SUMMON MERRIAM WEBSTER!

Palp, Palping

Main Entry:palp

Etymology:Middle French palper, from Latin palpare

Means: TOUCH, FEEL

Okay, he's accusing RJ of being inconsistent with his writing? I'm not very familiar with Jordan's works, but I think he's probably much better in that respect than Goodkind, whose continuity is just shot to hell, or takes up deux ex machinas to explain such-such.

Crap. Is there a summon WLU spell? He's more eloquent on this than I could ever be.

Edited by The Wolf Maid

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My daddy once told me, “son, if all else fails, then follow the damn directionsâ€! And it has served me well all these years!

Oh! Oh! Such a clear opening! Damn this board's restriction against personal attacks!

Anyway, sometimes this board seems as much a parody as Goodkind is our God. I can never get it straight when we're supposed to choose life and rip out spines, and when we're supposed to be opposing Terry's crazy ideology.

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Oh! Oh! Such a clear opening! Damn this board's restriction against personal attacks!

Anyway, sometimes this board seems as much a parody as Goodkind is our God. I can never get it straight when we're supposed to choose life and rip out spines, and when we're supposed to be opposing Terry's crazy ideology.

Yes, too bad. There was such a wealth of...'quotes' from that one. *sigh*

I suppose in a way it is. But I think we're clearly not TG lovers here. If anything, the above posts are an indication of that. :P

Edited by The Wolf Maid

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What the hell is “palping†sounds kinky to me, I may have to look it up and try it sometime!
:rofl:

:sick:

:rofl:

I admit. I laughed really hard when I read that. Then I thought that Ron has a really, really sick sexuality, which, considering the fantasy he reads, shouldn't surprise me. Then I laughed again. Ugh.

I never cease to be amazed at how people get so many things wrong simply because they do not pay attention to what’s written.
:lol: Oh! The irony!

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Yikes, only 3 posts? I lack moral celery. Maybe I need to choose life and write a parody or something, broken up into a few chapters. I have ideas, but sadly I lack the time. :(

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And which author? Why Tairy himself. Scroll down to the 6/2/2006 message for that.

I thought about mocking that message (Huh? The guy that wrote that is a best selling author), but I just couldn't bring myself to mock someone for writing like a 12 year old while recovering from open heart surgery.

Maybe the sweet, sweet drugs poked him in the language center?

Maybe when the surgeon hearthily ripped out his still beating heart he fingered it a little to intensely?

Am I the only one that feels a heartfelt need for a "Indiana Jones Richard Rahl and the (Heartripping) Temple of Doom" parody...

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For someone complaining about spelling/typing and writing, mystar is hoist with his own petard. Or did he really make Sprite come out his secretary's nose, among other statements?

And, well, if TG had open heart surgery I wouldn't think it was because his heart was like a 16-year old's. But then maybe it was only a very special 16-year old. Even if mystar had said TG had some kind of pulmonary surgery, I could almost buy it; the chest might still be open and the heart might still be seen. However, if TG's having arteries bypassed/repaired, that on its own contradicts the idea that he has a young, healthy heart.

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...that on its own contradicts the idea that he has a young, healthy heart.

Or else he is very laid back about having unnecessary open heart suregery performed on him. I mean, it's not like it's an intrusive procedure or anything, having your rib-cage pried open.

He [the doctor] said it was a pleasure to operate on a healthy patient for a change.

If my surgeon ever admitted that he liked to cut up healthy people just for the hell of it I would run screaming.

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"When you are out numbered, and the situation is hopeless, you have no option-you must attack!" -Richard

Going along with this, when you have a sea of peace protestors between you and your enemy, the only moral thing to do is to cut through them with brutal violence.

Okay, he's accusing RJ of being inconsistent with his writing? I'm not very familiar with Jordan's works, but I think he's probably much better in that respect than Goodkind, whose continuity is just shot to hell, or takes up deux ex machinas to explain such-such.

