Boarders writing a novel, part 10

[Myrddin]

It is a reinterpretation of Shakespeare’s King Lear, which secretly sets the bastard up as the hero and the ailing king as the villain. It centres on a female mercenary’s thirst for vengeance against the King of Alborn, who killed her mother. To achieve this she must find a place for herself in the bloody civil war between the king’s three sons.

I think you're closer.

You mention it a reinterpretation of King Lear, but don't really mention any of the characters from the play (Lear, Fool, Daughters Sons). You mention the merc needing to find a place for herself, but build on it. Why? To get closer to the killer? To learning who the killer really is? Is the bastard important? Is the bastard the female merc? Right now I'm assuming they're two separate characters.

Keep in mind, I haven't read a word of your book, and would probably give it a chance, given I like low-magic historical fantasy, but the above are some questions that popped up in my mind.

Here's a stab based on what I know (and yes, I embellished a lot.). Feel free to steal whatever parts you like (or ignore it all completely). I'm trying to help stimulate ideas, not rewrite it for you because I'm some wonder scribe or something. Just a random guy on the internet. :)

Set in a twisted version of Shakespeare’s King Lear, a bastard emerges as the the hero while the ailing mad king does his best to destroy his own kingdom. FEMALE NAME has a mercenary’s thirst for coin but a fierce hatred against the King of Alborn, who killed her mother. To achieve this she must hire out her sword in the bloody civil war between the three princes. She doesn't care who she serves, as long as it brings her blade close enough to the king. Others want to save the kingdom. NAME just wants vengeance.

Re-reading that, I'd take remove the bastard from the elevator speech completely. Keep this focused on the central character conflict. Unless she is the bastard. Then I'd change the last line to "NAME just wants vengeance against her father."

Regardless, good luck with this.

[Frank Fitzpatrick]

I think you're closer.

You mention it a reinterpretation of King Lear, but don't really mention any of the characters from the play (Lear, Fool, Daughters Sons). You mention the merc needing to find a place for herself, but build on it. Why? To get closer to the killer? To learning who the killer really is? Is the bastard important? Is the bastard the female merc? Right now I'm assuming they're two separate characters.

Keep in mind, I haven't read a word of your book, and would probably give it a chance, given I like low-magic historical fantasy, but the above are some questions that popped up in my mind.

Here's a stab based on what I know (and yes, I embellished a lot.). Feel free to steal whatever parts you like (or ignore it all completely). I'm trying to help stimulate ideas, not rewrite it for you because I'm some wonder scribe or something. Just a random guy on the internet. :)

Re-reading that, I'd take remove the bastard from the elevator speech completely. Keep this focused on the central character conflict. Unless she is the bastard. Then I'd change the last line to "NAME just wants vengeance against her father."

Regardless, good luck with this.

I agree with this re-edit JW, it gives me a sense of the story and makes me want to read it.

How long is your query letter by the way? Any chance you'll post it on here for us to read?

[Jaime's Wench]

I think you're closer.

You mention it a reinterpretation of King Lear, but don't really mention any of the characters from the play (Lear, Fool, Daughters Sons). You mention the merc needing to find a place for herself, but build on it. Why? To get closer to the killer? To learning who the killer really is? Is the bastard important? Is the bastard the female merc? Right now I'm assuming they're two separate characters.

Keep in mind, I haven't read a word of your book, and would probably give it a chance, given I like low-magic historical fantasy, but the above are some questions that popped up in my mind.

Here's a stab based on what I know (and yes, I embellished a lot.). Feel free to steal whatever parts you like (or ignore it all completely). I'm trying to help stimulate ideas, not rewrite it for you because I'm some wonder scribe or something. Just a random guy on the internet. :)

Re-reading that, I'd take remove the bastard from the elevator speech completely. Keep this focused on the central character conflict. Unless she is the bastard. Then I'd change the last line to "NAME just wants vengeance against her father."

Regardless, good luck with this.

Wow, thanks so much for this! You've given me loads to go on. You're quite close actually with the embellishments, except that the female merc is more humane than your stereotypical vengeance-seeking killer. She loves her family and actually wants to protect the king's young grandson from all the conflict. And yes, she is the bastard, so I will make that clear.

I agree with this re-edit JW, it gives me a sense of the story and makes me want to read it.

How long is your query letter by the way? Any chance you'll post it on here for us to read?

It's currently about 300 words long - but other than this 'elevator pitch' I am going to switch and change it per agency. I'm getting conflicting advice on what to include in my cover letter from agencies so I will tailor it very much to them and what they ask for (for example, one I read this morning wants to hear biographical detail... whereas one I read a few days ago said that agents couldn't give a hoot what you do). My synopsis is separate and 500 words long.

