Alytha Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 I kinda like naked mole rats. They always look so cheerful with their overbite :)Of course, they're evil hive-dwelling commies. Maybe the queens are a bit nobler? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vampire Squid Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Tentatively taking the fifth spot is the pony, because it has a ponytail, which is a very noble hairstyle.But ponies are all about friendship and altruism and not kicking their little sisters in the jaw for choosing death... surely this cannot be right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 But ponies are all about friendship and altruism and not kicking their little sisters in the jaw for choosing death... surely this cannot be right?Friendship is, as they say, magic... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grack21 Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Don't look into the Deadlights. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WrathOfTinyKittens Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Obligatory GRATCH LURRGG RATCHH ARGHH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tormund Ukrainesbane Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 But ponies are all about friendship and altruism and not kicking their little sisters in the jaw for choosing death... surely this cannot be right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tormund Ukrainesbane Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 First Confessor: The Legend of Magda Searuschapter 43 - 64So I'm about halfway through this book, which means I've read 150 more pages than the entirety of the far superior Caliban's War (Go read it now, I'll wait...back? Ok then, lets proceed). Half the book is approximately how long it took for Tairy to hit the reset button and go back to the only plot he knows.When we last left Kahlan Magda Searus she was being appointed the council's representative to the little folk. This is of course a ploy to get her out of their hair, and she's not with that. She takes another 20 page walk across the castle to go see Richard Merritt, who has moved out to the lousy part of town. He answers the door all shirtless and musclebound. Once Kahlan's Maggies pants try out they start expositing by way of accusing each other of treason (apparently TREASON is to this book, as fucking PROPHECY was to the last abomination to emanate from a yeardward direction). They spend the next couple hundred pages trotting out the usual Yeardly bullshit about truth and making like magic is fucking particle physics and talking about representative designs involving lethality (I am not making this up). They confess all to each other and all the people who have died as a consequence of their actions, then have a little group therapy reassuring each other that it's all the enemies fault and not their own cause he's evil and they aren't. Anyway (extreme run on sentence alert), turns out the project Richard Kermit was working on was a "key" to a "power" that was super important before the power got locked away in the Temple of the Winds and which the Yeard riverdances around like his fucking socks are on fire before dropping the cock tease and finally out and saying that the key is the Sword of Truth (currently in Kermit's possesion) and the power is the thrice-accursed Boxes of Orden. Oh yeah and the same magic is what he can use to make a Confessor. But the last piece he needs to complete the project is also in the Temple of the Winds. Are you KIDDING ME? Why not just republish Wizards First Rule and have done? Lazy shitty bullshit. MORE BOURBON.Maggie reveals that the Boxes of Orden are of course not in the Temple of the Winds, which deadhusband revealed to her before going home to Jesus. They figure that's why all those people had to go to the Temple cause it was freaked out that the boxes were gone. Kermit remembers that a defector sorceress from the Old World came in the last couple days, but of course Lothain accused her of being a spy and is holding her in the dungeons pending execution. Our intrepid heroes hatch a plan to go see her and find out what she knows, but they are sidetracked on the way by one of the guys wounded by the exploding sword mentioned upthread needing Kermit's expert healing advice (because of course he is an expert healer too). Maggie gets cornered by a member of the council who lets her know that they chose a new First Wizard and it's some new guy we haven't heard of, but who is legendary for his knowledge and competency. Haha, just kidding, this is the yeard remember? Of course they picked Lothain, who promptly dismissed this guy from the council so he'd have a solid majority in the voting. Anyway, Maggie's gotta pack her shit and get out, cause the new FW is moving in.So she's packing her shit when there's a knock on the door, and of course it's Lothain. He's grown two extra arms and another head because he needs that much mustache to twirl. He's there of course to propose marriage to Maggie. Seriously. No seriously. I'm gonna make a call and give this a .6 on the almost-rape scale on account of he doesn't quite pull his cock out but he does grab her and let her know she doesn't have a choice. Wizard ex Machina shows up at this point in the person of Kermit and they high-tail it out of there.Yeah. That all just happened. I don't believe it either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alytha Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 We all highly appreciate your sacrifice.Maybe we should set up a fund to keep you in bourbon and other recreational drugs (possibly you'll need them for the rest of your life)? We are death-choosing commies after all and take care of eachother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voland Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Tormund, you have a challenger!Defector sorceress = Shota? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Representational designs involving lethality! Tairy, you are really spoiling us, like a gold-foil-wrapped cheapo chocolate from a motorway service station. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theMountainGoat Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Tormund, you have a challenger!People should be warned that the forum linked features images of mord sith cosplay, there's no nudity but the red leather and buttplugs of doom should be considered NSFW (unless you want your boss thinking you're into that sort of thing).Just to explain the poster on that forum (by the name of Salazar) is doing a more detailed chapter review piss-take of this atrocity in a similar style to us Lemmings and he starts each post with an embedded image of a mord sith, including one of some guy who has a mord sith tattooed on his leg. Gah! Someone asked him if has 103 images to use and Salazar replied to say "mord sith cosplay is serious business". Pass the brain bleach :ack:I'd also like to say hello to our Lemming brethren on the neogaf forum, because they are aware of this thread and Tormund's review here so I know they'll read this post.Just to remind everyone that starting trouble on other forums can lead to the permanent closure of threads here on Westeros, we've all been through this before with the Tairy threads so let's not go down that road again. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voland Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 People should be warned that the forum linked features images of mord sith cosplay, there's no nudity but the red leather and buttplugs of doom should be considered NSFW (unless you want your boss thinking you're into that sort of thing).Just to explain the poster on that forum (by the name of Salazar) is doing a more detailed chapter review piss-take of this atrocity in a similar style to us Lemmings and he starts each post with an embedded image of a mord sith, including one of some guy who has a mord sith tattooed on his leg. Gah! Someone asked him if has 103 images to use and Salazar replied to say "mord sith cosplay is serious business". Pass the brain bleach :ack:I'd also like to say hello to our Lemming brethren on the neogaf forum, because they are aware of this thread and Tormund's review here so I know they'll read this post.Just to remind everyone that starting trouble on other forums can lead to the permanent closure of threads here on Westeros, we've all been through this before with the Tairy threads so let's not go down that road again. Thank you.Perhaps I should've warned about the mord-sith cosplay images...but they are safe for work, inasmuch as there is no nudity involved (their rules about such are as strict as the ones here). Whether they are safe from ridicule from colleagues passing by is another matter. I posted the link there under a different name btw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tormund Ukrainesbane Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Tormund, you have a challenger!Defector sorceress = Shota?Dayum son, that dude is going chapter by chapter? I don't think I have the moral celery to do 100+ entries on this shit. By the way, if anyone is considering doing Mord Sith cosplay and is not Kate Beckinsale or her doppelganger I strongly encourage you to find an alternate hobby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voland Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Dayum son, that dude is going chapter by chapter? I don't think I have the moral celery to do 100+ entries on this shit. By the way, if anyone is considering doing Mord Sith cosplay and is not Kate Beckinsale or her doppelganger I strongly encourage you to find an alternate hobby.He kinda cheated and bunched together chapters 17-20, and going by you, I suspect he'll do it more and more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterOJ Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 So there's over 100 chapters in this Goodkind book? How long are they (in general) and how long is the whole book? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxom 1974 Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Tormund, you have a challenger!Defector sorceress = Shota?It's kinda old school Mad Moosian in a way, but it isn't as grabbing as the current Tormund reviews... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tormund Ukrainesbane Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 So there's over 100 chapters in this Goodkind book?How long are they (in general) and how long is the whole book?Well, on my nook it's 1160 pages long. By comparison, Caliban's War and The King's Blood are only about that combined. Like I said this guy needs an editor really bad. Conversations between characters drag on for literally 100+ pages at a time.Edit: Amazon says the estimated page count for a normal novel would 513 pages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterOJ Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Well, on my nook it's 1160 pages long. By comparison, Caliban's War and The King's Blood are only about that combined. Like I said this guy needs an editor really bad. Conversations between characters drag on for literally 100+ pages at a time.That's ridiculous. On a tangential note, I am jealous of your sweet old-school Nook. I loved mine, right up until the day when I left it beside my bed on the floor and woke up one morning, stepping on it and cracking the screen. I bought the Nook Simpletouch to replace it, and it's just not the same. I still like it, but I much preferred my first-gen Nook. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tormund Ukrainesbane Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Alright you shiftless malcontents. I'm sitting down with this bitch and a tap full of Colorado's best 9.5% IPA. Expect a very hungover update in the morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkynJay Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Which one is my states best IPA? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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