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Goodkind XXXVI. Moral pie with celery sauce


Gabriele

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Instead of sequels or prequels, how about spin-offs?

Surely the-chicken-that-is-not-a-chicken could have at least a trilogy of it's own. Where did it come from? What happened to set it on the path to evil incarnatehood (as opposed to the usual idiocy incarnate of the normal chicken)? How did it get along with other chickens? Did it have to do the Namble thing?

Is it ok for me to join in? I have never fed the yeard, but then I haven't actually read any SoT either. I have read the parodies though. Having done that, I don't think I could actually stomach reading the real thing!
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So...tell me people, does the Yeard remind you of [url="http://www.jeffvandermeer.com/2008/03/24/author-photos-the-arms-crossed-power-pose-gender-imbalance-and-your-favorites/#comment-8973"]Color Me Badd[/url]?
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[quote name='mashiara' post='1288438' date='Mar 26 2008, 11.21']I've been so influenced by these threads I played [i]yeard [/i]in a Scrabulous game on facebook yesterday. And it got accepted as a word. :lol:[/quote]
Go, mashiara! Spread the Yeardly knowledge. :)
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This clunker has been gather dust in my hard drive for over a year. I set to do a Goodkind/Lovecraft parody but I got bogged down when I discovered trying to imitate Lovecraft's writing style was i[i]nsanely hard[/i]. I've decided to post the first part now in the hopes that it will motivate me to finish the rest. Enjoy.


[quote][size=6][font="Century Gothic"]The Yeards of Madness: Part I[/font][/size]
by T.P. Goodcraft

How long ago I had swooned I could not say. I knew only that Peabody had fled and that I was alone. An eternity could have passed, an age could have ended, and I would not have known, for the obsidian dark in which I awoke was eternal and impenetrable. The grotesque and maddening terror that had driven me into tenebrous unconsciousness promised to overwhelm and plunge me once more into nightmare plagued insensibility. Though the situation in which I found myself was dire, I awoke only by degrees, slowly slipping loose from the weighted lethargy that had shackled me in slumber. My breath rasped through my lungs and the thin air of the altitude made me as lazy as a negro.

In the dark, I groped all about in a frantic effort and my searching fingers touched the rough canvass of my trusty traveling pack. The frenzied palpitations of my heart slowed somewhat as I clutched the pack to myself, its reassuring weight an anchor in the abyss. Crawling on my hands and knees, I renewed my search. Once or twice I recoiled, for in my desperate search, my fingers brushed against [i]things [/i]carved onto the side of the stone walls. These forms, cold, hard and utterly misshapen filled my mind with gibbering horrors seldom dreamt of in the sunlit world. But here, in the dark, in the cold, far from the shuttered demesne of Modern Man and his comforting and fanciful notions of reason and logic, here imprisoned at the top of the world within the ancient, icebound ruins of the Yearded Ones, nameless and phantasmal terrors, conjured from the stygian abysms of the primordial mind were all too easily brought into being.

Despite my halting search, I soon found the electric lamp. When I had swooned, my fragile mind overwhelmed by centipede-like horrors conjured from the depths of my imagination, the lamp had fallen to the ground and its argent glow had been summarily extinguished. I feared that the fall might have damaged the lamp and that I would be trapped without any source of light in this shadowed, arctic fastness. My fingers, half numb from the cold despite my heavy gloves, fumbled at the switch.

There was a click, its sound magnified in the frozen stillness of the air, and the lamp flickered erratically to life, its wan light as uncertain as the radiance of a daylight star. “Lamp, be true,” I adjured and held my breath, afeard that the tiniest disturbance in the air would snuff the electric light like a candle. I only dared to breathe when the stuttering glow became a steady radiance.

The lamplight was a mixed, if not outright cursed blessing and I shuddered involuntarily as my eyes roamed across the walls. The Yearded Ones! Hideous though the twisted carvings and statuary were, revealed by the thick beams of light that poured forth in torrents from my lamp, their nightmarish shapes were preferable to the crepuscular terrors that lurked in the inky blackness of the obsidian dark. More terrifying than any gargoyle yet sculpted by Man, these marmoreal grotesqueries clustered thickly along the walls, and glared obscenely down upon me with raptor-like fury. Built upon cyclopean proportions, the statues of the Yearded Ones towered above me, ascending past even the light of my lamp until their obscene forms were mercifully hidden in the shadowed upper reaches of the hall.

