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Umber Jack

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  1. Umber Jack

    What would your role be in GoT?

    The guy who takes over Littlefinger's (let's observe a moment of silence for the great man here!) business operations. First getting familiar with the company, in particular taking care of Quality Control. Then facing the challenges that are raised by a fundamental change in the customer base (and overall demographics). I would need to establish a new product line to meet the demands of these new customers. Which, obviously, can only be done once these demands have been fully understood: Will the gentleman White Walker prefer corpses or snowwomen? Either way, there should be no shortage of ressources. This way I will soon make myself indispensable to Westeros' new icy overlords.
  2. Answer ”B” would be a little harsh... Let’s just say, The Map Guy doesn’t seem to suffer from an inferiority complex... quite on the contrary. One serious advice: It is possible to get carried away by one’s thoughts, and then find confirmation for a theory in everything. If we had a believer in numerology here, I’m sure he could easily prove - by indisputable, “logical”, mathematical operations, that Hodor is Azor Ahai (if this is your secret revelation, too, I’m sorry for spoiling it - but remember: I’m GRRM, as I told you in this other thread:
  3. Umber Jack

    Summer eating wights

    But won't he get food poisoning? The best before date has long passed... Or would the ice magic work like a freezer?
  4. Umber Jack

    Poll: Did Summer See a Dragon?

    I think seeing through the wolf's eyes is meant to convey that what someone sees and describes is not always what was actually there. To the wolf, swords are man-claws and armor is hardskin and castles are great piles of man-rock. He interprets what he sees to the best of his ability, constrained by his understanding of the world. Thus, to a primitive human a laser rifle might be a storm god's thunderbolt, and advanced light-bending camouflage armor might be magical ice armor, advanced blue duralloy swords are magical spacerock swords, and plastic might be greasy black stone, and dragon-shaped spaceships might be dragons, and waking a dragon from stone might be activating a derelict spaceship. Sufficiently advanced technology being indistinguishable from magic. I think Summer saw a dragon, but it wasn't a dragon. Why should a direwolf not know smoke and fire, and thus be forced to interpret it as something else, namely a winged snake? Summer knows what a fire looks like - sees it every night when men prepare their dinner (and probably keeps close around to get a treat), and where there is fire, there is smoke, which he thus knows also. And still, he doesn't think he's seeing a fire at Winterfell, he does not liken the smoking castle to a giant "man feeding dish", although his first association to fire and smoke should be food. He does not simply see familiar smoke, but something else. For the poll: I am unsure, could be a) a true dragon; b) a time anomaly/shadow of the past c) GRRM not watching his metaphors and, being the dragon lover he is, writing without thinking of his over-zealous fandom...
  5. Hey, you know so much, you understand every hint so well, it's uncanny; one could almost assume... But let's get over with this first: I am GRRM. So very nice to meet you, Mr. Map Guy! You're absolutely right, it makes me uncomfortable, and I cannot imagine how you found out, but yes, that one night back in 1990, we were driving home from a Christmas party in a Nissan Micra. It was the night of the summer solstice, and I was dressed up as a nisse from Danish folkore, with a conical red hat, long white beard, and so on. My companions were German twins, acting students going by the names of Nina and Sabrina, and... well, let's just say, their eyes were not on the road, couldn't possible be given the position of their heads, if you know what I mean. Now suddenly I had to sneeze, then heard a double, mumbled, "Gesuundhait" from below, and tried to remember the German word they had taught me earlier. The moment, I lifted my eyes to the road again, three things happened: I realised, that word, the translation of "to sneeze", was "niesen", pronounced "nissahn". In the corner of my eye, I caught sight of myself in the mirror. And we were colliding with another Nissan Micra, driven by George Lucas. You can surely imagine my surprise when waking up in a private hospital on Skywalker Ranch, then - and this even you have not yet figured out, so watch out: "spoiler alert" ha ha...: - being told by George Lucas the story of our mother. Indeed: our mother! If you now think, we were twins, George and I, you're wrong. You forget about Roseanne. - We're triplets, and all three of us have regularly placed hints to be deciphered only by the most devoted fans of our work! You remember that one episode of Roseanne, when Dan's mother is scratching her nose three times? If you zoom in close enough, you can discover three nasal hairs, pointing (savour this: pointing!) at an ashtray with a burned out match inside and, prolonging the line: the fridge; a grease stain on the carpet (sort of politically incorrect, but well, those were the days!); and a sock hanging out from a drawer that is formed like a T-Bone steak (ha! T-Bone steak, who would not immediately think of a Tie Fighter? Sometimes I wonder, how dumb people are, I mean come on, it's so obvious!). But back to you. Please, would you mind telling me about your "mother"? When you were born, or rather: what they have been telling you about your birth and your parents? How well you know to read my mind, our almost telepathic connection... there must be something behind this surely! Please answer to this private message and - wait, this is not a private message? Oh, crap. Guess, I need to change my plans again. Sorry, but with all this information out in the open, I have to start WoW from scratch again. And possibly retract AFfC. And ADwD. They can no longer be considered canonical, really not. And please, should I decide to change it all now, and none of your insights will appear in the final version of the books - don't pick on me. It's not my fault, nor yours, we understand each other, we belong together, eternally, just let the others read the altered, dumbed down, version, they don't deserve any better!
  6. (already answered but my post seems to have vanished?!) That's actually an episode of South Park: "The Simpsons already did it", about plot ideas made impossible by the fact that the Simpsons already did it... Had to think about that when reading how GRRM supposedly changed his plans for similar topics being treated by Star Wars.
  7. Umber Jack

