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Goodkind XLVIII


Gabriele

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The funny thing is that the 3rd roommate who I didn't meet today is supposedly down with the 420. I don't really get down that way anymore myself, but I don't mind. On the one hand I could see the Yeard looking down on drugs, but then there's a part of me that could see his libertarian streak that perhaps makes him more sympathetic to it. I wonder if these things would have come into conflict between these two roommates, but perhaps not.

Tairy responds...

I think the reason is because the books take a very clear philosophical and moral stance, and there is a great aversion in the world today to clarity. Clarity means that this is right, and this is wrong. For example, when people say "Oh, you know, I experimented a little bit with drugs..." You know, Mr. Esteban in Columbia wanted to get rid of one of his cohorts, so he took down an airliner and 127 innocent people were murdered, just so he could kill one person. So when some has this wishy-washy clarity about the morality of taking drugs, as far as I'm concerned, they are a party to murder. Some people don't like that kind of moral clarity because it doesn't allow them to act on whim. I believe in a clear philosophy of understanding the meaning of life, its values and its purpose. And there are a number of people who don't like to be confronted with those values, and I think that's why they don't like my novels.

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So... I've been recuperating at home after an operation for a few days now. I'm hale enough to do little stuff, and I'm not in pain, so I got really bored today. I was listening to the Ace of Spades record by Motörhead. Most of you will either know it of have heard of it. Daydreaming along I realised the Great Prince L. Myshkin had a Dicky Truthdust parody going on around here. So I thought I could yeardify Ace of Spades. I don't mean the wole album, but I thought I'd see if I could change to lyrics to celebrate life and moral clarity. If Lemmy finds me, he'll probably kill me, but hey, I don't wanna live forever either.* Now, I thought I'd focus on the speeching Dick does, but after the first verse, I somehow turned over to killing. Funny how these things come out when you think Dick and K'lan. So then I finished the violence-song, and then I went back to the speech-song. I couldn't really find a good alternative title for the speech-song, so I hope you will forgive me for the lameness...

* Of course I do want to live a while longer, otherwise I wouldn't have had the operation.

Here's the violent one:

Face of Hate

If you like to stab, you know Ill feel all fab

You cane some, stone some, its all the same to me

The pleasure is to decapitate, fountains of blood to celebrate

I dont care for sanity, the only thing I need is

The Face of Hate

Melon-hole their chest, rip out their spines

A deadly diagram, just makes me feel fine

Seven or Eleven, evil girls watching you

Could be demons, kick them with your boot

The Face of Hate

You know Im sure to kill, and maiming is a thrill

Thats the way I roll baby

I just wanna rule forever

And dont forget the agiel!

Pushing up daisies, bodycount gets a new raise

Bodyparts to sweep, the vote goin my way again

I see it in your eyes, pacifist ready to die

The only thing I need, is for my enemies to bleed

The Face of Hate

And the speechy one:

Wag the Dog

If you like to ramble, I tell you Im your man

Blather some, bleat some, all the same to me

The pleasure is to pontificate, a big long speech Ill initiate

No time for silence, the only thing I like is

To Wag the Dog

Saying all the high words, fencing with my tongue

Go against the flow, Its all the same to me

Predicate or noun, all eyes watching you

Never give the gist, better pound your fist

To Wag the Dog

You know Im gonna drool, coherence is for fools

But thats the way I speak baby

I just wanna talk forever

And dont forget the gestures!

Frothing at the mouth, talking way too loud

My word to heed, that vacant look again

I see it in your eyes, your brain's all fried

The only thing I need, is for your ears to bleed

To Wag the Dog

And this concludes my first attampt at Tairy-Parody.

