Writing Erotica About Your Mother

[Lord O' Bones]

Eh...I've been to Tokyo as well, and AFAIK, the otaku demographic that watches sexually deviant cartoons is very much despised by the mainstream Japanese culture.

I also lived there for four years. Not merely been to. So how dare you...

Well, you probably know better than me (you said you've lived in Japan?), since I've just visited the place.

Oh well that's cool then. But seriously. I had girlfriends tell me stories about being groped on trains as a matter of course. It's frustrating as fuck. And when I started to notice young girls gravitate towards me on trains, and realized it was solely because the pervs knew I wouldn't tolerate that shit in my sight, it was an awful realization.

EDIT: And the whole "businessmen reading porn on trains" thing comes from the fact that Japanese people are super-polite and will never cause a scene in public. This allows people to read tentacle porn next to children if they feel like it, and they'll get away scot-free.

Still creepy to me.

Why on earth would any sane person go to Akibahara? It's a cesspool of weirdness. I went to Roppongi instead (in fact, I barely left the place during my short stay in Japan).

This explains so much. (Though I too, spent as much time in Roppongi as possible.)

[Cantabile]

So, has the kid ever had other interests? Maybe you could take him to a ball game, I dunno. Sounds like he needs to get out of the house.

He's not really into sports and such, though he enjoys going to museums, opera, orchestra performances, and other fine art places. To be honest I don't really have the money to take him to many of the places he'd enjoy. My wife suggested to try and get him into Geocaching.

Eh...I've been to Tokyo as well, and AFAIK, the otaku demographic that watches sexually deviant cartoons is very much despised by the mainstream Japanese culture.

From all the Japanese people I've known and been friends with over the years, my overwhelming impression has been that, indeed, 99.9% of the society thinks things like that is absolutely disgusting and perverted. There's no denying that Western media focuses on "weird Japan" due to sensationalism, and magnifies a problem a thousandfold what it actually is. There are certainly many kinks there, but the same applies to Western pornography too. I'd wager that California produces far more BDSM and other kink pornography than probably every other country put together :P

additionally, grrm's incest writing is used to tell a much larger story and frankly is not really meant as erotica, not meant as a manifestation of his fantasies, and not coupled with jerking off in bed with his mom or into her panties. A sexual fixation on your mother is not a kink, it is a recognized psychological complex. I know a lot about having a shitty, domineering mother who never opens her mouth without abuse or criticism. I know a lot about having a physically abusive mother- healthy individuals do not react to that this way. To pretend it's nothing more than bad parenting is preventative to helping him manage his issue. In therapy it is essential you own your actions in order to change them, blaming the mother entirely will not allow that.

You're entirely right, not all the blame can be put on the mother. He has to take responsibility for manifesting his feelings into these actions. I don't really see a distinction between "kink" and "psychology complex" as both are mental fixations of a complex nature. All of this to do with his mom, to me, seems like more a way of expressing his hatred through sexuality, rather than the acts being sexual in nature. Think of anal-rape in the prison system, where it's not a form of sexual fulfillment but of humiliation and punishment. I think that same type of thing is going on here.

Well, yeah, but he's gonna need someone to help him wrap his head around that concept. Again, dude's 12, yo. I wasn't very aware of my actions and the consequences thereof when I was that age, and I didn't undergo my own sexual awakening until a LONG time after that. So he's got a lot to work out for himself, and so does the rest of that family.

You've mentioned your sexual awakening a few time. Is it too personal to talk about, or would you mind elaborating on how it came about/why it took a while to happen?

[Lord O' Bones]

Dude Roppongi is my haven, haha. We should talk.

Is Gas Panic still thriving? Does Bar Isn't it? still exist? I must know!

[Darkostar]

You've mentioned your sexual awakening a few time. Is it too personal to talk about, or would you mind elaborating on how it came about/why it took a while to happen?

I'm down any time, yo. But this thread isn't the place for it; s'bout this kid and all the weird stuff happening to him. While my own experiences may help put things in perspective, everyone has their own process for figuring it out. The one thing I can tell you without making the thread about ME ME ME, is that it's always good to be supportive. The second you make the kid feel different for having these urges, you're encroaching on his individuality and alienating him.

If there's that much interest, I'm game to start up a thread about it. :lol:

[Kelli Fury]

I disagree that it's not sexual, but if it isn't then it is actually a worse tendency. That is the mentality rapists have, and for my money I'd rather hope a kid in my family had Oedipal tendencies than one toward rape. His mother is not the only woman he'll hate in his life, and brushing it off as because he hates her and not hating her will fix it is scary. Healthy individuals do not channel their hate that way, either.

