"They're All So Beautiful", a documentary on race and dating

[eyenon15]

If you're not a racist, you should really quit acting like a racist all the time. Then we wouldn't get all confused.

I don't act like a racist all the time.

In fact I never act like a racist.

Furthermore, it's highly offensive to accuse me of racism.

Care to cite an example of me "acting like a racist"?

Shouldn't be difficult to find an example since according to you, I do it all the time.

[Yagathai]

I mean, 100% of my experience with you is in this thread, and in this thread you've been pretty much constantly racist in a hostile and ignorant way. so just... scroll up, I guess?

[eyenon15]

I mean, 100% of my experience with you is in this thread, and in this thread you've been pretty much constantly racist in a hostile and ignorant way. so just... scroll up, I guess?

Just what I thought, you can't cite an instance of me being racist because there isn't one.

Be specific if you are so certain I'm racist, what exactly did I do or say that's racist.

[Shryke]

That was very interesting -- but wow, has she really met more than one man who has learned an Asian language in order to try to pick up Asian women, and who continues to try to talk with them in that language after having been told they prefer English? Somehow that part is just mind boggling to me. There are so few Americans who know any foreign language, it just seems amazing that there could be more than a score of men in the whole country who have learned Chinese or Japanese as part of a sexual obsession with East Asian women. Is this really a common experience Asian-American women have had?

Really? Given the fetishization at work and how wide spread it can be, it would seem eminently plausible to me. They have an obsession and so they skew heavily away from the norm in terms of knowing another language and there's enough of them around that if you lived in like a major city, you'd run in to a bunch cause they are hunting you down.

[Galactus]

Not to mention that it's probably not "just" fetishization of east-asian women but a larger fetishization of east-asia in general.

[drawkcabi]

One of the saddest things...

is to see a thread brought back from the dead only to be locked :(

[Glaurung]

Asians are minorities now? Or do you mean just in America?

Anyway, she says that men who only date Asians.....etc etc.

"Only see you as schoolgirls"

"Geishas"??? <----WTF?????

She says this is what they do.

I'm sure she has had shitty dates that treated her crappy just like 99% of us have.

I just have issue with it because for a few years I only dated Asian women and I literally never did any of those things.

I've never been any sort of ladies man and I was having really good luck with Asian women so I was like fuk it I'm only going to date Asians.

She is saying how a man she's never met sees her and what he has in his fuking closet.

And please spare me this "oh white man being racist" bullshit, it does get old.

I've had a couple of friends who date mostly Asian women, but their situations seem to be similar to yours. They were attracted to different kinds of women, but most women rejected them, while Asian women liked them much more. So they were dating primarily Asian women due to circumstance not due to a fetish. Which also brings me to a different point. In my experience for every white dude out there who dates primarily Asian women, there seems to be an equal number of Asian women who like white dudes. I suppose they have white fever? If so, I am curious as to what the stereotypes are that they go for. Perhaps it's creepy facial hair..?? If that's the case then I guess they're perfect for eachother and it's none of my business.

On a side note, this whole thread is kind of funny to me because I have a friend who is currently living in Japan(for a legitimate job, not because he wanted to live in Japan). According to him, the women over there practically throw themselves at him and that Japanese women really go after white guys. So I guess over there he would be the minority being the victim of women with white fever. I understand that since white people(particularly white men) are the majority in America, it's seen as ok to villify and stereotype white men and paint them as fetishists even though other people(both male and female) in America of all races are just as guilty of fetishizing other ethnicities/cultures. I understand that while that is ok, if you are of this majority and you point out that other ethnicities have fetishes as well and that maybe stereotyping is not ok...that person is somehow labeled as a racist/sexist/etc because heaven forbid you don't like it when your own sex/race/ethnicity is being stereotyped or perhaps you just don't like logical inconsistencies/hypocrisy. I get it and truly I actually do understand why it has to be that way. What I'm truly curious about though is whether this holds true everywhere, as in places where white people are not the minority. For example does my buddy in Japan get a pass from this since although he's white, he's living in a country where white people are a small minority. He actually isn't really attracted to Japanese women and gets annoyed by the advances he receives... so maybe he could go on a rant about how all Japanese women who date only white guys are creepy and throw out stereotypes bout them. Would this be ok. I'm trying to figure out how it works.