How had I come to this? Entombed at the top of the world without hope of escape! I recalled with bitter irony my enthusiasm when I was selected to participate in the arctic scientific expedition. Being selected was a great honor and I, along with scores of the greatest minds Western Civilization had yet produced were only too happy to accept the invitation of the respected Professor Z. Zedd to attend him as he boldly ventured forth into the great white north and wrested the secrets of science! from the frozen wastes. Professor Zedd recruited his cadre of Men of Science so as to draw deeply from the experience of the greatest scientific disciplines: economists to evaluate the the arctic for future industrial exploitation, raceologists to study the degenerate Eskimos, astrologers to pierce the Northern Heavens with their telescopes, meteorologists to study the remnants of fallen meteorites, biologists to study the plethora of exotic and hardy life expected to be found inhabiting the ice fields, and philosophers from the Objectivist school to properly interpret and refine the discoveries that were made, all these and more Professor Zedd drew into his fold. Of the these men, only myself and Peabody survived the initial catastrophe, and now, perhaps only I remain. Shudders racked my body as the memories of the events the bound me to my unhappy fate rose unbidden to the forefront of my fear wracked mind…[/quote]
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Well, I'm halfway through [b]Faith of the Fallen[/b] and struggling with the discontinuity of the writing.

The "Anti-Communist" diatrab about Nicci's parents was some of the most nasty and horrible writing I could think about a character. You really can't go further than a mother yelling at her child for being raped, now can you? Though, honestly, it seems to be more Anti-Communist/Anti-Religion there.

Yet, I'm really enjoying the battle scenes where Kahlan leads them all to victory. I wasn't even bothered by slaughtering the cooks and the harlots of the Imperial Order either (a little about the later since it's fairly clear that the IO doesn't actually take WILLING ones and Kahleen seems to be forgetting that)

Edit:

FYI, unlike others, I had no problem with killing Harold. To be honest, in real life, there's absolutely no way that he would have walked out of that tent alive. Harold was following some weird, polite, friendly war view where loyalty to the Confederacy/West Virginia trumps his personal feelings like General Lee.

Everyone else was just exhausted and paranoia like real soldiers get. You tell them you're not reinforcing them and that it's because of your decision and we're opening up a line that will probably kill us all....

Yeah, in real life the guy would have been fragged by his own troops.
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No, Harold was obeying his commanding officer, Queen Cyrilla, whose country had been illegally absorbed into the Greater Objectivist Empire. The only reason he was murdered was for the crime of Not Agreeing With Dick. This also meant that he couldn't take back the message they'd given him about throwing Cyrilla to the rapists, but that's probably just as well.
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I have to agree; Harold was the messenger (not to mention Khalan's brother), and you're not supposed to kill the messenger. And what real objective did his murder accomplish? I mean, other than the highly satisfying feeling of righteousness you get when slaughtering someone who disagrees with you.
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[quote name='Myshkin' post='1288699' date='Mar 26 2008, 08.22']I have to agree; Harold was the messenger (not to mention Khalan's brother), and you're not supposed to kill the messenger. [b]And what real objective did his murder accomplish?[/b] I mean, other than the highly satisfying feeling of righteousness you get when slaughtering someone who disagrees with you.[/quote]

You don't envision TG sitting at his typewriter (he doesn't know a thing about computers, right?) and chuckling softly under his breath as he typed away at that scene? Just a little? That was the objective, wasn't it? To humor the author.
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[quote name='Jaxom 1974' post='1288377' date='Mar 25 2008, 21.40']Gotta admit...not the sheath I was thinking of... :P[/quote]

No fears Jaxom, the Sheath of Lies was intended to be just what you're thinking.

As for the debate on killing the messenger, I think the whole thing is silly. Anyone who's read the books knows that our favorite chin-kicker is ALWAYS given all the pertinent information regarding anything related to the problem. This woodsguide was raised by the most powerful wizard, always meets someone who ties into the problem... he ALWAYS has 100% hindsight prior to an event happening.

That's the problem. Because Dick, Klan and the band of 'heroes' are privy to every slip of paper or "I once heard..." recollections, they have the absolute 'truth' of every damn problem that comes about. Why are they evil? They're evil because every commoner or person who doesn't have all this intel is being told what the truth is, and if they don't conform to the needs of these leaders, they'll be killed.

Harold was following the orders of his queen. This woman had been raped out of her mind. While that's not necessarily the kind of leader you want, he was acting in accordance with the rules and traditions of the age.

Dick and Co do not fight for the people, they fight for themselves. They have no interest in teaching the others how to live and think and understand everything around them. If some woods guide took over a friggin kingdom and told me how I need to act and respond to a situation, I'd tell him to go fuck an ignoble goat. Who the hell is he to tell me how to live?

