Post Dolorous Edd quotes

[Qhorin Halfhand and Yoren]

"The dead are likely dull fellows, full of tedious complaints - 'the ground's too cold, my gravestone should be larger, why does HE get more worms than I do...'"

"Once they figure a way to work a dead horse, we'll be next. Likely I'll be the first too. 'Edd,' they'll say, 'dying's no excuse for laying down no more, so get on up and take this spear, you've got first watch tonight.' Well, I shouldn't be so gloomy. Might be I'll die before they work it out."

[4rcane]

my fav was the one where he said a guy who got hit with an axe on the head was damn lucky for missing all those rocks as he fell off the wall. That was the first time I realized how cool the character was

[Val the Wildling Princess]

"Your boat’s not like to sink, I don’t think. Boats only sink when I’m aboard"

"I never win anything," Dolorous Edd complained. "The gods always smiled on Watt, though. When the wildlings knocked him off the Bridge of Skulls, somehow he landed in a nice deep pool of water. How lucky was that, missing all those rocks?"

"Was it a long fall?" Grenn wanted to know. "Did landing in the pool of water save his life?"

"No," said Dolorous Edd. "He was dead already, from that axe in his head. Still, it was pretty lucky, missing the rocks."

"We will defend the wall to the last man!" said Cotter Pyke.

"Probably me." Said Dolorous Edd, in a resigned voice.

"I just want to say to whoever is voting for me that I would certainly make an awful Lord Commander. But so would all these others."

He's awesome :lol:

[The Drunkard]

Ser Piggy was beaming. To look at him you'd think he'd actually done something. But when he saw Chett and the dogs, his smile curled up and died squeaking.

"You hit a tree," Chett said. "Let's see how you shoot when it's Mance Rayder's lads. They won't stand there with their arms out and their leaves rustling, oh no. They'll come right at you, screaming in your face, and I bet you'll piss those breeches. One o' them will plant his axe right between those little pig eyes. The last thing you'll hear will be the thunk it makes when it bites into your skull."

The fat boy was shaking. Dolorous Edd put a hand on his shoulder. "Brother," he said solemnly, "just because it happened that way for you doesn't mean Samwell will suffer the same."

"What are you talking about, Tollett?"

"The axe that split your skull. Is it true that half your wits leaked out on the ground and your dogs ate them?"

[Lady Meera Reed]

Oh, Edd .. I love his lines. :D

"Never trust a cook, my lord. They’ll prune you when you least expect it."

"I never wanted to see half the things I’ve seen, and I’ve never seen half the things I’ve wanted to."

[trins]

YES!! there's a thread on this!!! this character is the funniest besides Stannis i think, here's why:

CoK pg.359 " if it's warm and dry inside, don't tell me, I wasn't asked in." He flicked a glob of wet mud out from under a horseshoe. "Does this mud look like shit to you? Could it be that this whole hill is made of Caster's shit?"

CoK pg 372 "I was warm though . Some dogs crawled atop me during the night. my cloak was almost dry when one of them pissed on it. Or perhaps it was Brown Bernarr. Have you noticed that the rain stopped once I had a roof above me. It will start again now that I'm back out. Gods and dogs alike delight to piss on me."

:rofl:

I laughed so hard!!!!! :lmao:

[Ororo727 Jon Snow Fangirl]

[blueblewbloo]

"If it's softer than a bed and has a roof over it, I call it a bed."

[a white raven]

from aCoK:

Dolorous Edd: " There are worse ways to die than warm and drunk. I knew a brother drowned himself in wine once. It was a poor vintage, though, and his corpse did not improve it.”

Jon Snow: “You drank the wine?”

Dolorous Edd: “It’s an awful thing to find a brother dead. You’d have need of a drink as well, Lord Snow.”

[sarah.jenice]

You guys have already beat me to some of my favorites, but I'll add a few more quotes of Edd's wisdom that made me laugh. :rofl:

From ADwD:

"My old septon used to say that books are dead men talking. Dead men should keep quiet, is what I say. No one wants to hear a dead man's yabber."

