Ser Cold Fingers

Perhaps the world's second-worst crime is boredom; the first is being a bore.

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.

Jack & Coke helps me screw with those need screwing with.

I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

Daylight savings time sucks! I protest to pick one side or the other and STAY THERE!

That's it...I'm going to search for Paititi...wish me luck!

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.

Left Shark still dances better than me!

I am trying to interview a mirror but the asshole keeps talking when I do!

I almost had something in common with Bloodraven...I almost lost my right eye this past weekend!

Boop.

Prison is the only place Hump Day is never celebrated.

Either you like bacon...or you're wrong.

Here's to you and here's to me; best friends we shall be. But if by chance we disagree, to hell with you and Here's to me!!

Time to go repair a 120 year old barn...WAHOO!!!

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Die, my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do!

Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

I shot my first Turkey today...it scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section...it was awesome!

Flying is easy...all you have to do is throw yourself at the ground and miss...