Well since you aren't familiar with WoT I can see why you don't know this, but pretty much half of the ideas in Tairy's books are ripped directly off of RJ. And then Mystar goes on to insult him. What does this say about SoT?

Examples of things stolen from WoT:

WoT has Aes Sedai, female magic users, who try to control and supress male magic users.

SoT has Sisters of Light who capture and control male magic users.

WoT has a country called Tear in which there is a military fortification called "The Stone of Tear".

SoT has an object called the Stone of Tears.

WoT Aes Sedai have a secret evil sect called the Black Ajah.

SoT Sisters of the Light have a secret evil sect called the Sisters of the Dark.

WoT has a group of militant followers of "the creator" who fight against all magic users, called the Children of the Light.

SoT has a group of militant followers of "the creator" who fight against all magic users, called the Blood of the Fold.

WoT has elite swordsmen called Blademasters.

SoT has elite swordsmen called Blademasters.

WoT has a main character who has three *girlfriends* I will call them for lack of a better term.

SoT has a main character who has three wives.

WoT has a spell called balefire and when it hits someobdy it removes them completely from the "pattern" and can erase them from the past depending on its power. If used frequently this spell could result in the destruction of the world.

SoT has a spell called chainfire which makes everybody forget the person it is cast on. If allowed to get out of control it would mean the end of the world.

WoT author Robert Jordan is diagnosed with amyloidosis.

SoT author Tairy Douchekind claims to have a heart problem.

Okay well off the top of my head right now that's all I thought of, but I'm sure there are more.

For someone complaining about spelling/typing and writing, mystar is hoist with his own petard. Or did he really make Sprite come out his secretary's nose, among other statements?

And, well, if TG had open heart surgery I wouldn't think it was because his heart was like a 16-year old's. But then maybe it was only a very special 16-year old. Even if mystar had said TG had some kind of pulmonary surgery, I could almost buy it; the chest might still be open and the heart might still be seen. However, if TG's having arteries bypassed/repaired, that on its own contradicts the idea that he has a young, healthy heart.

I think it's great that he makes a comment about RJ's spelling/grammar and then makes a spelling error in the next sentence. Deliciously ironic.

As for the heart surgery, it is too bad we couldn't get to the surgeon first and make him read a book or two of Tairy's before performing the surgery. I think a medical malpractice suit would be well worth it.

For the 2 or 3 people who entered this thread whom have questions about different meanings and things we talk about involving Tairy, I highly suggest you go to Mindonner's Blog. There are an exceptional amount of parodies written by us and quotes directly from the SoT books found here that Mindonner has compiled from past threads. It's probably the easiest way to catch up...I took the hard route when I came here and went back and read the previous 20 threads in between posting. If you have a lot of time, this would be great for a laugh, but it takes a while slogging through 8000 posts. I also suggest you read the Complete Lemming Dictionary which defines most of the different terms we use here.

Edit: Another good place to go would be here. There is a review of Wizard's First Rule and then a couple critical essays about the douchiness of Tairy and how his writing is terrible.

Edited by word

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No need to pay fees to join the Church of Lemmings. Just be a death-chooser. And do not feed the Yeard. Getting chrusch titles are tricker, though. :D Having a Tairy quote in the sig helps.

You know what helps more? Having a WLU quote in the sig. That'll get you a title faster than a hummer gets you crack.

I would like to take this opportunity to point out that it's Pat who is actually the Original, if not the Chief, Lemming of Discord, followed by Mme. Erzulie. But WTH, we're lemmings, so rank doesn't really matter.

Pat may be the original, but Myshkin is chief. It's like how there were other War Wizards before Richard, but he's still the bestest EVAR 'cause he's so HOTT.

You know, we just aren't being mean enough to Tairy. We need to turn to an author to show us the way (I'm copy/pasting this from a wotmania post that was in turn copy/pasted from Dragonmount):

And which author? Why Tairy himself. Scroll down to the 6/2/2006 message for that.