"It was a relief to see that horn burn, my lord," Edd said. "Just last night I dreamt I was pissing off the Wall when someone decided to give the horn a toot. Not that I'm complaining. It was better than my old dream, where Harma Dogshead was feeding me to her pigs."

"Careful of the rats, my lord." Dolorous Edd led Jon down the steps, a lantern in one hand. "They make an awful squeal if you step on them. My mother used to make a similar sound when I was a boy. She must have had some rat in her, now I think of it. Brown hair, beady little eyes, liked cheese. Might be she had a tail, too, I never looked to see it."

"Now I understand why King Stannis let the wildlings through the Wall. He means for us to eat them." Jon had to smile. "It will not come to that." "Oh, good," said Edd. "They look a stringy lot, and my teeth are not as sharp as when I was younger."

"Place was overrun with rats when we moved in. The spearwives killed the nasty buggers. Now the place is overrun with spearwives. There's days I want the rats back."

To Devan Seaworth after he told Jon that King Stannis commands Jon's presence: "You mean requests," said Dolorus Edd. "His Grace requests the presence of the lord commander. That's how I'd say it."

"I have the mules. Nettles claims we're kin. It's true we have the same long face, but I'm not near as stubborn. Anyway I never knew their mothers, on my honor."

"The wind's like to push us off the Wall, and I never did learn the knack of flying."

Thanks for making the topic, OP! :bowdown:

I love Edd's quotes because they add some much needed levity to the books. Has there been a post like this on Tormund Giantsbane? His quotes are great, too, and they always crack me up.

[Lady Sansa Stark]

"Might have punctured a lung, if he had a lung. Most trees don't, as a rule."

[Lady Sansa Stark]

''I could do with a bit of boiling about now. If the kettle were larger, I might jump in. Though I would sooner it were wine than water. There are worse ways to die than warm and drunk. I knew a brother who drowned himself in wine once. It was poor vintage, though, and his corpse did not improve it.”

“You drank the wine?”

“It’s an awful thing to find a brother dead. You’d have need of a drink as well, Lord Snow.”

[TheGreyKraken]

Almost everything Eddison says can be turned into a funny quote. :drunk:

[Ed Mike]

Oh, Edd, Edd, Edd.

One the very best characters in the whole series.

[Blue Winter Roses]

my fav was the one where he said a guy who got hit with an axe on the head was damn lucky for missing all those rocks as he fell off the wall. That was the first time I realized how cool the character was

I laughed for days about that comment!

[King of Winters]

No don't post anymore. You'll make me depressed!

[Fjordgirl]

''He's the man you want in front when the foes are in the field'', Edd would say in his usual dour voice. ''He'll count them right up for you. A regular demon for counting, that one''

[Rhymes with Chic]

I just looked at his Wiki and noticed the words of House Tollett are "When All is Darkest". :lmao:

[Pod The Impaler]

"The dead are likely dull fellows, full of tedious complaints - 'the ground's too cold, my gravestone should be larger, why does HE get more worms than I do...'"

''I could do with a bit of boiling about now. If the kettle were larger, I might jump in. Though I would sooner it were wine than water. There are worse ways to die than warm and drunk. I knew a brother who drowned himself in wine once. It was poor vintage, though, and his corpse did not improve it.”

“You drank the wine?”

“It’s an awful thing to find a brother dead. You’d have need of a drink as well, Lord Snow.”

These are my favourite two.

[Grand Moff Mithrandir]

"Thats the one. If my wet nurse had looked like her, I'd still be on the teat. Mine had whiskers"

“There’s always a bear,” declared Dolorous Edd in his usual tone of gloomy resignation. “One killed my brother when I was young. Afterward it wore his teeth around its neck on a leather thong. And they were good teeth too, better than mine. I’ve had nothing but trouble with my teeth.” :bowdown: