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[Possible Crackpot] Varys is Joffrey's mother.


Salafi Stannis

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Bro there's like no way that this works. I mean everything in the OP makes total sense I get that. But Varys is like crazily smart and Joffrey's a dumb little shit. Its totally obvious Tommen is Varys' child: remember guys Tommen is plump, and who else do we know that has a tendency to roundness? Yeah damn right its Varys. Could it be any clearer, Varys is Tommen's mother.



Check and mate, try and pick apart that logic, I dare you


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Your conclusion is completly implausible ! Why Varys would favor her nephew on the throne rather than her own children ?!

Her children were an ends to a mean. They were bastards born out of wedlock, the Iron Throne is no fit chair for such abominations.

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Bro there's like no way that this works. I mean everything in the OP makes total sense I get that. But Varys is like crazily smart and Joffrey's a dumb little shit. Its totally obvious Tommen is Varys' child: remember guys Tommen is plump, and who else do we know that has a tendency to roundness? Yeah damn right its Varys. Could it be any clearer, Varys is Tommen's mother.

Check and mate, try and pick apart that logic, I dare you

Yes, she is the mother of all three of the children, the first one's always a throwaway.

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Only change here I got for you. Varys is a man, but his junk spawned three kids when it went into the flames.

Joffrey came out first looking like Majin Buu, big ole plump and pink baby. Varys had to put him on an extreme weight loss program to make him look a proper lord.

Myrcella came out looking like a WWE diva, with implants the size of softballs. Varys had a lot of work to get her prepared for becoming a little princess.

Tommen came out as the red teletubbie. He was so nice and cuddly, but basically made out of cotton, so Varys had to find a person with similar DNA to Cersei to fuze him with. In comes uncle Gerion for the save. Boom, he and PoPo the red teletubbie, put on the fusion ear rings and now you have a little plump kind lannister tommen.

You almost had it completely figured out, only a few steps off.

ETA: Varys is Daario.

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Only change here I got for you. Varys is a man, but his junk spawned three kids when it went into the flames.

Joffrey came out first looking like Majin Buu, big ole plump and pink baby. Varys had to put him on an extreme weight loss program to make him look a proper lord.

Myrcella came out looking like a WWE diva, with implants the size of softballs. Varys had a lot of work to get her prepared for becoming a little princess.

Tommen came out as the red teletubbie. He was so nice and cuddly, but basically made out of cotton, so Varys had to find a person with similar DNA to Cersei to fuze him with. In comes uncle Gerion for the save. Boom, he and PoPo the red teletubbie, put on the fusion ear rings and now you have a little plump kind lannister tommen.

You almost had it completely figured out, only a few steps off.

ETA: Varys is Daario.

You almost had it my friend, Joffrey is not Majin Buu, Sam's penis is. "Fat Pink Mast".

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Bro there's like no way that this works. I mean everything in the OP makes total sense I get that. But Varys is like crazily smart and Joffrey's a dumb little shit. Its totally obvious Tommen is Varys' child: remember guys Tommen is plump, and who else do we know that has a tendency to roundness? Yeah damn right its Varys. Could it be any clearer, Varys is Tommen's mother.

Check and mate, try and pick apart that logic, I dare you

Ok, this is my favorite new thread XD

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