Writing Erotica About Your Mother

[Spastic Plastic]

'this kid is a fuckin weirdo'. i think everyone has been keeping this to themselves for a while as every body likes cantabile but seriously, its just getting to the point where i think he needs sectioned rather than therapy. i don't think the kid is necessarily to blame from what i've read of the home dynamic but he is a fucking crackerjack.

sorry cantabile, i like your posts a lot and you seem like a decent person but this kid is fucking sick.

Way to write off a person from a young age. If he's given the right therapy, cut off from the internet, and separated from his mom for a longer period of time, I'm sure he'll turn out to be normal, functioning person.

[Mya Stone]

I have read through this thread and some of this one. All these behaviors are symptoms of the same thing. Professional help and involvement is warranted at this point. The entry point is your grandson talking to a therapist, other services can grow from around there. Some of the sexual stuff, specifically the web cam chats, is enough for a a report to child protection if nothing is done about it by the parents. I know that as a mandated reporter, I would have to report this issue. If I remember correctly you stated mom was willing to take her child to medication management, this should be an easily manipulated point. Any mental health practioner worth his or her salt will be able to pick up the underlying issues that are occurring. If his school ever caught wind of some of this behavior, there is a good chance they would report it.

I was thinking the same thing, Guy. I would have no choice but to report it. And yes, if the school ever caught wind, they would report it as well. Actually, maybe a good place to start is by getting the child into his school adjustment counselor, and they can go from there. They also usually have good recommendations for family therapists. I've had many of my clients do this, and they've had positive results as it got them slowly introduced to the world of "counseling."

[BigFatCoward]

Way to write off a person from a young age. If he's given the right therapy, cut off from the internet, and separated from his mom for a longer period of time, I'm sure he'll turn out to be normal, functioning person.

you are totally right, being in therapy, socially ostracised and familial seperation are totally the keys to being a well rounded individual. the kid is odd, not his fault but would you let him date your little sister or daughter? anyone on here think that would be ok? no, cos he is freaky freaky.

[Cantabile]

When did you discover this little project? Did he just start writing it or is it old, because if it's very recent maybe he found out about the key logger. If not than it may be time to get him some therapy.

My son didn't say how old the files were. He was probably too shocked to even think of looking at a date, but they're at least older than since the keylogger got put on, since my son had to snoop to find the files.

Cantabile I do not know what to say, the kid is obviously feeling outcast and hated and very alone this is why he has written these stories. What he needs is of course as everyone has said is therapy and a fixed home situation.

Maybe more importantly he needs to know there is someone out there who loves him unconditionally and is willing to show it.

If you can do this for him you will become his rock upon which to stand when everything else is shifting sands to him.

That doesn't mean supporting his current writing habit either, you can still set certain standards just make sure you support him in every positive thing he does.

I will do my very best to help the kid. I've felt a strong attachment to him since he was born, and in many ways I feel like he's more of a mini-son than a grandson to me. He's showed interest in learning Japanese, due to all the anime he watches, and I'm thinking of finding him a tutor since school doesn't offer it. Learning a foreign language might be a great way to use up his time and energies, especially if he becomes passionate about it.

I know right. At first I was like, "This kid is a little strange, but like only like 7% Japanese strange." Now he's reached 85% Japanese strange.

...What is 100%? I can't imagine this situation being worse, minus him actually enacting these fantasies. And that day will never come, I pray, and will do my best to ensure.

Has anyone talked to the granddaughter lately? She hasn't gotten much mention but I'm feeling like she might need some help too, if this household is as poisonous as it sounds.

I haven't mentioned her much since other than the panties thing she hasn't really been involved in this. She's a great kid...but then again, I would have never imagined these problems existed with my grandson, so it's possibly she has problems too, and is just hiding them. She'll definitely be involved in the therapy, as the whole family needs to work on this together. She'll likely think it's stupid and complain about having to go, but she'll get over it.

I have read through this thread and some of this one. All these behaviors are symptoms of the same thing. Professional help and involvement is warranted at this point. The entry point is your grandson talking to a therapist, other services can grow from around there. Some of the sexual stuff, specifically the web cam chats, is enough for a a report to child protection if nothing is done about it by the parents.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my last post in the other thread, since I was still shocked by the erotica, but my son took away the webcam after reading their last chat log. Clearly my daughter's conversation with him about privacy rights didn't sink in, since he was talking about the lockerroom. Replacing his cell phone with one that doesn't have a camera or video recording is going to be the next step, to make sure the voyeurism stops. My son was even considering cutting off the household internet for a while, and making the kid use library computers for school work and such (the parents have phones with 3G, so not having home internet won't be too much of a problem for them) to ensure he can't do anything questionable. This would be really unfair to my granddaughter though.