Just thought I'd share the "love."

(Oh, and that I now have a new teaching position. All is right with the world.)

Every time I think he can't be more of a douchebag, he just drags himself deeper into the bag. I swear to God he's a robot, or a made-up person that some TOR executive created as a publicity stunt. Or a bet. "Hey Jim, I bet you a dollar I can get the public to buy the most God-awful crap." 11 years later he cries himself to sleep at night on his money-pillow.

Congrats on the new position! If you're teaching English, use the books of the yeard to demonstrate flawed grammar. Help the Church of Lemmings grow.

The only "rank" that matters here abouts is the foul stench of the Sword of Truth series of "novels". :P

I recommend this site for quotes lifted straight from the poisoned pen of Terry.

My favourite - "There is no such thing as pure good or pure evil, especially in people." Which contradicts just about every hero and villain in the series. Read your own books douchebag, you contradict yourself.

Reading those quotes is like reading a 'best of Successories quote a day calendar'. Particularly 'Size matters - Richard's hands are very large. They fit perfectly over my breasts'. I think we're more of a Despair.com bunch. We should send this one to Tairy and Mystar.

Oh no, profanity! Heaves above, think of the children?!?!?! I better make sure they read the Sword of Truth instead. Because namble-rape, menstrual blow-jobs and self-absorbed, -aggrandizing and -promoting philosophy are MUCH better than pottymouth.

Damn! Second page and I still haven't posted.

In my case I challenged him to a fight.

You will note that you got two titles out of that, and the second was a trick. Challenges to fights only take you so far. I think you got the titles you did more out of your plotting for revenge than anything else.

Ooh, I just saw Myshkin's post, I've got something to tear holes in. Off to have breakfast and ruminate!!

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Wow, yesterday afternoon I was the top poster, but I’ve fallen hard since. Not that I really care though. I’m well content in my 5th/6th place spot. As long as I don’t get bumped down any further. Then I’ll have to start spamming, and nobody wants that – my regular posts are difficult enough to bear.

Some more SoT quote gems:

"You look funny without your pants." -Scarlet (Slut!)

"Well, my breasts aren't as large as yours, Berdine. I think Raina's hands would fit mine better." -Kahlan (Turboslut!)

"Dance with me death, for I am ready." –Richard (I was going to make some comment about Dick acting tough, but instead I’ll go with the WoT reference: Isn’t this what the Aeil say when going to battle?)

"To know Richard, is to know Kahlan." -Denna (Because Tairy only knows how to write one character. To know Richard is also to know every other character in these books.)

"I am the Seeker. I can do anything." -Richard (Megalomaniac!)

"What kind of plans would the Master Rahl have? I plan to conquer the world." -Richard (But he’s not a tyrannical dictator. Really.)

-----------

I found this qoute in the .net thread.

And apparently thinks that his, or any of his cohorts, opinions matter to us.

Well, they do seem to matter to Mystar quite a bit. Why else would he be lurking these threads? He gets so thoroughly worked up over criticisms of his boyfriend. Ends up making an ass of himself almost as monumentally as the Yeard himself.

I feel so sad for Jordan and his fanatic. No wonder he can’t finish his series, he most likely goes back to see what he’s written and only skims it thus losing track of who did what, when and how…

Ummm… WoT is only one book longer than SoT. And has the benefit of a strong start. If I may be a little critical of Jordan’s past few books, I can at least say he’s consistent. That’s a luxury of having put in a little effort into word-building. Tairy’s not so much a fan of guidelines; his series might start to make sense within their own context. But then we wouldn’t be able to say “melon-sized plot holes†so often. :D

He said it was a pleasure to operate on a healthy patient for a change.

Because Dr's often operate on healthy people. :rolleyes: If he was healthy, his surgery just becomes that much more of a deperate need to steal Jordan's thunder. I mean... he's bragging about heart surgery!

