HyacinthGirl Posted January 2, 2012 Share Posted January 2, 2012 Jon: So, to conclude, I'm letting all the wildlings past the wall so that they will not be killed north of the wall and turned into wights, therefore depriving the others of dead bodies to use against us. Bowen Marsh: Jeez, actually, when you look at it, that is a BRILLIANT plan! The enemy of my enemy and all that. Wow. Thanks, LC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onarjyo Khsatriya Posted January 2, 2012 Share Posted January 2, 2012 when Bran saw the Twins after climbing on the tower (GOT)Bran: "Boy! they are fucking,I should leave the place"and comes down slowly and silently Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
only me Posted January 2, 2012 Share Posted January 2, 2012 New Year`s party at the Red keep. ALL the characters are partying - Rhaegar with his wives (Elia and Lyanna) and their 3 kids, Petyr with Catelyn and their 5 kids, Brandon with Barbrey, Robert and Cersei with their 4 adorable black-haired kids, Ned with Ashara, Jaime and Lisa with their 10 beautiful kids, Tyrion with Tysha, Renly with Loras and so on.Aerys (igniting wildfire, beautiful salute is lightning the sky): Happy New Year everybody!Everybody: Happy New Year!White raven appears.Ned: So, the winter has come. Should we work out some kind of peace offering for the white walkers?Btw, I would burn the books if the characters were sensible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kantor Posted January 2, 2012 Share Posted January 2, 2012 Jaqen H'ghar: You may choose three lives for me to takeArya: Gregor Clegane, Tywin Lannister and Joffrey Baratheon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catastrophe Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 "Reek": So here's the plan... These two miller's boys are the exact same age as the heirs to Winterfell, so all we have to do is brutally murder them and their mother, flay the skin off their bodies, and say they're the Stark children! Don't worry about anyone finding out. Even though the people of Winterfell have known Bran and Rickon for their whole lives, they'll be none the wiser once all that skin comes off. Perfect, right? Oh, did I mention the part where we skin them?Theon: ...God, what the hell was I thinking when I let this guy free and gave him a weapon? Seriously, how did I ever think that was a good idea? Stygg, Lorren, take this walking piece of shit back down to the dungeons. We'll have him executed for his crimes on the morrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HyacinthGirl Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Roose Bolton: Huh, this nutter bastard son of mine has an unnerving appetite for human suffering and he's a bit too fond of flaying people. Not to mention he killed my true-born son. I should really lock him up or hang him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlespider Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Sandor: Rar! I am a fierce and strong knight! I will slay the dragon, but not rescue the damsel because girls have cooties!Greg: Hey bro, can I have my knight back? I wanted to trade him for a tank.Sandor: Oh, okay. Here ya go.Greg: Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
headtrip_honey Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Sandor: Rar! I am a fierce and strong knight! I will slay the dragon, but not rescue the damsel because girls have cooties!Greg: Hey bro, can I have my knight back? I wanted to trade him for a tank.Sandor: Oh, okay. Here ya go.Greg: Thanks.this...this...this just made me envision bebbeh sandor playing like bebbehs do and it made me all sad inside.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlespider Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 this...this...this just made me envision bebbeh sandor playing like bebbehs do and it made me all sad inside....I know, right?Ooh ooh! -- I got another one.Sandor: Listen, kid, the battle's lost, shit's hit the fan, and it would be best if you were to get out of here. I'll take you to your family. Fuck the Lannisters.Sansa: But you are scary!Sandor: I know. I'm sorry for creeping on you. Totally and utterly piggish of me. You'll have your own horse and your own room. I'm off the booze. And you can even carry the sword if it makes you feel safer.Sansa: But it is heavy!Sandor: Okay, well, then here's a dagger. Let's go.Sansa: Yay! Can we get lemoncakes on the road?Sandor: *facepalm*---Tyrion: *slap*Shae: fuck you, dwarf.