Peadar Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]A Dance With Dragons[/b] You see two dots in the distance... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]Naked Lunch[/b] One cow runs around in a drug-induced frenzy before collapsing in a deliquescing pile of goo, while the other quotes Beat poetry about the pornography of fascism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liffguard Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]Sword of Truth[/b] You have two cows that are not cows, but are in fact evil incarnate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bastard of Godsgrace Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]Malazan Book of the Fallen[/b] You have two cows. You kill and eat them. And then they come back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrBloodmoney Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]Malazan[/b]: you have two cows: one holds nine separate bovine souls, one is a warren unto itself [i]for 15,000 pages[/i] [b]The Pillars of the Earth[/b]: you have two cows: one wants to build a church... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nerdanel Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]The First Chronicles of Thomas Covenant[/b] You have two cows. You regard them as mere animals but then their goodness and innocence wins you over and you find yourself in a war against the evil butchershop owner. [b]The Second Chronicles of Thomas Covenant[/b] You have two cows. They drink human blood. You love them anyway. [b]David Eddings[/b] You have two cows. One is blue. The other is red. They are supposed to be evenly matched, but the blue one wins every time. You are bored. [b]The Lies of Locke Lamora[/b] You claim to have two cows. In truth you have two trillion and strive always to get more. You bother milking only two of them and employ no milkmaids. Cows are forever, right? [b]Ea Cycle[/b] You have two cows. Their souls remind you of stars. You teach the cows to meditate. [b]The Night Land[/b] You have no cows anymore. You are barricaded inside the farm house for safety against the ferocious mutant cows and their foul offspring. This has been going on for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedEyedGhost Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [quote name='MinDonner' post='1431455' date='Jul 8 2008, 07.26'][b]Tolkien[/b] Two cows to rule them all.[/quote] [quote name='Peadar' post='1431502' date='Jul 8 2008, 08.02'][b]The Sword of Shannara[/b] Two Cows to rule them all.[/quote] :lmao: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mlle. Zabzie Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]A Christmas Carol[/b] You have a steak, a cow and a calf, but at the end of the day, Tiny Tim gets a goose. [b]Alice's Adventures in Wonderland[/b] Cowdledum and Cowdledee. [b]Through the Looking Glass [/b] 'Twas brillig, and the slithy cows/did gyre and gimble through the wabe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rakehell Posted July 8, 2008 Author Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]Wild Cards[/b] - You have two cows. One dies and the other grows jellyfish legs. [b]Jhereg [/b]- You have two cows. You're hungry, but if you kill one cow the herd next door will trample you to death. [b]Yendi [/b]- You have two cows. One tries to kill the other, then sleeps with it. [b]Confessor [/b]- You have two cows. You banish them to another world with all of the other cows, but you keep the goats. [b]Malazan [/b]- You have two cows. They are 10,000 years old and occasionally turn into dragons. You don't know why. [b]Elric [/b]- You have two cows. One tries to kill you, so you burn down the barn. [b] The Heralds of Valdemar[/b] - You have two telepathic cows. [b]Paladin of Shadows[/b] - You have two cows. You trade them for more hookers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L'Sana Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [quote name='Peadar' post='1431578' date='Jul 8 2008, 08.53'][b]A Dance With Dragons[/b] You see two dots in the distance...[/quote] [b]Feast for Crows[/b]: You were supposed to have two cows, but Martin only gave you one. He swears that he'll be sending the second cow any day now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gold Storm Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Harry Turtledove you have two cows, one is a alien lizard in disguise, the other wants to be the dictator of the Confederate States of America. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diabloblanco18 Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]Mélusine[/b] - You have two cows. Through careful study of them you invent the magical discipline of Bovinurgy. Somehow, this involves a lot of gay sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuchulain Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]David Eddings[/b] - You have two cows. They are fivefold each. Despite different names, they are the same. They are real cash cows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeriousMite Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]Isaac Asimov[/b] - You have two cows which must always follow the three laws of dairy farming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabriele Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]Kushiel.[/b] You have two cows that turn out to be into kinky sex every time you get stuck in a plot corner. [b]Riftwar[/b]. You have two cows. One is a powerful wizard who can travel between worlds, the other is a powerful warrior who also can travel between worlds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mlle. Zabzie Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [quote name='SeriousMite' post='1431824' date='Jul 8 2008, 12.51'][b]Isaac Asimov[/b] - You have two cows which must always follow the three laws of dairy farming.[/quote] :lol: [b]Jacqueline Carey[/b] You have two cows that are interested in kinky branding bondage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zach H Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]Gene Wolfe:[/b] You have two cows. One found God. The other did too, possibly...from a certain point of view. [b]R.A. Salvatore:[/b] You have two cows. They slashed left and killed an orc. [b]Matthew Stover: [/b]You have two cows. You eat one. The other moos "fuck surrender" and eats you. [b]Kelly Link:[/b] You have two cows. They aren't cows, they are zombie ballerina superhero disgruntled 20 something TV stars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xray the Enforcer Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [quote name='Rakehell' post='1431740' date='Jul 8 2008, 12.19'][b]Paladin of Shadows[/b] - You have two cows. You trade them for more hookers.[/quote] :lol: [b]Paladin of Shadows[/b] -- You have two cows because you adopt them. LIKE CATS. These cows also have the killing prowess of a ninja master and the bedroom skills of the most ambitious harlot. BTW - some of these have totally made me LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]Kim Stanley Robinson[/b]- You have two cows. One of them works for a large multinational corporation. The other is an ecoterrorist who writes poetry about soil erosion and its contribution to the decline of edible grasses. Both of them are very buff. They meet a bull who is a revolutionary working in low-level government, have an orgy, and reconcile their differences while still disagreeing on whether genetically-modified alfafa is an acceptable solution to the world's problems. [b]Tim Powers[/b]- You have two cows. One of them is actually an elaborate puppet controlled by a tiny bull living inside its heart. The other is a reincarnation of Hathor the Celestial Cow, brought to life by a crazed ghost in an elaborate plot to regain a body and become immortal. They are actually the same cow, but one of them has traveled back in time from the future. [b]Joe Abercrombie[/b]- You have two loyal cows. One of them might be a spy for the Dairy Farmers' Guild, so you must torture them both to get answers while complaining that you haven't been able to eat steak in many years. [b]Terry Pratchett[/b]- You have tw-- where's my cows? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry. Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]Toby Barlow[/b] - You have two cows. But they're really werecows that run in gangs. [b]Samuel Beckett[/b] - You're still waiting for your two cows. [b]Umberto Eco[/b] - The two cows might be templars. [b]Jeff VanderMeer[/b] - You had two cows. One was devoured by squid. The other hangs around with a demented dwarf at the Borges Bookstore. [b]Ursula Le Guin[/b] - You never had two cows. They refused to accept any sort of hegemonic power you might claim over them. [b]Laurel Hamilton[/b] - Your two cows are starring in bovine porn. [b]John Norman[/b] - Your two cows are involved in BDSM in the submissive role...[i]and they like it![/i] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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