Tobin Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 i feel like i'm dying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanteGabriel Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I'm so sorry, Tobin. A friend of mine is going through that and she's having a hard time dealing with it. Not sure what I can contribute other than to wish you strength for the tough times ahead and hope that things get better, somehow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tobin Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 my sister and mother are trying to get a lawyer because they don't trust me to stand up for myself. he said that he didn't want laywers involved because his parents would step in too - and then none of our agreements/wishes would matter. i still can't/won't believe that there is no hope for us. denial can be a beautiful and ugly thing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angie Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I have no advice, but you have my sympathy. Stay strong & you'll get through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edda van Heefmstra Ruston Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I'm sorry, Tobin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IheartTesla Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Sorry to hear that Tobin. Stay strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancing Queen Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 If there are significant assets or children involved, I would definitely see a lawyer. I have a hard time believing his parents can override the legal process, and he might be trying to pull a fast one here since he is the one both initiating the divorce and saying he doesn't want lawyers involved. Even if he won't go to marriage counseling, a therapist can help you work through the grieving process and learn how to take care of yourself during this difficult time. Also, if assertiveness is difficult for you, s/he can help you with that as well. :grouphug: Hugs and best wishes, DQ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lany Freelove Cassandra Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Many hugs and my sympathy. It's never an easy thing. Do see if you can talk him into some sort of councelling. About the lawyers, I say it is always better to be safe than sorry. Even if you don't use one for the actual divorce, at least consult with one so you can be fully aware of all your rights. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myrddin Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 [quote name='Tobin' post='1563656' date='Oct 22 2008, 08.10']my sister and mother are trying to get a lawyer because they don't trust me to stand up for myself. he said that he didn't want laywers involved because his parents would step in too - and then none of our agreements/wishes would matter. i still can't/won't believe that there is no hope for us. denial can be a beautiful and ugly thing[/quote] The parents would step in? That's, well, wow. I'm so sorry, Tobin. My brother's wife told him the same thing last year. It was heartbreaking to see happen, so I can only imagine what it must be like to experience. I wish I had words to type that would help. All I can say is that we're here for you. /hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tobin Posted October 22, 2008 Author Share Posted October 22, 2008 [quote name='Cocomaan' post='1563663' date='Oct 22 2008, 10.16']I realize you've probably already considered this, but is there any hope for marriage therapy or something?[/quote] he thinks it would be a waste of money and time. others have told me that counselling is required to approve a divorce in florida, but i don't know. is it foolish to still hope to be friends with him afterwards? my mother thinks that i'll cave to anything he asks because i don't want to make him angry and ruin any chances in the future. she's probably right Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Cable Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I went through a divorce 4 years ago (no children and no lawyers). It's still very painful. My best to you. Be strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ser Scot A Ellison Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Tobin, I hope, whatever the outcome is, it works out for the best for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harlot Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 You have my sympathies. I agree with the suggestion that you at least consult with an attorney. You're very emotional now so don't agree to anything or sign anything until you've had time to decompress and process this. You'll feel much, much worse about it later if you feel you acted irrational, were taken advantage of or didn't take the time to protect yourself. Best of luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frog Eater Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I am sorry to hear. I would try to convince him to go to counseling, maybe he will see his marriage is worth saving. You have my deepest sympathies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mlle. Zabzie Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 :grouphug: I'm so sorry, Tobin. I know what a difficult position you are in. Please do yourself a favor and get a lawyer, especially if there are assets (and that means a house too, if you have one) involved. It will help you get some distance from the process and help you to keep from "caving." Separately, there are support groups out there of women going through divorces. You should see if there's one in your area. It really helped my aunt when she was going through a really nasty divorce with her ex-pig, er, husband. My memory is that you don't have children. If that's so, I would not waste the emotional energy trying to be friends with him. A clean break is the best break. I know that it's hard to imagine life without him right now, but if he is really set on this, there isn't a "future" with him. Your future is yourself, your strength and your family. Best of luck to you. We're here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mashiara Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I'm so sorry to hear that Tobin. :grouphug: I wish things were different for you. Listen to what the people in this thread are saying. If you can't convince him to try some councelling then seeing an attorney is the wise thing to do. Best of luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 I'm so sorry to hear that the situation is not working out the way you'd like it to. *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xray the Enforcer Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Tobin, I am so sorry to hear about this. :( I agree with the others who've said that you should probably get a lawyer just to make sure that you're getting treated fairly. It sounds like your husband is trying to railroad you into something that will be quite harmful to you in the end (saying "No lawyers" and threatening to sic his parents on you). That's dodgy, controlling creep behavior. Much courage and strength, and I hope things work out for the best, even in this shitty situation. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellis Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 :grouphug: It feels as though you were just posting pictures in the wedding thread last week. This must be so painful for you, but you have to hope and faith and believe that there will be a decades of life without him in the future, and there will be new good memories, and new moments of happiness. You just have to get through this period, right now, one day at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Raidne Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Tobin, I'm so sorry. If it looks like it's really going to happen, I'd recommend divorce mediation. You both hire one attorney who mediates the process between the two of you - you can also hire you own individual attorneys, or not. Just Google divorce mediation Florida and you'll find tons of links. That way it's informal, there's very little formal court involved, but you still have an attorney present to give you both some idea of what's normal, handle the details of drafting the agreement, and keep you from getting taken advantage of, but without the adversarial process of divorce court. Maybe when the mediation agreement is finalized, [i]then[/i] run it by a separate attorney just to see what they think about it before you sign it. But, IMO, there's usually no need for everyone to lawyer up to the teeth. Also, if there is anything that's being overlooked that can be done to save the marriage, there's a much better chance of it coming up during mediation that through the adversarial process of court. I would never say you should count on it, but it certainly happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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