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Maps are for communists. And pederasts. And chickens-who-are-evil-incarnate.

A Lost Person doesn't need maps and Goodkind is the most Lost person I have seen.

"Couldn't find a decent plot with both hands and a map"

OF cause he hasn't even got the map, so no wonder.

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Silly people, maps are for works of fantasy. TG wants us to follow Richard around based only on where he says he's going and the descriptions of terrain and distance, or something like that. In any case, drawing maps is for losers who commit acts of world building and other crap you find in that worthless genre called fantasy. I think I got that right.

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I love the Goodkind rant against "world building books". If I hadn't read that interview I think I would doubt the veracity of the other stuff being posted here.

The essential attributes of a novel are: Theme, Plot, Characterization. These are not the essential attributes of a fantasy book. The essential attribute that dominates a fantasy is its mystical or magical aspects. A novel, dominated, driven and defined by mystical elements, can certainly be a fantasy. But a saga (a long detailed report), dominated by mystical elements, can be a fantasy as well. World building books are fantasies when driven by magic. Sagas (generally a subcategory of Naturalism) and world building books (which also usually fall under the broad category of Naturalism) can be fantasies, but they are not novels; they lack the requisite elements of Theme, Plot, and Characterization. Naturalism is a school of art that denies the existence of volition, thereby dismissing the need for plot. Romanticism, the category of art to which my novels belong, is based on the principle of volition and all that it entails.

If there was any doubt about the man's intelligence(or lack thereof) I think it's dispelled here. I especially like how he describes himself as a Romanticist :rofl:

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I'm worried - I noticed that Mystar may have contact with children.

One point I wanted to make, but with my three year old crawling up into my lap saying "daddy I wanna hold you", I was forced to stop posting, was this.

We have to feel sorry for this child. He'll probably be subjected to Goodkind when learning to read, and quickly turn into a very disturbed, illiterate person.

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Sword of Truth movie cast

Director: John Stockwell – The few people that actually sat through “Into the Blue†knows he would be the perfect director for this. As far as I can tell he has no integrity, so this should be easy for him. An alternate might be the guy that shots the soft-core movies that Cinimax shows.

Script Writer: The Yeard himself, how else would he let touch is masterpiece?

Richard Rahl: Lucas Black – he just did Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift, he’ll do anything

Kahlan: Kate Bosworth – why not?

Zed: William Shatner – enough said

Michal Cypher: James Purefoy – he was in Resident Evil as Mila’s boyfriend

Princess Violent: Maybe she could be CGI, I wouldn’t want to give any kid this type of trauma

Her Mother: Sharon Stone

Emperor J: David Hasselhoff – To be fair I think I like the evil Emperor more then Richard.

Mord-Sith: Suicidal Girls (which is demeaning to them, but a reason to go see the movie)

Bandakaran Empire: Filmed at Burning Man

D'haran Empire solders: Filmed at a skinhead rally

Mud People: Illegal immigrants

Betty the goat:

The Evil Chicken that’s not a chicken:

Chickens that are really chickens:

Needs some work but I think that's a good start

The reason Goodkind is able to generate his anti-popularity is because he is the Elvis of bad writing. No other author today is able to generate the same level of ridiculous prose, laughable plots, insane ideology, and kooky fanbase. In a word, Goodkind has synergy

Also Hubbard’s followers are really sue-happy

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Here's one of the hypocritical things about everything concerning goodkind that drives me nuts.

He's such a bloody classic CHICKENHAWK. He speaks about the need for war, yet he doesn't know anything about it. This guy doesn't know shit about the military or war for all his warmongering. Rahl is a dumbass, unprofessional, and irresponsible barb warrior leading untrained meat that ten of those Order guys could eat for breakfast. He could have thousands and they would hand him his ass, even if outnumbered 10 to one.

I mean, there's nothing considered in regard to the following:

How do you fight over the long-haul? How do you win a war in the long-run? What will the enemy do? What's the best thing that can happen? What's the worst? What's likely to happen? What about friction and Murphy's Law?

Take the pacifists. Fine, so you won't fine. How about in a support or logisitical role or medical role? Take the Quakers in WWII. They served as medics.

Its a basic contradiction in his writings.