This whole thing has a funny parallel to what we're dealing with in the U.S. An idiot man put into the most powerful position in the world (no, not a 69) who hired 200 'experts' from a non-accredited religious 'college' to tell us who's a threat to us and ours. The man had no business being in charge in the first place, and his party wonders why the majority don't want to believe him or act and respond in a way that pleases him.
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[quote name='Minot Donoir' post='1288656' date='Mar 26 2008, 06.21']No, Harold was obeying his commanding officer, Queen Cyrilla, whose country had been illegally absorbed into the Greater Objectivist Empire. The only reason he was murdered was for the crime of Not Agreeing With Dick. This also meant that he couldn't take back the message they'd given him about throwing Cyrilla to the rapists, but that's probably just as well.[/quote]

Actually, the legality of its absorption is one of the plot points that Terry Goodkind makes perfectly clear. The Mother Confessor retains pretty much De-Facto Queen power. In other words, Cyrilla might have had authority to take back Kahlan's power as Queen and the surrender of sovereignty but she didn't have authority to countermand an order from Kahlan the Mother Confessor. Cyrilla was pretty much disobeying HER Liege Lord.

As for Harold, the issue is complicated in that the Messenger is also the general of a rebellious province. It's pretty much the equivalent of General Robert E. Lee walking in to the Oval Office and telling the President that he can't in good conscience do anything but lead a vast army in defiance of the Union.

Now, Lincoln would have let him go. Ulysses S. Grant and Sherman would have had him arrested and hung there.

[quote name='Foreverlad']Dick and Co do not fight for the people, they fight for themselves. They have no interest in teaching the others how to live and think and understand everything around them. If some woods guide took over a friggin kingdom and told me how I need to act and respond to a situation, I'd tell him to go fuck an ignoble goat. Who the hell is he to tell me how to live?[/quote]

I won't defend the Sword of Truth's advocation of at last count...

* Dominionism
* Torture.
* Flying False Flags
* False Surrender
* Total Warfare
* Executing Prisoners
* Hypocrisy (The D'Harran Empire/Mord Sith are forgivable because they're good guys now but the Imperial Order isn't)

And pretty much a blanket repudiation of the Geneva Convention as a whole, but I will note that the Sword of Truth isn't exactly a series without ample justification for the bias. Terry Goodkind for all the accusations of "It's because I say so..." goes to the trouble of establishing the Imperial Order as....

* An Entire Army of Rapists.
* A Hun-Like Horde of Pillagers.
* Slavers.
* Dysfunctional Communists.
* Ridiculously Overwhelming numbers (Terry Goodkind basically compares the Old World vs. The New World as the equivalent of Great Britain fighting the Soviet Union)
* Pure Evil Commander
* Religious Fanatics

It's really a combination of these two TV tropes.

[url="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AlwaysChaoticEvil"]http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AlwaysChaoticEvil[/url]
[url="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheEmpire"]http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheEmpire[/url]

Really, one would have to be insane NOT to oppose the Imperial Order because it's just THAT awful.
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Charles,

You make some good points about Cyrilla, Harold and Klan. I might take issue with the full extent of Klan's political powers (not that you're incorrect, I take issue with absolute authority turning the world upside over an upstart world savior), but what you say isn't wrong.

As I said in my previous post, the world of information and power is always handed over to Dick. I have no problem with any author having a bias and system of beliefs. What the SoT fails to do though is challenge those biases. A straw man will never be a knight. he'll always be fodder for the fields. No matter what goes wrong in Tairy's stories, they always work in favor of Goofking's ideals.

That's why it's hard to accurately challenge the characters, and why My*'s board is full of never-be-wrongs. It's because the fight is staged. If we're watching a movie about a terrorist planning to blow up New York with a nuclear bomb, of course the hero is going to torture his prisoner to get the information. Because WE KNOW the bomb is in play.

I won't feed the yeard anymore so this is an empty statement, but I would LOVE to see these characters forced to work on speculation and doubt. Take away the truth of what they know and make them discern what needs be done.

If Tairy played in a world without so much valuable information offered and villains who weren't so cut and paste 'evil', I wouldn't have a problem with the philosophy he employs.
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[quote name='Charles Phipps' post='1288785' date='Mar 26 2008, 06.52']* Hypocrisy (The D'Harran Empire/Mord Sith are forgivable because they're good guys now but the Imperial Order isn't)

And pretty much a blanket repudiation of the Geneva Convention as a whole, but I will note that the Sword of Truth isn't exactly a series without ample justification for the bias. Terry Goodkind for all the accusations of "It's because I say so..." goes to the trouble of establishing the Imperial Order as....

