The Board Stock Ticker

[Kat]

News concerning the diversification ("selling out") of Katran Geoservices, Inc. (KGI 19.84, -0.45) to include entertainment such as karaoke are mere unsubstantiated rumors. However, KGI stock prices have also dropped by 5.3% this week after the market collectively realized that there is little real profit in the carbon credit industry which allegedly funds KGI research. At least one KGI executive has gone on the record stating that they have never received funding from so-called "green business interests" and that this whole idea was born from "speculation without evidence" and "paranoia." KGI issued a press release stating that yes, the company would be in Denver, and assured stockholders that the company was increasing efficiency to cut costs. The company is expecting prices to rise following exploration of the Rocky Mountains, stating, "Rocks are cool."

In related news RhaegarTar USA stock price has maintained bewilderingly high this week when sticking to popular areas such as Mediterranean food. Investors were worried that the company would take a hit for denial of global warming without having a research arm at all, but a quick exit from that debate seemed to mean the market had not noticed. RhaegarTar Inc. continues to specialize in always-popular food, exercise, relationship, and controversy threads.

[Jacen]

[quote name='Jaime L' post='1452917' date='Jul 23 2008, 13.24']Tree-mendous.

Just for the record, JL Stearns is bullish on 2008. We believe the ASOIAF Board is undervalued in numerous sectors and once the Fed Mod Board takes the appropriate measures to lower its standards with regard to acceptable new thread investment, we can spur new capital and entrepreneurship in this economy.[/quote]

1. I dearly hope so. My future product launches and business alliances are heavily dependent upon this happening. Jacen Syndicate feels that the Federal Mod board has lately taken quite the heavy hand in board trades, mergers and acquisitions, etc. in the hopes of limiting market strife. This has lead to an over-ly cautious board environment. Action on the commodities market and day trading is at an all time low. Still, in the long run, the board has yet to have two quarters of negative growth, so it's possible we will pull out of this nose-dive.

-Speaking of the commodities market, I highly recommend buying up as many shares of Arbor Gold, Starkess Naval Enterprise, and Sparkling Iseult as possible.

2. The wild allegations and out-right lies of loose-cannon CEO S.John off C.John Corp. continue to dominate the head lines. His past is suspect and Jacen Syndicate deemed that the [url="http://360digest.com/wp-content/uploads/elvis20jesus20robert_e_lee.jpg"]cover sheet[/url] of his (C.John's) companies 2007 financial report belonged in the public domain. CEO Jacen was quoted earlier today at the Plaza hotel in NYC as stating "I really doubt C.John has the market power he thinks he has, what with all this talk of mass centipede avatars. It's not the 1980's anymore, and the public hates them".

;)

[Colder Hands]

word on the street is this thread is stirring interest from past investors that lost their shirts in the KSI and OS collapses.

regaining their financial backing could be huge for the portfolios of the boards.

[Shryke]

[quote name='Colder Hands' post='1453050' date='Jul 23 2008, 15.21']word on the street is this thread is stirring interest from past investors that lost their shirts in the KSI and OS collapses.

regaining their financial backing could be huge for the portfolios of the boards.[/quote]

Should have invested in Shrykecorp while it was on the rise. The technical limitations of the board (only 1 post per 20 seconds) mean it's growth is now more or less permanently capped.

[Mlle. Zabzie]

[quote name='Lucky Pierre' post='1452927' date='Jul 23 2008, 14.27'][size=3]We here at Lucky Pierre, Fortuitous Freda & Associate would like to remind everyone that all previous claims in thread have been without proper disclaimers. Namely;

[/size] [font="Times New Roman"][size=1][color="#ff0000"]Certain sections of this thread contain forward looking statements that are based on management's expectations, estimates, projections and assumptions. Words such as "expects", "anticipates", "plans", "believes", "scheduled", "estimates", and variations of these words and similar expressions are intended to identify forward-looking statements, which include but are not limited to projections of revenues, earnings, post counts, thread starts, sexual performance, thread flows, thread awards, thread failure, thread lockings, thread deletions and thread stability.