*later*Chataya: well, hello there.Shae: I canhazjobplz?Chataya: sure, come on in.Shae: I canchoozeJohnsplz?Chataya: Oh yeah. We take care of each other here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Der Anarch Posted May 14, 2012 Author Share Posted May 14, 2012 The Camp of the NorthmenLord Karstark: Grrr, the kingslayer killed my Sons. I want him dead!Cat: Noooooo! They'll kill my daughters if you kill him. Let him go instead!Average Northmen: What will our King do? How will he keep everyone happy?Robb: First, we don't kill the Kingslayer....Cat: Yay! Lord Karstark: Raaaaah!Robb: ..... but we let the Karstarks torture and disfigure him at their leisure....Cat: Wot?Lord Karstark: Not as good as killing him in a fit of blind rage but it will do I suppose.Robb: .... and we send bits of him by Raven to Tywin and Cersei, and demand they return Ayra and Sansa or we won't stop!Cat: Yay my badies!Lord Karstark: What do you mean stop!?Robb: Then, we arrange a handover. But little do the Lannister's know, as soon as Ayra and Sansa are secured, we slaughter them all and let Karstark have his way with Jamie!Karstark: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!Cat: ..... I've raised a monster....Roose Bolton: Wow, I better not mess with this dude. Average Northmen: Wow, what a wise king! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natalie_S Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Grey Wind, Ghost: (growl, snarl, grrrrr)Robb, Jon: My direwolf is trying to tell me something, I should listen to it and just get out of here.Tyrion: Lady Stark, what are you doing here?Catelyn: I'll just eat my luch and sod off.Tyrion: Cool, bon appétit.Xaro Xhoan Daxos: Here', 13 ships so you can sail to Westeros.Daenarys: Yay! I've always wanted to see Westeros! Ser Barristan, let's go and leave this boring place.Tyrion: Did you ever like my touch?Shae: More than anything, my g... er, Tyrion.Tyrion: oh, nevermind. Perchance, do you know where my father is? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Over Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Robb: Have you anything to say before you die?Karstark: You can't do this! Robb: 3....2......1........HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!Karstark: Wut?Rob&Bannermen: For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellooooooooow!Karstark: I...I don't know what to say.Great Jon: You should have seen the look on your face!Robb: As If I'd ever slay one of my kinsemen, c'mere you~---Dear Robb, If you're reading this then negotiations have gone FUBAR. My father intends to wreck havoc on Westeros, but don't worry I've given them the idea to attack the following location. It's the perfect place for you to ambush them, destroy them and steal their ships to march on King's Landing. You'd think this was a difficult decision for me, but it really wasn't. Turns out disdain, mockery, insults, humiliation and borderline disavowing are not great motivations to re-join a screwed up family. I'm sticking by my true family.- Theon Greyjoy, Proud Ward of WinterfellPs: Shoot an arrow in my sister's knee for me.-----Tyrion: Where is Tysha? Where is my wife?Tywin: Braavos.Tyrion: ....that was easy, I had thought you were about to insult me.Tywin: Why would I insult a crossbow armed madman who's obviously got nothing to lose? Do you think I'm stupid? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sleeper Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Nah. A book that doesn't make you throw it against the wall, while screaming "WHAT, THE FUCK, ARE THEY DOING ?!??" isn't worth much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Independent George Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Robb: Hey Edmure! I have a really important plan to win the war.Edmure: Edmure?Robb: It's a feint. I need Tywin's forces to bypass Riverrun and chase me west.Edmure: Edmure.Robb: We can surround and trap him once he's past you...Edmure: EDMURE!!!Robb: Well shit. Brynden, you're in charge while I'm gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grimwolfe Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Robb: Yeah i don't care about the iron throne, my war is with the lannisters. The stark's and baratheons have been friends for years. Once the lannisters are gone and my father avenged i will return to winterfell as warden in the north. Stannis has the best claim, yet you are two sides of the same coin, make Renly your hand.Stannis: seems reasonable, this sounds like the most practical option.Renly: hmm i suppose, with your strict rule over keeping the realm in order and my compassion this could work well. We could rule the kingdom as brothers.Robb: sorted. Dibs on joffrey.------tyrion: i never bet against my brother, family is everything to meCatelyn: if this is true then who attempted to murder my sonTyrion: i'm not sure, perhaps it was my little shit of a nephew, i have respect for the starks, and rather like your bastard. i wish no ill harm come to your family i promise you thatcatelyn: i'm sorry for accusing you my lord, forgive metyrion: quite alright my lady, a mothers love for her son needs no apology. I believe i will be having words with my nephew however... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eternally_Theirs Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 A couple of hooded humans are sneaking through the king's landing, one of whom is grumbling."First Bran was pushed from that tower, than Ned was beheaded, then Catelyn and Robb died at Red Wedding...." the figure muttered "I can't take much more of this, brother. Time we avenge them!""How do we do that?""Well, send urgent messages to the Wall and to Eyrie and to Winterfell. We gather the remaining Starks, then we kill Joffrey. Freys will come after that, and if we plan our steps carefully, we might actually succeed in settling seven kingdoms into some form of sanity.....""Good plan, Myr, good plan....""Oh, I'm a planner, all right, Tom. I'm smarter and more compassionate than our mother and brother....that's why you and me made it this far, and I assure you, we will make it alive till the very end, along with remaining Starks.....""Well, you are outrageously smart, good sis. I propose a toast for new beginning!""Hush, Tom. We might be heard, in which case, our plan goes bye-bye....""Oh....sorry, Myr."Two men approach, slowly. One of them is, however, not a man, but a woman, disguised as a knight. They stumble upon Cersei."Jaime?" asked Cersei "Thank God, I needed you!""Sorry, Cersei." Jaime responds cooly "But you did more harm than good, plus you cheated on me with three men. So, I brought my wife here, introducing Brienne Lannister. She is a trusted companion, and she loves me, unlike you. This is goodbye."Jaime and Brienne walk away.Catelyn: *slaying the musicians* This is a trick....must kill....the source....of.....music. Must....ensure.....to.....be.....able.....to.....alert.....Edmure...... *when finished* EDMUUUREEEE!Edmure: *entering* Catelyn? What.... *pauses as he notices Freys armed with arrows and swords* Oh, I see....For the house Tully! *massive slaughtering of Freys commencesNarrator: Lady Stoneheart is non-existant..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stanmore Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I know, right?Ooh ooh! -- I got another one.Sandor: Listen, kid, the battle's lost, shit's hit the fan, and it would be best if you were to get out of here. I'll take you to your family. Fuck the Lannisters.Sansa: But you are scary!Sandor: I know. I'm sorry for creeping on you. Totally and utterly piggish of me. You'll have your own horse and your own room. I'm off the booze. And you can even carry the sword if it makes you feel safer.Sansa: But it is heavy!Sandor: Okay, well, then here's a dagger. Let's go.Sansa: Yay! Can we get lemoncakes on the road?Sandor: *facepalm*I didn't think i was a San/San shipper but the idea of the two of them roaming the country weapons in hand then stopping for lemoncakes for tea is pretty adorable. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alys Karstark Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Robert: Ned, will you be my hand?Eddard: Yes, but only on the condition you grant me more lands, remove those I distrust from certain positions and replace them with my allies, give the North a tax cut and promise to help repair the Wall.Robert: Damn it Ned! Since when did you know how to strike a hard bargain?Eddard: My daughter Arya will supply you with a list of those I want removed tomorrow.Arya: Ser Gregor, Dunsen, Polliver, Chiswyck, Raff the Sweetling. The Tickler and the Hound. Ser Amory, Ser Ilyn, Ser Meryn, Prince Joffrey, Queen Cersei. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toccs Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Catelyn - Edmure stop complaining, you're not half the lord that father was and everything you do seems to annoy me.Robb - Geez Edumure how stupid can you be, couldn't you tell from my ridculously vague instructions that I wanted to to do an incredibly specific thing, gods you're a fool !Blackfish - Edmure what the hell sort of moron are you to let all of these smallfolk fleeing the destruction of their homes have shelter in Riverrun for !!?Edmure - You know what f*ck this and f*ck all of you !! The only reason I'm even in this war that you guys started is because I wanted to help out my family, and now my lands are completely burnt going in to winter and my smallfolk have been raped, murdered, beaten and dispossed of their homes, and I have gotten nothing but an endless stream of grief from you lot. I want you all out of my castle by morning !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eternally_Theirs Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Ramsay and Roose Bolton are standing there, Theon and Jeyne next to them. A band of musicians comes.Ramsay: Sing us a song!Jeyne: What my lord husband says.Theon: What my master saysSong begins.Singer: Throw Ramsay down the well, so Theon can be free, so Theon can be free!Singer #2: Throw Roose down the well, so Jeyne can be free, so Jeyne can be free!Ramsay and Roose are shot in the chest, while Theon and Jeyne become husband and wife.THE END Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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