GOODKIND XXIX: BRING ON THE STUPID

[Moosicus]

I can't seem to find that post. Which forum is it in?

You can find it here. It's amusing how Silverstar goes to such lengths to show how she doesn't care about what we do. There was also the post Wert linked to some time back on Chronicles.

[Jaxom 1974]

I was thinking of creating a Lemmings of Discord Facebook group and recruiting new legions of followers. Then I realised I wasn't sufficiently bothered.

My lemmingness is low today, despite learning that I am considered 'beneath contempt' on TG.net, which usually would cheer me up

Besides, I think we'd be better served with a MySpace page instead. I know Terry apparently has one, though what he does with it is beyond me since he doesn't do the internet or anything, right?

It just seems like more the type of place that would annoy him on principal. Just a gut feeling.

The reality of it all is that these hand full of sycophants are busy trying to out post each other, which leaves less time they are actually "in" the world doing damage. Someday, years from now they will suddenly wake up and go "WTF.... I've wasted years of my time sequestered in mommies basement pounding out my hatred of Goodkind, and somehow I missed life....GAH I'll never get that time back...what a waste!!!!"

Mr. Pot, please let me introduce you to Kettle Black.

No seriously, I envision a day when dozens of lemmings are meeting at Worldcon and we're walking down the hall and suddenly there's this group of Tairyites there. And then all of a sudden, a ruble breaks out, West Side Story style. That'll be awesome.

[Larry.]

You're revealing your secret thoughts, DF.

No, it's better than that. It's something 'Confessor' inspired.

Hrmm...you probably have some sex-slave chained up with an agiel pressed to his crotch while doing a naked Macarena and chanting the Lord Rahl song?

[Dycedarg]

It's in poor taste to challenge out of spite (incidentally...)

Wow, he really does have his head shoved up Goodkind's arse, doesn't he?

[Myshkin]

No seriously, I envision a day when dozens of lemmings are meeting at Worldcon and we're walking down the hall and suddenly there's this group of Tairyites there. And then all of a sudden, a ruble breaks out, West Side Story style. That'll be awesome.

It would be more like that one time in high school when you finally gave in and punched that obnoxious little prick and instead of fighting back he started crying and you just didn't have the heart to punch him again.

[Mossman]

I envision a day when dozens of lemmings are meeting at Worldcon and we're walking down the hall and suddenly there's this group of Tairyites there. And then all of a sudden, a ruble breaks out

You mean Tairyites conduct their transactions in Russian currency?

[Dycedarg]

It would be more like that one time in high school when you finally gave in and punched that obnoxious little prick and instead of fighting back he started crying and you just didn't have the heart to punch him again.

But by not punching them again, you are showing weakness and that is choosing Death. I would have thought you of all people possessed enough moral celery to know this. If, all of a sudden, a rumble broke out we would have to keep kicking them while they were down or else we just wouldn't be proper lemmings.

[Myshkin]

But by not punching them again, you are showing weakness and that is choosing Death. I would have thought you of all people possessed enough moral celery to know this. If, all of a sudden, a rumble broke out we would have to keep kicking them while they were down or else we just wouldn't be proper lemmings.

As long as the Piper is kicking I'm kicking. But once the Piper stops I stop. This is the true essence of Lemminghood. Remember the Scriptures: There is no God but Piper, and Myshkin is his Prophet.

[Fanatic-Templar]

I can never comprehend the rules of lemmnghood. It seems that at times a lemming must follow the Teachings of the Yeard, like jaw-kicking and Choosing Life, while simultaneously opposing the Goodkind (BBHN) in all things.

[Dycedarg]

I can never comprehend the rules of lemmnghood. It seems that at times a lemming must follow the Teachings of the Yeard, like jaw-kicking and Choosing Life, while simultaneously opposing the Goodkind (BBHN) in all things.

Our right to make new rules, including rules that may contradict other rules, is allowed by the rules.

[potsherds]

Our right to make new rules, including rules that may contradict other rules, is allowed by the rules.

Exactly.

Thanks for thinking of me, WLU.

Wold Maid, you never did answer if that's actually you in your NHAW avs.

[The Wolf Maid]

Terry Goodkind is a carpenter who made a coffin shaped door for his own house and his number one fan produces dollhouses that happen to be made of wood. Then we have the Wayward Pines.

There could be a pattern here. Unfortunately, we still do not have enough evidence to advance any conclusive theory. Keep waiting, science has to run its course.

...I think someone should tell Happy Ent about this.

My lemmingness is low today, despite learning that I am considered 'beneath contempt' on TG.net, which usually would cheer me up

Wert, that's a fantastic NHAW pic. I love the pan on your head. Classic.

No seriously, I envision a day when dozens of lemmings are meeting at Worldcon and we're walking down the hall and suddenly there's this group of Tairyites there. And then all of a sudden, a ruble breaks out, West Side Story style. That'll be awesome.

We should have Church of Lemmings church when we do that. That would be awesome.

You mean Tairyites conduct their transactions in Russian currency?

I can never comprehend the rules of lemmnghood. It seems that at times a lemming must follow the Teachings of the Yeard, like jaw-kicking and Choosing Life, while simultaneously opposing the Goodkind (BBHN) in all things.

It's the contradiction, FT.

Wold Maid, you never did answer if that's actually you in your NHAW avs.

Nope. Not me. Not pale enough. But I might post an av of me one of these days, but I'm not gonna tell which one is me. *whistles*

[MinDonner]

The reality of it all is that these hand full of sycophants are busy trying to out post each other, which leaves less time they are actually "in" the world doing damage. Someday, years from now they will suddenly wake up and go "WTF.... I've wasted years of my time sequestered in mommies basement pounding out my hatred of Goodkind, and somehow I missed life....GAH I'll never get that time back...what a waste!!!!"

I love this. I mean, I really love it. The assumption that we're all this craven bunch of unemployed losers who dedicate our lives to bringing down the Yeard, even though we each only spend maybe a couple of minutes per day posting here, while hiding out in our "mommies' basements"... it's hard to understand that reasoning; I mean, I spend longer cleaning my teeth every day than I do writing parodies. Maybe the Yeardites just type really really slowly? And have jobs that don't allow access to teh internets?

Still, at least it keeps us off the streets, eh? WORDS NOT ACTIONS, as the Yeard family motto would have it...

[MinDonner]

Heh. Tairy's getting a good old bashing over at RPGnet - here are some gems:

My own qualm was with the 3 Boxes That Doubtless Just Kill You Whichever One You Open.

Yeah, the Mystic McGuffin is 3 magic boxes which, if you get all three and perform the ritual just right, you get to pick one of them to open. The right one turns you into a god. Another kills you and the last just destroys the entire world. Mess anything up and they just kill you. The bad guy, of course, is trying to become a god.

Of course, throughout history no one has ever, ever gotten a result other than "You die! Please try again in your next life!" but hey... there's a legend that says that it works. Me, I figure whoever made them just figured out a great way to get rid of all of the megalomaniac sorcerers around and the main characters didn't really need to do anything at all.

There's this world, see. Mainly one big continent. The east of it is a great, big, blazing wall of MAGIC. Nothing can go through the Wall. Nothing can go over the Wall. It's a big ol' wall of MAGIC. OK, fine, a bit freaky, but perfectly allowable in a fantasy novel. You're a first-time novelist, you get to make up a cool fantasy world, and a giant continent-spanning endless wall of MAGIC is rather neat. Don't see that often.

There are rumors of what's behind the wall of MAGIC. Stories of an ancient, fabled empire. All that sorta stuff. But nobody knows, y'know, because this wall of MAGIC is there, and nobody can get through it. What's beyond the wall of MAGIC is only the subject of wildest rumor and drunken speculation. Again, all cool. Background info, but great, fine, on with the story.

Except you realize about 100 pages in that the wall of MAGIC isn't all that new. In fact, it was raised, um, about 20 years ago. Maybe 30 at the latest. Despite this, nobody knows what's on the other side. Because, you see, the knowledge of the land that once used to be part of their land has been lost in the mists of 30 years of history. The wall of MAGIC was thrown up from a great magical cataclysm, yadda yadda. There are survivors in the original realm older than the wall of MAGIC. They have kids. Yet nobody bothers telling the kids. An entire generation or two knows nothing of what's behind the wallf of MAGIC despite the fact that most of the adult population probably spent their teenage years living on the other side of it. Maybe it's Goodkind's version of "If you remember the 60s, you didn't live through it."

About 50 or so pages after that, Our Heroes discover that the impenetrable wall of MAGIC isn't such. Because, like, there's a cave through it. That everyone in this one town knows of. But they can't use that cave for whatever reason, but that's ok, because there's a legendary pass further south that goes through the Wall. Which, er, is used for trade. With the kingdom. On the other side of the Wall. Which nobody knows about. Except, you know, the people who do. Like entire cities. Who, apparently, don't tell anyone else in any of the other cities. And there's a secret order of ranger dudes who patrol the Wall of MAGIC. And don't tell anyone what's beyond it. Except the people who do. Who know about the secret order. So it's not secret.

