Littlefingers In The Air Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Dear Bastard,I am never happy. Stannis loves no dogs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmit Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Dear Stannis,I cannot stand Davos Seaworth. He is the mopiest, whiniest, morosest, person in the Seven Kingdoms. If the occasion arises again, please take his tongue and leave his fingers. Do you ever regret not doing that in the first place?Emmit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amberStone Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Emmit- I only regret how faithless men are. As to your unkind words about my Hand, Lord Seaworth's tongue knows its duty and has served me well.What have you done for your true King, I ask? The only "serving" I recall you doing is above some wildling woman. King Stannis, titles, titles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AssHat Ahai Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Dear Stannis, Ever since I "made a shadowbaby" with Mel, it burns when I pee. What should I do? Signed, Half of the men in the Nights Watch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amberStone Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Nights Watch Men- The fire of R'hllor is in you. Seek a Maester ASAP. King Stannis, titles, titles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A Bastard Snow Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Dear Stannis,Ever since I "made a shadowbaby" with Mel, it burns when I pee. What should I do?Signed,Half of the men in the Nights Watch. Brings a whole new meaning to the saying "Kissed by fire" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hajk Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Dear Stannis,Ever since I "made a shadowbaby" with Mel, it burns when I pee. What should I do?Signed,Half of the men in the Nights Watch.Dear Half the men in the Night's Watch, You have broken your vows by sleeping with her. Make yourself known to me so that I may exact justice. Signed Stannis, titles, titles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AssHat Ahai Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Dear Stannis, My friend and I have a bet we are hoping you can settle. He says that you are such a badass because your claim is so legit while I maintain that your claim is so legit because you are such a badass. Which is it? Thanks in advance, AssHat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmit Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Emmit- I only regret how faithless men are. As to your unkind words about my Hand, Lord Seaworth's tongue knows its duty and has served me well. What have you done for your true King, I ask? The only "serving" I recall you doing is above some wildling woman. King Stannis, titles, titles That's why he kept the tongue and took the fingers. Stannis and Davos on the downlow. Had more in common with Renly than he realized. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmit Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Dear Stannis,My friend and I have a bet we are hoping you can settle. He says that you are such a badass because your claim is so legit while I maintain that your claim is so legit because you are such a badass. Which is it?Thanks in advance,AssHat Dear AssHat, I am a badass because I am a badass. I am legit because I am legit. The two are not interdependent. I remain legit regardless of the status of my badassery. I remain a badass regardless of my legitimacy. Now if only you and your friend spent your time productively furthering my cause, my kingdom, and R'hller's light rather than asking blatantly ridiculous questions, the Lannister abominations might already be removed from my throne. Report to the nearest Night's Watch recruiter immediately. Signed King Stannis I, titles, titles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SexyBelwas Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Dear Stannis,I was just sitting around and enjoying the weather at Castle Black, when out of nowhere you're daughter came up to me and bit my hand. The next day, I woke up and saw the worst thing a man could see: Greyscale covering my middle finger! Now my girlfriend, Brienne of Tarth, is threatening to leave me forever if I don't cut off my hand, what do I do!?Signed, SexyBelwas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arthur Lannister Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Dear SexyBelwas, Its very simple, just cut off your hand. Signed, Stannis Baratheon, King of the Andals, The First Men, The Rhoynar, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmit Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Your Grace, I was wondering who you think would be an appropriate match for your daughter. As heir to your throne and future Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, she requires a husband of a certain caliber. Have you given any thought to the matter? Your loyal subject,Emmit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Dear Stannis,My education is going downhill. I feel I have stretched myself too much and can no longer keep up with my workload. What do you advise me to do?Many thanks, Your Loyal subject Helena Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmit Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Dear Stannis,My education is going downhill. I feel I have stretched myself too much and can no longer keep up with my workload. What do you advise me to do?Many thanks,Your Loyal subject Helena Dear Helena of House Machine, Stop being a whiner. There is no such thing as too much or stretched too thin. You are simply not working hard enough. Suck it up and finish what you started. The odds against me at the Battle of Castle black were overwhelming, yet did I sit around and whine? Did send a raven complaining about how hard it was? No, I got in there and did what needed done. So stop wasting your time (and mine) and get back to work. Or become a Silent Sister. That way no one will have to listen to you and your incessant whinging. Your Liege,King Stannis Baratheon I, titles, titles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arthur Lannister Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Dear Stannis, Given the chance, would you take the red woman for a second wife? ' Signed, Arthur Lannister Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Castellan Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Arthur Lannister, You are doomed with all your house. Will you ask impertinent questions about my marital arrangements when you are burning at the stake? King Stannis I Dear Stannis How can a person remain cheery in rainy weather? Yours, Castellan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AssHat Ahai Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Dear Stannis How can a person remain cheery in rainy weather? Yours, Castellan I find a nightfire fueled by the lamentations of those who would pledge fealty to a false king to make the burden of ones duties somewhat less crushing. Hope this helps. King Stannis I, titles, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AssHat Ahai Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Your Grace, I was wondering who you think would be an appropriate match for your daughter. As heir to your throne and future Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, she requires a husband of a certain caliber. Have you given any thought to the matter? Your loyal subject, Emmit Emmit, I take from your grasping inquisition that you feel you may be an appropriate match. I'll not deny that you have been a loyal subject, as is your duty. How could you do less? Rest assured that no lickspittle such as yourself shall ever have the hand of the trueborn queen of Westeros. Unless she decides to run off with a badboy type to piss her old man off. That would totally be just like her to do that. King Stannis I, you know the rest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Castellan Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 King Stannis the Magnificant, Saviour of Westeros, Protector of Dragonstone, The Hand that Wields Lightbringer, etc etc My oven is brand new but does not hold an even temperature and the automatic lighting of the gas hobs is very off and on. Can your Red Lady help? Castellan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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