[The Evil Hat]

Would there be a way to remove internet on only his computer? Just disable its wireless router or something like that. Of course, he'd likely then just beg the sister to let him on, and, while I think looking at porn on someone else's computer would be bizarre, I would've said the same about sniffing their underwear, so, uh, yeah.

Happy to hear that the webcam's been taken away, at least. What reason was given?

[Insert Edit]

you are totally right, being in therapy, socially ostracised and familial seperation are totally the keys to being a well rounded individual.

Curious, ever been?

[Liadin]

I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my last post in the other thread, since I was still shocked by the erotica, but my son took away the webcam after reading their last chat log. Clearly my daughter's conversation with him about privacy rights didn't sink in, since he was talking about the lockerroom. Replacing his cell phone with one that doesn't have a camera or video recording is going to be the next step, to make sure the voyeurism stops. My son was even considering cutting off the household internet for a while, and making the kid use library computers for school work and such (the parents have phones with 3G, so not having home internet won't be too much of a problem for them) to ensure he can't do anything questionable. This would be really unfair to my granddaughter though.

Having one computer that the kids can use, and putting it in a public place such as the living room, would help a lot. Or, since at this point it doesn't sound realistic for his parents to continue to pretend they don't know about anything he's been up to, they could just take the computer out of his room. Why does a 12 year old need his own computer anyway?

Also, there are ways to block computers from accessing porn and such.

[Kalbear]

But still, the type of stuff he wrote was absolutely deprived. Things like anal-raping her at a zoo, then sticking a tube up her anus, and inserting venomous snakes into it, and raping her from behind while another man forces her to give him oral sex, pinching her noise so she can't breathe and suffocates on his penis. What the hell?

Yeah, that's going in the vault.

[Cantabile]

I was thinking the same thing, Guy. I would have no choice but to report it. And yes, if the school ever caught wind, they would report it as well. Actually, maybe a good place to start is by getting the child into his school adjustment counselor, and they can go from there. They also usually have good recommendations for family therapists. I've had many of my clients do this, and they've had positive results as it got them slowly introduced to the world of "counseling."

Wow, I can't believe I didn't even think of school counselors as a starting place. Thank you, I'll check it out :)

Would there be a way to remove internet on only his computer? Just disable its wireless router or something like that. Of course, he'd likely then just beg the sister to let him on, and, while I think looking at porn on someone else's computer would be bizarre, I would've said the same about sniffing their underwear, so, uh, yeah.

Happy to hear that the webcam's been taken away, at least. What reason was given?

I'm not very tech savvy, so I'm not sure if it's possible to only remove it on one computer. The thing is, my son doesn't want the kid to realize that the parents know all this yet, but to slowly address these issues one by one through counseling. So if they just cut off the household internet, he can come up with tons of excuses like problems with the service, not having the money to pay it right now, and such.

My grandson isn't home from school yet, pretty sure, so I doubt he knows his webcam is gone yet. My son didn't tell me what he was going to say either.

[The Evil Hat]

The computer in the living room idea could still work, then. Perhaps they no longer want to pay for multiple computers or internet access codes or whatever they want to say. I doubt the kid knows the intricacies of the bill.

[Eponine]

I'm not very tech savvy, so I'm not sure if it's possible to only remove it on one computer. The thing is, my son doesn't want the kid to realize that the parents know all this yet, but to slowly address these issues one by one through counseling. So if they just cut off the household internet, he can come up with tons of excuses like problems with the service, not having the money to pay it right now, and such.

It sucks that the way that his parents found out about it was through snooping, but it's going to end up being more damaging in the long run for the kid to find out that not only was his father snooping, but then made up ridiculous lies to cover it up. If they do get into counseling, he's going to end up knowing that his parents must have looked on his computer.

No kid has a right to unlimited internet access without parental supervision, and this is a place where I think a parent is perfectly justified in simply saying that he changed his mind about letting his son have a computer in his own room without having to make up any excuses or give any justification except that it's time to set boundaries.

"Son, I need to talk to you. I looked at your computer files and I'm sorry that I violated your trust in that way. It is my fault for not setting up rules about computer use. However, I saw some things that worried me..." I think that's a much better way to approach the issue than telling the kid they're shutting off the internet in the entire house because they have financial issues.