(Edit: In retrospect, my original comments were too harsh.)

I wonder if Jordan dies, will Tairy follow his lead?

Again I am amused that after all this time the truth is finally admitted to myshkin et al are pseudo Nazi loving wanna bee’s. The moment I point this truth out, (A point that I had made more than a year ago) rises to the surface!

So, even knowing that he would forfeit the argument, he made the Nazi comparison? A heroic sacrifice. :ninja: (I have to use a ninja because there's no kamakize smiley.)

I bask in the flavors of his hate. It tastes like peaches and sunshine. Delicious.

Edited by Muttering Bill

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I wonder if Jordan dies, will Tairy follow his lead?

We need Jordan to issue a fake press release stating that he has passed away while fighting off a home invader, the very next day we will hear that Tairy died 3 days earlier in a battle against the largest group off large breasted women not at the PLayboy mansion, but not before impregnanting every last one of them. At his funeral service we will hear bad dialogue about how RJ hired a man to come kill him to copy-cat TG and about living life to the fullest that life could be lived since you only get one and the greatest of men live their lives to make other peoples lives livable and life is to short not to live the best life so we are all losers for not living life like Tairy would want our lives to be lived.

RJ will be found alive and he will have a real editor that will make him finish his Opus in ways that break all of our hearts.

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I'm so amused at being called a "rabid fan" of Jordan's...the irony is enough to make me come close to pissing and shitting out iron, that's how ironic it is...

Considering that I'm well-known at wotmania for not being all that enthused about the guy's writing...that just made my day, hearing about that!

And thanks for those wishing me well - in fact, I do have two sophomore English classes that I'll be teaching, but I believe I'll refrain from mentioning the Yeard there at all. Some things just shouldn't be talked about in polite company...although I suppose saying school is "polite company" might be stretching things a bit :P

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"Dance with me death, for I am ready." –Richard (I was going to make some comment about Dick acting tough, but instead I’ll go with the WoT reference: Isn’t this what the Aeil say when going to battle?)

Good call that is one I forgot to mention. Although I must say when I read it in WoT it sounded cool, but when Dicky Rahl says it, I thought to myself "wow, cheesiest line ever." Fucking Douchekind.

I wonder if Jordan dies, will Tairy follow his lead?

Since I doubt Tairy would actually want to die, he would probably fake his death and then in three days later show up and say that he miraculously was resurrected.

Again I am amused that after all this time the truth is finally admitted to myshkin et al are pseudo Nazi loving wanna bee’s. The moment I point this truth out, (A point that I had made more than a year ago) rises to the surface!

Is this a direct quote because that second sentence doesnt make any sense. "The moment I point this truth out, rises to the surface!" ?????? Yeah okay, you can definitely make comments about grammatical mistakes RJ makes. I'm assuming that what he meant to say was "The moment I point this truth out, his thing rises to the surface!". It only makes sense that if he is going to call Myshkin a Nazi he might as well call him Richard Rahl.

ETA:

And thanks for those wishing me well - in fact, I do have two sophomore English classes that I'll be teaching, but I believe I'll refrain from mentioning the Yeard there at all. Some things just shouldn't be talked about in polite company...although I suppose saying school is "polite company" might be stretching things a bit

Whenever a student is misbehaving rather than kicking him or her out of class, give them a Terry Goodkind book and make them write an essay on it. After you do this several times, the torture of this method will spread by word of mouth and within a month you will never have to worry about troublemakers again.

Hmm I was assuming you meant high school english, right? Either way, congratulations on getting a teaching job.

Edited by word

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Anyone have the URL for that latest mystarism? You know, just for kicks, there's a place where it can be posted that...nah, no need to get the author stirred up more, right? :P But I would like the URL, por favor.

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"I am the Seeker. I can do anything." -Richard (Megalomaniac!)

I like this. It justifies Tairy's carte blanche use of deus ex machina.

Edited by Red Templar

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