[Glaurung]

Personally I think it's weird that anybody dates only one kind of race, including their own. I understand that some might date primarily one kind of race due to options or the people they surround themselves with, but there are a lot of people who don't. I've met white guys with asian fetishes, I've met white girls with a fetish for asian guys, I've known white girls that go for black guys and black guys that go for white women. I've met black women who only date white guys, I've met asian men who date only white women, and most of all I've met asian women who date only white guys(mostly because being a white guy I've received advances from them so I'm more likely to encounter them).

There are people out there who fetishize other ethnicities and cultures and there is no one ethnicity/culture that is more of a culprit than any other. Stereotyping is wrong, period. To the people that are upset with asian women complaining about white men stereotyping them. Get over it. They have a right to it, as they've been victimized by it. It can be annoying when people objectify you or make assumptions about you based on your appearance or ethnicity. They don't like being stereotyped, it's not difficult to figure out why. At the same time, to those complaining about the white guys who don't like being stereotyped...you're just as guilty. They don't like being stereotyped either. Just because somebody is part of the majority population doesn't mean they like being stereotyped, nor should they accept it. It can get old and frustrating when you see "white guys this, white guys that, white guys are terrible...but not all white guys" as if that last disclaimer should make it ok. If a person doesn't fall into one of those categories they shouldn't have to defend themselves, but they still might feel like they're being accused/attacked, so it's human fucking nature for some of them to say "but not all men, but not all white guys, but not all...etc". Especially when they see other ethnicities & sexes just as guilty of the same things their sex/ethnicity is being accused of. Pointing out this hypocrisy doesn't make somebody racist or sexist. They may be a bit ignorant of the plight suffered by the accusing group, but when somebody sees their subgroup being attacked/stereotyped it's human nature to defend themselves... Yeah, maybe they should grow some thicker skin, but have some damn empathy and at least try to understand why they feel the need to defend themselves. Or find a more race/gender neutral way of bringing up a topic that doesn't seem so hostile. I know..I know..it is crazy that somebody might want to be judged by their invidual merit rather than the oppresive/abusive/racist actions performed by people who look like them. And guess what, men with facial hair are going to take it as offensive when you talk about how creepy guys with facial hair are. It doesn't matter if it's a choice. They have facial hair because that is who they are and what they feel comfortable with. It is not ok to stereotype them about it, especially when you are complaining in a thread that you dislike being stereotyped. If you don't see the hypocrisy in that, then I don't know what to tell you. And no, the fact that most of these men with facial hair may be of the majority population, does not somehow make it ok. They have every bit of a right to be offended for any assumptions made about them. Double standards are not ok. You would think that as a society we would be over this shit by now. It doesn't matter who you are, it doesn't matter where you are, negatively stereotyping a subgroup of any population is not ok. And just because one subgroup is bigger than another sub group doesn't make it ok. Two wrongs don't make a right and hypocrisy or double standards are NEVER ok. I don't know why it's so fucking hard for people to understand this. My parents tought me this when I was 5.

[DanteGabriel]

Inevitably these threads devolve into one or two white guys saying "but I've done this thing you're complaining about, and I'm no racist!" Usually there's a rotation of them, so as soon as one retreats, another pops up to claim his Not Racist-ness.

[eyenon15]

Yes, white men should never defend themselves from being called a racist. How silly.

Just lay back and accept what anybody says about you.

[DanteGabriel]

Yes, white men should never defend themselves from being called a racist. How silly.

Just lay back and accept what anybody says about you.

Well, I don't like calling people racist (unless we're talking David Duke or Rush Limbaugh), because I believe everyone has those kinds of impulses in them. I prefer to describe actions as racist.

And people are describing a set of racially-motivated actions and behavior patterns that they find offensive, as it affects their lives as members of the minority in question. You choosing to take offense to what people are saying about these patterns of behavior, and linking their complaints to your own behavior, is all on you.

Like I said, I've seen it before, most notably in the long-ago "yellow fever" thread cited early on in this thread. People of a minority say, "I don't like it when people treat me this way." And inevitably the people who do the thing that minorities are complaining about, get all bent out of shape when they realize these minorities may be talking about the things they do, and get defensive and take over the thread with the Whine of the Overprivileged rather than consider their actions.

[eyenon15]

Well, I don't like calling people racist (unless we're talking David Duke or Rush Limbaugh), because I believe everyone has those kinds of impulses in them. I prefer to describe actions as racist.

And people are describing a set of racially-motivated actions and behavior patterns that they find offensive, as it affects their lives as members of the minority in question. You choosing to take offense to what people are saying about these patterns of behavior, and linking their complaints to your own behavior, is all on you.

