Goodkind XLVI: Behold the BRILLIANCE

[Grendalen]

A Neo-Fascist Reactionary Fifth Column of ostentatiously good Objectiveist slaves, left behind to sabotage the Great Experiment. Father Goodkind teaches about the enemy within.

Please tell me the enemy within wears red leather and wields pain-bringing dildos.

Pleeease.

[SerNotAppearingOnThisBoard]

That flash movie crashed my browser. As if I needed another reason to dislike Terry Goodkind. Might not even be his fault, but I'm blaming him anyway.

[TheKassi]

let me guess, you used a communist browser?

Doof.

[Jaxom 1974]

Richard is carving yet another statue to show the world how stone can make profound changes in men's hearts. An accident happens, thanks to someone else's incompetence, and the head of the statue breaks free, striking Richard squarely in his noggin. The trauma changes our hero into a lib-commie-socialist and HE kidnaps Kahlan. Problem solved.

Great news. As for the plot, isn't it obvious? Richard, God-King of all creation, takes a 5 year vacation with his hawt wife and their hawt bodyguard. Things get hawt. But upon return Richard finds out that a small group of hippies has managed to pass a universal healthcare bill in his absence. And what's more these hippies have actually managed to convince the people that the bill is a good thing! Richard and his band of insipid followers must now set out to find the magically hidden kingdom of Republicon in order to learn how to defeat the evil hippies. I don't want to spoil it, but suffice to say that along the way Kahlan is kidnapped, jaws are kicked, spines are ripped, and holes are punched.

A Neo-Fascist Reactionary Fifth Column of ostentatiously good Objectiveist slaves, left behind to sabotage the Great Experiment. Father Goodkind teaches about the enemy within.

All excellent thoughts...but I'm thinking he's going to go more the Tom Clancy and the Red Rabbit route where the tale will be one from a time when Richard and Kahlan were travelling about the Midlands, possibly to stop Darken Rahl all the way back in the first novel, but it's a part of the story we hadn't heard of before, but it'll be jammed into the original narative with a sledgehammer and continuity be damned!

[Myshkin]

It is absurd how excited I am to lambast this in the future.

Not at all sir, not at all.

All excellent thoughts...but I'm thinking he's going to go more the Tom Clancy and the Red Rabbit route where the tale will be one from a time when Richard and Kahlan were travelling about the Midlands, possibly to stop Darken Rahl all the way back in the first novel, but it's a part of the story we hadn't heard of before, but it'll be jammed into the original narative with a sledgehammer and continuity be damned!

We have a winner.

[Ecchi-Oni]

How about evil commies in star ship Enterprise make a landfall on the Yeard planet and Richard has to slaughter his way through a horde of red shirt hippies before ripping young William Shatner's spine out? After all Tairy just might branch into sci-fi.

[Grendalen]

let me guess, you used a communist browser?

Doof.

So that's why it worked like a charm on my China-hating Google Chrome browser.

[TheKassi]

Of course. Try to play it on firefox running on lenix and and the shockwave video will be converted into a stream of bright flashes and harsh noises known to give 93.2% of humanity nose bleeds and seizures. If you freaking lemmings insist on choosing death, Mister Goodkind will be pleased to assist in anyway he can upon entry to his virtual domain.

Attempt to enter his non-virtue domain and his statuesque blond wife will pin you to the ground while he makes you scream with his leathery rod shaped interrogation device.

In his light We thrive. At his mercy you are shafted.

[MinDonner]

Now if only he can work some pirate plumbers into this one, my joy will be complete.

[pat5150]

Can't wait to hear him tell us that this is by no means a return to the fantasy genre. . . :P

Patrick

[Jussi]

So we are not going to get more "standalone mainstream novels" from Goodkind...

After a long career with Tor, bestselling fantasy writer Terry Goodkind is moving to Putnam. Ivan Held, president of G. P. Putnam’s Sons, acquired U.S. hardcover and paperback rights in a joint venture with Berkley Books. Putnam will publish the novels—which will be mainstream fiction, not fantasy—in hardcover; Berkley will publish the paperbacks. The first book will pub in fall 2009. Susan Allison, v-p, executive editor at Berkley, will edit all three books, which are standalones and not part of a series.

http://www.publishersweekly.com/article/395644-Terry_Goodkind_Moves_to_Putnam_for_Three_Book_Deal.php

[Grendalen]

So we are not going to get more "standalone mainstream novels" from Goodkind...

http://www.publishersweekly.com/article/395644-Terry_Goodkind_Moves_to_Putnam_for_Three_Book_Deal.php

He recognizes that there wasn't all that much worthy of mock in LotN.

[The Evil Hat]

I'm really tempted to pick this one up, but I have a question: having only read these summaries for every book after half of Stone of Tears, would I be able to follow the plot? Eh, screw it, I think I'll catch up...

[Tormund Ukrainesbane]

Holyshitholyshitholyshit.

Richard Rahl is real. And he lives in Senegal.

[Grendalen]

Holyshitholyshitholyshit.

Richard Rahl is real. And he lives in Senegal.

Look, father! Hippies!!

[pat5150]

Just to clarify, are the pirate plumbers for real??? :stunned:

Patrick

[Morrigan]

HAHAHAHA awesome.

or the cancellation of Legend of the Seeker on TV?

Whoa, really? *checks Wikipedia for confirmation*

Hmm, it says,

The Tribune Company has decided not to renew the series as of March 4, 2010, but it may still be picked up by another network as Legend of the Seeker is owned by ABC and not Tribune. ABC has announced that while Tribune has decided to drop Seeker from several of its stations, it is not the deciding factor on whether it is cancelled completely.[3][4][5]

Hopefully that means it really is cancelled. Can't believe that thing would be remotely popular, really.

[Grendalen]

Just to clarify, are the pirate plumbers for real??? :stunned:

Patrick

Dude... page one. Paragraph one.

It was the pirate flag flying atop the plumbing truck that first caught his attention. The white skull and crossbones seemed to be straining to keep from being blown off the flapping black flag as the flatbed truck, apparently trying to beat the light, cannonballed through the intersection. The truck heeled over as it cut an arc around the corner. White PVC pipe rolled across the diamond plate of the truck bed, sounding like the sharp rattle of bones. At the speed it was traveling the truck looked to be in danger of capsizing.

[The Pita]

I really hope Legend of the Seeker isn't cancelled. It's not bad, and I'm liking Bridget Regan. It's stupid, but it's fun.

[Zeriah]

I really hope Legend of the Seeker isn't cancelled. It's not bad, and I'm liking Bridget Regan. It's stupid, but it's fun.

The show is such a joke. This last episode was pretty hilarious. Its like a train wreck, so I hope it isnt cancelled too. A couple epsiodes ago you could see Terry again (they mentioned Nicci getting raped 3 times by the same person. rotfl!)