    Songs that Make Us Think of A Song of Ice and Fire

    Just imagine the TV series' last scene being a montage to this...: WW getting roasted by dragons, Jon melting away as Dany's winking at him, everybody dancing. What an awesome, bittersweet, ending that would be!
  8. Umber Jack

    Untangling Meereenese knots, Gordian style

    Easy: Dany drinks a bevvie wi' drogon, an' when she comes tuh toon the war is owor. ...Wait, you said "Gordian", not "Geordie"?
  9. Obviousy a message: Whenever she sends a carpet to the whoremonger, she wants - and gets! - one back, to munch on.
  10. Umber Jack

    GRRM WoW Twist

    Kind of off-topic, but as you wrote "WoW" in the title instead of "TWOW" - could GRRM be nodding to W orld O f W arcraft indeed? Just a casual reference with that title?
  11. Umber Jack

    Johnnie Walker Readies Game of Thrones Whisky

    Diageo... Marketing... That's like the planned "spin-offs to the HBO hit show". Better buy from independent distilleries, e.g. honour the Iron Islands with Highland Park's Viking series...
  12. Umber Jack

    Untangling Meereenese knots, Gordian style

    Gordian knots are "untangled" by swords: Build up a huge battle for some more time, then, as it takes place, let most characters we know in Meeren die, except only Dany and Tyrion who escape by flying the dragons towards Westeros. Maybe give the third dragon to Euron who controls it by that horn. There you are, no more worries about Meeren; Dany and dragons in Westeros.
  13. Umber Jack

    The Future of Melisandre

    Well, those are not too hard to imagine. Dany winning a battle, then crucifying some more enemies, or just letting her dragons burn them. Tyrion thinks, she's going to be another mad Targaryen and decides to betray her for the greater good. But (f)Aegon turns out not much better, or simply as the fraud he is (placed there by Varys who's been using and manipulating Tyrion all the time), Tyrion gets cheated once again, his merits not acknowledged, so he says, "screw you guys, I'm going north" and giving up all hope on humanity becomes an ally and tactical advisor to the Others. There he is, the (human) villain, and it would be a most understandable story about the way into cynicism and bitterness. This could easily run beside the main plot of Ice and Fire/Jon and Dany (that betrayal wouldn't need to kill her, just prevent her from claiming the Iron Throne. Instead, she heads north to join forces with Jon).
  14. ...whatever his reason were, Winterfell would probably have been the better choice. Choose Stannis to "toughen him up" would at best have created another Sam (why not send Robin to Randyll Tarly?), and at worst been his death - the boy's not just "weak", but an epileptic, and Stannis telling him to stop clowning around would not have been the best way to handle a seizure... The Starks on the other hand are presented as the good guys with the most normal way of upbringing children.