You have two cows

[Bellis]

[b]Orphan's tales[/b]: The first cow is actually the duck from page 153, while the second cow is the mother of the narrator.

[Guinevere Seaworth]

[quote name='L'Sana' post='1431742' date='Jul 8 2008, 10.19'][b]Feast for Crows[/b]: You were supposed to have two cows, but Martin only gave you one. He swears that he'll be sending the second cow any day now...[/quote]
:rofl:

[b]Raymond Feist's Riftwar Saga[/b]: You have two cows. One cow goes on a rage and destroys the countryside. The other cow has an alien cast to its bovine features.

[MinDonner]

[b]Anne McCaffrey:[/b]
You have two cows. This is not enough to save the world, and you wonder what happened to all the other cows. Then a whole herd teleports in from the past.

[b]Anne Rice:[/b]
You have two cows. They brood a lot and sometimes kill people. Then they discover religion and do great big cowflops all over the series.

[Watcher]

[b]Neil Gaiman's Sandman[/b] - You have two cows, one is named Catastrophe, but no longer produces milk, the other is named Chaos, who used to be Creation.

[Myrddin]

Building on L'Sana's excellent Feast of C®ows

[b]Dance of Dragons[/b]
You have a dance card, but still no cows.

[b]Dances With Wolves[/b]
One cow heads west. Meets more cows and learns to speak their words thanks to another cow who used to speak his words. Then the bad cows come. So the first cow left with the other cow to make baby cows, never realizing that if he were a bull, this whole story would make more sense. But then, Kevin Costner isn't one either.

[MattD]

[b]Gene Wolfe:[/b] You have two cows...or maybe it's the same cow from two different times. Come to think of it, [i]you[/i] have been mooing a lot lately...

[b]Naomi Novik:[/b] You have two cows, one named McCaffrey and one named O'Brian. You are so fond of these cows that you take DNA samples from each and clone a single hybrid cow that combines their traits.

[Rakehell]

[b]Ender's Game[/b] - You have two cows. Through special arrangements you get a third cow who kicks ass.

[b]The Black Company[/b] - You have two cows. They fight all the time. No one knows where they came from. One day they both start walking south.

[b]
Fevre Dream[/b] - You have two cows. But you force yourself to drink soy milk.

[MinDonner]

[b]Brian Ruckley[/b]
You have two cows. One always walks in a straight line and has trampled all your chickens; the other is hiding in the woods. There's also a weird cow-goat hybrid that is about to get nasty.

[Jerol]

[b]Martin:[/b] You have two cows. One fucks her brother, then fucks everyone including Moonboy. The other cow is very disappointed at her oldest son's wedding. She can't even talk about it.

[Dumas]

[b]Old Myths[/b]: You have two cows, but one is a god in disguise. Your wife is now pregnant.

[Fenny]

[b]Goodkind:[/b] You have no cows. The cows ran away. But they left a steaming heap of dung behind.

[b]Tolstoy:[/b] You have only one cow. The other threw itself under a tractor.

[b]Dickens: [/b] You have only one cow. It's waiting for the other cow to turn up.

[b]Beckett:[/b] You have two cows. They're waiting for the third cow. There is no third cow.

[b]Rowling:[/b] You have one cow. Everything it touches turns to gold.

[b]Lawrence:[/b] You have a bull and a cow. They are <censored>.

[b]Proust:[/b] You have a herd of cows, and are going to be examined on them at the end of term. You wish cows had never evolved.

[b]Richard Adams:[/b] You have no cows, but you do have a lot of rabbits.

[Maltaran]

Sapkowski (or Sap-cow-ski, if you prefer ;)): You have two cows. The albino one kills monsters for money.

[Deornoth]

[b]Paul Kearney[/b]

You have Ten Thousand cows. The bull who hired them, to invade his brother's pasture, is dead and now they just want to go home.

[b]Scott Bakker's Neuropath[/b]

You have two cows, they don't have any free will and neither do you

[Kabada]

[b]Ender's Game[/b]
You have two cows, still calves actually. One doesn't produce enough milk and gets thrown off the farm. The other is younger than all the other cows on the farm but still outclasses them in your virtual milking facility. When the day comes to hook the genius cow up to the actual milking machine it turns out it was being milked for real all along!

[Rubies & Jade]

LOL!

[b]Tigana[/b]
You have two things... but can't quite remember what they are.

[Burr]

I butcher them and eat them, taunting all of you and not letting you have any.


Guys, you all are brilliant! This is the funniest shit since the Simpsons early seasons!

[Burr]

[quote name='Stark Swordsman' post='1432652' date='Jul 8 2008, 20.35'][b]Dungeons and Dragons[/b] You, [b]a rouge[/b], and a cleric enter a mysterious field; suddenly you see two cows. Roll and add the number to your milking skill to see how much milk you can get from them.[/quote]

did anybody else notice?

[Deornoth]

[b]The Gunslinger[/b]

The cow in black fled across the desert, and the cowslinger followed.

[Mackaxx]

[b]Portal[/b] -[b] [/b]You have two cows. That is a lie.

[Xalinor]

[b]Eragon[/b]: You have an entire book full of cows stolen from the Lord of the Rings and Star Wars.