[Frank Fitzpatrick]

Wow, thanks so much for this! You've given me loads to go on. You're quite close actually with the embellishments, except that the female merc is more humane than your stereotypical vengeance-seeking killer. She loves her family and actually wants to protect the king's young grandson from all the conflict. And yes, she is the bastard, so I will make that clear.

It's currently about 300 words long - but other than this 'elevator pitch' I am going to switch and change it per agency. I'm getting conflicting advice on what to include in my cover letter from agencies so I will tailor it very much to them and what they ask for (for example, one I read this morning wants to hear biographical detail... whereas one I read a few days ago said that agents couldn't give a hoot what you do). My synopsis is separate and 500 words long.

Oh wow. When I researched into it a month or so ago, I was lead to believe that a generic query letter should be as such:

Hook - 50 to 100 words.

Mini-Synopsis - 500 words

Mini-biography - 200 words

Which would be about one page (single-spaced). I didn't realise that everyone had different requirements. :P Made me slightly worried. Thanks for replying.

[Ebenstone]

Oh wow. When I researched into it a month or so ago, I was lead to believe that a generic query letter should be as such:

Hook - 50 to 100 words.

Mini-Synopsis - 500 words

Mini-biography - 200 words

Which would be about one page (single-spaced). I didn't realise that everyone had different requirements. :P Made me slightly worried. Thanks for replying.

There is no such thing as a "generic query." Read submission guidelines very carefully for everyone you query and follow them to the letter. Your query letter can be pretty basic with some fiddling depending on agent requirements, but synopsis/bios/outlines all vary.

[Jaime's Wench]

I think the query letter is longer for submitting to US agents? Most UK agents ask for a synopsis of one to three sides to A4, which tells very clearly what will happen in the story. Then some agents specify various things for the covering letter also.

[Ebenstone]

I think the query letter is longer for submitting to US agents? Most UK agents ask for a synopsis of one to three sides to A4, which tells very clearly what will happen in the story. Then some agents specify various things for the covering letter also.

My query letter was one page, about 500 words. Of the 500 words, a little more than half was the pitch for the book. The other half was a little about me and a little about where I was with my writing and who had what as far as agents looking at the book.

Synopsis depended on what the agent wanted. Most ask for 1-3 pages.

Samples were everything from 3 chapters/25 pages/etc.

My author bio was under 200 words. (My agent did ask for a curriculum vitae too...so I sent him my resume.)

Now, my present agent asked for an outline of the rest of the books in my series and was shocked at how detailed said plan was. (Long story that I know I've told.) Funny thing is, looking back on my communications with him early on, I never actually sent him a book synopsis. Heh, lucky bastard.

After signing with him, he had me work on TIGHT 250 word synopses for each of the 3 books. (We agreed on three books instead of four as I initially planned.)

[Zoë Sumra]

I've been advised to send to various people:

• Query letter alone (US agents only)
  
• Query, synopsis and first 50 pages
  
• Query and first 50 pages
  
• Query and first 50 pages, the latter to be in the agency's house layout rather than manuscript format
  
• Query and synopsis
  

...with stated preferences in the query alone including bio, no bio other than past professional credits, discussion of themes in book, no discussion of themes (in preference for discussion of plot alone), comparison of book to present genre canon in order to demonstrate genre awareness, no comparison at all in order to avoid egocentricity...

In short, check first. Build a basic core of information to which you can add whatever is preferred.

[Jaime's Wench]

I've been advised to send to various people:

• Query letter alone (US agents only)
  
• Query, synopsis and first 50 pages
  
• Query and first 50 pages
  
• Query and first 50 pages, the latter to be in the agency's house layout rather than manuscript format
  
• Query and synopsis
  

...with stated preferences in the query alone including bio, no bio other than past professional credits, discussion of themes in book, no discussion of themes (in preference for discussion of plot alone), comparison of book to present genre canon in order to demonstrate genre awareness, no comparison at all in order to avoid egocentricity...

In short, check first. Build a basic core of information to which you can add whatever is preferred.

Exactly what I have found! This is quite a relief. It shows I'm looking in the right places.

[Frank Fitzpatrick]

Well your replies are all very insightful. I'll definitely be checking agents individual criteria before querying. Thanks guys.

[Frank Fitzpatrick]

Also, I'm hugely chuffed with myself right now. I've completed my first draft. My word count stands at eighty-two thousand.

