Sniffing Sister's and Mother's Panties

[Cantabile]

I just received a phonecall from my son, requesting advice about his own children. To make a long story short: My grandson has apparently hit early puberty, and has not had any sexual education, "The Talk", or anything like that. I'm sure a lot of you can remember when you first hit puberty, discovered your penis could be used for funner things than urinatian, and went wild with the mystery and exploration of this new aspect of your life.

Well, apparently last week my grandson was discovered by his father, sniffing his own sister's used underwear while doing laundry. My son did not think it was sexual in any way at first; maybe he just smelt a weird odor, and held it up to his nose out of curiosity. It's not abnormal to go, "Wtf is that smell?" then out of morbid curiosity take a bigger whiff of the item. He's a kid, after all!

However, when he saw his dad looking he freaked out with the usual guilty caught-in-the-act responses people give. Still, my son just assumed that he had heard something from his friends about the smell of women's underwear, and out of innocent curiosity gave it a whiff. A little curiosity doesn't hurt. I certainly remember when I hit puberty and first heard about the scent of a woman's underareas, and it naturally piqued my curiosity.

Soon after, however, my son discovered pornography on the family computer. More specifically, Disney and video-game hentai. It became obvious that my grandson had finally reached puberty, and the "exploration stage" had begun. My son kept a closer eye on him after that, and yesterday caught his child sneaking his mother's and sister's underwear into his pockets while doing laundry, then going into the bathroom with them, then going back out to the laundryroom and putting them back. There were wet marks on the underwear, as though he had tried washing off semen stains in the bathroom afterwards.

As you can imagine, his father freaked out, and I got a phonecall. He hasn't approached my grandson about the issue, and neither of us really know how to proceed. He hasn't mentioned it to his wife either, because he's afraid of how she'd take it that her son is jacking off with her panties.

I told my son that it did NOT mean necessarily that the kid has any sexual attraction to his sister or mother. Panties are objects linked to female sexuality, as is the scent, and that alone could simply be getting him off, and he could be using it to imagine other women. That is the most likely scenario in my mind, as I've had friends who have used their girlfriends' underwear to masturbate, while not even thinking of their girlfriends. It's just the object/scent itself that helps creativity.

But either way, my son doesn't want this to continue happening, or to progress. Even if it's harmless and he doesn't know better, having it evolve into something more serious, or being discovered by his sister/mother, could have a pretty big backlash. Yet how is my son supposed to approach this? Talk about it directly to his son, and just deal with the awkwardness/embarassment that will result? Should he discuss it with his wife? Or just monitor it for now, hope it's a passing thing, and only take action if it gets worse?

God, I honestly feel bad for my grandson; I can't imagine having that conversation with my own father. I remember when my mother caught me roleplaying Tarzan and Jane in my bed with a pillow when I first hit puberty, and I was shame-stricken and awkward around her for a long time after.

[Lord O' Bones]

Well. This definitely lived up to the anticipation and more.

*goes off to be speechless for a while as well*

[Darkostar]

Apart from the first incident, this probably stems from the kid lookin' at hentai; there are vending machines in Japan where you can buy used panties, so the trope is obviously common in their pornography.

What your son needs to do is go for the overwhelming pre-emptive strike. Look, there is no such thing as a harmful kink, but there are harmful ways to indulge them. What the kid needs to discover is that there is a right way and a wrong way to approach your sexual desires, and your son is gonna have to have a talk to help him with that. Otherwise it's gonna be rough for him, and possibly those around him.

[Spastic Plastic]

Give your grandson the Randyll Tarly discipline and force him to walk around in public wearing his mom's underwear. That will cure him, for sure.

On a more serious note, I agree with Rhllor Coaster above. Tell your son to man up and have "the talk" with the kid as soon as possible, before his weirder tendencies become a regular habit.

[Tempra]

Apart from the first incident, this probably stems from the kid lookin' at hentai; there are vending machines in Japan where you can buy used panties, so the trope is obviously common in their pornography.

What your son needs to do is go for the overwhelming pre-emptive strike. Look, there is no such thing as a harmful kink, but there are harmful ways to indulge them. What the kid needs to discover is that there is a right way and a wrong way to approach your sexual desires, and your son is gonna have to have a talk to help him with that. Otherwise it's gonna be rough for him, and possibly those around him.

Agree with the pre-emptive strike. I can imagine the grandson's sister spreading the rumor in a fit of rage. Imagine this poor kid going through school as the boy who jacks off in his mother's panties? God help him.

[Darkostar]

The absolute worst thing your son can do is to make his kid feel ashamed of his desires, and not talking to him about it after his discovery is going to set up a dynamic where his kid won't feel comfortable talking to his dad about important stuff like this. Which, in turn, can lead to may dangerous ways of indulging his kinks.

[Xray the Enforcer]

Agreed with R'hllor Coaster/Darkostar on all counts.

[BigFatCoward]

nothing really that wrong with this, don't freak the kid out and don't make a big deal as stated above, how old is the kid exactly?

good thread title, does exactly what it says on the tin.

[Cantabile]

I suppose the main dilemma at the moment is whether or not to discuss this with his wife, or keep it between him and his son. On one hand, this is her son as much as it is his, and if she finds out he didn't talk to her about it then I imagine she'll be very hurt and angry. But on the other hand, the kid would be very ashamed if he finds out his mother knows, and might even feel betrayed by his dad if he tells her.

[kuroishi]

I suppose the main dilemma at the moment is whether or not to discuss this with his wife, or keep it between him and his son. On one hand, this is her son as much as it is his, and if she finds out he didn't talk to her about it then I imagine she'll be very hurt and angry. But on the other hand, the kid would be very ashamed if he finds out his mother knows, and might even feel betrayed by his dad if he tells her.

I'd say don't tell his wife. I'm not sure she needs to know this and your grandson would be relieved when confronted if he learns that she doesn't know.

[Darkostar]

I suppose the main dilemma at the moment is whether or not to discuss this with his wife, or keep it between him and his son. On one hand, this is her son as much as it is his, and if she finds out he didn't talk to her about it then I imagine she'll be very hurt and angry. But on the other hand, the kid would be very ashamed if he finds out his mother knows, and might even feel betrayed by his dad if he tells her.

He (the son) needs to be addressed first. Once some sort of resolution is reached, then bring the wife in. She'll feel much more comfortable knowing that the issue is dealt with and that there is an ongoing plan. Bringing it up beforehand could create a situation where he's getting two conflicting viewpoints, which won't help him at all as he struggles to figure out what the hell is going on with his body.

[Maltaran]

I'm thinking talk with the kid first, and maybe mention something non-specific to the wife afterwards (possibly just "I caught him looking at porn, and we had The Talk"). But then, I don't have kids or a wife, so I have no experience to back up my opinions.

[Old Nan]

Well, the important question is, does the kid have a chance with the mother or sister? 'Cause if not, you've got to set him down hard about creepy shit like this.

[Lord O' Bones]

Somewhere, at some point, after important things have been addressed or not, maybe it's time for mowing the lawn instead of doing laundry?

[Shryke]

Soon after, however, my son discovered pornography on the family computer. More specifically, Disney and video-game hentai.

There's your problem.

[Cantabile]

There's your problem.

I think my son is more worried about the panties than the hentai at the moment, but that will probably be the next discussion.

Then again, I am not sure how comfortable I feel trying to dictate someone's porn preferences. That's a tough one. I believe that it's easier to function in most relationships without having abnormal kinks and fantasies, as many people become sexually frustrated, uninterested, or even resentful towards their sexual partners when their kinks/fetishes are disapproved of or not fulfilled.

Once you have those kinks, it's hard to really get rid of them, so it makes sense to try to squash it before it becomes an embedded piece of one's sexuality. And I see benefit in that, but at the same time that just seems very controlling. I don't know, it's not something I ever dealt with with my own kids.

Besides, I've had fetishes my entire life, and know that I'd be pretty pissed if someone tried to explain to me that they're "wrong" or "unhealthy" just because it's easier to function in a higher percentage of relationships without them. That's a tough one. Personally, I let my kids explore their own sexuality and tried not to get involved at all, and just let it sort itself out. Worked pretty well, I think. At least if they have any fetishes for singing cartoon animals I'm not aware of it :P

[Darkostar]

I believe that it's easier to function in most relationships without having abnormal kinks and fantasies, as many people become sexually frustrated, uninterested, or even resentful towards their sexual partners when their kinks/fetishes are disapproved of or not fulfilled.

Fulfillment is subjective, thankfully. Not everyone with a Necro fetish is gonna dig up Grandma for a good time, y'know? It's about learning to channel those urges in ways that aren't self-destructive.

[Analu]

nothing really that wrong with this, don't freak the kid out and don't make a big deal as stated above, how old is the kid exactly?

No, there's a LOT wrong with that, IMO. Especially in this day and age, when porn is so easily obtainable. How is sniffing your mom and sisters used panties not a big deal?

I mean, a lot of people think I have an unusually close relationship with my mom and sisters, and it's true we're really close. But sniffing their panties would be the very last thing I'd ever think about doing, no matter how hormonally imbalanced I was in my early teens.

Agree with the dad talking about it with him 1-on-1 before telling anyone else. I don't like keeping anything from my wife, but something like this? I think I'd try to deal with it first before telling her, and embarrassing him, her, others, etc. I can understand why he'd be freaked out about this. I'm shocked just reading this, and wouldn't know what to do. I'd probably contact a child shrink or google it and see if any relevant advice comes up.

[Darkostar]

It's not terribly uncommon as a fetish, the sniffing thing. If it's just the sniffing fetish, then the wife and sister are just the most convenient source. At that point, he just needs to be made aware that there are better ways to indulge himself that won't endanger his familial relationships. If it's an incest fetish, that's tricker, but still manageable.

[aimlessgun]

Can't really think of anything except...you're sure nobody involved is a ASoIaF fan right?