Forward-looking statements are made pursuant to the safe harbor provisions of the ASOIAF Reform Act of 2007, as amended. These statements are not guarantees of future performance and involve certain risks and uncertainties, which are difficult to predict. But can be summed up as general assholery. Especially when the posters have been drinking. Therefore, actual future results and trends may differ materially from what is forecast in forward-looking statements.[/color][/size][/font]

Class action status pending.

Contact (1-866-Our-Thrd)[/quote]

OMG :rofl:

Separately, Zabzyman Sachs continues to rise above the current market turmoil. Its Chairman and CEO was quoted today as saying:
[quote]It's hard to be us, particularly in rainstorms. It's impossible to get dirt out of white shoes, and it gets so tiresome to have to break in a new pair. As always we follow our business model of striving for excellence in the face of mediocrity and civility and gentlemanly teamwork in everything we win, I mean do, I mean, we always win, don't we?[/quote]

[VigoTheCarpathian]

We at Corporation Of Carpathia K-International ("Aren't we all just one big family?") are happy announce that our gradual broad diversification from our core business, heavily reliant on Goodkind-mocking manufacture and distribution, is a resounding success. Our forays into the Gen Chat and Entertainment markets have reaped modest dividends, and with Goodkind futures in flux, we are now confident our strategy of "research, adapt, dump on" will make us a bastion of stability in uncertain times.

Our persistent dedication to breaking the drunk-angry-industrial complex, traditionally dominated by Canadian syndicates and Central and East Coast conglomerates, has met with mixed results. Our marketing department has made in-roads by broadcasting drunken nonsense on the Chat channel, and we look forward to bringing our own special flavor of booze-fueled angst onto the market.

Some information about C.O.C.K.:

- We are committed to holding our carbon footprint to a minimum, while increasing our bourbon footprint to a maximum level.

- We are Earth-friendly, but not human-friendly.

- If there is a drinking thread, we will be there. If there is a humor thread, we will be there. If there is a political thread, we will read it, but shake our heads and walk away for fear of being sucked into posting. We believe any discussion of UHC is wankery.


Corporation of Carpathia: We could crush you, but we're lazy.

[Anatole Kuragin]

[quote name='Jacen' post='1453037' date='Jul 23 2008, 14.15']2. The wild allegations and out-right lies of loose-cannon CEO S.John off C.John Corp. continue to dominate the head lines. His past is suspect and Jacen Syndicate deemed that the [url="http://360digest.com/wp-content/uploads/elvis20jesus20robert_e_lee.jpg"]cover sheet[/url] of his (C.John's) companies 2007 financial report belonged in the public domain. CEO Jacen was quoted earlier today at the Plaza hotel in NYC as stating "I really doubt C.John has the market power he thinks he has, what with all this talk of mass centipede avatars. It's not the 1980's anymore, and the public hates them".

;)[/quote]

[url="http://youtube.com/watch?v=SARsExw1PYc"]http://youtube.com/watch?v=SARsExw1PYc[/url]

Anatole Kuragin, Inc., a private military contractor, is prepared to offer its services.

[S John]

Colleagues, Associates, Friends:

Before we swallow the tall-tales of the Jacen Syndicate wholesale, let us consider the following questions:

1. Do you think that an otter might tell you a lie?
2. Do you think that a beautiful woman might tell you a lie?
3. Would you tell a lie to an otter?
4. Would you tell a lie to a beautiful woman?

I trust that you answered these questions honestly. The writing is on the wall, folks. Through company logo's alone we can see which company is more dedicated to cultivating a relationship based on trust and honesty (mine), not only with it's share holders, but with the community at large and with each and every one of you.