Like I said, I've seen it before, most notably in the long-ago "yellow fever" thread cited early on in this thread. People of a minority say, "I don't like it when people treat me this way." And inevitably the people who do the thing that minorities are complaining about, get all bent out of shape when they realize these minorities may be talking about the things they do, and get defensive and take over the thread with the Whine of the Overprivileged rather than consider their actions.

Then you are describing something someone else did on another thread because I certainly didn't do what you are saying that white guys always do on these threads.

Forgive me for my mistake, the timing of your remarks seemed too convenient, I mean they came not far after that other guy blatantly called me a racist, so naturally you can see how I thought you may have been talking about me, but good luck dealing with those white guys that you are speaking of. I haven't seen any on this thread yet.

I most certainly didn't have an issue with someone simply saying "I don't like to be treated this way"

[Glaurung]

Inevitably these threads devolve into one or two white guys saying "but I've done this thing you're complaining about, and I'm no racist!" Usually there's a rotation of them, so as soon as one retreats, another pops up to claim his Not Racist-ness.

Well, that's because not all people who do one thing are racist. But stereotyping white guys who date asians as racist or having fetishes is going to get those types of responses. It's human nature for a person to defend themselves, particularly if they're innocent. A person shouldn't feel the need to defend his/her relationship if it's a healthy relationship. You say, well that's great because those people who are in it for the right reasons are not the point of this thread and shouldn't have to be in here. The thing is, when you focus only on white guys dating asians, that is going to make some white guys who date asian women insecure about their relationship. It is going to make them think that anybody who sees them together is going to question their motives for getting into said relationship. That is exactly what stereotyping and singling out one group of people does. They shouldn't have to defend their relationships to people. If you started a thread about how creepy it is when white women only date black men or vice versa, you would get the same responses from white women and black men. It's natural for them to make the link in their minds that people would then be questioining their relationships and the motives for being in said relationships. And that makes people defensive. My point is, when you single out a group, people in that group are going to get defensive because they're going to feel like it's an attack on them. It is human nature to do so. So when these threads happen, don't get upset when you get those types of responses.

[Shryke]

Why do you feel the need to defend yourself against accusations no one made?

[eyenon15]

I was most certainly called a racist on this thread, multiple times, that's why defended myself against that bullshit.

The thing that got me called a racist was when I had the nerve to actually have an issue with what the woman in the video was saying.

[Shryke]

I was most certainly called a racist, that's why defended myself against that bullshit.

The thing that got me called a racist was when I had the nerve to actually have an issue with what the woman in the video was saying.

No, you didn't. You should read the thread again.

Your bullshit actually started earlier when you whinged about how #notallwhitemen, despite nothing in the video actually accusing you of anything.

Basically, as DG points out, whenever anyone complains about certain kinds of behaviour, there's always some doofus who has to jump in going "I don't do that so therefore this person is wrong" while everyone else tries to figure out why you think anyone accused you of doing it in the first place. (Beyond, I guess, the whole "the man doth protest too much" thing.)

[eyenon15]

No, you didn't. You should read the thread again.

Your bullshit actually started earlier when you whinged about how #notallwhitemen, despite nothing in the video actually accusing you of anything.

Basically, as DG points out, whenever anyone complains about certain kinds of behaviour, there's always some doofus who has to jump in going "I don't do that so therefore this person is wrong" while everyone else tries to figure out why you think anyone accused you of doing it in the first place. (Beyond, I guess, the whole "the man doth protest too much" thing.)

Yes I fucking did get called a racist, you need to read the thread, not me.

Realize that fucking fact before I respond to anymore of your bullshit.

[DanteGabriel]

Yes I fucking did get called a racist, you need to read the thread, not me.

Realize that fucking fact before I respond to anymore of your bullshit.

As far as I can tell, "white man being racist" was a phrase first introduced to the discussion by you, and then you just kind of assumed everyone was calling you racist, and now we're on the third page or so of this thread being all about poor misunderstood you.

[Shryke]

Yes I fucking did get called a racist, you need to read the thread, not me.

Realize that fucking fact before I respond to anymore of your bullshit.

Oh wait, Yags did call you a racist after your initial bunch of silly overreactions

It's getting pretty funny how worked up you are over this whole thing despite the fact that no one in here has accused you of anything except being defensive and hostile despite none of the content linked actually accusing you of anything.

You are really pushing the "the gentlemen doth protest too much" angle.

[Zippertrain85]

Guys, back on topic. :P