:D

[The Marquis de Leech]

I've put myself in an awkward dilemma. I've submitted my fully rewritten manuscript to a small press, but have only just now realised that I used the verb 'counted' twice in the opening paragraph.

My options as I see it:

- Let it be, and risk getting rejected on the opening paragraph.

- Email the publisher, and explain I wish to re-submit, risking getting rejected for being unprofessional.

Or perhaps I'm just falling foul of submission nerves (there are exactly five uses of 'counted' in the 111k novel, and I'm normally very careful with repeated words. This one just happens to have slipped through).

[The Marquis de Leech]

Also, I'm hugely chuffed with myself right now. I've completed my first draft. My word count stands at eighty-two thousand.

:D

:cheers:

[Frank Fitzpatrick]

I've put myself in an awkward dilemma. I've submitted my fully rewritten manuscript to a small press, but have only just now realised that I used the verb 'counted' twice in the opening paragraph.

My options as I see it:

- Let it be, and risk getting rejected on the opening paragraph.

- Email the publisher, and explain I wish to re-submit, risking getting rejected for being unprofessional.

Or perhaps I'm just falling foul of submission nerves (there are exactly five uses of 'counted' in the 111k novel, and I'm normally very careful with repeated words. This one just happens to have slipped through).

I'd leave it be. It's likely you just over thinking it. Could be a case that they don't even notice your repetition.

Relax and sit it out. :P

[Jaime's Wench]

I've put myself in an awkward dilemma. I've submitted my fully rewritten manuscript to a small press, but have only just now realised that I used the verb 'counted' twice in the opening paragraph.

My options as I see it:

- Let it be, and risk getting rejected on the opening paragraph.

- Email the publisher, and explain I wish to re-submit, risking getting rejected for being unprofessional.

Or perhaps I'm just falling foul of submission nerves (there are exactly five uses of 'counted' in the 111k novel, and I'm normally very careful with repeated words. This one just happens to have slipped through).

This is the reason why I am going to print my chapters off when I get back to work. Leave them for a week or two. Then read them one last time. I made a similar error when submitting to a Creative Writing course a few years ago (used 'sunk' instead of 'sank' if I remember right) and I'll never let myself forget it!

Here's my latest elevator pitch:

Set in a twisted version of Shakespeare’s King Lear, a bastard daughter returns home to seek revenge for her mother’s brutal murder. Evelyn has trained as an elite mercenary, while her nemesis the King of Alborn has become a mad old man. To achieve her revenge she must hire out her sword in the bloody civil war between the king’s three sons. She doesn’t care which one she serves, so long as it brings her blade close enough to the king. But when she is reunited with her family and gets to know the king’s second son, she finds that love is wrestling with hate to drive her direction.

[The Marquis de Leech]

I'd leave it be. It's likely you just over thinking it. Could be a case that they don't even notice your repetition.

Relax and sit it out. :P

Now that I've had time to think about it, you're probably right. Even if they do notice, it's likely that they'd have less pressure to drop the book so early, since my manuscript would only be competing against several dozen manuscripts, rather than thousands (it's a New Zealand small press that only deals with New Zealand-written speculative fiction novels, and they were only open for submissions in the month of August: they were actually getting people to submit the entire manuscript, rather than covering letter and first three chapters).

Emailing with a clarification would only draw attention to it.

[Ebenstone]

Now that I've had time to think about it, you're probably right. Even if they do notice, it's likely that they'd have less pressure to drop the book so early, since my manuscript would only be competing against several dozen manuscripts, rather than thousands (it's a New Zealand small press that only deals with New Zealand-written speculative fiction novels, and they were only open for submissions in the month of August: they were actually getting people to submit the entire manuscript, rather than covering letter and first three chapters).

Emailing with a clarification would only draw attention to it.

True story: I once addressed a query to an agent with the wrong name. I'd personalized the query, just forgot to change the greeting before I sent it. Realized my mistake, sent an email apologizing and told the agent to disregard the query because of such a bone headed mistake. Agent was kind enough to tell me not to worry, she would still consider my work. I think we made it to a partial then a rejection. It was very nice of her.

[Jaime's Wench]

I think we need to remember that they are human too!

[Frank Fitzpatrick]

I think we need to remember that they are human too!

Let's wait and see if you feel that way after a few rejections. :P

[Toby Frost]

I would sit it out if I were you. They may not notice it, or quite likely feel that the rest of your writing is fine. After all, one repeated word seems pretty poor grounds for turning down a novel to me,especially since they've got the rest of the novel to look at too.

I edited 30 pages of the WIP yesterday and will be happy not to see another exploding robot for a very long time.