On the one hand, Goodkind hates pacifists and is all about the need to fight for what one believes and to better one's condition. Moreover, he argues that this fight must often take the form of engaging in warlike behavior and organized violence. You have to fight wars in order to win, to preserve your freedom, material interests, ideals, power, whatever.

Fine. I agree with this as a basic principle, although I do not hate pacifists, even though I respectfully submit that their views have serious shortcomings. I respect them as people, although I think such a policy would be disastrious in the 'real world' Rahl claims to address. Hell, I wouldn't be a political realist if I didn't, but guys like Goodkind just embarrass people like me when we generally agree on something.

But then he turns around and makes it seem so EASY and with no COST. Friction, or Murphy's Law, anyone? The most arguably complex endeavor in human experience is reduced to simple tricks in Goodkind's world, and damn the consequences because one side is right and the other wrong. Who cares about securing the peace? Shit, did this motherfucking candyass plan the reconstruction of Iraq? Sorry, but guys like Goodkind nauseate me.

He doesn't know squat about basic strategy, tactics, or the costs and benefits of fighting, or diplomacy, or building professionalism, or squat.

Oh no, just Richard Rahl (his avatar) shows up and inspires everyone to fight and win through cheap tricks.

This would never work, peroid. I'm sorry, but a pack of underarmed, undertrained dillettantes led by an awful commander like Rahl would never win, no matter how goofy the trick, or how overpowered he is.

Here's why Richard Rahl (excuse me, Terry Goodkind) writes such crap like the 'let's go charge in and fight buck nekked as a pack of nuts with Richard and Kahlen leading the way with no command structure):

We will leave aside the fact that economic production, tactics, professionalism, discipline, the lay of the terrain, alliances, none of it matters in Goodkind's bad RPG Drangonpuke world.

Goodkind for all his warmongering forgets that

good militaries require discipline, group integrity and the SUBORDINATION OF THE DESIRES AND IDENTITY OF THE INDIVIDUAL TO THE GROUP! This is how you get people to sacrifice themselves for their buddies, not some b.s. arcane philosophical abstraction about the individual based on some expat writer. Since that's unacceptable to Goodkind's rigid interpretation of Ayn Rand, he must contrive encounters where the individual wins wars in the most impossible way, even though professional soldiers in groups are almost always more adaptable in combat than Rahl-like warriors who fight solely as individuals.

The above is why Goodkind is incapable of writing realistically about what it costs to win a war, for all his warmongering. That which is required to build a good military, the subordination of the individual to the group, is inimical to his philosophy. That's why his social political ideal could never survive in an anarchic international system.

Sorry Rahl (I mean Terry), but to beat the commies you NEED to subrodinate poeple to a group indentity that is inherantly UNegalitarian, and with all the potentially negative social and political effects that entails.

Or did you stumble on some secret, Rahl, that billions of humans over thousands of years of human history missed?

Nevermind a pacifistic empire? WTF?

At least with Ringo and Drake, they studied war and did some time in the service. So they get the technical aspects right, even if I don't like their books.

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Read WFR. The people who gives his/her life so that others can live is cowardly vermin. If he/she were truly noble, he/she would realise that by keeping him/herself alive, he/she would serve the people he/she wants to protect much better. "Selfishness is good". By the time you read Naked Empire, this basic truth should be firmly engrained.

There is no army on the face of this earth worth its name that could function on such logic. As Sir John Hackett stated, becoming a soldier means offering one self's up to be potentially slain on behalf of others.

Goodkind mangles patton's famous quote here: Yes, you win a war by killing the enemy before you, but you do so by and because you are putting your life on the line for your buddies and to protect your people.

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TL177 it Is much worse then that.

At the start of the Empire’s invasion of Richard, Kahlan and Nicci (?) simply disappear. Yep the top three commanders leave their army with no instructions or explanation. Richard simply tells the remaining commanders that he trusts them to do the right thing. No discussion of strategy or coordination.

He once even refused to lead his troops because he believed his troops didn’t understand what they were fighting for. I believe its would’ve been the leader (Richard’s) job to educate his troops, but he just took off instead.

His arch-enemy the evil Empire Jagang in contrast is always with his man. At one point he even took a crossbow bolt that was aimed at one of his troops.

Any thoughts on how these two leaders (and I use that term loosely for Richard) action’s would effect morale?

I think that in the real world I think even the camp followers would be heading for Jagang side.