The "Fire Bad!" council scene 40 pages in made me ponder if, perhaps, this Goodkind had a bit of undeserved fame. The non-revelation of Zed as the titular Wizard made me roll my eyes. But the whole nonsense with the Wall of MAGIC was the final straw. Well, that, and I suddenly realized that reading all of Richard's lines with Dudley Dooright's voice actually added dignity to the character. I started crying out loud "I'll save you Nell!!!" each time Kahlan needed rescuing by Richard, and in Sword of Truth books that's a deadly enough drinking game as it is. Besides, it usually was better dialogue than what was actually printed.

There's a photograph of Goodkind on the back of one of his books. He looks as though he's posing for his official portrait as emperor of the world.

[Muttering Bill]

I have a few short comments about all that silliness over at tg.net. As I can't be bothered to sign up over there to post, I'll just do it here since they are all reading it anyway.

Not sure if anyone noticed, but Pita is a virtual nobody over at Westeros. No one seemed to have noticed his post quoting TG, as the thread went 2 pages beyond it.

I wouldn’t call Pita a nobody. He has his part, as we all do, and plays it amicably. Well... except for that 'Tuesdays with Tairy' bullshit that he keeps trying to shove down our throats.

Being a fair-minded individual, I took a look at that Westeros site (I figured why not, I like the author). Ouch...I was trying to find the thread in question, but couldn't.

Couldn’t find us? This thread is hard to miss. I mean, it says “Goodkind†right in the title.

What it does show is the deep level of hurting, the deep emptiness the soul that exists of the one spewing them out.

I think Mystar makes a fair point here. I don’t know about the rest of you, but reading the Yeard does indeed damage my soul (as well as my eyes). It feels like I’ve been almost-raped by a namble, the barbs are still almost-stinging my ass.

What venomous drivel…

I do find that to be quite complimentary, as that is what I’ve been aiming for. Alas, they were probably not talking about me but WLU.

if you testie guys I mean...westeros guys need anything else just let me know!! I'd totally like to help you out. I mean me fantard is su fantard!!! I'd hate for you guys to actually have to think up insults... let me know.

Silverstar, while we do appreciate your efforts, I think that we prefer to do it ourselves. I don’t mean to discourage you though; I did find that thread amusing.

It makes me all warm and cozy inside to know that these sort of people will never truly be happy, because they refuse to see or think/reason.

Actually, I’m very happy. Sorry to disappoint.

__________

NHAW rocks. We should have something like that, only with chickens or goats or TG books instead of hats.

I think we've rolled over a good idea here. We should make November 11 - 17 Tairy Avatar Week, in honor of the release of Confessor. Only it won't be naked - or at least mine won't.

EDIT - Or maybe we should do it to commemorate 'Goodkind XXX.' We could use Tairy av's for the duration of the thread.

[Ecchi-Oni]

Wait M* accuses us of being schoolyard bullies? Isn't it the most celereous occupation out there? You assert your rights to take the lunch money by kicking jaws of small children. That what Richard would do. Someone send M* to the yeardite reeducation camp.

[Dycedarg]

Is that the one where you force people to read the complete works of Tolkien, including all the supplemental notes in order to give them appreciation for little things like, oh, compelling characters, story structure, world building and the like? Or are you talking about the one we've set up in Antarctica where the Yeardites are given painful electric shocks and chili enemas while being forced to listen to Vogon poetry?

[Jaxom 1974]

You mean Tairyites conduct their transactions in Russian currency?

Bastard! Death Chooser!

If M* can brutalize the English language and be revered by his minions for it, then I demand the same. The minions and the brutalizing of the English language. Now.

I think we've rolled over a good idea here. We should make November 11 - 17 Tairy Avatar Week, in honor of the release of Confessor. Only it won't be naked - or at least mine won't.

EDIT - Or maybe we should do it to commemorate 'Goodkind XXX.' We could use Tairy av's for the duration of the thread.

Awesome, I alreaddy know what I want to do. ( <-- more brutalizing!)

We should have Church of Lemmings church when we do that. That would be awesome.

Someone remind me, if I can make it to Denver in '08, I'm gonna open up an area to recruit to the Church. Totally.

[Muttering Bill]

Awesome, I alreaddy know what I want to do. ( <-- more brutalizing!)

A big barbed namble cock?

[Jaxom 1974]

A big barbed namble cock?

Oh no. A proper TG avatar. I don't know if it'll be as much fun as TG Signature week, but it should be good.

Heh. Tairy's getting a good old bashing over at RPGnet - here are some gems:

By the by, I look over RPGnet, and I know nothing about it, but it's absolutely hilarious to see an independent site prove, independently with no prodding from anyone here, the exact same things we've said here.