* An Entire Army of Rapists.
* A Hun-Like Horde of Pillagers.
* Slavers.
* Dysfunctional Communists.
* Ridiculously Overwhelming numbers (Terry Goodkind basically compares the Old World vs. The New World as the equivalent of Great Britain fighting the Soviet Union)
* Pure Evil Commander
* Religious Fanatics[/quote]

Thats what gets me, in the first book the D'Harrans were pure evil and bad. Now, everything they do is good and wonderful and the Imperial Order is pure evil they rape, kill, slave, pillage, and even worse they are communist :wideeyed:.

I am waiting for Richard to defeat the Imperial Order though the force of his will and speeches alone. Then once the Imperial Order is gone, aliens or some new empire will appear on the scene they will be pure evil and the Imperial Order will now be good. They will act the same but will be on Richard's side so everything they do will be ok and good now.
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To be fair, [b]Gold Storm[/b], that represents a lot of RL world policies.

:-)

However, I think there's a bit of a knee jerk reaction from Terry that tends to forget that his heroes' army once belonged to an absolute monster. Honestly, I think it might seem LESS bizarre, if Richard just outright had them under a Spell of Obedience that makes them (comparatively) less violent than Darken Rahl because they reflect his rulership style.

The King is the Land and all that.

[quote name='Foreverlad']As I said in my previous post, the world of information and power is always handed over to Dick. I have no problem with any author having a bias and system of beliefs. What the SoT fails to do though is challenge those biases. A straw man will never be a knight. he'll always be fodder for the fields. No matter what goes wrong in Tairy's stories, they always work in favor of Goofking's ideals.[/quote]

I rather enjoyed the first two books because its at this point that Richard has no real idea what the Hell is going on and watching him struggle through the morrose of arcane customs in foreign lands was decidedly enjoyable.
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[quote name='Charles Phipps' post='1288944' date='Mar 26 2008, 11.09']I rather enjoyed the first two books because its at this point that Richard has no real idea what the Hell is going on and watching him struggle through the morrose of arcane customs in foreign lands was decidedly enjoyable.[/quote]

Yeah, the good old days when Dick was human lol.

Again, good point. Of course, these were also the books that didn't suffer a god complex. Until books 4 and on, it was a backwoods boy dealing with an adult world, reliant on his upbringing to guide him.

For instance, i don't mind him kicking in the face of a horrible little girl. Any normal person subjected to torture or threat of torture may react the same way. No, no problem with it at all until it becomes RIGHTEOUS face-kicking. Do things out of desperation, fear or revenge. That's human. When it becomes your moral obligation, it's time to lay off the kool-aid they're passing around.
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[quote name='Foreverlad' post='1288970' date='Mar 26 2008, 08.27']For instance, i don't mind him kicking in the face of a horrible little girl. Any normal person subjected to torture or threat of torture may react the same way. No, no problem with it at all until it becomes RIGHTEOUS face-kicking. Do things out of desperation, fear or revenge. That's human. When it becomes your moral obligation, it's time to lay off the kool-aid they're passing around.[/quote]
This is exactly the point I've been trying to make to Mystar for over a year now. Had Dick shown any remorse for his actions I wouldn't have had a problem with it. Had Dick admitted that he had allowed his anger and frustration to get the better of him I wouldn't have had a problem with it. Had Dick at least allowed that his actions were perhaps not the noblest in nature I wouldn't have had a problem with it. But Dick didn't do any of those things, instead he proclaimed his actions as the only Good and Right actions possible.
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[quote name='The Wolf Maid' post='1290167' date='Mar 27 2008, 04.26']Just curious, when/where in the books did Richard (or Terry, for that matter) declare/insinuate that their actions were always right and moral? I've been trying to find that...[/quote]

Tough to say WM. Early in book one Zedd teached Dick about the WFR, y'know, people are stupid. From there it turns into a game of logic and application. By books 3 and 4 he was completely out of his element but always making the right choices, sometimes for no good reason, othertimes because it was so damned obvious.

While book 6, Faith of the Fallen focuses on earning whatever you're after, it isn't until book 8 that the absolute game changer is put in play. Not only does Dick use the word 'Zeitgeist' during one of his ridiculous speeches, but the Wizard's 8th rule is "Deserve Victory". From there on out Dick 'knows' that because his reason is sound, he's allowed to do whatever it takes to make sure he accomplishes his goals.

It's like he was so busy always doing the right thing that he got it into his head that his motives weren't questionable. More reasonably though, Tairy made the arguments all the less rational and thus, easier to determine what might be done.

Look at the last book... or don't. Dick is given the power of God. Instead of making all the bad guys change their minds, or permanently locking them away on some foreign island, he sends them to a duplicate world with no heaven and hell, just oblivion when you die. There really is no way to make the leap in logic or morality that justifies billions upon billions of people losing all of eternity due to the whims of a woods guide.

So to answer your question, it happened when Tairy got tired of explaining why Dick does what he does.
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