You also missed the question about who fights in the Winter? If Kahlen was at all a competent commander she would’ve just fortified the cities, secured the food supplies and let winter defeat the invaders. Instead she risks their lives

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I think we may have drawn GRRM's eye to us:

What a great idea, a pick-up line for ICE & FIRE readers! Don't know what to say to that cute girl you just spotted at the con party? Just stroll up and whisper, "Valar Morghulis." If she replies, "Valar Dohaeris," you know you've got something in common, and you're off and running, talking about your favorite characters and the books in general and other books you've liked and... who knows where it will end? And if she gives you a blank look instead, that's good too. Either she doesn't read at all, or she's a Terry Goodkind fan, and you can move on and find someone else. It's well known, mixed marriages don't work.


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Ya know, I think it would be hilarious if the writers' association were to elect Goodkind as their head and then give him a platform to speak. Then take all of those speeches and print them out and sell as a political comedy. Might make millions.

But Martin's comment....priceless :D

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I’m kinda curious how effective naked, aroused and freezing men can be against a well disciplined force.

Come to think of it...that's some hella mad arousal if it's really that cold...

Where'd that GRRM quote from? That's priceless!

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It's very telling that so many of you are capable of making cogent arguments for Mr. Goodkind's talents even as you pretend that they are not convincing; only truly flawed intellects could compose such truth and then ignore its manifest accuracy and ennobling qualities. None so blind, indeed. It would sadden me, if the stupid were worthy of sadness.

I notice that you have been prattling on again about the chicken that is not a chicken. I wonder if any of you have even an inkling how foolish it makes you seem; this is the intellectual equivalent of believing when you are told that the word "gullible" is not in the dictionary. I'll give you some time now to look that up; remember, "g" comes after "f" and before "h."

I imagine most of you have just returned from your dictionaries and have puzzled, rather vacant expressions on your face. I'd explain, but if you can't work out the truth on your own you don't deserve to have it spoon-fed to you.

But back to the chicken that is not a chicken. You think this is patently absurd, but this belief is based on incorrect moral principles and incorrect understanding of Mr. Goodkind's work, as well as on the fallacious notions about "good writing" that I exploded in my last post. Whether you admit it or not, the root of your problem with this concept is the naive belief that creatures like the chimes could not exist. When Mr. Goodkind writes that the chime is a creature of pure evil, he has lost overly-active minds like yours already; because your inconsistent, hypocritical belief systems do not allow you to acknowledge the existence of pure evil. Those of us who have seen the world for what it is do not have this crippling flaw, and can accept the chime as an example of heinous creatures such as drug dealers and their sub-human narcotic-addicted accomplices.

"But wait," you are thinking. "Even if the chime exists, why a chicken?" Here yet another subtlety has completely escaped you. Mr. Goodkind, a concise writer who does nothing without good reasons, has chosen a chicken for a specific reason. You're not going to like the moral import of this one, either. The chicken is used because of its everyday nature. We see common animals like chickens all the time, and never think about them. This is what makes the chicken the chime's ideal victim. All of this points up the failure in all non-Goodkind value systems: it misunderstands the nature of evil, giving in to moral relativism and avoidance of any blame. Just as a chicken would not seem to be a vessel of pure evil, so for all too many modern people drug addicts or anti-war activists or obnoxious children cannot be pure evil, though they ally themselves with murderers and warmakers and torturers. It takes a truly noble intellect, like that of Kahlan- or Terry Goodkind- to identify such evil and root it out, no matter the reactions of others. The chicken that is not a chicken is no laughing matter, but a stark teaching that you would all do well to consider more fully.

(Just in case the "gullible" thing didn't clear up any lingering doubts, I am indeed a great big fake.)

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Good morning and welcome to the Terry Goodkind Quote of the Day. This one goes out to all you lovers out there. :sick:

At this point in our story, right at the end of Wizards First Rule, Richard, Kahlan, Zedd, and Chase have all been captured by Darken Rahl. Kahlan is tricked into using her power on Richard, blah blah blah, Richard still tricks Darken Rahl into doing something that results in his death, yadda yadda yadda, Kahlan is heartbroken at what she's done.

