Moosicus Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 I'll trod on old ground. [b]Goodkind[/b]: You have two cows. Very ordinary cows. The kind of cows you've seen many times before. Dull cows for the most part, but they have their moments. Later they start acting [i]exactly[/i] like your neighbors cows, the ones you always thought were much better. Eventually your cows stop producing milk altogether and start spouting their philosophy and you realize what a fucked-up place your farm has become. All you wanted was a little milk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gold Storm Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]Animal Farm-[/b] you have two cows, one of them learns how to walk on two legs, the other one gets sent to a tannery by "mistake." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doran Doran Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]Snow Crash/Rumsfeld/Boney M:[/b] You have two cows, and they are crying by the rivers of Babylon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Warhammer: You have two cows, well actually, two cows have you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foreverlad Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Chuck Palahniuk: You don't have two cows. You have hamburger. Fucking hamburger. Not five cows not four cows not three cows not two cows hamburger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
williamjm Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 [b]Lord of Light[/b] You have two things. They never claimed to be cows. But then again they never claimed not to be cows. Neither admission could be of much benefit. [b]Dune[/b] You have two cows. He who controls the cows controls the Universe. SPOILER: The PrestigeYou think you have one cow. Actually you have two, since the cow has a twin brother which swaps places with him periodically [b]Temeraire[/b] You have two cows. This means you must become a cow-rider even though you always wanted to be a naval captain. Fortunately, your cows are telepathic and can breath fire. [b]The Da Vinci Code[/b] You have two cows. Cows are an ancient symbol of the Knights Templar and using them you can persuade the woman you want to impress that she's descended from Jesus. [b]The collected works of L. Ron Hubbard[/b] You have two cows. Now give them to Tom Cruise. [b]Tigana[/b] You have two cows. You want to destroy them both to regain control of your farm (whose name nobody now remembers), but you know that unless you destroy them both simultaneously the surviving cow would be too strong to defeat. [b]The Lions of Al-Rassan[/b] You have two cows. They are both supremely talented and great at everything they do. They respect and like each other but belong to different bovine religions so must inevitably fight against each other, although I'm not going to tell you who wins. [b]Time and Again[/b] You have two cows. Actually, you don't have them now but you do if you go back to 19th Century New York. [b]Use of Weapons[/b] You have two cows. They like you, but don't know you once killed another cow and made a leather seat out of it. [b]Excession[/b] Two and a half millennia ago, the artifacts appeared in a remote corner of space, beside a trillion-year-old dying sun from a different universe. They were two perfect cows, and they did nothing. Then they disappeared. Now they are back. [b]The Armageddon Rag[/b] You have two cows. If you can persuade another two cows to join in, you can start a rock band. [b]Fevre Dream[/b] You have two cows. They want you to build a steamboat for them. They don't seem to like sunlight and you've never seen them eating grass. Still, you really want the steamboat so you can put up with a few eccentricities. [b]Sandkings[/b] You have two cows. You make them fight for your entertainment, but you have underestimated how dangerous they are. [b]The Hedge Knight[/b] You had two cows. One of them died, but the other cow claims that the first cow made it a knight before it died. [b]This Tower of Ashes[/b] You have two cows. Sometimes, as they follow you up the stairs on their six legs you start to feel something is a bit wrong. However, you don't think about it too much. [b]The less-comprehensible stories in Viriconium[/b] You have two cows. The Barley brothers have invented Egg Foo Yung. Your neighbour is cutting his grass. Viriconium! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AverageGuy Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 [quote name='williamjm' post='1432361' date='Jul 8 2008, 17.39'][b]The Lions of Al-Rassan[/b] You have two cows. They are both supremely talented and great at everything they do. They respect and like each other but belong to different bovine religions so must inevitably fight against each other, although I'm not going to tell you who wins.[/quote] I will say that it's not the cow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord of Oop North Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 [quote name='Rakehell' post='1431740' date='Jul 8 2008, 12.19'][b]Paladin of Shadows[/b] - You have two cows. You trade them for more hookers.[/quote] OH BESSIE NO! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord of Oop North Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 [b]A Canticle for Leibowitz[/b]: You have two cows. In one body. [b] The Island of Dr. Moreau:[/b] You have two cow-people. They kill you. [b]Fatherland[/b]: You had two cows. But you are not sure what happened to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watcher Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 [b]Mist of Avalo[/b]n - You have two cows, but the their story is told by your duck [b]Good Omens[/b] - You have two cows, they may or may not be an angel and a devil trying to bring about or perhaps stop the Apocalypse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stark Swordsman Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 [b]Dungeons and Dragons[/b] You, a rogue, and a cleric enter a mysterious field; suddenly you see two cows. Roll and add the number to your milking skill to see how much milk you can get from them. [b]C. S. Lewis[/b] You have two cows. They are a thinly veiled allegory. [b]Choose your own adventure[/b] You have two cows. To choose the spotted one go to page 2. To choose the brown one go to page 3. [b]Family Guy[/b] You have two cows. Remember that time...[non-sequitur]. [b]Animorphs[/b] You have two cows. Now you have one cow and one human. Now a cow and a grizzly bear. Ed. for spelling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 The Deverry Series: You have two cows, who are reincarnations of two previous cows, who are reincarnations of two previous cows of opposite gender, who are reincarnations of.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damaen Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Greg Keyes: You have 5 cows and you are very very hungry because Farmer George hasnt planted seeds in years. Every cow is more filling and tastier than the one before it, and only one cow is left. You cook the cow and it smells so good you cant wait to eat it. Oh, wait, no, thats not a cow at all, its some manner of rodent. Why isnt it the same as the last 4? It looks the same. And its somewhat rancid, because the author pulled punches and copted out of a great ending so all the.. cows.. can hug and be happy. Ahem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 [b]Mistborn:[/b] You have two cows. You eat the brown one and become magnetic. You don't know what will happen if you eat the white one. [b]A Storm of Swords:[/b] You have two cows. You marry the wrong one and give the other to your uncle, and some Very Bad Things happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Roses Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 oh this is fun on a very soggy day. And just because I watched it last night: [b]The Matrix:[/b] You think you have two cows, you may believe you have two cows, but nothing is as it seems. You follow the white rabbit down the rabbit hole only to be told you never had two cows and that THEY have actually been milking you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hereward Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 [b]ASOIAF[/b]: You have two co Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geddon Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 [b]Mythago cycle[/b]: You have two cow avatars, they graze in Ryhope Field. [b]Wheel of Time[/b]: You have one very paranoid cow, containing two cow souls. Cattle rustlers keep trying to steal it but they either explode, burst into fire or simply disappear in a flash of bright light before they can get within touching distance. [b]The Colour of Magic[/b]: Your two cows run away, about an hour later a walking box destroys your barn before heading off after them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 [b]Alastair Reynolds[/b] You have two cows, who you regularly test for signs of intelligence. If one of them passes, you kill them both, and burn the farm to the ground. [b]Mad Max[/b] Two cows enter. One cow leaves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peadar Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 [b]Firefly[/b] You have two cows, full of milk. The first glass is delicious, but before you can get any more, some suits murder the cows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BranTheBuilder Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Bubba Cow-Tep: you have two old cows. One of them is Elvis, the other JFK. together they overcome their age and fight off an ancient egyptian cow. NB, this short story is later adapted into a film starring B-Movie legend Bruce Cowbell. Any Grindhouse/Video-Nasty: you have two cows, they have a raunchy shower sex scene and then are cut to pieces by a machette wielding zombie goat. the goat is eventually killed by a clean living bullock and his heaffer friend. J-Horror: you have two cows, they are infact dead girls out for revenge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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