Ed.: spelling

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So... I've been recuperating at home after an operation for a few days now. I'm hale enough to do little stuff, and I'm not in pain, so I got really bored today. I was listening to the Ace of Spades record by Motörhead. Most of you will either know it of have heard of it. Daydreaming along I realised the Great Prince L. Myshkin had a Dicky Truthdust parody going on around here. So I thought I could yeardify Ace of Spades. I don't mean the wole album, but I thought I'd see if I could change to lyrics to celebrate life and moral clarity. If Lemmy finds me, he'll probably kill me, but hey, I don't wanna live forever either.* Now, I thought I'd focus on the speeching Dick does, but after the first verse, I somehow turned over to killing. Funny how these things come out when you think Dick and K'lan. So then I finished the violence-song, and then I went back to the speech-song. I couldn't really find a good alternative title for the speech-song, so I hope you will forgive me for the lameness...

Very nice. I am very happy to see that my concept of parodying music has caught on. Now what we need is for someone to do "Operation: Dickcrime".

The Communist Party

Hahaha. Marx is fucked up. He's wearing a lampshade. What a crazy guy. He must have drove all the bitches crazy.

Oh. My. Tairy. I know what I'm asking for my birthday.

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Operation Dickcrime, then...

Our protagonist, Dikki, sits in a hospital room, his memories wiped by a Chainfire spell. But then a nurse comes in to brutalise him, and something about... those boobs, that delicious torture... reminds him of what just happened...

Objectivism Calling!

The country is run by communists! All those altruistic bastards, redistributing my money, it's time someone did something about it! Then he heard of Ayn Rand, the woman with the cure, who persuaded him to join her secret society. In a masterpiece of clandestine nomenclature, Dikki decides to name the operation after himself.

Operation: Dickcrime

Ayn keeps Dikki in line by repeatedly injecting him with poison and making him guess the antidote from its ingredients. A yeard for a hairdo, yeah he looked pretty cool. Then she hands him a sword and tells him that it will give him instructions when the time is right.

Speech

This track takes up five sides of vinyl, and involves Dikki justifying why his mission is the only moral course of action.

More later...

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It belatedly occurs to me that "Dr Z" might have been better than Ayn Rand, but never mind. Editing is for collectivist pussies!

Spreading the Disease

Introducing Sister Kahlan, the cold-eyed prostitute-nun employed by Ayn for unspecified sexy purposes, cos that's all chicks are good for. And there's some metaphor about how prostitution is good cos it's about the free market and stuff.

The Mission

Dikki's sword has finally issued some instructions! It turns out that whenever Dikki gets really angry, he hears voices in his head which tell him to kill peace protestors and small girls. His mission will change the world! And he'll stand proud (like he was posing for a statue of himself)!

Suite Sister Kahlan

"Kill her. That's all you have to do. And get the wizard as well."

A long and operatic interlude in which Kahlan tries to use her mind-control powers on Dikki and he tries to kill her on Ayn's instructions, but True Love saves them in some Deus Ex Machiny way.

The Sword tells the Truth

In which Dikki realises that he's been doing the right thing all along, and you should always trust the sword when it cries, cries your name.

I'll finish this another time...

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  • 3 weeks later...

I call upon the power of the Church of Lemminghood to take a stand for all that is right and proper!

Can we stand idly by while Zeddicus Zu'l Zorander defeats Vin in Suvudu Cage Match?

Mistborn versus deus-ex-machina-magic?

Lemmings cast your vote now!

ETA: I just realised that should Zedd win he will face Jon Snow in the semi-finals...

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Brandon is a lemming...

I take full credit for this. You see, I have read Sanderson's work and therefor I can rightfully assume he has read mine. I'm not sure whether it was the awe inspiring brilliance of Richard P. I. or the mind-blowing awesomeness of Dicky Truthdust which turned him, but in the end it doesn't matter; Mr. Sanderson was converted by my era defining works. You're welcome Brother Sanderson (I believe I shall start calling you Sandy), enjoy the run, watch out for cliffs.

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*sacrifices virtual (but noble) goat on Trisky's behalf*

ETA: just had an idle google for "Noble Goat" and found this - yeah, someone trademarked it. In 2007. Which was when the Tairy threads were well into double figures. Coincidence? I hope not!

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