From all the Japanese people I've known and been friends with over the years, my overwhelming impression has been that, indeed, 99.9% of the society thinks things like that is absolutely disgusting and perverted. There's no denying that Western media focuses on "weird Japan" due to sensationalism, and magnifies a problem a thousandfold what it actually is. There are certainly many kinks there, but the same applies to Western pornography too. I'd wager that California produces far more BDSM and other kink pornography than probably every other country put together :P

You're entirely right, not all the blame can be put on the mother. He has to take responsibility for manifesting his feelings into these actions. I don't really see a distinction between "kink" and "psychology complex" as both are mental fixations of a complex nature. All of this to do with his mom, to me, seems like more a way of expressing his hatred through sexuality, rather than the acts being sexual in nature. Think of anal-rape in the prison system, where it's not a form of sexual fulfillment but of humiliation and punishment. I think that same type of thing is going on here.

You've mentioned your sexual awakening a few time. Is it too personal to talk about, or would you mind elaborating on how it came about/why it took a while to happen?

[Old Nan]

I don't know how interesting her reaction should be, so far all we've heard on that is she thinks he needs therapy and has allowed others he's more comfortable with express that for her.

Right, but her call for therapy was before all these delightful new developments, back when it seemed a rather excessive step. I bet she walks. And it has nothing to do with being a villain.

[Darkostar]

Kay, I THINK this is what you wrote, so correct me if I'm wrong. :cheers:

I disagree that it's not sexual, but if it isn't then it is actually a worse tendency. That is the mentality rapists have, and for my money I'd rather hope a kid in my family had Oedipal tendencies than one toward rape. His mother is not the only woman he'll hate in his life, and brushing it off as because he hates her and not hating her will fix it is scary. Healthy individuals do not channel their hate that way, either.

Yeah, the kid has anger issues stemming from his relationship with his mom. There's definitely a need for acceptance (the whole panties thing that started this indicates that he feels like her acceptance is unobtainable, so he's finding forbidden ways to get those feeling by proxy.) And his frustration at the LACK of acceptance definitely showed up in his writing. That A) doesn't mean he has a rape fetish and B) won't be able to handle one after therapy.

Hell, rape-play is a fairly common bedroom trick used to spice up dead sex lives. Again, it's about getting this kid's family issues sorted out and then helping him find productive ways to channel any urges he might have.

Edit: To be clear, the anger/mom issues are the first priority. Once those are dealt with, in all likelihood, his need to indulge his fetishes in more extreme ways will dissipate.

[Phantom]

Is Gas Panic still thriving? Does Bar Isn't it? still exist? I must know!

Gas Panic (All of them, haha) is still there. Haven't heard of Bar Isn't it. I usually hit up Feria and A.I (which recently closed down).

You're entirely right, not all the blame can be put on the mother.

Sounds like most of it can though. :thumbsdown:

[Cantabile]

I'm down any time, yo. But this thread isn't the place for it; s'bout this kid and all the weird stuff happening to him. While my own experiences may help put things in perspective, everyone has their own process for figuring it out. The one thing I can tell you without making the thread about ME ME ME, is that it's always good to be supportive. The second you make the kid feel different for having these urges, you're encroaching on his individuality and alienating him.

If there's that much interest, I'm game to start up a thread about it. :lol:

The more the threads the merrier, and I'm pretty curious.

I disagree that it's not sexual, but if it isn't then it is actually a worse tendency. That is the mentality rapists have, and for my money I'd rather hope a kid in my family had Oedipal tendencies than one toward rape. His mother is not the only woman he'll hate in his life, and brushing it off as because he hates her and not hating her will fix it is scary. Healthy individuals do not channel their hate that way, either.

You're very right, it isn't a healthy way to channel his hatred, and hopefully through therapy he'll learn to control and process his hatred through healthier outlets. Rape fantasies in itself aren't unhealthy, though, it's only when those fantasies interfere with their life that it's unhealthy.

Right, but her call for therapy was before all these delightful new developments, back when it seemed a rather excessive step. I bet she walks. And it has nothing to do with being a villain.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this or not, but she does not know about this erotica development. My husband is terrified of telling her.

[Kelli Fury]

it is, my phone tacked it in in a weird place. Rape play, in my understanding, is not the same as fantasizing about raping someone you hate, which is why a little rape fantasy between a couple is normal. The cause is very different. Finding a brutal rape appropriate for someone you hate is unhealthy and IS the attitude many rapists have. Trust me, I really wish I didn't know that but there is a vast difference in intention between rape play and having rape urges as punishment. One is about sex, one is not.

[Darkostar]

Finding a brutal rape appropriate for someone you hate is unhealthy and IS the attitude many rapists have.

Oh, yeah, totally unhealthy. But again, this kid is going through a weird period where his sexuality is all over the place, and he's dealing with some rough home issues. I just don't think that it's about the rape in THIS case, because that's a WEIRD juxtaposition with the panties thing. One's an act of female worship, one's a complete degradation of a woman. It speaks to me that this kid is looking for acceptance from his mom, isn't getting it, and is expressing it in writing in very drstic ways.

The anger is definitely something that needs to be addressed, but I think this other stuff is a symptom of that anger, not of rapist tendencies.