Richard found her, kneeling before one of the deserted devotion pools. The gag was still tied around her neck, left there when she had pulled it from her mouth. Kahlan hunched over in tears, her long hair cascading off her shoulders as she leaned forward, the knife gripped in both fists, the point held to her chest. Her shoulders shook with her sobs. Richard came to a stop next to the folds of her white dress.

"Don't do that," he whispered.

"I must. I love you." Kahlan gave a little moan. "I have touched you with my power. I would rather die than be your mistress. It is the only way to release you." She gave a tearful shudder. "I would like you to give me a kiss, and then leave me. I don't want you to see it."


Her eyes snapped up to his. "What did you say?" she whispered.

Richard put his fists on his hips. "I said 'no.' I'm not going to kiss you with those silly things painted on your face. They nearly scared the life out of me." <Kahlan had painted lightning bolts on her face when she invoked the awesome power of the Con Dar to avenge Richard earlier, yawn>

Her green eyes stared in disbelief. "You can deny me nothing, once I have touched you with my power."

Richard squatted down close to her. He untied the gag from her neck. "Well, then, you have ordered me to kiss you" -- he dunked the cloth in the water -- "and I told you I won't do it with this thing painted on your face." He began wiping the lightning bolts from her skin. "So, I guess the only solution is to get rid of it." <way to go, Seeker>

She knelt, frozen, while he cleaned the red off her face. Richard looked into her wide eyes when he finished. He tossed the rag aside, and knelt in front of her, slipping his arms around her waist.

"Richard, I touched you with the magic. I felt it. I heard it. I saw it. How could the power not have taken you?"

"Because I was protected."

"Protected? How?"

<get ready for it>

"By my love for you. I realized I love you more than life itself, and I would rather give myself into your power than live without you. Nothing the magic could do to me could be worse than living without you. I was willing to give it all over to you. I offered the power everything I have. All of my love for you. Once I realized how much I loved you, was willing to be yours on any terms, I understood that there could be nothing for the magic to harm. I'm already devoted to you; it didn't need to change me. I was protected, because I have already been touched, by your love. I had utter faith that you felt the same, and had no fear of what would happen. Had I had any doubt, the magic would have latched on to that crack and taken me, but I had no doubt. My love for you is smooth and seamless. My love for you protected me from the magic."

She gave him her special smile. "You felt that way? You had no doubt?"

Richard smiled back. "Well, for a moment, when I saw those lightning bolts on you face, I have to admit, I was worried. I didn't know what they were, what they meant. I pulled the sword, trying to gain time to think. But then I realized it didn't matter; you were still Kahlan, and I still loved you, no matter what. I wanted you to touch me more than anything, to prove my love and devotion for you, but I had to put on an act for Darken Rahl's benefit."

<if you aren't gagging by now, there is something profoundly wrong with you>

"These symbols mean that I, too, gave everything over to you," she whispered.

Kahlan circled her arms around his neck, kissing him. They knelt on the tiles in front of the devotion pool, presseed against one another. Richard kissed her soft lips the way he had dreamed a thousand times of kissing her. He kissed her until he was dizzy, and then kissed her som more, not caring that bewildered people who passed watched them.

<I have something in my throat.....HACK!!! HACK!!!! HACK!!!>

Richard had no idea how long they knelt there embracing, but decided at last that they had better gofind Zedd. With her arm aound his waist, her head leaning against him, they walked back to the Garden of Life, kissing once more before they went through the doors.

Zedd stood with one hand on a bony hip, the other stroking his chin, as he inspected the altar and other things behind it. Kahlan fell to her knees before him, taking his hands in hers, kissing them.

"Zedd, he loves me! He figured out how to make it work, with the magic. There was a way, and he found it."

Zedd frowned down at her. "Well, it took him long enough."

<Richard laughed, Kahlan laughed, Chase clapped Zedd on the back and laughed, all the men laughed.>

~Terry Goodkind, Wizards First Rule

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I thought I was in love once, smooth and seamless. Turns out the bitch was a Chargers fan and she got lightning bolts painted on her face one day. After the life was very nearly scared out of me I kicked her to the curb.

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I thought I was in love once, smooth and seamless. Turns out the bitch was a Chargers fan and she got lightning bolts painted on her face one day. After the life was very nearly scared out of me I kicked her to the curb.

Better than kicking her in the teeth I guess. Did football make her invoke the Con Dar? Is she terrified of chickens?

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