[BigFatCoward]

Curious, ever been?

sorry, didn't make myself properly clear, i didn't mean the therapy per se. i meant the stigma that comes from it. however i kind of just realised that this took place in another country and i'm not sure how much of a stigma there is for a 12 year old kid going into therapy in america.

[Liadin]

I had a post all typed out, but it's basically what Eponine said. Parents don't have to excuse themselves with convoluted arguments when they want to make new rules. I think eventually they'll have to let him know that they know what he's been up to, but until then, "Because I said so" is perfectly valid.

[Insert Edit]

sorry, didn't make myself properly clear, i didn't mean the therapy per se. i meant the stigma that comes from it. however i kind of just realised that this took place in another country and i'm not sure how much of a stigma there is for a 12 year old kid going into therapy in america.

Why would anyone know about the kid attending therapy?

[Spastic Plastic]

sorry, didn't make myself properly clear, i didn't mean the therapy per se. i meant the stigma that comes from it. however i kind of just realised that this took place in another country and i'm not sure how much of a stigma there is for a 12 year old kid going into therapy in america.

You must live in a really backwards place if there's a stigma on therapy. Sorry.

I also find it funny that you said being cut off from the internet is the same as being socially ostracized. On the contrary, cutting his internet would encourage him to hang out more with real-life friends and not making friends with middle-aged paedos online.

[Cantabile]

It sucks that the way that his parents found out about it was through snooping, but it's going to end up being more damaging in the long run for the kid to find out that not only was his father snooping, but then made up ridiculous lies to cover it up. If they do get into counseling, he's going to end up knowing that his parents must have looked on his computer.

No kid has a right to unlimited internet access without parental supervision, and this is a place where I think a parent is perfectly justified in simply saying that he changed his mind about letting his son have a computer in his own room without having to make up any excuses or give any justification except that it's time to set boundaries.

Good point. Having it in a more public place is a great option, though there's always the issue of being able to browse whatever he wants when the parents are gone. Looking into parental locks and such might be a good idea. I don't think my grandson is tech savvy enough to bypass those features like some kids do these days.

If he takes not having a webcam well, then hopefully he won't also be too angry at the change in computer situations.

[Liadin]

If he takes not having a webcam well, then hopefully he won't also be too angry at the change in computer situations.

Based on what you've already told us about your son, it's not terribly surprising that this is how his thought process works, but really: we're talking about a 12-year-old. His anger or lack thereof should not be a factor.

[Jaak]

I also find it funny that you said being cut off from the internet is the same as being socially ostracized. On the contrary, cutting his internet would encourage him to hang out more with real-life friends and not making friends with middle-aged paedos online.

Or else encourage him to move from talking online about his plans to peep at girl´s changing rooms to carrying out the plan. Or carrying out some other plans he has been fantasizing on.

But since his aunt does not seem to have been persuasive, the boy is too much of a loose cannon no matter what you do. Certainly cutting off online chats on sex means that you do not know what else he might have told next... but you have learned enough to be alarmed.

Anger of 12 year old does matter. Oh yes, children ought to obey. But the matter is, what you now need is trust, not obedience in your face. A child can always refuse to talk, share his thoughts and listen - no matter whether he is 13, 30 or just 3 and no matter whether the talking is done by mother, father, aunt, grandfather, therapist or police.

So you need to figure out how to confess to snooping in such a way as to work towards gaining his trust.

[Cantabile]

So you need to figure out how to confess to snooping in such a way as to work towards gaining his trust.

I can't really think of how to gain his trust by saying they violated his trust, though.

Taking the webcam did not go over well. My grandson interpreted what my son said as being that they don't trust him, and in his anger went onto my son's computer and password protected it, and now refuses to let him know the password, mentioning tons of things over the years that has led him to doubt his father's trustworthiness, and that because of those things he believes my son should only be using the computer under his supervision. Sigh. I'll be driving down there soon, and it shouldn't be too hard to fix the issue.

[Liadin]

Anger of 12 year old does matter. Oh yes, children ought to obey. But the matter is, what you now need is trust, not obedience in your face. A child can always refuse to talk, share his thoughts and listen - no matter whether he is 13, 30 or just 3 and no matter whether the talking is done by mother, father, aunt, grandfather, therapist or police.

Sure, building trust is important. But that absolutely does not mean that the parents shouldn't be making rules--like, no webcam, and no unlimited, unsupervised Internet access. Based on Cantabile's post, it sounds like the kid thinks he's in charge--when it comes to his father, at any rate. And how are the parents supposed to change his behavior when they don't have his respect?