[Old Nan]

I'm not sure if I mentioned this or not, but she does not know about this erotica development. My husband is terrified of telling her.

So it's just a matter of time before he does, right? How well can he keep a secret from her? Has he kept one before?

[Mya Stone]

Yeah, the kid has anger issues stemming from his relationship with his mom. There's definitely a need for acceptance (the whole panties thing that started this indicates that he feels like her acceptance is unobtainable, so he's finding forbidden ways to get those feeling by proxy.) And his frustration at the LACK of acceptance definitely showed up in his writing. That A) doesn't mean he has a rape fetish and B) won't be able to handle one after therapy.

I see the rape writing more about him exerting power over his mother. Writing her actually being subservient and powerless is what the focus is on (I think), not sexual arousal.

I agree with Darko that it's less about being turned on by mom, and more about being in control.

(And Kay, I came from a household where my mom was ridiculously controlling and domineering, too. I get what you're saying. I just think it's two different yet connected things happening to him right now, that are crossing paths.)

[Cantabile]

it is, my phone tacked it in in a weird place. Rape play, in my understanding, is not the same as fantasizing about raping someone you hate, which is why a little rape fantasy between a couple is normal. The cause is very different. Finding a brutal rape appropriate for someone you hate is unhealthy and IS the attitude many rapists have. Trust me, I really wish I didn't know that but there is a vast difference in intention between rape play and having rape urges as punishment. One is about sex, one is not.

Point taken. I need to stop trying to justify his behavior as being normal so much, I guess, since as you say there is a wide gap between rape as punishment and rape as pleasure.

Oh, yeah, totally unhealthy. But again, this kid is going through a weird period where his sexuality is all over the place, and he's dealing with some rough home issues. I just don't think that it's about the rape in THIS case, because that's a WEIRD juxtaposition with the panties thing. One's an act of female worship, one's a complete degradation of a woman. It speaks to me that this kid is looking for acceptance from his mom, isn't getting it, and is expressing it in writing in very drstic ways.

The anger is definitely something that needs to be addressed, but I think this other stuff is a symptom of that anger, not of rapist tendencies.

I just want to think you for all your helpful responses; they make me feel a lot more confident and hopeful for the situation. I too think the anger with the mom is the root of all these symptoms, but getting rid of his hatred be as hard as curing cancer. I don't think she's capable of changing how she treats people, due to her God-complex and inability to accept that she is possibly wrong about anything.

So it's just a matter of time before he does, right? How well can he keep a secret from her? Has he kept one before?

Oh, my son is a pathological liar to her, there's no doubt about that. He fears her rages so much that he has to weave a web of lies to try and prevent anything from even slightly irritating, saddening, or angering her. The only times he tells her the truth is if it'll make her happy, she has a way of finding out he's lying, or if he is inwardly furious with her and knows the truth will make her unhappy.

[Darkostar]

I just want to think you for all your helpful responses; they make me feel a lot more confident and hopeful for the situation.

Hey, man, you seemed to have come to a lot of these conclusions on your own, but I'm happy to have your back. :thumbsup:

I too think the anger with the mom is the root of all these symptoms, but getting rid of his hatred be as hard as curing cancer. I don't think she's capable of changing how she treats people, due to her God-complex and inability to accept that she is possibly wrong about anything.

Yeah, but you can't just let that dynamic continue. Even if the dude gets therapy, that kind of setting could easily cause a relapse.

[Harlot]

Seriously, if the parents are even remotely as you describe, it's no wonder this kid is so twisted up.

[turinturambar]

At his age, I(and many of my friends) wrote some pretty depraved crap. In no way were we writing about any secret desires, it was all about shock value and humour(very sick humour), but pretty common at that age.

Never seen a mother involved in such stories though, that's new to me. But judging by what was written, it doesn't sound like the kid has any erotic feelings towards his mother so much as a lot of hatred. If his stories are any kind of representation of his feelings, it sounds like he truly hates her. Get the kid some help and somebody needs to confront the mother(and father).

[Spastic Plastic]

Cantabile, does Mommy Dearest know about her son's little erotica stories?

Is Gas Panic still thriving? Does Bar Isn't it? still exist? I must know!

Haha, I visited Gas Panic too, and I totally loved Space Lab Yellow. I don't know about that second one.

[WhiteHaven]

I still think it is obvious that the whole family needs a therapy, not only the grandson. The grandson presents a symptom that indicates that the social system he lives in is unhealthy. The grandson is not the problem itself, he is the focus point of the problem, which is older and bigger than a hateful child of 12 years.

Couldn't say it better (srsly I couldn't).

If a twelve year old writes some zoo-rape-tube-ass porn story about his mother he is a SERIOUS issue with her which also means that she has a serious issue with him...so well yeah put them into therapy before things go real bad.

[The Evil Hat]

Really glad that things might be on the upturn. I'm guessing that you and your grandson have a close relationship?