[Ser Paladin]

[quote name='Colder Hands' post='1453050' date='Jul 23 2008, 15.21']word on the street is this thread is stirring interest from past investors that lost their shirts in the KSI and OS collapses.

regaining their financial backing could be huge for the portfolios of the boards.[/quote]
If KSI comes back, just buy KSI and put some money into one of the MOD Hedge Funds. Either way KSI goes, you win.

[Frog Eater]

[quote name='Shryke' post='1453062' date='Jul 23 2008, 15.29']Should have invested in Shrykecorp while it was on the rise. The technical limitations of the board (only 1 post per 20 seconds) mean it's growth is now more or less permanently capped.[/quote]


We at Cat Humiliated By Giant Frog Costume LLC (wholly owned subsidiary of Frogeater SAS), would like to offer those investors who missed out on Shrykecorp's meteoric rise, to sign on now with Frogeater SAS. We at Frogeater SAS see huge growth in our future and are very excited about meeting investors expectations.

[Centrist Simon Steele]

God you guys are such nerds. I'm going back to the hot Italian women thread.

[Harlot]

[quote name='Simon of Steele' post='1453109' date='Jul 23 2008, 16.03']God you guys are such nerds. I'm going back to the hot Italian women thread.[/quote]


Good luck. Hot Italian Women's assets have been frozen. :(

[Quoth]

Insiders tells us that Mya-YW, LLC.'s subsidiary, MAV Industrials, Inc., shows the greatest long term growth potential.

[Lucky Pierre]

[quote name='Harlot' post='1453116' date='Jul 23 2008, 16.07']Good luck. Hot Italian Women's assets have been frozen. :([/quote]

:tantrum:

Damn you... there was nothing wrong with my keyboard until this post!

[Lany Freelove Cassandra]

This week, in a surprise move, Cassandra Enterprises went public. The response has been pretty unbelievable so far. The first stocks were offered at $37.00 but quickly soared to over $100 and have remained that high. The CEO, Lany, had this to say “I am very pleased with the public’s response to our initial stock offering. I was a little concerned since I know many fundamentalist have been against this type of business , but I feel we offer a great and much needed service. Appoints are booked up three months in advance and we have had to expand our staff, proof that we are a stable company with unlimited growth potential.”

[Starkess]

:rofl:

I hope y'all get nabbed for insider trading!

[Shryke]

Shrykecorp, building off it's long history of sustainable growth, is contemplating the seizure and/or purchase of other groups assets. A unit designed to explore said assets for future exploitation is being assembled as we speak.

[potsherds]

[quote name='Shryke' post='1453146' date='Jul 23 2008, 21.18']Shrykecorp, building off it's long history of sustainable growth, is contemplating the seizure and/or purchase of other groups assets. A unit designed to explore said assets for future exploitation is being assembled as we speak.[/quote]
Ooooh. Hostile takeovers. :wideeyed: This is my kind of economics. *gets popcorn*

[DanteGabriel]

The board of Dante Depot/Gabriel Annunciations AktienGesellschaft typically eschews large advertising campaigns in favor of word-of-mouth and viral methods. However, we felt that, in the increasingly competitive climate of the board, we should issue a press release reminding interested consumers that the Dante/Gabriel posting brand is built on these cornerstones:

1. Liberal politics
2. Cafeteria Catholicism
3. The New England Patriots
4. Equal amounts love and loathing for the United States

DDGAAG can also leverage its non-North-American founding and early history of Third World investment to its advantage in an increasingly politically loaded environment. We bring you a dark-skinned credibility that our Caucasoid competition simply cannot match. The board of DDGAAG feels that this will attract a significant portion of the "Stuff White People Like" market.

We advise you to consider the long-term prospects of each of these endlessly renewable posting resources, along with the favorable market presence created by our unique provenance, and structure your own investments accordingly.

DDGAAG: Reliable growth with a minimum of exploitation.

[Space Bandito]

*[url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWksEJQEYVU"]Bald Guy Steps In[/url]*

You guys are NUTS!