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Goodkind XXX v.2.0: Coiled for Success


Larry.

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Sorry for the delay folks. Finishing that crap was almost too much. Coming straight to the board to talk about it wasn't an option. The wife and I went out for food and drinks. And more drinks. It will take many drinks to wash the taste of coiled Dick out of my mouth.

So where did I leave off? Was it the jaw-kicking incident? Anyhoo, there's a fair bit of fighting. Dick and company find there way back through the catacombs under the People's Palace (did I mention that? that's how the bad sisters got in and killed Ann and kidnapped Nicci). The tunnels are full of IO soldiers, but Adie makes all their torches go out and Dick and his pals kill them all in the dark. Whoever is left over is turned to ash by Nathan's wizard fire. It could have been exciting. But it wasn't. In the meantime, of course, Kahlan is still missing, only now she's in the evil clutches of Samuel. Oooooh, scary. I'm sure I must have gone over this. If I'm doubling up my tairy I might scream.

Whatever. So Dick is back in the palace with all his pals and a bunch of mord-sith, he's still got his red football paint on, resulting in this brilliant line by the mord-sith Berdine:

Kind of reminds me of our red leather, but without the leather.
A master of dialogue is tairy. Shortly thereafter (or shortly before, I neither remember nor care) Dick gets his magic back, though you don't know why yet. When he uses it the nasty beast that was following him around in the previous books shows up and kills a bunch of people, but fortunately Dick had a bunch of magic arrows that Nathan made for him a while ago (I think) and shoots it. Hooray.

Well, it turns out that the reason Dick has his powers back is because Rachel was in the sacred caves of Tamarang and did some things to the magic drawings on the wall. She's just finished when Six shows up. Blah blah blah, threats and menace, I honestly feared for Rachel's life. Now this gets interesting, and by interesting I mean "too fucking stupid to have made it past an editor with down syndrome". Rachel didn't simply erase the magic drawing of Dick and whatever it was that took his magic away. Six asks her what she did and how she knew how to do it. I think this deserves to be posted nearly in its entirety, and remember, Rachel is probably between the ages of ten and twelve (best guess, but she's still referring to Ghostey Gobblies, so how old could she really be?). Rachel:

"Well, I remembered what you told Violet about terminal elements." Rachel didn't say that she knew what a "terminal element" was, but she did. "I remember you saying how that junction locked it, by means of the azimuth angle, to the person to enable the spell to locate them and then attach the proper parcels. I figured that would make it essential to the function of the whole thing. I altered the ratio so that it would change the position linking it to the subject."

*Six blah blah blahs for a while and asks why she did blah blah blah*

"Because I reasoned that it would only weaken the hold of the spell if I did that." Rachel pointed at several other elements. "These here support the main elements as well, so if I erased that junction it would have still held. Near as I could figure, if I added that variance to it, insead, then it would redirect the link it had established and in that way break it, rather than merely loosen it."

Reading that bit made me desperately crave a drink. But I read it at work. It was horrible. Now that I have reproduced it I kinda want to open a vein. But I'll get a fresh beer instead. Be back with more shortly. The end of this fucking book is terrible. Knowing how it ends doesn't fucking compare to actually knowing HOW it ends. God fucking help me.

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This is, honestly, the first time i have read through 21 + pages of pure magic. Everything, that everyone, has said is true. Bawahahahaha.

I'm going to make a t-shirt that says: "I am coiled fury."

In fact, i've flushed better coilers down the toilet.

A number of people on these threads have talked about Richard and his crew, being, well douchebags. I have the perfect place then, for casting calls whenever this series is made.

But first, this is my submission for Richard: http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2006/07/old-no-7.html

Here are some alternate people

Darken Rahl: http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2007/03/xenu.html

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A quick bit while I beer myself into recovery.

Nicci is curious and somewhat distressed by the symbols that Richard has painted on himself because they apparently have something to do with the magic of Orden.

Richard wasn't at all surprised by that. He knew that some of the symbols had to do with the power of Orden. He even knew what they meant. That was, after all, why he had painted them on his men and on himself in the first place.
Someday, not soon, I'll have to go back to refresh my memory, but I'm pretty sure when he was painting himself and his men he made no reference to Orden. Just the "dance with death". I guess Tairy hates it when he suddenly finds Dick being ignorent of anything, so at the last minute decides that Dick knew it all along. How irritating.

Edit: Nice limerick Mossman, but my liver has suffered the most damage. The drinking actually protects my brain in this endeavor.

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Quick bit: Benjamin (Cara's fuck-buddy) is up from the Old World and helped Dick escape the IO camp. It turns out that there is a problem with the D'Haran army's efforts down there (apart from the obvious impossibilities of their mission). Six is riding a big red dragon around and killing the D'Haran troops. Oh no!!!!

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Random Aside: Who the fuck is Six?! Where did she come from?! Was she in any of the previous books?! or is she just some random evil chick who just suddenly turned up riding a dragon?

If shes shota is there any pretext for her doing what shes done in this book? Any explination at all?!

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Random Aside: Who the fuck is Six?! Where did she come from?! Was she in any of the previous books?! or is she just some random evil chick who just suddenly turned up riding a dragon?

If shes shota is there any pretext for her doing what shes done in this book? Any explination at all?!

Yeah, she showed up in....Chainfire? maybe Phantom? In one of those two, anyway. Shota said something about a witch being named "Six" was very ill-omened or something. She was hanging out with Violet in the "sacred caves of Tamarang" teaching the little twit to be a magic artist. They captured Rachel and almost caught Dick. Fortunately Dick played his "pretending to stretch" move and killed a whole bunch of people. That was when he became "point man" for Krang's Ja'La team. And before you ask, no, it shouldn't make sense.

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Deus Ex Machina moment, everybody takes a drink: The "crypt staff" (those who took care of Panis Rahl's tomb, they have no tongues) lead Dick to a coffin full of white sorceror's sand, which happens to be exactly what Dick needs in order to win. What luck!!!!

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Deus Ex Machina moment, everybody takes a drink: The "crypt staff" (those who took care of Panis Rahl's tomb, they have no tongues) lead Dick to a coffin full of white sorceror's sand, which happens to be exactly what Dick needs in order to win. What luck!!!!

Whatever happened to that pit of sorceror's sand that Ole Daddy Darken buried poor Carl in?

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Deus Ex Machina moment, everybody takes a drink: The "crypt staff" (those who took care of Panis Rahl's tomb, they have no tongues) lead Dick to a coffin full of white sorceror's sand, which happens to be exactly what Dick needs in order to win. What luck!!!!

am I alone in snickering whenever I hear or see the name "Panis Rahl"? :smoking:

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Whatever happened to that pit of sorceror's sand that Ole Daddy Darken buried poor Carl in?

I don't recall that being sorcerors sand, but I may need to check. Later. Much later.

am I alone in snickering whenever I hear or see the name "Panis Rahl"? :smoking:

Nope.

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